Chapter Four: Euphoria
"Euphoria only exists in my dreams"
1:30 a.m. the digital clocked said when I looked at it. Man, I haven't fell asleep yet. I glanced over to my right and see Yuki soundly asleep. Here I was lying on the mattress next to the guy I've admire for so long. I glanced at his body and face. His left hand covered his eyes. It was a still night. I couldn't hear the crickets, the gentle wind, but only Yuki's breath. Something inside me pushes me closer to him. I couldn't take it anymore, I finally gave in and moved a bit closer to Yuki. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted him. I wanted him bad. I slip closer, the tip of my nose touched his. I tilt my head and slowly approach his lush lips. I could feel his breath amongst my lips. I can hear his exhale and inhales. I breathe into his mouth while he breathe into mines. I smelled his breath, minty and inviting.
All the sudden he grunted and shifted positions. I quickly withdrew back and gave a smile. The way he appeared to me was like and innocent boy dozing off. The fury inside me slowly resides and I slip back into my side of the bed and turn to look at him for the last time and turn away and fell asleep.
When I finally woke up, I looked over to clock 5:30 a.m., I knew I'm not getting much sleep today. I looked over to the other side of the bed, it was empty. Where did Yuki go so early in the morning? I left the bed and went in search for Yuki. He wasn't in the living room. dining room, or even the kitchen and the bathroom. Where would he be? I went out in the hallways and onto the streets to see if he's sitting on the stoops or walked in the park. He wasn't on the stoop so I went to the park, I searched for a good fifteen minutes and no sign of Yuki. I decided to back to his apartment. I trudge along and I as was walking up the stairs I looked up at the roof, Yuki. I ran down the end of the hall and ran up the 10 flights of stairs. When I finally reached the top I paused, and slightly open the door and peered to what it seems like Yuki sitting in the corner in a fetal position. My whole body slumped, but my heart was beating fast, I didn't know if was running up those stairs or seeing Yuki. I couldn't budge my self to go to him.
" Yuki...what's wrong?" I whispered to myself, I knew I won't get an answer. There was a swift breeze, I felt it brushing my face. Yuki lifted his head up and I thought I saw tears but I might be wrong, it was still to dark to notice anything. I'm a coward, why can't I approach him? Suddenly Yuki got up and started to walk towards the door. Oh No! What should I do? Should I hide or run down the stairs? I decided quickly to run down the stairs, when I could easily hid. When I reach what was like the 8th floor I could hear Yuki's footstep slowly walking down. I ran down faster, when I reach the bottom and I quickly ran into Yuki's apartment and into his bed. I was frantically panting. Five minutes later I hear the door open, Yuki came into the bedroom and plop himself down in the bed. I tried to stay as still as possible, and closed my eyes pretending to be asleep, no trying to be asleep. I felt something touch my hair. Yuki put his hand through my hair, weaving back and forth. The motion and the feeling calmed me, I relaxed and my heart was beating at it's normal pace. After a couple minutes, Yuki leaned over me, and whispered something in my right ear.
"I'm sorry"
He went back to his side of the bed and stayed there. I didn't know what he was sorry for, my fear of knowing overcame my curiosity. I didn't want to know what he meant, everything is perfect...just perfect...I want it to stay like this forever...always.
"Shuichi"
"Shuichi"
Mmm...Is someone calling my name? I slowly open my eyes, and again those deep yellow eyes stared at me.
"Wake up, your going to be late for work. Go wash up." Yuki said and threw a towel at me. It hit my face, I took it and put over my shoulder. I looked at Yuki, When I saw him on the roof, him weaving his hand through my hair is it all a dream? It's like he's changing, but I don't know why.
I got out of the bathroom, and there were pancakes ready for me, and Yuki was on his computer, I guess writing his next story. I sat myself and started to eat. Again, we didn't talk to each other, but I'm ok with this silence, it's not a hurtful silence not a awkward silence, and I am fine with that.
"Shuichi..." Yuki said.
I looked over at Yuki. He stopped typing but still staring in the fluorescent laptop screen.
"...can you take some time off of work?" He continue saying.
Now he is look at me. "Why?...and when do you--"
"Taking a trip. It doesn't matter when." he interrupted.
A trip? I wonder where we are going, but I rather not ask. "Ok, I can ask my manager, we can leave tomorrow. How long are we going to be gone for?" I asked.
"A week, Two weeks or so." He replied.
"Ok..." I said and started to eat again. When I was finished I washed everything and got dressed and headed out to work.
"Bye Yuki." I said as I left his apartment. I closed the door behind me and walked out the front door, down the steps and turned right. I crossed the street and I heard my name.
"Shuichi!"
I turned around. It was Yuki. Inside I was happy he was calling my name.
"...Shuichi, do you have any plans for tonight?" Yuki asked me.
"No...I was going to go hom-, I mean back to your place." I said, I still couldn't say home.
"Oh...well I like to...bring you to dinner." He said softly.
"Yes, Yuki I would like that. Thank you." I gracefully smiled and said. I started to walk away from him.
Who are you? Are you really Yuki? You can't be, no. Why are you being so nice to me? I thought. I almost felt teary but I held it in. Yuki, if this is what you become honestly, and perhaps it's not one sided love anymore, But if I give you my love, my heart; please don't break my heart this time...again.
You see? Things are
Certainly changing
You see? But here remains
The unchanged thing
I've come to believe so
Because you taught it to me
Everyone walks on
To meet just one person some day
I must have walked on
To meet you.
-Ayumi Hamasaki "Close to you"
Author note: Thank you guys for reading! At first the fanfic was a medium for me to get my feelings out, now people are actually enjoying it! Thanks again, I'll try to update whenever inspiration hits.
