I own nada. On with the story oh, wait! One more thing, and this is important! CARRIE IS NOT ME! I have heard that the ff.net people will delete suspected self-inserts, and I wanted to clarify that this ISN'T one, just to be safe (since, as far as I can tell, ff.net positively abounds with self-inserts). Although Carrie and I do share some personality traits like enjoying sleep. ^_^ Anyway, this chapter will help to illustrate why OOC Legolas and the roomy should never be left alone together. EVER.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Carrie stared at the pacing elf. The TV had gone off half an hour ago, and now Legolas was staring out the window, sighing heavily. It was irritating.

"Would you mind not doing that so much?" The girl asked. "I'm actually trying to accomplish something, here." She held up her homework pointedly.

Legolas answered her question with another question that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. "When will Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen return?"

"I don't know," Carrie said. "But what does that have to do with anything? Quit changing the subject and cheer up!" She clapped at the elf, who gave her a look that was half-startled, half-depressed.

"What do you mean? She is EVERYTHING," he said with feeling. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"Look, elfboy, no offense but you really need to quit being an idiot."

"Idiot?" He frowned.

"Yes. Look, she's DATING someone. That means she won't be running into your arms any time soon. You really ought to just get over it. Move on. Find someone else."

"Someone else?"

"Is there an echo in here?" Carrie raised her eyebrows at the elf.

"How could I ever find someone else?" Legolas asked incredulously. "Lady Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen-"

"RANDI," Carrie corrected.

"Lady Randi," Legolas amended impatiently, "is like the sun on the flowerbed of my heart"

Carrie burst out laughing. "Oh, god! Stop it right now! 'The sun on the flowerbed of your heart'?!"

"Is there an echo in here?" Legolas asked bitterly, folding his arms and turning pink.

"Ooh, impressive. You DO have a sense of humor, very good." Carrie sat back, grinning. "But seriously, enough with that sappy nonsense. I'll tell you how she's like the sun: she's drying you out and consuming all of your resources because you're too much of an idiot to get in the shade."

"What do you mean?" Legolas asked, sounding both sulky and slightly interested.

"I mean you're never going to get her, so you might as well quit obsessing over her," Carrie replied matter-of-factly, opening Frankenstein and flipping to the required reading pages. "It's bad for your mental health. Plus, if you quit lusting over her, Celestina will probably send you back to Middle Earth, where your REAL life is."

"Celestina?" Legolas frowned. "Who is she?"

"No one," the roommate said primly, turning a page.

There was a long pause, which Carrie found quite enjoyable.

"I do not want to go back to Middle Earth."

"BLASPHEMY!" Carrie shrieked, then composed herself. "Why the fork not?! All your friends are there!"

"But my love is here," Legolas insisted. Carrie groaned.

"Oh, please. I don't think you know what love even is, you one-dimensional asshat."

"Care to enlighten me? Have YOU ever been in love?" Legolas asked, folding his arms. Carrie flushed; the elf had actually struck a nerve.

"Maybe I haven't," she snapped, "but I've never been mind-forked by an evil goddess, either. And I would like to think that the two things do not coincide!"

"I am not being 'mind-forked,' as you say," Legolas protested, and Carrie laughed bitterly.

"That's what you think."

"I am in perfect control of my own mind!" Legolas said, angry now.

"If we didn't get fined for removing the screens," Carrie explained, "I would shove you out this window. Maybe the fall would knock some SENSE into you."

"I would not let you," Legolas retorted.

"Knock some sense into you?"

"Shove me out the window."

"I'd do it while you were sleeping."

"Elves don't sleep!"

"Well, no wonder you're acting so juvenile. Sleep deprivation. It's no laughing matter."

"Juvenile?! I'm over 2,900 years old!"

"All the more reason for you to not act like an idiot."

"I am NOT acting like an idiot!" Legolas was nearly shouting now.

"Go suck on some lembas." Carrie waved her hand dismissively.

Legolas glared at the girl who was, to all outward appearances, completely immersed in her book. "I don't think I have ever met a human being as rude as you!"

"I don't think I've ever met an elf at all, besides you," Carrie said thoughtfully. "But if they're all like you I'll stick with people. And dogs."

"Dogs?!" Legolas cried, insulted.

