CHAPTER II

Confronting Shadows

Her past has always been her shadow; it has always followed her wherever she went. Rinoa along time ago settled with the fact that her past was never going to leave her alone, but never did she imagine that it would stab her in the heart.

Seeing Squall again was a blow that left her breathless. From the moment that she had met him Squall had left his mark on her heart, one that no amount of time could erase. Now that mark was burning and there was not a damn thing that she could do to put it out.

Quistis had seen her; Quistis knew she was in town. It wouldn't be long before Squall knew too, and everyone would discover the cowering mouse that she had become. And whatever life she had savaged would be once again destroyed.

Checking into the Balamb hotel room, like she should have done in the first place, Rinoa collapsed into the uncomfortable bed. Lying on the firm mattress she felt the cold of the metal rings around her neck bounce against her chest. Sitting up Rinoa grasped the two rings in her hand and stared at them fixedly.

It was so long ago that Zell had given her Squall's ring; it had been so long since she slipped it onto her necklace where it rested with her mother's.

Staring bitterly at the two rings Rinoa thought back to the time Squall had at last told her the story that went behind the ring.

It had been several months after they had defeated Ultimicia....

Returning home from meetings in Trabia, she and Squall had decided to take a walk together along the Balamb coast. A perfect breeze brushed against their faces as they traveled along the coast line. Their feet buried in the sand with each step and the ocean's waves swept against their bare ankles.

The two stopped simultaneously in the middle of the beach. Rinoa had turned her gaze away from the endless ocean to stare up at Squall; his eyes were burning into her eyes until they started to drift down to her chest.

Offended Rinoa slapped him in the arm. "Squall," she yelled, he looked back up at her confused. When he caught on what she was accusing him of he quickly apologized.

"I wasn't doing that. I was just looking at the rings," Sighing heavily he returned his gaze to the two circles of metal. "Have I ever told you about that ring?"

"No," Rinoa answered, she found herself staring at him intently.

"Well there's really not much to it," he went in taking the ring and holding it between his calloused fingers. "I just thought it was a cool ring."

"You're kidding right?"

Squall shook his head.

"You mean there's nothing more to it?" Rinoa asked him astonished, she had spent so many nights staring at the ring, pondering it's meaning...and all it was in the end was a gift shop trinket?

"At the time it didn't mean a thing, but now..." Squall grasped the ring in his fist. "Now it means the world."

"And why is that?" She asked him earnestly.

Letting go of the ring he let it bounce back against her chest and then he whispered to her. "Because it was given to the only person that means the world to me."

Shaking her head violently, Rinoa tried to erase the memory. It was another shadow of her past, one that she could no longer bare to carry.

Then, during the midst of her burdened thoughts, a raspy voice started to echo inside her head. Immediately Rinoa froze in her place, she had heard the voice before.

Jumping up from the bed Rinoa dashed out of the room, she had to take care of this before it became too late.

'Mr. Leonhart, Ms. Trepe is here to see you.'

Pressing down the button for his secretary, Squall replied in the intercom. "Send her in."

Setting down the papers he was filling out Squall sat up in his chair and waited for Quistis to come in.

When she entered the room Squall took notice that Quistis wasn't dressed in her usual professional manner. Her hair wasn't wrapped in a tight bun, but rather down with random hair sticking up all over. She wasn't in uniform or her battle cloths either, which was the only entire that Squall had ever seen her in, but in just plain jeans and a t-shirt. However, the most striking difference in Quistis appearance was the dark begs that rested under her tired eyes.

Letting her take a seat across form his mahogany desk Squall asked her. "Is everything alright Quistis?"

Rubbing her eyes she told him "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh," he said quietly, not quite sure what that had to do with her sitting there. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Staring up ay him Quistis looked intently into his eyes as of she was searching for something, or seeing if he was ready for something that Quistis wasn't quiet sure of.

"Ah, Quistis are you sure everything is alright?" Squall asked again, he was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Squall if I ask you something will you promise not to get upset?"

With scrutinizing eyes Squall told her. "You know that I don't make promises like that Quistis."

"I know, and believe me this is the last thing in the world that I want to bring up, but it's just been on my mind a lot lately and can't stop thinking about it."

"Well Quistis, not to be a bastard or anything, but if you think it might upset me it's probably best not to ask me," he told her honestly.

"Squall please; it can be a quick answer."

There had been so much good that had happened over the years, his short sidedness hadn't blinded him from that, he had grown so much. Still whenever matters of his pass came up Squall simply didn't want to talk about it.

