Authors notes: Sorry for the delay. Thanks to all my reviewers both loyal and new. Please tell me what you think. Only a few more chapters to go!
OO
Dozens of small fires littered the landscape as the surviving soldiers sat in exhausted huddles. Every so often more wounded survivors would stumble out of the trees, disorientated and exhausted beyond anything they had known before. Quickly they were gathered up, their wounds treated and they were given the small amount of food the soldiers could gather.
The night for the most part was quiet. There were low moans but most were sleeping deeply.
Legolas noted all this as he wandered like a wraith between them. The grief he felt was terrible as he saw the bloodied faces. He had caused this; every death was on his conscience. He thought back to the ones he had killed himself when Sauron was controlling him. How could they ever look at him with anything but fear and hatred? How could anyone ever trust him again?
"Legolas you should rest." Aragorn's voice commanded. The elf turned to see the man walking towards him.
"So should you."
"I have slept for hours. You have not."
"I am not tired. I wish to be alone."
"You should not be alone with thoughts such as yours my friend."
Legolas whirled angrily. "And who are you to know my thoughts."
"I am your friend and I know you well."
Legolas turned away and continued walking. He felt Aragorn fall into step beside him.
"Give me some peace Aragorn." The elf whispered.
"Talk to me Legolas." The man implored.
"Not now Aragorn. Do not ask this of me."
Aragorn reached out and gently grabbed the elf's arm.
"NO!" Legolas cried shaking him off. "I am barely holding together Aragorn; do not make me speak of anything."
"Then let it out. Shout, yell, and scream I will not fault you for it."
"I don't want your pity or sympathy Aragorn. I do not want anybody to look at me like something that needs to be carefully handled. My father hardly lets me out of his sight."
"He held his youngest son dead in his arms Legolas. Any father who had a second chance like he has would be just like that. We were all so worried about you."
Legolas backed away arms raised as if warding off an attack. The elf looked like he was bordering on hysterics. Aragorn decided to back away.
"I will leave you Legolas but when you are ready I will be here." The elf had already gone. Sighing Aragorn returned back to the fire that his friends had gathered around.
"Why are you still awake?" a sleepy voice inquired and he turned to see Eomer sitting up slowly.
"I was looking for Legolas." He sighed.
"Did you find him?" Gimli asked also sitting up.
"Yes."
"Where is he?" Azian questioned and Aragorn realised that the whole camp was awake and looking at him.
"Wandering through the fires."
"Doing what exactly?"
"He appeared in a daze. When I tried to get him to talk to me he became panicked. I felt it best to leave him be. I think he needs to work things out for himself first."
"So he's in a hysterical state." Azian asked shocked. "And you left him there?"
"What did you want me to do? Drag him here." Aragorn defended himself.
"I am quite capable of being left in my own company." Legolas's voice floated to them as the elf appeared in the camp.
"Are you hungry?" Azian asked.
"No."
"You should eat!" his brother protested. Legolas glared at him.
"You ceased being able to tell me what to do hundreds of years ago so don't start again now!"
"We are only concerned for you." Elrond said stepping forward.
"WELL DON'T BE!" the elf shrieked waking all those in the vicinity.
"Legolas." Thranduil said calmly as he moved towards his son. Legolas backed away.
"Don't say it. I don't want to here it." Legolas spat. "I don't want you offering me sympathy or pity."
"Legolas walk with me." Elrond said and he gently guided the elf away indicating the others should remain behind.
"I can't stand it, everyone asking me if I am well when they already know the answer."
"They are concerned for you."
"So they should be! How do they know I will not suddenly turn again and slaughter them all?" the elf continued bitterly.
"Legolas they are worried for your health. They want to see you well again and smiling. They do not fear you."
"Then they are stupid!" Legolas exclaimed. "Darkness will seek me out. I will always be a target."
"We are all targets Legolas, you no more so than anyone else."
"Then you are a fool as well." Legolas hurried away but Elrond continued to follow him. The elf was exhausted and could not keep going for long. He found him sat on the ground by a small pool. His was shaking violently.
"I am sorry. I am sorry." He whispered as Elrond knelt next to him. Legolas moved backwards unwilling for any contact to be made. He raised a shaking hand and tried to brush a piece of hair behind his ear. He failed and his body began to heave with barely controlled sobs.
Elrond desperately wanted to comfort the young elf as he had done many times when Legolas had been growing up. The youngest son of Thranduil had been a regular visitor to Rivendell to rest from the pressures that the darkness of Mirkwood placed upon him. Many times Legolas had appeared in Rivendell exhausted, bruised and mentally battered but had left glowing and happy. Elrond wished that those happy days would return where the only dread that filled their hearts was the anticipation of whatever prank his sons and Legolas had concocted. Now the young elf prince was breaking apart and nothing Elrond could say would help.
"Kahari is dead." A pained whisper caught his ears. Elrond turned to regard Legolas who he could see was trying to retain control.
"Yes."
"Kahari is dead. How can he be dead?"
Elrond struggled with his own grief. Legolas was obviously overwhelmed with emotion and swaying between extreme grief, self – doubt and fear. Elrond knew not how his words would be taken as Legolas was not stable.
"He was killed Legolas."
Legolas tilted his head to the side as if he did not understand.
"Why?"
Elrond sighed. One word, one question managed to encapsulate so many others. Why did evil exist? Why was Mirkwood continually a target? Why was Legolas chosen? Why? Why? Why? There were so many questions that could be asked, so many ifs and buts and there would never be a satisfactory answer.
"He died protecting Mirkwood."
"That's not what I asked." Legolas responded sternly, his childlike questions disappearing as quickly as they had appeared.
Legolas rose and wavered, his exhausted body protesting the continued demands he was placing upon it.
"That is why I do not talk to you or anyone. No one answers truthfully; they dance around the matter in the vain hope to protect me. I know no one is going to ask me what I did in the tower, how I did it and what changes have occurred within me. No one will do anything but enquire how am I feeling and offer themselves as a person to talk to, but if I utter one word that shatters their opinion of me immediately I am passed along to you, Gandalf of my father as if I have become crazed and need a calming influence."
"That is not the case."
"Really? So if I told you that I enjoyed the sense of power Sauron gave me you would not be shocked, you would not dismiss it as the ravings of an exhausted and battered soul? Oh Legolas could not be like that? He was one of the nine walkers, he is a prince of Mirkwood and a friend, he is not capable of such thoughts."
Elrond for one of the only times in his life didn't know how to approach this situation. To some extent Legolas spoke the truth. No one wanted to believe that Legolas had changed from the steadfast, loyal and pure friend that they knew. However, Elrond knew the torment Legolas had suffered could not be forgotten or easily overcome and during this time Legolas would not be what they wanted him to be. He would be irrational, angry and bitter but despite this Elrond knew they would stand by him even if Legolas doubted their steadfastness.
"I do not know what you want from me Legolas." Elrond finally responded. "I told you I will listen without judgement to anything you wish to tell me. As for the others they will not spurn you as quickly as you seem to believe. Remember they are mortal, try as they might they do not understand our kind fully. No one will even comprehend the suffering and pain caused to you but that does not mean that they will abandon you. Trust them to help you my friend."
Legolas's forehead crinkled as if in pain. Then after a few seconds of contemplation Legolas disappeared back into the shadows and Elrond sighed heavily.
OO
