Disclaimer: Why do I keep doing this? Everyone knows that I'm not making money off this and that the stuff doesn't belong to me. 'Cept Flounderberry and the squirrel, and of course the plot. Whenever that thing decides to rear its ugly head, just know that it's mine.
Okay, so we're on the fourth installment, still looking for a decent title. I really don't have anything special to say about this chapter.
Oh, and no Redshirts were harmed in the making of this chapter. Wait... there were all of those stunt doubles for Flounderberry. I must've gone through a dozen of 'em before I got the scene the way I wanted it...
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Chapter Four
It was, for many reasons, Tycho who recovered from the shock and humor of seeing an Ewok in a galaxy not his own first. That is, he recovered first. For multiple reasons. That I, also for many reasons, don't wish to go into at the moment.
Anyways: Tycho recovered, and soon after that Wedge pulled himself togethor, too. Then they sat in to wait and see how long the Ewok would just stand there being laughed at, and if it would get fed up with it before Janson and Hobbie got tired. Eventually they took bets.
Hobbie slowly stopped laughing, worked as hard as he could, and succeeded, in wiping the grin off of his face, and resumed his usual dour position. He then turned his back to the Ewok and refused to acknowledge it's existenced, and to this day he would deny ever seeing an Ewok outside of Endor.
After a longer while still, the most unexpected thing happened: the Ewok spoke.
"Why you laugh at me?" he demanded of Janson.
That stopped him short. Wes blinked, stood up, and gaped. "No way!" He shouted.
Wedge didn't need this. He really didn't. So he turned to Tycho. "The Ewok didn't just talk, did it?"
"The Ewok talked, Wedge." Tycho said, equally shocked.
"You're not all pulling a big joke on me, and we're not all sitting in sims back on Coruscant?"
"We're not pulling any jokes, and we aren't on Coruscant."
"I'm not insane?" Wedge asked, fearing the answer.
Before Tycho could respond, Wes cut in. "That's debatable."
Wedge glared at Wes. "You're not helping!"
"Is he ever?" Hobbie asked.
"Well, he is if he's killing people. Assuming that you're not part of those people." Tycho responded.
"Hey," Wes shouted. "I have my uses!"
"He's right, y'know." Wedge said. "If there ever was a call for immaturity, Wes has answered it."
The Ewok spoke again. "Why you laugh?!" He seemed to be getting angry.
Wes covered up quick. "I, uh, wasn't expecting to see an Ewok here... This is a bit far from our own galaxy, and we thought that we were the only ones here. Uh, yub yub?"
The Ewok blinked. "That's okay... What your name?"
Tycho jumped in. "I'm Tycho, the one who laughed is Wes, the one refusing to acknowledge your existence is Hobbie, and the last person over here," Tycho gestured, "Is Wedge. What's your name?"
"I have no name. You name me?"
Wedge opened his mouth to speak, but never got a chance.
"Sure!" Wes shouted, a big grin on his face. "You can be named Kettch!"
Wedge scowled.
The Ewok smiled. "Kettch. Me like. Where me sleep?" He gestured towards the supply closet he had come out of. "I woke up there."
Wes spoke before anyone else again. "Sure! You can sleep in me and Tycho's room! Right, buddy?" He threw his arm over Tycho's shoulders.
Tycho looked imploringly to Wedge. "Please. You make me bunk with Janson. Okay, I can handle that. But give Janson an Ewok and I may join these Starfleet people."
Kettch looked at Tycho. "What wrong with Ewok? You insult me!"
"No, no, no!" Wedge said, quickly. "There's nothing wrong with Ewok's. It's just that Tycho has had bad experiences with your wonderful race. And Janson here...well, he's another story for another day."
Kettch absorbed all of this, and then looked at Tycho again. "You insult me!"
"I'm sorry, Kettch - I am! I didn't mean it, I wasn't thinking," Tycho implored.
"You insult me!"
Hobbie interjected his thoughts. "It looks to me like the good Ewok here won't accept your apology, Tych. I suggest you offer to share your quarters with him." Hey, it could work.
"Hobbie, are you sure that this is a good idea -"
"You insult me!"
