I'm updating AGAIN! It's like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS! And I own nothing.
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"What?" Legolas looked puzzled.
"Truth or dare!" Carrie chirped, grinning from ear to ear. "Ok, here's how it works. I say 'truth or dare,' and you have to pick one. If you pick truth, than you have to answer any question I ask truthfully. If you pick dare, you have to do whatever I dare you to do. Then, once you've answered the question or done the dare, you get to ask ME truth or dare! Get it?"
"Why are we doing this?" Legolas asked, puzzled.
"You know, you could conceivably ask me questions about Randi."
Legolas digested this. "I'll play."
"Great!" Carrie grinned. "Okay, truth or dare?"
Legolas thought for a minute. "Truth."
"Okay" Carrie pursed her lips in thought. "You're over 2,900 years old, right?"
"Correct. Truth or dare?"
"I wasn't finished!" Carrie protested, aghast.
"You asked a question and I answered it. Truth or dare?" Legolas raised an eyebrow.
"You little bitch," Carrie grumbled. "Fine. Truth."
"How long has Randi been with him?" Legolas scowled at the picture on her night table.
"Over a year."
"She was with him while she was in Middle Earth?" Legolas' jaw dropped.
"Truth or dare," Carrie said.
"Truth."
"IF you are over 2,900 years old, why in the heck aren't you married already? How long could it possibly take to find a decent girl in Middle Earth?"
"I am not married because I did not wish to be before I met Lith- Randi." Legolas shrugged. Carrie rolled her eyes. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
Legolas thought. "Do you truly know where they are right now?"
"I have a good idea. Truth or dare?"
"Dare," Legolas said boldly.
Carrie grinned nastily; she had been waiting for this. "Turn out your pockets, Greenleaf."
Legolas shrugged casually and reached into his pockets. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly, and he quickly drew his hands back out. "They're empty."
Carrie's eyes twinkled as she tried to fight back a smirk and failed. "I said, turn them out."
"And I said, they're empty."
"And you chose dare, so you have to do it! Now I want to see them turned inside out. Or do you want ME to check them?"
Legolas scowled at her, then reluctantly turned out his pockets. Randi's purloined G-string landed on the carpet. He stared defiantly at Carrie, cheeks bright pink. "Truth or dare?" He asked in a voice that only shook very slightly.
"You sick, sick fork," Carrie said slowly, staring at the G-string. "All right. Dare."
Legolas's eyes flashed triumphantly. "Take me to see Lady Randi, now."
"Oh crap," Carrie muttered under her breath, horrified. "Uh I'd rather not."
"You chose dare. You have to take me to her, and you have to do it now," Legolas said, smiling smugly. "Those are the rules, are they not?"
"I forking hate you," Carrie informed the elf, standing up. "Fine. But you have to wait outside while I go in to get her. I won't have you attacking her boyfriend."
"Fair enough," Legolas stood as well.
"And you have to leave your weapons here."
"All of them?" Legolas frowned.
"All of them," Carrie insisted sternly. "You're going to see some things that you aren't going to understand, and I'm not going to have you attacking fire hydrants! People will think you're a loony! Besides, if you don't act like a complete idiot, no one will hurt you."
"I won't attack anyone or anything," Legolas promised.
"Good. Now, follow me, and don't say anything." Carrie grabbed her keys and exited the dorm, Legolas in tow.
At this point it was about 7:00 in the evening, and the sun had set some time ago. The roomy zipped her coat up and jammed on her hat to ward off the evening chill and started walking across campus towards the highway. Legolas kept fairly close behind her, occasionally shooting wondering or horrified glances at buildings. They reached the road, and Legolas saw his very first car, which was quickly followed by his second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh cars in rapid succession.
"What are they?" He asked, reaching instinctively for his weapons and grasping empty air.
"They are kind of like modern-day horses," Carrie explained, heading down the sidewalk. "We use them for transportation. Just stick close to me and none of them will hurt you. This way."
Carrie proceeded to lead Legolas towards the other college campus. It was a several mile walk, but walking made the cold more bearable. Plus, though she wasn't about to admit it, she had no intention of actually leading Legolas to Randi. In fact, her plan was to just walk into a random building, go up and down the stairs a few times, and then tell Leggy that Randi was otherwise "occupied" and couldn't see anyone right now. That, she figured, would end the issue for the night, and as long as she never chose dare again, the situation would most likely never arise again! Problem solved!
They didn't pass many pedestrians, which was good since Legolas had a tendency to stiffen suspiciously and grope for his absent weapons whenever one brushed past. "Fergodsake," Carrie snapped the third time it happened, "they're just WALKING! Quit reaching for your weapons; you look like you have some sort of disease."
"Sorry," Legolas said distractedly, glaring daggers at a gas station attendant who had stepped out for a cigarette and was watching them pass. "He looks like he's up to no good"
"Well, just assume that they're all saints unless they actually attack us, all right?" Carrie snapped. Legolas nodded stiffly, still glaring at passerby. A teenage girl looked up at Legolas and raised an eyebrow, impressed.
