Lina walked with a free and easy swing as she felt the familiar ground of home under her feet. "Strange way to feel..." she thought to herself, being that she was many miles from her usual haunts, including Zefielia and Seirune. "Yet, suddenly, this side of the wall has become "home" and that side is a foreign country." She shook her head and set her feet to the road. She glanced over at Grace and found her looking around as if she had never seen a mountain pass before. "Um, you haven't been here before, I take it, Grace?" she asked. Grace replied "Well, actually, I did explore on this side of the wall before I got settled at the keep in Stronghold." She looked some more and then sighed and said, with a shake of her head, "I can't believe we got through without an incident!"
"The people you fear are that scary are they?" asked Lina. "Worse." was Grace's quiet reply. She snuggled her son closer and seemed distressed. "If they did not attack us on that side then they might try on this side, and they will be stronger and more determined if they do." she went on. "Or they are not coming." responded Lina. "Anyway, you should tell me who they are, if I'm to defend you properly it would be nice to have an idea beyond "Assassins" to go on." "Wicked men, and maybe Mazoku that they have allied themselves with." was the response, fear evident in Grace's voice. Lina perked up to that. "Mazoku!" she exclaimed. "Wow, this is hotter than I had thought! Okay, so much for a pleasant stroll through the countryside! We had better find Zelgadiss and fast!" She then asked "Is this why you fear to say much or reveal yourself? Lest some passing spirit over hear?" "Yes." answered Grace. "In part. I also have reasons to hide myself from humans too." She shook her head. "None of this is as I wished. If only we had been granted a little more time we would have made a formal open approach of peace and friendship to all the west, starting with Seirune." She sighed with regret.
Lina observed her sigh was louder than her voice. She shook her head and thought "I wonder why she wants to hide so bad? She's even hiding her voice, from just normal speaking! Oh well..." She asked Grace "May I at least enquire, yet again, why Seirune first? It seems to me there must be more than just the fact they are suspicious of whatever Westhold is doing. Is it because it is powerful? Or because of the justice philosophy of her kings?" "Partly that," said Grace, "and partly that there are ties to Seirune that are as of yet un-revealed to her reigning Lord, Prince Phillionel. Ties that by rights he should learn of first hand, not through a spy or some other who may garble the message." "Ah..." said Lina, quizzically. "I don't really get it, I don't see what secret you have that makes you want to hide so much, even from me, but I accept you are doing this the way you see best." "When the time is right Lina, you will see and have all your questions answered." the taller woman replied with a strange look in her eyes.
Lina and Grace walked on in silence for awhile. Partly this was because the baby was fussy and Grace was preoccupied settling him to her satisfaction. Also, Lina was listening far more intently than she had before. There were, after all, Mazoku involved now. She realised in hindsight she should have guessed that, and mentally chided herself for letting such an obvious danger slip by. Now she was on the alert. But, there was nothing there. And that was worse, perhaps. Walking into danger unexpectedly was one thing, you did not dwell on it before hand. Same with meeting it at an appointed place or time, you knew when or where and could pace yourself. This was different, you knew it was out there somewhere, but you did not know where, or if you had given it the slip, or what to expect. "This is going to be a long trip..." thought Lina, not for the first time.
The two women walked on for a few more hours in relative, and watchful, silence. Finally they reached the bottom of the pass where the ground levelled out. Lina looked around and had a new understanding of the terrain. "This plain," she said in wonder, "I always wondered at it's irregularity. It was a vast floodplain for an ancient river wasn't it!" "Yes, that's true" responded Grace. "Westhold seems to have been a vast inland lake or sea at one point, eons ago. This high pass we came through, a lower pass to the east, and one or two other places seem to have served as the outlets. But it drained away, millennium ago. As it went it washed a lot of fertile sediment off the mountains and left it in the low lands making our farmland very rich and black." "Oh, hey, I grew up in a farming country, I know what you mean. Hey! Of course! Zefielia is in part a large flat plain connected to this meandering river bed here! That's It! It was once a smaller lake fed by your big lake. That's why it's so fertile. And there is a swath of fertile land running from your mountains to our sea, right through my homeland. That's the answer why! It's the old river. Well, how about that! Now, I wonder where Zel is?"
