Platy grinned and waved. "I'm back from break, and it's time for another kerazy sequel chapter!"
Natasha Woods came bouncing in. "PLATY! YOU'RE BACK!" She then proceeded to hug Platy, showing no signs of letting go.
Platy grinned, both pleased and slightly baffled. "Er, yes we all are, hehe."
Jack pouted from his chair. "I don't get a hug."
Natasha Woods let go of Platy and clung to Jack instead. "Hi," she said, wide-eyed.
Jack nearly dropped his rum. "Erm hi." He grinned uncertainly and looked over at Platy. "Platy, should I be scared?"
Platy waved a paw dismissively. "Nah. Rhi's cool."
Natasha Woods suddenly snatched Jack's hat right off his head and dashed off, cackling.
Jack jumped up, swaying unsteadily. "Oy! Me hat!" He regained his balance and followed, waving his arms like a madman.
Platy sighed in disappointment as she watched them both disappear. "Well, NOW who's going to do my disclaimer, darn it?"
Katla strolled in and coughed politely. "I could do it. You know, if you need me to"
Platy grinned. "Katla! All right! Go to it!"
Katla beamed. "A-HEM. Platy does not own Pirates of the Caribbean. Nor does she own Lord of the Rings. Basically, if you recognize it, it belongs to someone or something else."
Platy chimed in, "Which reminds me, since some of you were wondering the ruby-throat line from the last chapter was from POTC, though slightly modified. And the line "Stand aside, worthy adversary" is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which I have been able to watch all the way through. And I did find it somewhat amusing, despite aforementioned aversions to Monty Python mentioned in some other disclaimer of some other fic in fact, it was Club of the Ring. But whatever. On with THIS story!"
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Carrie strolled aimlessly around the clearing Treebeard had dropped them off in before stomping off to tend to ent business. Merry and Pippin were fast asleep a short distance away. Carrie had decided very quickly that she liked them better when they were sleeping. They could just lie there and look cute without opening their mouths and revealing how messed-up they both were.
Carrie started edging towards the woods themselves, darting glances into the forest canopy. The faint sound of birds flinging territorial insults at one another filtered through the trees.
"Oh Celestiiiiiinaaaaaa," Carrie called softly in a sing-song voice, "I'm gonna sneak out into the woods and get eaten by a treeeeheeeeee better come on down here and stop me, you big-haired biaaaaaaaaatch." She hopped closer to the edge of the clearing. "I''ll do it! I'm a hobbit on the edge!" Nothing. So she skipped up to the very edge of the clearing. The trees rustled ominously. "Oho," Carrie said, grinning. "You hear that? They're just ITCHING to swallow me up! I think I'll go and touch one!" The girl waited expectantly, but the goddess did not appear. "Well, fudge monkeys." With a shrug, Carrie walked up to a random tree and poked it repeatedly, chirping, "POKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKE!" for good measure. The tree rumbled dangerously. Perhaps it was ticklish.
Before she could experiment further, she was jerked back into the clearing by a suddenly wide-awake Pippin.
"Are you mad?!" Pippin asked, looking over her shoulder to make sure the tree hadn't lifted up its roots and come slithering after them like a freaky wooden land-squid.
"Yes," Carrie replied with conviction.
"That tree could have killed you!" the Took added for good measure.
"Oh, I'm sure it just wants to be loved," Carrie said blandly, tilting her head up to observe an especially foul-mouthed blue jay. Foul-beaked, really, she mentally corrected herself.
"Well, you should be more careful." Pippin's gaze changed from stern to the usual moony. "I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you"
"Oh, stop," Carrie snapped in exasperation, walking over to the clearing's obligatory babbling-brook-with-waterfall arrangement. They both really needed to stop hitting on her. She found it irritating on several levels: they were acting outrageously out of character, which was just a damn shame but also, she was a bit of a hobbit fancier, and well, they weren't hard to resist. That wasn't quite it. But Celestina could have picked someone (or someones) easier to resist, that was for sure. "It's okay," Carrie muttered to herself, "it's all just a matter of willpower. That is not the real Pippin and Merry, so we're all good"
"What?" Pippin asked.
"Nothing; I wasn't talking to you," Carrie said quickly, sniffing suspiciously at a large stone bowl of what appeared to be water.
"Well, who were you talking to?"
"Myself," Carrie replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Pippin nodded vaguely. Merry didn't do anything; he was still sleeping. Carrie was grateful; at least now she only had to deal with one of them. She regarded the hobbit thoughtfully. He still had that ugly-looking gash on his forehead. And she could do something about it. Carrie nibbled her lower lip. Well, if she was going to heal it, it would probably be best to do it while he was sleeping and wouldn't know it was her. A wicked grin split her features as she twiddled her fingers in a Captain Jack Sparrow-esque gesture and crept up to where the hobbit was lying.
"What are you doing?" Pippin asked suspiciously, probably miffed that she was suddenly more interested in his sleeping friend than in him.
"Something unspeakable," Carrie said, before gingerly moving her outstretched finger towards Merry's forehead.
