Well, you all seem to have enjoyed the last chapter, for which I am grateful. I've actually worked the rest of this fic out, and I'm pretty pleased with where I plan to go with it. It should be very interesting, indeed!
Some of you were having difficulties reviewing the last chapter, as FFN doesn't allow an author to submit two signed reviews for a single chapter. It may send you an alert when you try to review this chapter as well, since I did previously have a chapter 17 (it was mostly an author's note, and was deleted to make room for this real chapter). If you really want to leave a review and that notice pops up, just log out of FFN and it will let you post an anonymous review.
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Claralinda, Goddess of Bad Slash, reclined in midair. The corners of her mouth were quirked upward in the tiniest of smirks as she basked in the warm glow of her sister's rage. She was almost surprised it had lasted so long; she had expected her sister to fix the fic and move on. But angry-Celestina had emerged again, it seemed. The entire house was buzzing with the goddess's fury; the only one seemingly unaffected was Ferdinand the Great, who was shuffling after his tiny sun in a way that managed to convey both laziness and determination. If Claralinda hadn't been so absorbed in her sister's palpable frustration, she would have looked upon Ferdinand and admired him.
A moment later, Celestina burst through the door in a towering rage.
"I told you to leave my fics alone!" she shouted in her sister's face.
"What fics?" Claralinda inquired innocently.
"You know damn well what fics I mean," Celestina hissed, her violet eyes narrowed. "I fixed it, and you're still tweaking it whenever I turn my back!"
"I'm not tweaking it," Claralinda said with a small frown. "As pleasurable as pissing you off may be, I have better things to do with my time than further screw with a fic that's already a joke."
"Oh, really?!" Celestina swiped a curl of hair out of her face and glared at her sister. "How, then, would you explain Merry and Pippin switching constantly from normal to to to the way you'd make them?!"
"First of all," Claralinda replied sharply, "the term you're looking for is 'homosexual,' and it's a perfectly natural state of being."
"Oh, because this is so natural," Celestina said, grabbing a recently printed picture from next to the computer and holding it up with a sneer. It was a photo-manip of Legolas and Gimli doing something unspeakable.
"And secondly," Claralinda continued as if she hadn't been interrupted, "you're asking me exactly what is wrong with your fic?" She shook her head. "Where do you want me to start?"
"Start by explaining why my characters are becoming slashy if you're not meddling!"
Claralinda leaned forward. "I don't know."
"Stop lying!"
"I'm not."
"It's my fic! It should do what I tell it to do! But it isn't, so therefore, you are meddling!"
"For the final time," Claralinda said slowly, "I. Am not. Meddling. I screwed with it once, but that was it. If your fic is still screwed up, I'm guessing it has something to do with you being completely inept and not fixing it properly." She rolled out of the air and stood on the floor, nose to nose with her sister. "Now, if you don't quit shouting at me for things I didn't do, I'm going to go ahead and do them so that I at least get the pleasure of committing the crimes I'm being accused of."
There was a short but terrible pause.
"Was that a threat?" Celestina hissed.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it was."
"Well, this is what I think of you and your threats!" Celestina held up the picture and slowly ripped it in two with considerable relish.
There was a long, very terrible pause. The two pieces of paper floated towards the floor; the half featuring Legolas drifted a bit too close to Ferdinand's sun and burst into flames. Claralinda watched the ashes settle on her carpet, an unreadable expression on her face.
"This," she finally said in a low, dangerous voice, "is war."
"Good!" Celestina snapped belligerently.
"You won't be so cocky in five minutes," Claralinda said, settling herself in front of her computer and cracking her knuckles. "I'll warp that stupid fic of yours beyond recognition!"
"I'd like to see you try," Celestina sneered before disappearing in a poof of angry red smoke.
"Oh, don't worry," Claralinda said quietly, staring at her computer screen. "You will."
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"Shit," Randi announced from her bed. "Shit, shit, shit."
"Is something the matter, m--er, Randi?" Legolas had made himself more or less comfortable on the futon, though Randi got the distinct impression that he would be on his feet in an instant if she so much as gave him a kindly look.