But Zel didn't show up that day, which only added to Lina's worries. The women walked on until the setting sun and their tired feet demanded a halt. Looking around Lina found a farm house and was able to be made to part with her "last" silver coin in exchange for supper, permission to spend the night in the hayloft, and even breakfast the next morning. Lina had to restrain herself from eating as much as she wanted to, no sense getting the farmer upset with his paying guests, especially when one was a baby, and after some rather pleasant if earthy conversation with the farm family the women settled in for the night. Grace did give a bit of a whiney "The hayloft?" as they made what beds they could. Lina patted her shoulder and replied "I know, but it's safer this way, the animals are more likely to be disturbed by something sneaking around than the farmer would be, and we are away from the prying eyes of the family, since you want to remain hidden." "I know, I know..." said Grace sadly. "No it's okay, I did a few haylofts in my trekking days too, despite my delicate skin, and survived quite well. Alas, I'm just realising how soft I've gotten what with living in the keep and all. Actually, as I recover from Arthur, and after two months my strength is coming back, I assure you, I am going to get more with it! I don't know if I'll ever get all my girlish figure back, but by golly I'm going to get my girlish strength back so I can be all that I am able to be for the next baby!"
Her eyes twinkled at Lina despite the gathering gloom as she held little Arthur aloft and said "He's not going to be an only child if I have anything to say about it, and I do!" She then asked with curiosity "So, um Lina, I know this is a bit early for this question being as you are working on getting married yet, but have you ever thought about, you know, kids, and being a mother?" Lina thought for a bit then answered "Well, er, not in depth, but, uh, yeah, I think I'd like to have a family. Certainly I want more than two if I do have them, I grew up with a two girl family, not enough, or maybe it would have been okay if I had been the expected boy... Oh, nuts!" she ended suddenly, with a sniff as a painful memory washed over her. Grace came over and gave her a little hug and said "I'm sorry Lina, I didn't realise you had a pain associated with that question. I was just curious, I won't ask again." Lina hugged back and said, with a final sniff "Not your fault, I don't usually talk about the turbulent water that's under and over the bridge with me and my family, you couldn't know, and you didn't really ask about my past anyway, I took a question about my future and turned it backwards. But yeah, let's get to sleep."
With that the weary travelers settled in and spent a comfortable enough night. But it was cool, and they were glad to wake up and get started the next morning. Breakfast was a little short, by Lina's standards, but the farmer and his wife were pleasant, and soon the little troupe was back on the road. Lina was tired and felt she needed to wake up, and Grace wouldn't stop yawning. Even Arthur seemed determined to get his two cents in and fussed away despite Grace's best attempts to feed, change, and settle him.
As they walked along the baby continued to be fussy and Grace looked more and more tired. Finally Lina said "Grace? Would it be okay if I, um, held baby Arthur for a bit? You seem so tired, and I'd love to get a chance to snuggle him. Please?" Grace heaved a sigh, thought for a minute, and said "Well, alright, why not? But give him back at the first sign of trouble, you will need your hands free..." "Hey no worry there, Grace" was Lina's reply. "I won't leave your side or anything, just carry him." The precious bundle was handed over, and Lina found herself looking into a curious, if grumpy, pair of blue eyes. Every so often they would drift over to mama, just to make sure she was near by, and then go back to studying Lina. No fear, but a lot of curiosity. Lina smiled up at Grace and said, with a slight lump in her voice, "When I get Gourry back we are going to make one of our own..."
She looked back down at Arthur and then asked, with a blush and a giggle "Grace, um, what's it like? Having someone inside you I mean?" Grace had a bemused tone when she replied by asking "Why, whatever do you mean Lina? A man? Or a baby?" Lina's blushed deepened. "Er, both." she responded. "Hmm, well let's see," started Grace. "Wonderful and wonderful! Is that what you wanted?" she said with a smirking laugh in her voice. "Well, yes, and no." said Lina, turning as red as her hair. "He, he, okay, well, I can only speak as a woman in love and happy with one man." went on Grace. "Yes it is wonderful. When I'm with the King, like that, I feel as though an emptiness is filled. An emptiness I never knew I had before I fell in love, but one that I now know was there all along, just unrecognised. And I am speaking spiritually as much as physically here." Grace had a bit of a nervous giggle of her own now, and Lina wished she could see if the other woman was blushing. "And when you, um, you know, reach the peak, well, how do you describe the ultimate pleasure? And then you want, even need, him to have his turn, and it is only really complete when you are both satisfied and snuggled down together afterwards. You are so unbelievably close, well I can't describe it at all, you have to experience it. It's, it's a need, and a deep desire to both give and get pleasure, on both the physical and spiritual levels, and it leaves you feeling so close after that you can't wait till the next time!"
