CHAPTER VIII

Day Five

She didn't want to lie to Squall, all she wanted was to be held in his arms and tell him everything that she wanted to say to him for the past three years, but that was a desire that Rinoa knew couldn't be filled.

Time might have separated them, but Rinoa knew she still had the influence to something that not even time had the power to do. Dampen Squall's will to fight. Had she told him the truth he would fight for her, he wouldn't allow her to be frozen. Just like all those years ago he would come for her, and though no deed warmed her heart more, Rinoa knew she couldn't let him do that. She was a menace upon the world that had seen enough heartbreak, and no matter what she wasn't going to allow herself be a tool for destruction. For the world, for the people she cared about, for Squall, Rinoa Heartilly was going to seal herself for everything.

If love taught her anything, it taught her to lie.

Rinoa spent the entire day in Squall's office, and during that time the two of them really didn't even talk. To be honest they were both too frightened to say anything to each other. They didn't do anything; they simply sat together, both beyond content to be in each others company.

When night came upon them and their eyelids began to weigh too much on their tired souls the two of them snuggled on Squall's small leather couch. They allowed the brown, comforting skin engulf them. And for the night permitted themselves to lay siege to all their weaknesses, and for a short period of time let them cast their worries away.

Only that morning Rinoa could think of nothing more awkward or alarming then snuggling once again against Squall, but it was then that she discovered that there was another power that time had no control over. The comfort that Rinoa and Squall gave each other.

Pressed against the SeeD, Rinoa buried her head against the nape of his neck. There with sleep overcoming her exhausted body she whispered to him. "I'm sorry for everything Squall."

With a queer look he whispered back. "Don't be."

Feeling a small smile creep onto her lips she asked him. "Where do we go from here, Squall?"

"I suppose anywhere we want to," he replied softly.

At that Rinoa's mouth reversed back into a frown. They were nice sentiments, but nothing could be a farther spectrum from the truth.

"How would you feel about seeing everyone tomorrow?" He asked, protruding her thoughts before quickly adding. "I mean, if you feel up to it."

"Would any of them want to see me?" Rinoa asked a tad startled. Although she had already seen and spoken with Quistis, the thought of seeing Selphie, Irvine and Zell again…it was a bit too much.

"It may be a bit of a shock to them at first," Squall answered truthfully. "But I honestly think they would love to see you."

Rinoa knew she would love to see them too, to have things the way that they were. That, however, was a dream from another life and there would never be enough time to resurrect that dream.

"We can meet them for breakfast in the morning." Squall urged.

Hesitantly at first, Rinoa slowly nodded. She only had three days, if she had the chance to reconcile her past friendships…well in those three days that as something that she had to do.

"I think I should," she whispered what would be their last bit of conversation before sleep at last over took them both.


Over breakfast Quistis told her friends about Rinoa's return. At first none of them said anything; they just gave her this dumbfounded look.

"Guy's, this isn't what you think," she told them and then began to explain what the headmaster explained to her the day before when she barged into his office for answers. When she was finished their confusion only increased, but at least now they were able to find their tongues.

"So in like three days Rinoa is going to have herself frozen?" Zell asked in disbelief.

With a nod Quistis added "Cid and Edea are orchestrating the whole thing, along with Laguna."

"And that's why she left three years ago?" Selphie questioned.

"That's what Cid told me, he said she came to him when she started hearing Ultimicia's voice in her head. He and Edea began to watch over Rinoa, and then something happened on the night of the SeeD ball. Something that made Rinoa want to run from everything, but Cid wouldn't tell me what that was."

"Why did they wait so long to seal her?" Zell questioned. "I don't want to sound cruel or anything, but wouldn't they want to prevent anything from happening right away?"

"The way Cid explained it to me was that they wanted to observe her in Esthar before they made any rash decisions and while they were doing so Ultimicia's presence died. For whatever reason Rinoa made a life in Esthar, until recently when Ultimicia started to come back."

"That's so weird," Selphie exclaimed, summing up everything Quistis had said pretty well.

"Does Squall knows about all this?" Irvine asked, breaking into the conversation for the first time.

"I assume Rinoa has told him," Quistis answered.

No sooner as her last word formed did both Squall and Rinoa enter the cafeteria.

The whole group stared as the two figures strode towards their table. As the pair made their way over Quistis' focus remained chiefly on Rinoa. You could sense how scared and frightened she was. After leaving this life, for whatever reason all those years ago, here she was shoved right back into the mix of things. Quistis could think of no deed more admirable then Rinoa taking a seat at that table. Despite being scared as all hell, she showed courage beyond any recall. That was the Rinoa Heartilly that Quistis remembered.

No moment in the history of the world, for this Quistis was sure, was more awkward then those first few moments when Rinoa joined the table.

For her part Rinoa smiled politely, but didn't say a word. Nobody did. All six of them just sat there, praying that any kind of intrusion would break the unbearable tension. God bless Zell.

"You know what we should do today?" Everyone stared at the tattooed man gratefully; with a large grin Zell answered his own question. "We should go fishing, you know at the Balamb docks. It's been ages since we've done something fun like that together."