She had expected the sudden flurry of golden sparks, but even so, she jumped a bit when they flowed from her finger to his forehead, whirling around until the gash was gone. Merry stirred sleepily, but didn't wake up.
"How did you do that?" Pippin had snuck up right behind her, making her jump again. Apparently, they weren't aware that she had this crazy healing gift. So she hadn't used it before. Well, that made sense if she had, Boromir would probably still be running around, and they wouldn't have been captured by the baddies.
"Uh magic?" Carrie shrugged.
Pippin considered this for a minute. "I, uh have a cut on my finger" he offered.
"No, you don't," Carrie said, smirking.
"I could get one."
"Don't be an idiot."
"You think I'm an idiot?" His eyes filled with tears - again. "You d-don't like me??"
Carrie sighed in frustration, mostly because he was being stupid and partly because she had an especial soft spot for Tearful!Pippin. "I didn't say you were an idiot, I said that you were perilously close to sounding like one. I mean, really does injuring yourself on purpose sound like a wise idea to you?"
"No," Pippin sniffled.
"Well, that's a start," Carrie muttered. "Then you're not an idiot," she nodded decisively. Quite suddenly, something from much earlier in the conversation struck her as odd. "What made you think that the tree would have killed me?" Treebeard had mentioned the trees harming them but if this whole fic was in movie-verse, then Merry and Pippin had not ever been caught by a tree, and as such shouldn't really appreciate how dangerous they were.
Pippin lifted a shoulder. "Treebeard said they would try and hurt us if they could. And you were poking it." He looked at her sharply, and for a moment it was almost like he was intelligent and and normal. Carrie found it deeply unsettling. "Why were you poking it, anyway?"
"I felt like it," Carrie replied, suddenly uncomfortable. Being more or less alone with OOC puppy-Pippin or Puppin, was doable. But being alone with normal Pippin could be dangerous. She liked normal Pippin. She liked normal Pippin an awful lot.
"You felt like it?" Pippin repeated doubtfully.
"Fine, you got me," Carrie threw up her hands. "I was trying to coax down the evil goddess that brought me here in the hopes that I might somehow be able to finagle my way back home. But I don't expect you to understand that." She folded her arms and stared moodily down at the forest floor. There was a long pause.
"Are you sure they didn't hit you?" Pippin asked.
"Yes," Carrie replied quietly, "I'm sure." She abruptly turned away from Pippin and strode purposefully around a boulder, plopping to the ground in a dispirited fashion. She'd had enough. It had been fun for a while, but now she wanted out. She looked up at the flashes of blue that could be seen through the leaves, silently begging the goddess to get her the heck out of there. I promise I won't let Legolas fall for me, she thought fervently, I promise, just get me the hell OUT of here, please
"Daisy?" Pippin had followed her around the rock. "Are you all right?"
"No," Carrie replied, drawing her needs up to her chest and resting her head on them.
"What's wrong?" Her eyes were shut, but she could hear and feel him sit down next to her.
"Nothing," Carrie replied shortly, voice shaking.
"You just said you weren't all right, so something must be wrong," Pippin said frankly in another moment of near-canon that unsettled her further. Carrie sighed.
"I want to go home." Her voice nearly broke on the word 'home,' and she felt tears sting her eyes. She fought them back stubbornly; she wasn't about to cry in front of him. That would have been an excuse for comforting!Pippin to emerge, and she did NOT need comforting!Pippin.
"I miss the Shire, too," Pippin said softly. Carrie nearly laughed. But what was she supposed to say? "Not THAT home"? She couldn't very well explain to Pippin that she was from another universe, especially since she was clearly a hobbit and had probably grown up with him in this stupid AU fic, as well. Their parents were probably old friends. If she had parents. Good god, did she have family here? They had probably all died tragically or something. Either that, or she was from some lower-class family that did the Thain's housekeeping, with a tyrannical, oppressive father who was determined that she never forget her place 'below stairs.' He had probably beaten her with a spatula whenever she talked to Pippin and/or Merry. She was startled out of her musing by Pippin, who apparently hadn't finished talking.
"But we will go back, you know when this war is over."
"But it won't be the same," Carrie replied. It wouldn't be home for her, if it came to that and if the scouring happened in this fic, it wouldn't be the same for him, either.
"Why wouldn't it?" Pippin asked.
Carrie shrugged, not knowing how else to respond. It wasn't something she could explain; either he wouldn't understand, or she'd be giving away the ending. A moment later, she felt the warmth of Pippin's hand on her shoulder. Excellent. Comforting!Pippin had officially emerged, whether she wanted him to or not. And she was too tired and miserable to push him away. Figuring that if she was going to give in, she might as well give in completely, she scooted a bit closer (though he had sat awfully close to her in the first place) and rested her head on his shoulder. He shifted a bit to make her more comfortable, and wrapped his arm snugly around her. Damn, he was being considerate. This would just make things more difficult. Oh well. Carrie's last coherent thought was that Merry was going to have a fit when he woke up.
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I sure hope this wasn't the chapter with the musical bit because if it was, I lost it. Stoopid forking ff.net!
