a/n: hey there people. Sorry for the long delay I've been busy, very busy. Hmm… I hope I didn't keep you guys waiting for a long time! Ok so I'm sort of experiencing a writers block, I know how to end the story and I have some good plot here and there to build up to the end but…then I don't want to drag it out very long…I'm thinking to stop around 20 chapters…sounds fair? Also please remember about my made up character Aku he's going to come back into the story. Alright so here is the anticipated chapter 11. Ja ne.

The caged bird secret

It's been about a week or so that I've settled in with Yuki. He is a genuinely generous and kind person. About the third week, he decided that the hotel room was too much. So he got an apartment rather a hotel room. For the next week we packed our things and moved to his new apartment. It was a nice place not too big, and yet not too small for the two of us. I had my own room and a closet too; it was opposite to Yuki's. My room was pretty empty because I barely had anything of my own. The only belonging that supposedly is mine, are the suitcases that Shuichi left at the motel. I didn't open them I fear that I wouldn't like what I will find; even the fact that I might invade someone's privacy is on my mind also. The whole apartment was being to grow on me, I gotten used to the white chipped paint on the single window in my room, which I stare outside often into the cobblestone alley with an old fashioned lantern set on the left side of the street, it was so simple and beautiful. Every night Yuki either cook or bring home takeout. Sometimes by chance I catch Yuki through my white panel window late at night smoking a cigarette staring up at the evening sky. I have to admit Yuki is a good looking guy; he's tall and so posed. Shuichi must be very lucky to have someone like him. I know what he's thinking about when he looks up into the night sky but I rather mind my own business.

One day I was lucky to catch Yuki once again smoking his cigarette down on the cobble street alley. I rested my elbow on the ledge of the window and place my head in my hand admiring him. I soon realize what I was doing; I shouldn't be idolizing someone else's soul mate. Yuki glanced over to my window and it was a second stare back and forth and I quickly hid behind the curtains hands on my chest my face was flushed…why… I hope he didn't see me at the window, but highly unlikely. I knew my attitude and feelings for Yuki are starting to change. I secretly hope that Yuki doesn't catch on soon, that would be very embarrassing. Later that night I went back to my window and peered outside for any sign of him. He wasn't there, I felt a bit disappointed. I looked straight across to see the city skyline. The lights were so vivid and bright. I thought about a lot stuff that's going through my head. I try really hard to recall a memory of any sort of my past, to solidify that I am Shuichi or even…to know who I am. But every time I try…my head aches, it was very frustrating. The distant city lights were growing dull as my head aches more. It seems if my vision was blurring all the lights were blending together and all I see are big blobs of color everywhere. I closed my eyes for a minute. My head was still pounding with pain…why does this always happen when I try to remember...I open my eyes to find myself in tears. I don't know if it's from the pain or from the frustration of not being able to remember, but I know I don't like to cry to ever feel this pain again. Not wanting to cry or even being in pain hesitate me from trying to recall memories.

Day by day as I walk around the house sometimes bumping into Yuki, I greet him and give a faint smile and he just looks at me for sometime and nods and goes with his business. This house was more silent and colder than the hospital room, even though I have Yuki here…sometimes…I just wish-I wish this feeling of loneliness would stop…I just wish…to be held.

"In your arms…I'm reborn."

The only place I feel warmth and a sense of belonging is the single window in my room. Everyday I look out and hope a glimpse of my past would show up right outside. I know it sounded childish but I have nothing to loose in believing. Sometimes again I see Yuki outside leaning against the lantern smoking a cigarette looking up into the sky. Every time I see him like that it makes me feel so sad inside. Not only because I know he's missing someone whom he loves but…that I can never, have Yuki, his heart doesn't belong to me but to Shuichi. The more I think about it the more jealous I grew of someone whom I haven't ever met or could be me.

Yuki put out his cigarette and deposited in the barrel and walked into the apartment by the back door. I could hear his footsteps coming up the stairs. I bid farewell to my window and lie on my bed listening to him walking. I closed my eyes; I secretly wished that when I open my eyes Yuki would be in front of me. I heard Yuki's footsteps fading away in the distance, my heart sank. I knew my wish didn't come true; all this wishful thinking is bad I should be thinking so idealistically. I sighed and slowly opening my eyes. For a minute I just stared at the white ceiling. I started to smell a faint scent of cigarettes emanating from the door, I look over and there stood Yuki. I slowly got up and sat on the edge of the bed. My eyes met Yuki. His eyes were wet, soft and inviting. They look like puppy eyes that are irresistible. I want to say, "I wanted to be with you!" "Yuki, may you please hold me?" Just to say something to show how I really feel; how I really wanted Yuki. When I was about to boldly ask him, he walked forth to me and smiled and stood right in front of me.

He leaned over and whispered in my ears, "Good night."

That voice I want to hear by my side the smell of cigarettes and cologne…suddenly my head starts to hurt and a white flash went off in my head. Then I saw fast flashes of pictures in my head of Yuki and someone else. I closed my eyes; I still see the flashing pictures and hearing voices in my head. My head was hurting more than ever. Why!?!?! I'm not trying to remember why my head feels like it's ready to explode!?!?!?

"Shu are you ok?" I heard Yuki saying.

His voice blended in the chaos in my head my ears are filled with scattered voices head with pictures and aching more and more.

"YUKI!!!!" I heard myself shouting. I was panting and crying. I try to open my eyes and the tears blurred my vision. My arms felt warm, like soft and inviting warmth. I found my self hugging Yuki. The pictures were still flashing and the voices were still in my head. I felt Yuki's arm embracing me slowly. The pictures slowly stop flashing and the voices started to fade. My head slowly stops pounding. All I can feel Yuki's warmth very well now. I didn't know what to say or what I could do next. All I could now is cry.