"Okay, fine," Tycho said, throwing his arms up, "You win! Kettch, I offer to share my room with you. It would honor me if you accepted."
"YOU INSULT ME!" The little twerp roared. They really have a pair of lungs on 'em. This little guy really can make 'Yub, yub' sound like a war cry - or, in this case, he could make the words ' you insult me' a war cry.
"Hobbie, it's not working!"
"Hey, I'm a fighter pilot, not a miracle worker!"
"YOU INSULT ME!!!"
"Ugh, this is so illogical..." Tycho said.
Wait, what did he just say? And what did Hobbie just say? Did they just say what I think they said...?
Okay, that's enough foreshadowing. Back to business... Let's see what happened since I started foreshadowing...
"Oh, gods, he's eating my spleen!"
That's not good.
The Ewok wasn't the one to do the attacking, actually... and it wasn't Tycho who's shouting, coincidentally.
Ensign Flounderberry, still being pursued by the squirrel that Tycho brought with him, ran in just as the foreshadowing binge began. He tripped, and the squirrel, purely in what it believed to be self-defense, jumped up on the poor Ensign and began attacking him.
Picture this: A 24-year-old man, with a skinny build, rolling around the ground, in the fight for his life with a squirrel... and losing.
Hard to believe, huh?
Now picture that the same man is wearing the red shirt of Starfleet security.
It makes so much more sense now, doesn't it? In fact, looking at it this way, it's amazing that he's lasted as long as he has, especially considering that not too long ago he had been trapped under a bed for several hours.
Wedge quickly moved, and ripped the squirrel off of Flounderberry's face. This would probably be a good time to note that Ensign Flounderberry's spleen was not, in fact, eaten. Or even poked. Flounderberry just panicked. Really, really panicked.
"Calm down, man!" Wedge shouted, tossing the squirrel over his shoulders into the waiting arms of Tycho. Tycho caught the squirrel with ease, and as it entered his arms, it stopped struggly. Tycho lifted an eyebrow almost to hair-length, but decided not to comment.
"It's trying to kill me!" Flounderberry squealed. Most everybody there put their hands over their ears. Flounderberry also has a set of lungs on him, comparable to the set on the Ewok. One could even make an argument that his set is even BETTER then the Ewok's, but that argument would be flimsy, at best, until you showed Flounderberry a sharp object. Then the Ewok would lose all support.
"It's just defending itself!" Hobbie shouted, irritable.
"It is not defending itself." Tycho interjected, his voice smooth, and calm. "If it were defending itself, it would have knocked the Ensign off of his feet, and then continued to run."
It's happening again...
McCoy chose this moment to come around, having heard that there was a commotion around here involving a redshirt, and figuring that he'd save the man the troop and come straight to him. "Good god," He moaned, upon hearing Tycho's little conclusions, "All that time with Spock, touring the ship, it rubbed off on you!"
"What?" Tycho asked. "What are you talking about?"
"You sound just like Spock!"
"No way..." Tycho looked dumbfounded. "But... I've barely spent an hour with him!"
"Well, it's happening." McCoy said. "It may not be that, though. Maybe your mere presence in this universe is corrupting your personalities, and making you more like people in this universe."
What? Did McCoy really just say that? Blast it, McCoy, didn't you read the script?!
"Bones," Wedge said, "Why did a disembodied voice just ask you if you read the script?"
"Wait a minute - you just called me 'Bones'. Nobody calls me Bones, except for Jim! Oh, god, you're being corrupted by Jim... Last thing we need around here is two Jim Kirk's..." McCoy continued on mumbling a little bit.
Hobbie looked irrate. "Well, we can't just stand here, we have to do SOMETHING!"
"You know..." Wes said, looking at McCoy. "It sounds like you're corrupting Hobbie..."
"Don't be ridiculous." Both McCoy and Hobbie at the same time. They looked at eachother, mouth's open. "Oh, God, it's true!"
Wes looked at his three friends, McCoy, Flounderberry, and Kettch.
Then he broke out into a big, wide grin.
"I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this..."
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It's never a good thing when Wes grins like that, is it? Well, that's all from me for now. 'Til next time, which could concievably be a very long time...