"Hmm," she went on, "and then one day you find the filling never stops, and you feel strange, and well, and unwell at times, oh it's hard to explain, then you, or some wise woman close to you, puts a name to what you feel, and you are in shock and bliss and fear, all at once. A new life is growing inside of you, under your heart. One your husband put there, at your invitation. He, he, and Queen or commoner, it's all the same in the end, you feel everything that can be felt, physically ill one day, an all powerful life giving goddess the next, only to find you get tired and wish it was over as your back aches and your breasts fill. And there is nothing to do but prepare and wait. Waiting will be the hard part I think, but believe it or not, it will likely be harder on the new daddy, so share everything with your husband, he won't want to be left out, oh, but, he, he, don't expect him to get it all! Well, but men are all different, so play that one by ear.
Finally, the day arrives! It starts out as a burst of energy, then gradually you notice the contractions start, and things build up from there. At times the pain is tolerable, at times it is intense. A good midwife is a gift from the gods! And then there is the miracle of water birth! A large tub of warm water greatly relieves a lot of the pain. I knew there was a reason I always loved my hot tubs!" Grace stopped and shook her head as she remembered, then went on. "Yes it hurts, no you don't remember the pain much afterwards as you hold your son and weep for joy. Oh, you remember that it hurt, don't get me wrong, but somehow, the joy that follows after the birth erases a lot of memory of the actual pain itself. At least, that's what happened for me. Every woman is different too. You, for example, are much smaller than I am, you may have more trouble than I did with a baby, on the other hand you might be one of those rare women who's body is so perfect for children that you sail through it and go "What's the fuss about?" I wish that for you, Lina. And then, well, then there is learning to be a mother, basically. Um, does that help?"
"Hmm, well, yes, I guess a lot of it is finding out for myself." said Lina after a moment's reflection. "I've met enough women who are disappointed with their men for one reason or another, it is good to hear that it isn't always bad..., Um, I just hope I can make enough milk with these petite breasts of mine." "Hmm, hmm," said Grace with a bit of a laugh. "Well, I had the opposite worry, being that I'm big in that way. I was afraid of drowning my baby, if you can imagine. Turns out that a healthy breast will some how take it's cue from the baby and make just enough milk, no matter what the physical size. That was a relief. See? I told you a good midwife is a godsend!" "Oh," said Lina, imagining herself with her baby at the breast, holding it close to her heart, while Gourry was seated behind them, holding the both of them close to his. She gave her head a shake, time for such overly sweet fantasies later. Right now she had a Queen and a real baby to guard.
"Okay, Grace," she said after awhile, "I could hold him all day, but I wouldn't be in a position to guard you if I do. Maybe I can hold him again when we camp?" she added, a little shyly. "Sure," said Grace, in reply. She took Arthur back and then said "Hmmmm, wet diaper, oh, but that was good timing, Lina!" "What? Er, no, ha, ha, really, I missed it, I'm sorry..." Lina said with a nervous giggle. "Teasing" said Grace. "Well, the diaper is wet, but it isn't your responsibility. Have you had much experience with babies?" "N-no." replied Lina. "Well, I was the baby in my family, but I don't remember being close to my mother, and my dad was warm, but often away trying to rustle up a coin or two."
Lina found herself wanting to explain to Grace, so she began to ell her some of her life story. "See, his dad had had a fight with his dad before him and lost the inheritance of the farm. So my grandfather got a piece of land and tried to make a go of it. Of course, the money crop where I come from is grapes, and it can take years to get a good crop going that makes money. My grandfather worked himself to an early grave rather than apologise, I think, and my dad had to try and make a go of it. Alas! When you farm for a living you drink gold and eat silver one year, and subsist on mud and ashes the next, depending on the crops. There was a time when there were several bad harvests, some due to weather, some due to war. My dad is also a swordsman in the army of the Eternal Queen, who is the ruler of Zefielia. Long story short, too much debt, not enough crop, and dad lost the farm. He had no choice but to sell the land at a reduced price and move us into a little place in town."
Lina sighed. "It didn't help that my mom was pregnant with me at the time, and, while I never got blamed for anything, I more than once got the feeling that, since I couldn't have been something useful, like a boy, what was I really doing here? Just another expensive dowry that couldn't be afforded. Of course, being older, my sister got a lot of the attention, and I got a lot of hand me downs. It's all perfectly logical to me now, but at the time it seemed unfair, and I had the temper to let everyone know about it too. But I never could explain my feelings, that I was always just second best to Luna, and why couldn't I be accepted for me?" Lina paused for a moment, feeling the old hurts afresh.
She went on "I did discover early on that I was magical and started training with an older woman in the town. It was fun and I learned quickly, and it never dawned on me that my parents had to have been bending over backward to pay for the lessons. Later I was even able to attend a local academy of the Sorcerer's Guild. I have no idea how they financed it, but in great hind site, I begin to see maybe this was one of the reasons my big sister went in to be a waitress. I knew it was to make extra money for the family, but I didn't think, as a kid, I was perhaps one of the drains on the budget.