"Hey there, big guy," she said as she walked past. Legolas stopped dead in his tracks and glared at the girl.
"I am most certainly not a man," Legolas cried, clearly insulted. The girl's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief.
"Oh! Uh, sorry, ma'am." She hurried off, face red. Carrie exploded with laughter.
"Dude that was awesome," she giggled, wiping her eyes.
"She insinuated that I was a human!" Legolas said, still angry.
"Yeah, and then you insinuated that you were a woman, idiot!" Carrie cracked up again. "That poor girl was so embarrassed! Hehehehehe"
"I don't I don't look like a woman. Why would she think that?" Legolas frowned at the rapidly retreating girl's back.
"Well, you do have the whole long blonde hair thing going on," Carrie said with a shrug. "And you did say that you weren't a man."
"I'm an ELF!"
"Oh, and she's supposed to just guess that?" Carrie rolled her eyes, then grinned. "Oh, good, we're here." She nodded at a building labeled as part of the University. "You wait out here, and don't talk to anyone. I'll be back shortly." Legolas nodded and positioned himself against a wall, probably so that no one could sneak up on him from behind. Carrie pushed her way through the door, located a staircase, and climbed until she judged that she was out of Legolas's sight and hearing. Then she sat down in the middle of a step and slowly counted out three minutes. As soon as she was finished, she headed back down the stairs and out the door.
Legolas had straightened up hopefully, but slumped when he saw that it was only the roomy. "Where is she?"
"Well," Carrie said slowly, "she can't come out right now."
"Why not? Did you tell her I was here?" Legolas put his hands on Carrie's shoulders and looked desperately into her eyes, which she immediately squinched shut.
"Personal space! You're in my bubble!" Legolas sighed impatiently and backed up a pace. Carrie opened her eyes and continued. "I didn't actually talk to her, per se."
"Why not?!" Legolas demanded.
"Well she was busy."
"Busy?!"
Carrie resisted the urge to ask if there was an echo in here. "Yeah. You know." She raised her eyebrows suggestively, and was rewarded with a frustrated stare from the elf. "They were uh well it's like the birds and the bees and stuff." She looked at Legolas, willing him to understand.
"What are you saying?" He asked slowly. Carrie sighed.
"They're a bit occupied in the bedroom, if you follow me."
Legolas's expressions went through a somewhat comical series of transformations. There was confusion, then suspicion, then understanding, then unadulterated horror. "They they are?" he managed to choke out.
"Um" Carrie was starting to regret choosing this particular lie. She hadn't expected such a reaction. "Well, ye-es." She stepped back in shock as Legolas fell to his knees, moaning. "Um damn are you all right?"
"No," he managed after a long pause, staring at the ground in front of him. "No, I am not." He looked up at Carrie, tears welling in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me they were bound to each other?" He asked in a pained whisper.
"Well, you didn't really ask," Carrie said slowly. Note to self, she thought, elves equate sex with marriage I'll have to remember that next time. Eesh. Meanwhile, Legolas was weeping in the middle of town, all but lying on the snow-covered ground. Awkward. She looked around. There were no other people nearby at the moment, but some could show up at any minute. Plus, she was cold and wanted to go back to her bed. Plus, her nature wouldn't allow her to just watch him cry. So she cautiously walked up to him, knelt down, and hugged him. He sobbed into her shoulder as she patted his back, frankly terrified. "It's okay, elfboy," she said gently. "Let it all well, let some of it out here, and then you can let the rest of it out where strangers won't stare at you." Right on cue, a pedestrian walking a sweater-sporting dachshund slowed down as he passed, giving them a confused look. Carrie made a hideous face at him and flicked him off; he hurried along.
After a few minutes, Legolas was able to put aside his grief long enough to realize what he was doing. He stopped crying abruptly and pulled back, wiping his face and looking embarrassed. Carrie shrugged off his apology; she was intensely relieved that he had finally stopped.
"Come on," she said with a smile. "This calls for hot chocolate!"
"Chocolate?" Legolas looked confused.
"You don't know what chocolate is?!" Carrie's jaw dropped. "Dude, you haven't lived"
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Mwahahahaha. Ahem. I have a question for you all. As of right now, this li'l ficcy is getting a large amount of reviews in a very short time. One of the things that I pride myself on is my stubborn insistence on responding to every single one of you. However, updates would come much faster if I didn't do them, since the responses generally take at least twice as long as the chapters do. So my question is: would you rather have updates more often, with no reviewer responses (I will continue to do them for my other fics, since they do not generate as much of a response as this one), or less often with the reviewer responses? Maybe I could do a big reviewer thing at the end, like the pith helmet ceremony from BGOTWSP. Or I could allow reviewers to help me do my disclaimers, like Minty did this time. I WOULD definitely acknowledge you all at SOME point. I also will try to make the chapters longer in general when I don't do the responses, to make up for it. Let me know what you think! Thanks!
~Platy & co.
