A/N: Wow... been awhile... Like, nearly half a year, or something like that? Sorry to all whom I've kept waiting. Kinda... yeah. Sorry. Lots of stuff happened that I don't really want to get into. To be far, I did warn you that it could be a very long time before I updated again, though.

Now For Something Completely Different - Part the Fifth

Wedge seemed, for all intents and purposes, fairly unconcerned with Wes' proclamation of his ability to have fun with this development, a development that smelled suspiciously plot-like.

"I don't see how you could joke at a time like this," Tycho said, a frown attempting to make its way onto his face.

Oh wait, no, that wasn't Tycho. That was Spock. Apparently, sensing something exciting or at least interesting occuring, he and Kirk had made their way to, incredibly, the very same deck everybody else was on. Small world, huh?

"Wait, you heard all that?" Hobbie looked concerned. Why is anybodies guess. It's not in the script that McCoy seems to have a habit of reading. Bloody overachieving actors...

"Who cares?" Wes asked. "Anyways, if you three are being corrupted, what's up with me? I mean, there's no other really main character for me. Do I just get cast to the wolves?" Damn them. I just had that Fourth Wall fixed.

"No," Wedge said dramatically. "It is the attempts of some ancient deity, whom I have defeated in the past, to make my life more miserable by keeping you just as you are, and making sure you are unharmed and stick close to me at all times. I'll clearly have to take this ship and find them, and defeat them once more."

Kirk frowned. "That sounds risky."

"Yes... It will be risky..." Wedge agreed. "But risks are our business."

A knowing smile played across Kirk's face. "Yes... when man first looked "

Frantic attempts from both McCoy and Spock shut the two of them up. "Yeah... he's definately becoming Jim." I really wish they would go easy on those copyrighted lines... I'm not made of money.

Wes, meanwhile, was frowning. "I thought that our business was the impossible, Wedge."

A spell seemed to be broken, and Wedge shook his head. "Yeah... it is. What did I say it was...? Ri-" He broke off that line of verbal thought at threatening gestures from McCoy.

Kirk scoffed. "The impossibility is a foolish business to be in. You'll never succeed. The business to trade in is risks - you risk it all, and, if you win, come away with it all. And, I, Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, never lose. But dealing in the impossibility?" He scoffed again. "Never win."

"This," growled McCoy, "From the man with no respect for the laws of physics."

"Bones, let's not get into that now."

"Your mother would be very disappointed at your lack of respect, Captain." Wes joked.

Spock looked as if the illogic and impossibility of this all was about to make his head explode. And Tycho, too, for that matter, though to a much lesser extent. The moment passed, however, and he remembered that he was dealing with humans, squirrels, and little furry kamikaze psychopathic teddy bears. That mere phrase rolling over in his mind nearly sent him back to the verge of collapse, but he got over that, too.

Tycho, however, didn't have the experience Spock did when dealing with the utter insanity, randomness, and illogic of his peers. Tycho handled it his own way, which was walking to a wall, and beginning to hit his head against it. Nobody noticed.

The newly-dubbed Kettch inspected the newcomers (Kirk and Spock, for those who've forgotten... You know you're out there.) suspiciously. He walked to Spock, and sniffed. "You smell big-head."

Spock didn't seem to have a response, and ignored it. McCoy, however, did have a response, which was to laugh. Long and hard.

Kettch moved to Kirk deeply again. "You smell... " He didn't say anything.

"...yes?" Kirk asked, looking down at his new friend. "I smell...?"

"Maybe it's just a general statement, Jimmy." Wes opinioned when Kettch didn't say anything more on the subject (A silence that surely has nothing to do with the authors lack of ability to find a simpleton word for 'egotistical'), and walked to Flounderberry, who flinched. Flounderberry slowly tried backing away from the menacing psycho-bear, who paused, and sniffed deeply once more. "You smell no-guts."

Flounderberry frowned. "I smell no-guts? What does that mean?"

"It means you're a chicken," Hobbie voiced.

"Hobbie would know," Wes added. "He is one."

Flounderberry frowned further, and tried to lift an eyebrow. He didn't know why, but he saw Mr Spock do it all the time, and assumed he would look smart if he did it, too. He abandoned that attempt when he realized that he couldn't lift one singular eyebrow. "A chicken? Uh, I'm sorry, but I'm human, and so is - "

"You're a bloody coward!" Someone shouted. The culprit hasn't been identified.

A look of calm washed the frown away from Flounderberry's shirt. "Oh. Well, everybody knows that. I mean, why else would I be wearing red?"

"The man," Kirk said slowly, "has a point."

"Ach!" Scotty said, seemingly from nowhere. "Ah wear red, laddy, but I'm no coward!"

"Well, uh, I know that, uh, sir, but, you see, the thing is... AH! SQUIRREL!" The villainous squirrel that had plagued our poor Ensign since Chapter the Second had made a reappearance, and caught Flounderberry's attention. The Cowardly Defender lept behind Kirk, and cowered there, until the squirrel made a slow, menacing approach. Flounderberry squealed, and bolted, babbling about how the 'deadly squirrel of doom was upon them' and that there was 'no hope for survival' as 'your weapons are as nothing compared to the ferocity of the squirrel'.

Utter nonsense, but it was just the luck that he happened to run by an active intercomm as he screamed it, and it got broadcast throughout the ship.

The whole thing.

To dozens, if not hundreds, of redshirts.

Can you imagine the utter chaos that would follow such a proclamation?

If not, I'll help.