I think they even denied Luna some things she wanted, which might be what set her off in the first place. Oi, we both have tempers, and I was a snot nose kid when she was becoming the world's most "perfect" teenager, and that's where the fights came from. My sister was a real terror, but I like to think I gave as good as I got. I left home early because of the tension between us, and I have been wandering and studying ever since. It has been a good life, but one devoid of maternal women or babies. I mean, I spent two years with Naga, can you imagine, she is about as un-maternal as you can get!"
"No, wait, you said you think she may have had a baby, if that's so things must have changed, but back when I knew her... Oh well, we were both weird then... and yet somehow, she was exactly what and who I needed, you know? She had as much of a temper, and she was as big a brat as I was, but somehow it never got, well, personal isn't the right word... well, it was not the same as it was with Luna. Naga and I could talk about anything, and I mean anything, well, except her past, for some reason. I don't know, we were both seeking to find ourselves, and we both had a lot of pain in our pasts that needed to be worked out. Somehow we just, understood each other, when we weren't fighting. And heck, once you got past all the surface stuff I told you the other day, even our fights seemed to be more about releasing emotional tension than about actual hatred. Hmm, I don't know if this is making any sense..." Lina lapsed into silence, old memories filling her thoughts. She began to feel uncomfortable, then noticed Grace was giving her a strange look again. "Eh?" Lina said finally. "Uh, pardon me Grace, but why do you give me a funny look whenever I talk about Naga?" "Do I?" said Grace, more softly than usual. "Hmm, it's probably just the way you seem to bless and curse the woman at the same time. How do you really feel about her, Lina? If you don't mind my asking, that is."
"Ho, oh no, I don't mind" said Lina. "After all, I'm the one who brought her up. What can I say? In some ways she was the sister I wish I had had. We started off with her destroying my property, and the hotel I was in, in order to announce that she was my rival for the title of the world's greatest sorceress! Back then I was insecure enough to be offended by the challenge, and the threat, and it stuck in my throat! And yet, somehow, by standing up to me like that, she was complimenting me, whether she meant to or not, and I think I picked up on that unconsciously, I don't know, maybe it was the "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" thing? See, if it had been my sister Luna, I'd have been called a lot of unsavoury names, and allusions as to my true parentage, such as my being a changeling, would have been made, and with a sneer too. Plus, by this time, Luna was revealed as one of the five knights of Ceified, and was undergoing training of her own, and I think it went to her head, the way being magical went to mine. Basically, I think she saw me as second rate upstart to be swept out of the way. Naga on the other hand was obviously proud and self assured, to the point of recklessness, and yet saw me as a challenge to overcome, in order to prove her worth. Of course, by then I already had a reputation as a good magician, whether the "World's Greatest" was actually justified I don't know, I suppose it really depends on what is meant by the word "Great!".
Anyway, just by challenging me, for her own ends, Naga gave my self confidence a boost it really needed, I was worth something to someone, for who I was! And, it didn't really change throughout our time together. Then finally we separated as traveling compaions. I'd bump in to her from time to time, and we'd either set to, or be friends. We even had one final adventure together where we stopped a Mazoku attempt to raise Shabradnigdo a second time, and I would have failed without her help. This was after I met Gourry and the others I now seem to adventure with, Zelgadiss for one, and Amilia, Crown Princess of Seirune another. And I must say I didn't miss her at first, life was grand, I had new friends and new adventures. I fought Shabradnigdo and won, as I said, and HellMaster Phibrizzo, and got so scared in the process that I actually did something right that didn't go to my head for a change. Then came the battle with Darkstar. After that she was gone, into the east as far as I was ever able to tell. I think of her on and off, and frankly, until a few days ago it had been off for awhile, but once I found out I was going east to meet you I found I thought about her a lot, and would wonder how she is doing. I do hope you are right about her being happy.
I would like to see her again, maybe we could just talk for a change." Lina sighed. "I suppose I am being very round about in answering your question aren't I? How do I feel about her? Well, we had what could only be called a love/hate relationship, but of the two I have to admit that love is by far the stronger feeling." She smiled to herself as she said that and thought, "Boy, I'm really cleaning house emotionally these last few weeks! If I don't watch it I'm going to wake up normal one of these days!" Lina looked up to Grace, who seemed quite taken with her words. "Um, do me one favour please Grace, please, please, please? If you meet her, don't ever tell her I said that? That I love her like a sister?" Grace seemed to take a deep, ragged breath, almost as if she had been moved to tears. "That was... is..., Oh Lina..." she finally said. "Touching?" said a voice.