"Quistis, I don't want to hear it," he told her curtly.

"Please Squall, I need to know."

"And why is that my problem!" He snapped at her. Immediately he wished he hadn't.

For so many years Squall had made sure that everything that went on around him wasn't his problem. He tried endlessly to make it appear as if he didn't care. And no matter how hard he tried to fight it; no matter the extent he tried to avoid it. In the end Squall did care.

"I'm sorry Quistis," he immediately apologized. "Old habits die hard."

"It's alright Squall," she said soothingly. "You've done so well over the past few years, everyone's proud of you."

Snorting in disbelief Squall looked at Quistis. Slowly he started to ask her.

"So...what do you want to know?"

"Squall," Squall watched for a moment as she gained her confidence. "Squall I want to know why you and Rinoa broke up?"

All he could do was sit there silently.

"Squall, I know it's painful for you, but maybe if"-

"No, you don't know," he cut her off. His voice was curt and quiet. "You don't have a god damn idea."

"Well Squall, maybe if you were talk about it with me, I might start to get one," Quistis uncharacteristically snapped.

"It's none of your business Quistis," he said sharply.

"Your right Squall, you would never let it be."

Angrily Squall stood up, his hand was pointing towards the door. "I believe you were leaving," he said coldly.

"I suppose I was," Quistis said, standing up. She was at the door when she turned back around. "You know Squall, we all have our own demons that we have to fight...you're just the only one who chooses to fight them alone." With that note Quistis stormed out of the room, shutting the door roughly in her wake.

Frustrated Squall collapsed back into his seat. Dozens of emotions were swirling inside of him, where they began to choke him so hard that Squall didn't know how he should feel.

Why the hell did she want to know about Rinoa in the first place? Why now, why did a disgruntled Quistis come into his office, asking him questions about the one thing that she knew he couldn't talk about?

Slamming his fist on his desk Squall swore. He tried t so hard to forget about Rinoa Heartilly, it took him so long to push away her memory from his mind. He had moved on, buried himself in work, friends, he even allowed a new love interest to enter into his life, but nothing was ever enough. Nothing ever made Rinoa Heartilly go away.

Against his own will, Squall opened his desk drawl and pulled out a photograph he buried at the bottom of a stack of papers.

Holding the photo in front of him Squall stared bitterly at it. It was a picture of him and Rinoa all dressed up at the Balamb docks. It was taken just a couple hours before Rinoa had broken up with him.

"You look..." his words failed him. Not a single word that his mind could fabricate did her justice at the moment.

"You don't look so bad yourself," Rinoa responded, playfully pinching his SeeD uniform.

Holding out his arm, Rinoa slipped her arm inside his and together they walked from the Balamb docks to the hotel, where the party they were attending that night was being held.

Squall was never one for corny moments; he despised fairytales, but being under the sparkling night with Rinoa by his side, and an ocean breeze just gentle enough to wave her raven hair ever so slightly. It all equaled one thing- a solitary moment so magnificent that he found the earth itself swirling around him.

Stepping off the docks, Squall was helping Rinoa step down when from behind he heard Selphie's unmistakable enthusiastic voice.

"Squall, smile."

Turning towards the squeal Squall was suddenly blinded by a flash. Shielding his face Squall yelled at his friend. "What the hell do you think your doing?"

"It's called taking a picture Squall, maybe you've heard about it. Now smile."

"Selphie, please," Squall tried to protest, but at that moment Rinoa tugged on his arm.

"Selph, will you please take a picture of me and Squall, I want a memory of this night," her voice was so angelic. It had a way of not only reaching his ears, but his heart as well.

Nodding at her request Squall stepped back onto the dock and wrapped his arm around her, she leaned against his side and together they smiled.

"Tee-he, thanks guys. Now come on, Quistis, Zell and their dates are waiting." Rushing off to meet a waiting Irvine, Selphie's absents left Squall and Rinoa once again alone.

"Well, shall we," Squall asked, once again extending his arm. With a smile Rinoa hooked her arm with his. Together they strode through the Balamb docks and entered the hotel.

The night was full of all the things that you would expect from a SeeD party, alcohol, high ranked military officials...and dancing.

Joining their friends and their dates at a table, Squall found himself throughout the night staring nervously at the dance floor. He could feel it taunting him, even daring him...it knew the unenviable would come.

The night went on; Squall had just finished off his third screwdriver when he felt Rinoa lightly tap him on the shoulder.

"I'll be right back," she whispered into his ear. Nodding Squall watched her walk off into the crowds.

