OVER 400 REVIEWS! I love you all! And I own nothing!

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Legolas frowned at Randi. "You misled me."

"I did no such thing," Randi replied forcefully. "I've been telling you to leave me the fork alone from the get-go! Don't you DARE accuse me of leading you on!"

Legolas glared at her and said nothing.

"Stop it," Randi snapped, shifting on her bed. Legolas turned and started picking up his weapons. "Whoa!" Randi backed up into the wall. "No need to kill me"

"I wasn't planning on it," Legolas said shortly, strapping on his knives.

"Then what are you doing?"

"I am going to find Lady Carrie." He double-checked his bow.

"Going to find her?!" Randi exclaimed shrilly. "She isn't even in this UNIVERSE, dumbass! You can search until you're blue in the forking face; you aren't going to find her!" The girl's voice took on a manic tinge. "Don't you get it?! She's stuck there until that stupid goddess lets her come home, which will be NEVER! NEVER!" Randi unexpectedly burst into tears. "She's probably already dead!"

"What?" Legolas's eyes widened as he sat down beside Randi, who was still sobbing hysterically. "Why what makes you say this?" He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders; she was too miserable to shake him off.

"When" Randi swallowed, then continued, "when I was first sent to Middle Earth, Celestina — that paper FREAK you just saw — accidentally sent Carrie along as well. She corrected her mistake soon enough; Carrie was sent home after being there for a few minutes. I was stuck there for months. But we both arrived back at almost the exact same moment. Time passed differently months in Middle Earth was just, like, a nanosecond here. Carrie's been gone for minutes of our time, maybe even hours. That would be I dunno, a Middle Earth eon or something."

Legolas digested this for a moment. "But," he said slowly, "this paper woman she arrived after Lady Carrie had been gone for some time. But she spoke as if Carrie was still alive and well. Remember?"

"Of course I remember, it was five forking seconds ago," Randi said, wiping her face briskly. Legolas removed his arm and cupped his chin in his hands. "What do you think it means?" Randi looked at him.

"That Lady Carrie is alive," Legolas said simply. "And that this woman must have had a reason for taking her away."

"What sort of reason could she possibly" Randi trailed off, then groaned. "Mother forker I get it, now."

"Do you?" Legolas raised an eyebrow.

"That stupid biatch" Randi grumbled half to herself. "She switched the time thingy around because she didn't want Carrie here for a while. She's not concerned with making Carrie a Sue or anything; that's not her main objective. She just wants my roommate out of the way!"

"But why?" Legolas pressed curiously.

"Why in the hell do you think?" Randi scowled. "She still wants us to get together, GAG. And she knows that if Carrie stayed here, you'd be hitting on HER instead!"

There was a short pause.

"My name is not Gag," Legolas said, frowning thoughtfully.

Randi laughed a long, bitter laugh.

*~*~*~*~*

Treebeard was carrying the three hobbits through the woods once again. Merry and Pippin were perched on each side of Carrie (who had finally consented to sit in the middle after a squabble over who got to sit next to her resulted in Merry falling out of the ent twice). The ent in question was reciting entish poetry at a dirge-like pace; Merry and Pippin were nodding sleepily. Carrie kept darting frantic glances at the two of them, fairly positive that they would discreetly try to fall asleep in such a way so that they would end up drooping onto her lap. If there had been anywhere for her to really move to, she would have unfortunately, seating on the ent was limited. The two hobbits jerked awake, and Carrie relaxed slightly. Her mind wandered back to the encounter with Gandalf. Had he really said "fo shizzle?!" That could NOT have been right.

Something else setting off her This-can't-be-quite-right-o-meter was Treebeard's poetry. It was not very entish-sounding to her.

"Haroom this one is another about how we lost the ent-wives, booraroomalooma," Treebeard droned by way of introduction. "Ooohhh baby, baby, how was I suppooooosed to knoooooowww something wasn't riiiiiiiiight Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you gooooooooo"

"Oh, GOD!" Carrie snapped. Merry and Pippin (who had been very close to nodding off) jumped. Treebeard paused.

"Something the matter, barroooom?" he inquired.

"That's not entish poetry!" Carrie cried, flabbergasted. "That's Britney forking SPEARS! Don't you ents have any self-respect?!"

"Daisy" Merry said nervously, not wanting to upset their current guardian.

"Shut it, Merry."

"Okay."

"Britney Spears?" Treebeard harroomed. "Never heard of a Britney Spears before, booramalamadingdonghoooom."

"And what the hell is with the ramalamadingdonghoom?!'" Carrie rolled her eyes. "This is just silly."

"Do YOU know any poetry?" Pippin looked curious.

