I own nothing. Wheee

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It took Carrie and Legolas considerably longer to return to campus than it had taken to leave it, mostly due to the fact that Legolas was dragging his feet and sniffling the whole way. There were several moments when Carrie came precariously close to slipping from the world of sympathy to the land of irritation, but she kept herself from snapping at him. He may have been OOC, but it didn't seem to make his grief any less genuine.

Carrie plunked a mug into her microwave and started heating the water, sending slightly nervous glances in Legolas's direction. She was starting to regret her decision even further. Even though it had ultimately led to the truth, in a way, it also opened a whole new can of worms. Was Legolas going to suddenly snap out of it? Was he going to waste away and die of grief? Would Celestina take him away and replace him with something worse?

Carrie shook her head, dispelling her concerns. Right now, there was an elf to cheer up! She took the now hot water out of the microwave, mixed in the hot chocolate mix (which included those teeny-tiny marshmallows), and then handed it to him. Legolas raised an eyebrow at her and took a tentative sip. Then he raised both eyebrows at her.

"Good, isn't it?" Carrie said smugly, and he nodded slowly, taking another sip. Carrie figured the drink might help loosen him up a bit or distract him at the very least. Either way, he wouldn't be such a stick-in-the-mud. While Legolas slurped with increasing enthusiasm at the beverage, Carrie grabbed her PJs and went to the bathroom to change. When she came back a few minutes later, the empty mug was in the sink, and Legolas was drinking straight out of a bottle of Everclear.

"HEY!" Carrie ran over to the futon and tried to wrestle the bottle away from the elf. Unfortunately, when an elf doesn't want to let go of something, it is very difficult to change their mind or get it away. "You can't have this," Carrie grunted as she tugged, "because it's not yours!"

"But I want it," Legolas whined, tightening his death grip on the bottle.

"It's not yours!"

"I don't care!"

"Where did you even FIND it?!" Carrie asked, halting her efforts for a moment. Legolas pointed under Randi's bed. "You know what? I don't want to know what all is under there. But you CAN'T - HAVE - THIS!"

"Mine!" Legolas insisted petulantly, frowning.

"I don't want to have to deal with a smashed elf," Carrie frowned back.

"Smashed?"

"Intoxicated."

"I won't become drunk," Legolas insisted, raising his eyebrows loftily. "Elves have much more superior constitutions than mere men."

Carrie was about to comment on the strength of Everclear, but decided against it. The elf would learn a lesson, maybe become less condescending, and also provide free entertainment. So the girl swallowed her argument and shrugged. "Well, if you're sure"

"I'm positive," Legolas said.

Half an hour later, the bottle was nearly empty and the elf was nearly incoherent.

"You know," Legolas slurred from the futon, "you humans really can be a bit fulluvyerselves you think your alcohol is sooooooo strong" he hiccupped.

"Yeah, we're so self-absorbed," Carrie agreed, sipping a Cherry Coke, entirely sober.

"Yes," Legolas nodded firmly. "Like you just" his eyes started to tear. "You just lead people on for months and months" he waved his bottle expressively.

"Okay," Carrie said soothingly, taking the bottle away. Legolas made a few feeble grabs for it, then gave up. "I think you've had enough for now."

Legolas pouted, then giggled. "You know what's funny?"

"What?" Carrie asked.

The elf thought for a moment. "Nothing!" His eyes started to tear again. "Nothing is funny! Nothing!" Carrie raised her eyebrows. The potent combination of alcohol and OOCness was wreaking havoc on the poor elf's emotions. However, she felt a sort of morbid fascination towards him, the kind she generally reserved for car accidents or natural disasters. She couldn't help it; there was just something terribly entertaining about the whole thing. She stuffed the bottle back into the recesses beneath the roomy's bed, then sat down on the floor next to the futon.

"Did she lead you on?" Carrie asked simply.

"Yes!" Legolas nodded once or twice, then groaned and clutched his head in his hands.

"Are you sure about that?" the girl pressed curiously.

"Well" Legolas gingerly lowered his hands, his brow furrowed in woozy concentration. "Well, she well" he blinked a few times. "I don't quite remember right now," he finished. "But," he added as an afterthought, "I wuddenna spent so much time trying to win her heart if she didn't give me some sortasign that she liked me back."

"You're sure about that?"

"Well no" a few tears spilled over. "I loved her so much!" He buried his face in his hands. "And I thought that maybe maybe if I was really nice to her, she might grow to feel th' same way"

Carrie rolled her eyes (which Legolas didn't see, since his own eyes were covered), sighed (which Legolas didn't hear, since he was too busy sobbing), and then scooted up onto the futon next to him. She patted his shoulder, and abruptly found herself with an armful of wasted, miserable, elven royalty.

"Uh" Carrie's eyes widened as Legolas cried into her stomach. Fortunately, the elf stopped crying a few moments later. Unfortunately, it was because he had fallen asleep with his head in her lap. After a few moments of sitting frozen in an attitude of shock, Carrie gingerly tried to inch out from underneath him. He whimpered and wrapped his arms around her waist, making her squeak. "What am I, a giant sentient teddy bear?!" Carrie muttered under her breath.

"Nyup, nyup," Legolas responded, his features relaxing slightly.

"Oohhhh kaaayyy" Carrie murmured, gently trying to disengage his arms. The elf frowned in his sleep and tightened his grip. She glared down at him. This was just stupid.