For his proposal Zell received four hesitant looks, but one person stood behind his suggestion. Speaking up for the first time, a nervous Rinoa spoke. "That's sounds good." When everyone stared at her she was quick to add. "If that's alright with everyone else?"

Quistis didn't know about everyone else, but she could feel a smile creep onto her lips. "I agree," she told the group. "How often do we do something fun around here that doesn't involved going to the bar, no offense Zell?"

"None taken," Zell replied brightly, he then turned to everyone else. "So the matters settled then?"

The matter was settled, after breakfast the six heroes that once saved the world against the most heinous of horrors were going fishing.


With everyone having a fishing pole in their hands, the group all trotted from the Garden to the Balamb docks. Squall watched the rest of his friends as he and Rinoa trailed behind them.

Having breakfast together was a much more awkward situation then Squall pictured it would be.

Every morning since their return from the Ultimicia affair, the group met for breakfast in the cafeteria. Their lives became so chaotic as the days made them grow older, especially for Squall. Breakfast, however, was their time together that nobody set, but they all followed. And for the last three years it has been only the five if them, today they were six.

Despite the tension and discomfort they experienced in their morning escapade Rinoa handled it with such a grace and poise. For the entire duration of breakfast Squall couldn't take his eyes off of her. Ridiculously afraid that if he did, she would vanish.

It was so amazing and terrifying at the same time to have her back in his life. For all his dreams, for all those sleepless nights…here she was. Even with her return, however, heartache had traces everywhere. Rinoa was ill…very ill, and there was nothing that he could do about it.

For the moment everything was alright, she was fine and well right next to him, but time would continue it's course and so would Rinoa's illness. Eventually the two would meet and everything would shatter.

Awaking him from his thoughts was Rinoa; she had stumbled and dropped her fishing pole. Squall picked it up and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she said somberly.

"What's wrong?" He asked noticing her frown. "I thought you were pretty amazing back at breakfast."

"Squall," she addressed him sadly. "Please stop being so nice to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Everything you've done since I walked into your office has been so kind…I can't handle it."

His confusion left him speechless.

"All of you, you act like nothing ever happened. I don't deserve that. I deserve harsh remarks and bitter resentment."

"Rinoa, I've spent the last three years being bitter and resentful. Maybe it's because times short, but I don't want to live like that, not now."

"Squall, I…"

"I know," he told her, grasping her twitching fingers. "There's no promises that any of us can keep, it's always been like you said. Nobody can predict the future."

He watched her fight back tired tears, a battle that she had been fighting her entire life.

Not letting go of her hand Squall said to Rinoa. "Let's go catch up with the others." With a slight nod Rinoa agreed, together they moved forward.

To be honest, Squall never took a liking to fishing. After all the blood that he had spilt, it just seemed like senseless killing to him. Zell had wasted lots of breath over the years trying to convince him that fishing was simply a relaxing activity that was suppose to connect you with nature.

This visit to the Balamb docks, however, was entirely different. Nobody actually fished; they all just stuck their rods over the tips of the dock and competed to see who could pull in the smallest fish that circled around it. Zell was the only one who actually cast his rod further out.

The day was just innocent giggles; Squall even found himself breaking into a fit of laughter when Selphie shoved Zell into the water just as he was getting his 'first bite.'

For their whole time at the docks Squall was joined to Rinoa's hip. They competed, they joked…he made her laugh. It wasn't that forced laugh that she had been using all day either; it was her genuine, high pitch giggle that made Squall fall for her in the first place.

The only time that they left each other's sides was when she left with Selphie to find more worms; it was during this brief period that Quistis approached Squall.

"A bit overwhelming isn't it?" Quistis asked taking a seat on the dock beside him; Squall didn't need to be a defective to figure out what she was referring to.

"It is," he told her honestly. "But you want to know the weirdest part of it all; it doesn't feel weird at all. She just clicked; like she was part of a puzzle piece that none of us knew was missing."

"You always knew that piece was missing, didn't you?" Quistis responded sadly.

Not sure how to respond Squall sat there silently. She was right; Rinoa never went away, only faded until the moment when she came back the brightest.

"I don't want to loose her again Quistis," he said after awhile.

"I know," she said sorrowfully. "I wish there was something we could do, but…" her voice faded into depressed sadness.

"Do you even know what she has?"

To Squall's question Quistis shot him a queer look. "What do you mean?"

"Cid must have told you about her illness," he replied, a bit surprised by her confusion.

"Her illness?"

"Yes, the disease that's killing her. I haven't had the nerve to ask what it is yet," he said to her. When Quistis' face remained blank Squall added. "I thought you knew about it?"

Squall witness the lights go on inside his friend, words suddenly started to come out rapidly from Quistis' mouth.

"Of course I knew, I just wasn't sure if Rinoa had told you and I didn't want to be the one to tell you. Cid really hasn't told me anything about it. I wish we could all be a little more filled in."

Staring at Quistis Squall tried to read if she was hiding anything, her expression seemed to have tightened and her eyes were slightly wider then usual. Not knowing what to think Squall gave into a defeated sigh.

"How long do you think she has?"