"Yes some hobbit poetry would be nice to hear, hoomaroomadoomafoom," Treebeard agreed.

"Well" Carrie frowned thoughtfully. She didn't know that much poetry offhand. Maybe she could recite some Shakespeare it had been in the back of her mind ever since she'd had to do a short scene for someone's directing class at college. Yes she knew the perfect bit of poetry. Carrie smirked rather nastily. "Why yes, I do know some poetry!" She cleared her throat, then bellowed, "O, spite! O, hell!" Merry and Pippin jumped again. "I see you are bent to set against me for your merriment! If you were civil, and knew courtesy, you would not do me thus much injury! Can you not hate me, as I know you do, but must you join in souls to mock me, too?" This was terribly fitting. She spoke directly to Merry and Pippin, who exchanged a slightly nervous glance. "If you were men, as men you are in show, you would not use a gentle lady so; to vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts, when I am sure you HATE me with your hearts!" She paused, wondering if it would get a reaction.

"I don't hate you," Pippin said sincerely. "I can't speak for Merry, of course"

"I don't hate you!" Merry frowned at Pippin. "He's lying!" He pointed an accusing finger at Pippin. "He's lying!" He turned appealingly to Carrie. "He's lying," he finished matter-of-factly.

Carrie stared at Merry for a long moment. "Treebeard? Let's have some more poetry."

Treebeard cleared his throat. "Wanna get dirrty booraroom"

Within minutes, Merry and Pippin were asleep (one on each of Carrie's shoulders). If they hadn't been so damn cute, she would have vomited. Instead, she carefully scooted out from between them, arranging the hobbits so that they were slumbering on each other instead of her.

"Awww, what a picture," Carrie muttered sarcastically, crouching on Treebeard's shoulder. "You can stop now, Treebeard."

"I'd teach you, but I'd have to charge oh, all right," the ent said, shutting up. Carrie sighed. Sweet, blessed silence! Wait

"Oh yeah?!" A high-pitched voice chattered. "You and what army?!"

"I don't need an army; I'll take you single-handedly, punk!"

Carrie looked around. Whoever it was, they sounded more interesting than her current company. As she watched, two hummingbirds zipped out of the foliage. They appeared to be fencing with their beaks. Was that normal?

"Ha-HAH!" one of them tittered. "Take THAT!"

"What, you think just because you practice three hours a day with hanging leaves as targets makes you a better prospective mate than me?!"

"I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a ruby-throat, I can kill it!"

Carrie snorted in amusement, but her grin rapidly faded. She was listening to a conversation between two birds. She tried shaking her head briskly. No, they were still hurling insults at each other. This was bad.

Suddenly, one of the hummingbirds shrieked in pain and started to spiral towards the earth. Without really thinking, Carrie reached out and caught it.

"Now stand aside, worthy adversary!" The unharmed hummingbird cried.

"Oh," moaned the one that Carrie had caught. "Oh, the pain darkness clouds my vision! Alas, alas!" It swooned against her palm.

"Um" Carrie frowned down at the hummingbird, so light that her hand barely registered the weight. "It'll be ok, little guy" she reached a tentative finger towards the wounded bird. She wasn't planning on doing anything in particular; if anything, she might have prodded it in a gentle, encouraging sort of way. But before she could stop herself, a host of golden sparks streamed out of the end of her outstretched fingertip, spiraling around the bird in a flurry of activity. She eeped in shock and pulled back her hand, but the damage was done. Or, to be more accurate, the damage was gone. The hummingbird fluttered into the air, completely healed.

"A miracle!" the bird squeaked, looping excitedly through the air. "Huzzah! Words cannot express my wonder!" It hovered in front of Carrie, who was sitting in open-mouthed shock. "Oh, thank you, kind lady!" It executed an odd mid-air bow. "I am eternally in your debt!" And with that, the two birds zoomed off to continue their spar.

"A hummingbird is in my debt," Carrie muttered to herself. "Well, I'm sure that will come in handy."

"I have never seen a hobbit with such an extraordinary healing power before," Treebeard commented, looking at her.

"You've never seen hobbits at all before today," Carrie pointed out.

"Oh hoomaroomagoom" Treebeard replied vaguely. Carrie sighed heavily. Not only was she a hobbit Sue, she was a Sue that could talk to birds and magically heal people. Middle Earth had, in the space of several minutes, become much more interesting but a good deal less fun.

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And that's all for now! Talking hummingbirds for all of my wonderful reviewers! (flings bewildered hummingbirds out into the audience by the handful) Woo! You all rock!

~Platy

P.S. Review! You never know when I might sneak in a musical number or who knows what ;-)