Revive

"Jenna's out a lot. Usually at Garet's. To even go to her house, I have to ask. I had to beg for a vacation out of this hell of a house."

The paper in my hand crinkled as I drove my nails into the margins with a fist.
beg? Beg? BEG! Goddammit, I said OK the FIRST DAMN TIME.

At this point I knew I should stop reading these notes, or I might wake Garet up or make some awful mistake while speaking in anger. Sheba didn't want me to be mad at her... she just wanted to post her feelings so that people would understand her too. Just like I am.
But goddammit why am I always framed as the bad guy!

"if I could choose to love or to be with her forever, she'd win, hands down. It doesn't matter that she loves someone else... to lose her in my life would be losing me in whole, and I'd die. "

I'm trying my best to keep swearing at a minimal. But who said she was losing me? Maybe she's not getting my love, but she still has my friendship! What do I have to do... Why am I the only one who can help her?

I don't want to be the main character of my own story...

"Never so badly did I want to die. I want to fuckin' die. IfJenna no longer confides in me, there's no good reason to stick around anymore. "

Since when did I tell Garet anything I didn't tell her? What secrets have I kept?
Hell, COME ON! I've told her stuff I NEVER told Garet. I told her when I was feeling sick and I NEVER wanted Garet to know my troubles! How would she know stuff I've 'kept from her but told Garet?' I've told her WAY MORE. The stuff I post on the Doors isn't for Garet to read, it's for EVERYONE. INCLUDING her.

"Even whenJenna hates my guts (which I'm just WAITING for to happen: there's not much else to lose yet...) "

'Come on... am I REALLY that bad...' By now the anger had passed and I held the paper with forsaken feelings. 'I'm such a bad guy- a villian, aren't I... YOU'RE the one who hates me... maybe you DO love me, but I know you hate the way I am.'

"YAY, I FINALLY POSTED MY "I LOVE YOU" THINGER... Jenna'll never read it, I'm sure, but I wrote and posted it. xx Oh well..."

Haha, guess again! It's somewhere in that stack of already read papers... haha.

"Everything from there was pretty swell. I got ticked off whenIsaac mentioned when I had once been bi: I was half-asleep AND not in that particular mood. (The previous night was spent sobbing pathetically in bed about how bad of a friend I am.) But I knew he was only kidding, and I can't even remember the context of the joke. Which made me think about my best friend and her boyfriend: I really feel like a third wheel. T-T They both come before me: but they're happy... I can't fight that."

I'm gonna set these papers aside for a little before whomever's reading this gets bored. But...

I curled up against Garet's back where he lay under the sheets.

"Why can't we make everyone happy..." He sobbed again.

"You're awake?" I crawled over his shoulder to have a peek at his face which he imediantly hid in the pillow.

"Why is Sheba so sad... We care about her, don't we! I try to make her happy but it never works..."

I held him tightly.

"I'm gonna solve this mess- or burn the world trying."