"Is there an echo in here?" Carrie asked sweetly. Legolas threw up his hands and stormed over to the futon, where he sat staring at the door.

*~*~*

Two hours later, Legolas was still sitting on the futon, staring at the door. Carrie had finished her homework for the evening (it was a Saturday night; some of it could wait), and was staring at the back of Legolas's head, timing how long it would take for him to notice and turn around. She thought it might take longer, since he was OOC and might be lacking in the usual special elven abilities. Then again, he could just be ignoring her out of spite. That required further experimentation. So Carrie started singing show tunes under her breath.

"If you've a melancholy case of the bluuuuuuues I've got a remedy for yoouuuuuu BA DA DA DAAA DAAA," she was also, incidentally, singing the instrumental bits. "If you've an ounce of rhythm doooown in your shoes then I'll change your poooint offf viiieeewww BA DA BA DA BADA BADABAH! If you've been singing a sad and blue song, goooo into your dance TICKA TICK TICK TICK TICKA TICK TICK TICK!" She was also, incidentally, chanting the tap dance rhythms. She figured Legolas might as well get the full experience. "Until you've learned how to sing a new song, goooo into your dance TICKA TICK TICK TICK! Don't be complaaaaaainiiiiiiiiin'-"

"Will you please stop that?" Legolas asked wearily. Carrie cackled.

"I just thought you needed some cheering up," she said innocently.

"I don't," Legolas said, not turning around.

Carrie bit back a smirk as she leaned forward and did her best Dory impression. "Hey there Mr. Grumpy Gills"

"QUIET!" Legolas snapped, whirling around. He looked dangerously angry.

"It's a free country," Carrie retorted. She knew she was being immature, but she was having way too much fun irritating the OOC elf to do anything about it. "You know," she added after a short pause, "Lady Randi probably will not be returning tonight."

"You said you didn't know when she was coming back," he said slowly.

"Well, I know when she's NOT coming back."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Legolas scowled.

"I didn't want you storming off to try and find her again," Carrie explained simply. "Plus, I didn't expect you to keep a frickin' vigil on the futon, there." She looked Legolas over and sighed. "You really are a wee bit pathetic, you know. This kind of obsession is really unhealthy."

"It's not an obsession."

"It's looooove?" Carrie grinned. "Do you even KNOW her? I don't think you do."

"I know her well enough," Legolas grumbled, folding his arms.

"Trailing after someone like a lovesick puppy for a few months is not the same as getting to know them. If you knew her at all, you'd know she's totally head-over-heels for the guy she's with, and is honestly kind of irritated by your constant, stubborn advances." Sarcasm hadn't worked, so Carrie was trying brutal honesty.

"That's not true!" Legolas said, looking horrified.

"Except it is," Carrie said flatly. "Look, you're not really yourself right now. Maybe if you I dunno, try and get over it you'll be normal again."

"Who are you to judge whether I'm normal or not?" Legolas asked hotly, rising to his feet and glaring down at Carrie. "You've known me for less than a day, and you have spent most of that time either ignoring me or trying to make me angry!"

"So I've only seen your bad side." Carrie looked up at him mildly and cocked her head slightly to one side.

"Yes!"

"You have a good side?"

"Of course I do!"

"I've yet to see it."

"You've been IMPOSSIBLE!"

"And you've been very hot-headed for an elf."

"You've been goading me on purpose!"

"And you've been cooperating beautifully."

Legolas sputtered at Carrie for a minute, then folded his arms again. "Fine. I will try not to be so impatient with you."

"That's the spirit!" Carrie said with a grin. "Now we can play fun, getting-to-know-you games!" She bounced excitedly on the bed for a minute, then composed herself. "Okay, truth or dare?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Next chapter ought to be interesting

Due to the overwhelming and frankly unexpected reviewer turnout for this fic, I'm not going to do individual responses this time. I figured it would be better to just get this chapter out there sooner instead of sitting on it because I'm too intimidated to sift through the reviews. Which isn't to say I don't appreciate every single on of them, and every single on of you out there reading this! I LOVE YOU ALL! And if I'm not crazy busy, I'll try and respond individually next chapter. Thank you all SO MUCH for your overwhelming support for this sequel! It really means a lot! I'm just crazy busy right now midterms ugh.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's longer!

~Platy