"Engraved on a headstone
"Crosses burn, harmony weeps
"Nazi eye, hail the beast
"Let's follow the tracks to a world of pain"
Sitting on a Porch swing, reading a poem we snagged off the sanctum door... Garet and I had a stirring feeling in the pits of our stomachs.
"What does she mean...?" Garet read carefull. "This is confusing!"
I looked over it. "It sounds like heartbreak to me. Like she's saying everything fell apart even when she was looking at the wonder of life through the pain..."
"I'm worried..." Garet shuttered.
I pressed his face against my neck and held him there.
'He worries about everyone... He just wants them all to be happy. But I'm afraid... of what Sheba might be saying in this poem...' I might be only a fire adept, but I had a weak 6th sense... and I could tell what was going through her mind.
"Should I ask her?" Garet stared at the poem.
"Don't ask if you're afraid of the answer."
"But I'm REALLY REALLY worried!"
"We should check the rest of the door first."
"Do you think she posted anything else?"
"It's worth a try!"
"last night sucked. Sucked. Sucked. SUCKED. The party, it was. Well, the first half was all right, we ate the birthday cake and stuff... but later on (last hour or so,) it sucked. Why? Because asIsaac was trying to guide me away, it took one glance for everything to shatter and break me into a million pieces and dreams...
"Just when things get better. Just when I thought everything is better and it was gonna stay like that for once, it gets worse. If it weren't for having such great friends who think so much about me, I'd take my life. And I'm not kidding. I'm really thinking about suicide lately... the thought of slowly killing myself even came to mind last night. Sure, it's not smart to say things like that, but I can't fuckin' help it. What's even worse, Jenna looked sad before we left. I hope my face wasn't still red from crying so fuckin' hard."
I shook my head, swallowing old anger hard. I don't want to get mad... I want to know more and post it for the world to see my own story...
"The glass breaks
"As the rosepetals scatter across the floor
"Where can I start? My head's so flustered... I feel so shattered...
"Such a beautiful display gone
"Leaving behing a shattered memory
"I remember the days when I never worried so much. When my friends and I never seemed to have so many troubles. When we were journying. When Jenna was my best friend... and I was almost certain that we were unseperable. When my Guradians seemed to have it together: I wish for the naivity that ceased me to see that my employer's a bastard... the naivity of thinking God loved me and had given me mercy.
"Because it slipped out of my palms
"I messed up. I pried, I cried, I fell in love. I want to take my mistakes back and start again. I want to be stronger. I want to think straight. But... the person I am now... I can't change...
"And I hate myself.
"Falling to my knees, I mourn
"Crying in vain that the rose will spring back to life...
"I want everything back. I want my life back. What I live now is shattered reveries... unmerciful and always hurting..."
That same poem was the same one we tore down earlier to go home and decifer. There was a lot more too it, we tore it down too to read later.
When Garet and I were brought to peace in Vale she came to know her feelings and was shattered when we started dating? well... truthfully... we had been going out before she ever knew. She didn't find out for a few days.
We headed home and I could tell Garet was holding back tears.
"Why... can't I make everyone happy..."
I held him tightly. "Are you ok?"
"She said she considered killing herself... that doesn't mean she's doing it, right?"
"No, I mean, I hope she'snot."
"I wish we could make her happy..."
"Yeah, but I'm not going to sacrifice my life to do it."
"Hum?"
"She doesn't want us together, look at this... She wants us to break up."
Garet stared at me. "I'm sad now..."
I held him tight. 'My dear boy...' I kissed his ear. 'I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of this mess.'