At this Quistis' expression began to soften, in a voice that was a cross between tired and at a loss she told him. "I hope that it's longer then all of us fear."

With that Quistis got up from her spot next to him. On her way up she kissed him gently on the forehead, an act uncharacteristically Quistis. With a weak smile she parted from his company.


"You know I love worms. I hate that we have to dig them from their homes and dangle them in water only for them to be eaten. Then again, if we didn't dig the worms up what would the fish eat? The circle of life is a bitch ain't it?"

Everything that Selphie had just said was so rapid and mingled together that Rinoa had to wonder how the girl was able to process it all in her head, which made her giggle.

Selphie laughed along with her, it was a nice feeling to have unison fits of laughter with someone.

Their can was becoming full with squirming insects when they heard footsteps entering their clearing. Turing around Selphie chirped.

"Hey Quistis, you come to help is dig for worms?"

"Uh, sorry Selph," Quistis replied, her face carried no emotion, but her voice cracked with it. "I was actually hoping to get the chance to talk to Rinoa."

Standing up Selphie patted the dirt from off her knees. "Well she's all yours," the cheerful girl told Quistis. "I'll go give these poor worms to the boys." With a bounce Selphie trotted off, and Rinoa was left alone with an obviously perturbed Quistis.

"Rinoa," Quistis addressed her the moment Selphie was out of ear shot. "I know I'll never be able to fully understand what you're going through, or what you 'have' been through for that matter. For your courage my heart goes out to you, but I don't think I should be the one telling you all this. I think you should talk to someone else, someone who doesn't know what I know, but should."

Letting out an exasperated sigh Rinoa tried to pathetically defend herself. "It's not that easy Quistis. I could barely get myself to see him again, let alone tell him that in three days I'll never see him again."

"So in three says you're just going to leave and let him figure it out for himself?"

Becoming angry, despite herself, Rinoa snapped at Quistis. "I never asked for this. It was Squall who showed up at the orphanage when everything was set, and messed with my head. I…I didn't know what to do, I still don't."

"Well Rinoa, you're a grown woman, a magnificent grown woman I think does you more justice. I trust you'll do whatever you feel in right, but just bare in mind that Squall is going to get hurt no matter what you do. I would think you would at least want to leave him with a shared truth."

Affectionately pinching her shoulder Quistis walked away.

Rinoa knew that every word that Quistis spoke was true, but that didn't make anything any easier.

Rejoining everyone back at the dock Rinoa didn't immediately spill everything to Squall. Instead she waited. Eventually night fell on them and the others decided to head back for dinner. Rinoa stayed back at the docks with Squall.

It was so peaceful when everyone was gone; everything was rich with a beautiful silence.

Dipping her toes in the night's chilled water; Rinoa was staring off into the distance. Squall was sitting next to her, both daring glances at each other every few seconds.

The first to pierce the nighttime tranquility was Squall when he hesitantly asked her.

"Rinoa…what exactly is going on? You have an illness, but you haven't said anything about it. I can't tell by your appearance that anything is wrong. I…I wish you tell me, no matter what it is."

"Squall, I want to be honest with you…it's just so damn difficult."

"I wish I could make it easier for you, but I have a feeling there's nothing I can do."

Staring into his steel blue eyes she mustered up every last drop of earnestly she had and asked him. "Will you promise me that whatever I'm about to tell you, you'll accept it, and more importantly leave it be."

"Rinoa, I"-

She cut him off. "Promise me Squall, I need you to."

With his eyes glimmering with a tinge of fear he slowly nodded. "I promise."

After a deep sigh Rinoa nodded back. "I'm not ill Squall; I'm actually far from it."

"Then what the hell is going on?" Squall asked her, his voice treading the thin line of anger and calmness.

"Squall, Ultimicia…she never left me. I've been feeling her presence for the past few years. I left because I was scared of it, I'm still terrified, but now it's more out of fear of what she can do to those around me. She's growing stronger.

"What do you mean?"

"Her presence is growing, I can feel her starting to grip her evil claws around my control…I don't have much longer."

Taking a brief moment to process everything he was being told he asked her. "What's being done to stop her?"

Tears began to form in her eyes. "A seal is waiting for me. Two nights from now I'll be put in that seal," sobs began to shake her body and mumbled the rest of her words. "I'll, I'll bee, froze frozen for…forever."

While she tried to gain her composure, Squall was just staring at her silently. His expression unreadable.

"I…I…just please understand," were the only words she was able to communicate.

"I understand," he responded in a deadpan voice, standing up he looked down at her with something far worse then hate. His stare carried nothing but apathy-"you never wanted to re-establish whatever the fuck we had. You just wanted to clean your conscious before you left."

Though what he was saying wasn't fair, she couldn't deny that it wasn't true.

"Best of luck Rinoa, I'm sure I'll read about you in the history books."

With that he walked away, she called after him, but Squall didn't turn around. He didn't even flinch. He just left, as she had three years ago.

Selphie was right; the circle of life was a bitch.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Sorry if there was any confusion about the last chapter. But this story still has some tricks up its sleeve. I hope anyone reading this enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. The plot is about to thicken and conclusion is around the corner.

Well till next time.

Always,

Leah