Randi chose that precise minute to walk back in the door. She looked at Legolas and Carrie, and slowly raised an eyebrow.

"It's about time!" Carrie growled. "He finished off your Everclear all by himself, and now he's passed out and he won't let go of me!"

Randi smirked, setting down her bag and rollerblades. "What a Kodac moment. Mind if I take a picture?"

"Yes, I mind! You should be on your knees thanking me, not mocking me!"

"Oh, I only left him alone with you for a day," Randi said, rolling her eyes. "I was stuck with him for months!"

"Not just for babysitting," Carrie hissed back. "Thanks to a little white lie on my part, he's given up on you!"

Randi's eyes widened, and a delighted grin slowly spread across her face. "Shut up!" she bounced. "Are you serious?! What did you tell him?"

"That you and Joey were getting it on," Carrie replied, sighing. "It turns out that elves equate sex with marriage. You're off-limits, as far as he's concerned. And he's very depressed about it, just to warn you."

"Well, if you've really gotten him to give up on me, I guess I'll help you out," Randi said. Even with her help, it took them several minutes to get Legolas to let go. They ended up having to use a real teddy bear as a decoy Carrie to get him to let go of her. Carrie stood up gratefully and smoothed her clothing.

"I'm probably going to have bruises," she mourned, prodding her belly. "And Celestina is probably going to do something unspeakable, now."

"Hey, it might take her a while since she's grounded," Randi pointed out. "We could have WEEKS of not-in-love-with-me-Leggy!" She looked at Carrie and grinned nastily. "Well, not in love with ME"

"Don't you DARE," Carrie said, eyes widening. "If he starts hitting on me, I'm telling him that I lied!" The girl shuddered. "I don't have to want to deal with that."

"Damn right you don't," Randi agreed with feeling. "Well, we'll see what happens."

*~*~*

Carrie was alseep and dreaming. She looked around at the field full of wildflowers and butterflies and raised her eyebrows. "Good thing I don't have allergies," she commented to no one in particular. "Damn." She waved her hand in front of her place as a large purple butterfly bounced off of her nose.

"Hello," a familiar, regal voice said smoothly. Carrie whirled around in surprise and gasped.

"Celestina Windbreaker!" The girl burst out laughing. "That's still such a great name"

"Oh, quiet!" The goddess snapped. "I need to discuss something with you. Have a seat." She gestured behind the girl, and Carrie turned to see a large rock exactly the shape of a La-Z-Boy recliner chair and covered with thick pink moss. Carrie raised an eyebrow, then sat down. The moss gave out the faint scent of bubblegum.

"All right, fartmaster, what do you want with me?" Carrie folded her hands and smiled pleasantly as Celestina fumed.

"You've greatly complicated my task with your 'little white lie,'" Celestina commented sourly. "And, as you roommate suggested," she spit out the word 'roommate' as if it tasted foul, "there is, lamentably, a good chance that the elf will attach himself to you instead." She rolled her eyes. "The downside to the Legolas I created is that he can't function if he isn't hopelessly in love with someone. If I had more time, I'd properly remedy the situation but, thanks to your roommate, I'm cutting it close as it is. I'll get right to the point. Since you are the one who has mucked things up so abominably, I'm going to give you an option. You can aid me in getting the elf and your roommate together."

"No WAY!" Carrie frowned and folded her arms. "I'm not going to help you torture my roomy! I have morals, lady!"

"Are you positive? Think carefully now," Celestina spoke as if every word was a caramel hershey's kiss, to be relished.

"I'm pretty damn sure, yeah," Carrie replied belligerently.

"Then you leave me with no choice," Celestina sighed and raised her arms. "Mother better not catch me" was the last thing Carrie heard before she disappeared in a *POOF* of cotton-candy blue smoke.

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All right some brief explanations. I feel bad because I promised quicker updates and then immediately didn't update for like a month, but there is a good reason for this. Trot on over to my bio if you haven't recently. You may notice that certain things are GONE. Specifically, Club of the Ring, Croc Huntah of the Caribbean, and BGOTWSP. The good people at ff.net (cough hack) removed Club of the Ring because of the format in which it was written, which is apparently "chat" format. The same style in which my disclaimer is written. When I realized that was the problem, I removed Bad Guys and Croc Huntah of my own accord to avoid further trouble. These fics aren't gone forever, however. See my bio for further details.

Anyway, the reason that I haven't updated sooner is because a, they froze my account, and b, I was disgruntled. I also was involved in a short scene for someone's directing class, and we met for four hours a day the past two weekends, which effectively sapped my free time.

If you miss Bad Guys, drop me a line and I can e-mail it to you. It might take me a while, however, since I am going through and adding bold and italics to make it easier to read, and so far it's nearly 100 pages long without any reviewer responses or, I'm sorry to say, those little Croc Huntah skits at the end. The pith helmet ceremony did get saved, however. I was frantically copy-pasting, convinced that it would disappear at any moment, which is why the reviewer responses got left out.

Anyway, the practices for the scene are over, so I should be able to update a bit more regularly I'll try to update at least once a week, if not more often. Thanks for being so patient!

And in case you didn't figure it out already, the response was overwhelmingly for faster updates (ha, ha :P) and no responses, so that's the new plan. Thanks again! I love you all!

~Platy