Time went on and Squall hadn't really noticed Rinoa's absents until couples all around him got up from their seats and started to dance. Squall started to glance around the room until he spotted her. Standing off alone on the corner of the room was Rinoa.

Getting up from the table Squall strode over to where Rinoa was standing, with her back towards him he said to her.

"You're the best looking girl here, dance with me?"

"Sq...Squall please," her voice was an odd whisper, he continued on.

"I bet you only dance with people you like." Grabbing her by the shoulder Squall turned Rinoa around. "Your going to like me," he started to chant, but his voice stopped dead at the sight of Rinoa's teary-eyed face. "Oh god Rinoa, what's wrong?"

"Sq...Squall, it's got to end," she sobbed; her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably.

"Okay," he told her soothingly, pulling her to his chest. "It's okay."

Sobbing for a few seconds Rinoa suddenly pushed him away. Squall stared at her stunned.

"No Squall, you and I... we have to end."

All Squall could do was stand there silently.

"I know your confused, but if you respect me at all, please respect this."

He could no longer look at her; a familiar pain had suddenly refilled his whole body. Closing his eyes, in a pained voice he asked her.

"Why?"

With sorrow filled silence Squall waited, hoping that soon he would have the answers to why knives were stabbing at his heart. He waited, but Rinoa never said a word.

Opening his eyes Squall was expecting to see Rinoa standing there, staring at him with tear stained eyes. Rinoa, however, was not standing there. Rinoa was gone.

Dumbstruck, Squall stood there, trying desperately to grasp what the hell was going on.

His breathing rhythms began to increase rapidly when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. Hastily Squall turned around, praying that it would be Rinoa standing there.

"Selphie wants a group picture," said Quistis, she pointed over to where his group of friends were gathered together.

"Come on," Quistis urged "or Selphie will personally thump you with a club and drag you over there," with a smile Quistis slowly started to walk away, thinking that Squall would follow. When he didn't move from where he stood Quistis eyes started to dart around the room. "Where's Rinoa, she'll get you moving?"

Staring at his one time instructor, in an empty voice Squall told her "She's gone..."

Stopping where she stood Quistis searched his face, they were staring into each others eyes when Selphie came storming over to him.

"What's taking you guys so long?" The short girl demanded. "Where's Rinoa?"

"She's gone," Quistis answered for him.

Ignoring the fact Selphie grabbed both of their arms and dragged them to the rest of the group.

From that point on Squall couldn't remember much, everything just became a daze. Bodies were shoved, Selphie's voice yelled and then there was a flash.

The next morning Squall was in his office, he had his face buried in his hands, and his heart yearning for closure that he knew he would never get.

Squall was fighting a battle against his own foreign tears when Selphie unannounced came walking through his office door.

Her perpetual smile was spread across her face as she came bouncing to his desk, a manila folder was in her hand.

"Good morning sunshine," she greeted him, setting the folder down on his desk.

When Squall hadn't returned the greeting Selphie didn't take offense, it had been this way many mornings before. Instead she bent down her head so she peered at him between his fingers. "Long night?" she asked him.

Failing to speak Selphie had enough sense to realize this was not the time for her antics.

Backing toward the door Selphie told him. "There pictures from last night in that folder, when you see Rinoa tell her I have her picture if she wants it," with a smile Selphie left the room.

As soon as the door was shut Squall looked down at the folder that laid on his desk. Picking the folder up, Squall for the longest time simply held it. Bitter irony seared through his bones as he stared.

Throwing the folder back onto his desk one of the sides' flipped open, there two pictures stared at him.

Cursing the painful memories away Squall got up from his desk and moved to the opposite side of the room. It was there that the other photo that Selphie gave him that morning hung.

With the picture of him and Rinoa still in his hand Squall dropped his hands to his side and stared up at the picture on the wall.

It was five of them, all huddled together, the picture that Selphie had dragged him and Quistis to. In the picture Irvine and Selphie knelt in front, Selphie was grasping one of the cowboy's arms. To the right of them was Zell bent over, both his hands were giving the camera a thumbs up. Quistis stood next to Zell, her stern instructor expression was placed on her face. And for Squall, he was bent down behind Irvine and Selphie, his face was staring into the camera, but his eyes were off into the distance...looking for somebody.

A rage that he hadn't felt for years suddenly overpowered his body. Running back to his desk Squall yanked his drawl open and shoved the picture of him and Rinoa back to the bottom of the drawl.

"Back to the bottom Rinoa," he whispered to nobody. "Just like you've been in my heart." With that he slammed the drawer shut.