I stare up at the roof of my room blankly. What tops fake marriage? What could conceivably top - I sit up abruptly, grinning. "Finn! Colin!" I shout into the common room, hurrying out.

They glance up, and Colin groans. "Oh hell, Logan has another project."

I glare at him. "Hey!"

"Well, you do, don't you?" he sighs. "What is it this time?"

"We need to make some calls to a few coffee suppliers."

I see Finn's jaw drop. "You wouldn't dare do that to her."

I narrow my eyes at him. "How could you possibly have known this was about Rory?"

"Because everything has been about Rory since she had her grandfather convince you that he was arranging your marriage." Colin deadpans. "And Finn is right. Going after her coffee is just plain dangerous man."

"It's not dangerous. It's payback." I explain. "See, she went after what was sacred to me. My freedom of choice. My independence from my parents. I'm going to do the same to her."

"Logan, you'd have to arrange it so every coffee shop in Connecticut ran out of coffee at the same time. You'd have to get all the coffee in the dorms. You'd probably even have to get into her mother's house to get rid of the coffee there." Colin pushes.

I nod. "I know. The logistics are fascinating, don't you think Finn?"

He shrugs. "It's unlikely, but possible, I suppose. Enough money can accomplish a great deal."

I lean over the couch. "So you're both in?"

Colin sighs, and Finn rubs his hands together. "In omnia." They chorus together.

The morning of what I like to call 'the Gilmore project' I'm flipping through my book calmly. Ha. Take that Gilmore. I win. The main door to the common area slams open suddenly.

"You stupid little troll! Where are you?" she screams, flinging open the door to Colin's room. "Where is he?"

I wince. Uh oh. I should get out of here. Fast. I move carefully out of my room and into the common area, inching for the door.

"He's heading out the door." Colin offers easily.

Traitor.

I feel my legs shake a bit as she turns on me. "You! You are an obsequious, coffee stealing mongrel! How dare you perpetrate such a crime on the student body! Coffee is the blood that runs through our veins to sustain us!"

I back away slowly into my room. "Okay Ace, you remember how I said angry works for you? Definitely better in small doses." I offer carefully.

"How dare you! It's sacrilege!" she's stalked closer again, so I take another step back.

"Sacrilege? Come on. It was a joke, not sacrilege. Its just coffee." Jesus does she ever look good when she's pissed.

"Just coffee? Just coffee? You stupid, small-minded, evil - she breaks off as her cell begins ringing. Please don't be her mother, please don't be her mother, please don't be her mother. I'll be screwed. I'll be really, really screwed, and no matter how hot she looks right now, she's scary. I wince again as her eyes narrow at me. Oh shit, it's her mother. "You wouldn't have dared." She hisses, then lifts the phone back to her mouth. "In a second mom." She narrows her eyes. "Where is it?" she asks softly.

I sigh. "It's gone." I admit carefully.

"Where. Is. It. Now? My mother has been on a steady diet of eight cups a day since before I was born. May I point out that when I was born no one knew coffee was bad for a baby? Where is the coffee?"

"There's a place called Java Hut in Hartford that has coffee." I cave. I don't need more that one angry Gilmore. I really, really don't.

She lifts the phone back up without breaking eye contact with me. "Mom, go to the Java Hut in Hartford. I'll explain tonight…I understand." She ends the call. "There will be fresh brewed, hot coffee delivered to her every morning for the next six months. At least four cups. Nine AM. No exceptions, the coffee will even arrive steaming hot on Christmas and New Year's. She will have a supply of fresh ground coffee delivered once a week to the Dragonfly Inn in Stars Hollow, no charge, for that same length of time. Is that understood? This is the only way she will not hunt you down for the travesty you have perpetrated."

I nod slowly. "I'll make the arrangements today."

"Good boy." She indicates the door. "You're taking me to the Java Hut in Hartford."

"I have class." This was a bad idea. Her eyes flash, and I notice a fleck of green in her left eye.

"So did I, now you have a coffee expedition."

I swallow. "Aren't you going to threaten me with retribution?"

The glint in her eyes terrifies me, and I quickly break eye contact, only to find my gaze riveted to her lips as she steps closer to me to whisper in my ear. "Retribution is nowhere near what I have planned for you my dear, sweet boy, and if you don't get your keys soon, I'll make your life a living hell from now until you graduate."

I close my eyes. I could live with that if you would stay standing right there. "Coffee run?" I ask softly.

She nods. "Good plan. By the way, you have an appointment tonight."

I smile. "With who?"

"Three generations of Gilmore girls. Grandpa is out of town this week, and you have an apology to make to my mother."

Oh shit.