"It's Sunday," Randi explained.
"What's a Sunday?" Legolas tilted his head slightly to one side.
"A Sunday is a day before we college students have class," Randi elaborated. She scowled and thumped her comforter with Legolas's bow. "SHIT!"
"But you always have class, Randi," Legolas said with an endearing smile.
"Oh, shut up," Randi said, refusing to be flattered. "You know who else has class? Carrie does, and she isn't going to be showing up for any of them, is she?"
"So?" Legolas shrugged.
"So," Randi continued impatiently, "her professors are going to wonder what the hell happened to her! They might start thinking that something's amiss, or or something!" She got up off of her bed and began to pace. "They might get suspicious and then they might come here and want to know where she is and I won't be able to tell them because they'll think I'm insane!" Randi shook her head. "'Oh, Carrie's perfectly all right as far as I know, but I can't be sure because she's stuck in an alternate universe, trying to fend off Merry and Pippin's amorous advances, that's all'" She paused. "Or maybe she's not trying to fend them off. I don't know!" She sat back down on the bed and threw up her hands. "SHIT!"
"Why don't you just tell Carrie's professors that she's ill or something?" Legolas suggested with a shrug.
Randi was about to scold him for being an idiot when she realized that it actually wasn't a bad idea. She strode over to Carrie's desk and rummaged around until she found a copy of her roommate's schedule, then went over to her own computer and sat down.
"Okay," Randi breathed, opening her e-mail, creating a new letter, and putting Carrie's professors on the distribution list. "Now to write this thing." She began to type, reading aloud as she went.
Hi,
I'm Carrie's roommate, and I just wanted to let you all know that Carrie won't be in class tomorrow. She has
Randi paused. What was a plausible illness? She needed something mundane enough to be believable, severe enough to be debilitating, but mild enough to not be a cause for too much concern.
"The Black Breath?" Legolas suggested from the futon.
the flu. Randi rolled her eyes. "That ought to do it. And Legolas?"
The elf perked up considerably. "Yes?"
"You're a moron," Randi finished. She sent the e-mail with a flourish, then turned in her chair to face the elf. He had been looking a bit downcast after the insult, but brightened again when he saw that Randi was actually paying attention to him.
"So," Randi said, "what the hell are you going to do tomorrow while I'm at my classes?"
"You're going to leave me?" The elf looked stricken.
"Well, it's kind of a tricky situation," the girl mused. "On the one hand, I could leave you here in my room. It would be nice to pretend you don't exist for a while. But then again, you might do something twisted, like I dunno, lick my underwear or something."
"I would never do that," Legolas cried, turning a delicate shade of pink. "And I do not wish to stay here alone. Why can't I come to your classes with you?"
"Come with me?" Randi gaped. "Are you insane?!"
"No," Legolas said, shifting defensively. "And I don't see why I couldn't. I'll even leave my weapons here! Well, most of them"
"You're insane," Randi said, nodding in confirmation. "There is no way you are following me to class."
Legolas blinked; Randi had unwittingly given him an idea. "Maybe," the elf said craftily, "I'll follow you to class either way."
There was a short, terrible pause.
"Excuse me?" Randi said, unwilling to believe she had just heard well, what she had just heard.
"You heard me," Legolas said, growing more bold. "Wherever you go, I shall follow."
"You shall not!" Randi cried, horrified.
"I don't believe you can stop me," Legolas said, looking as if he was having difficulty fighting back a triumphant grin.
Randi felt her stomach sink as she realized the elf was right. She couldn't stop him from sneaking out of the room and if he was going to be wandering around campus either way, it would really be better to have him with her for damage-control purposes. But just because it was better didn't mean it was good.
"Well," Randi said hopelessly, "shit."
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Carrie stood just outside the circle of ents, watching as they swayed back and forth and harroomed at one another. In an attempt to be considerate, Merry had pointed out that someone ought to inform Treebeard that they were all leaving, and somehow the task had been delegated to her. She cleared her throat. No reaction from the ents. She cleared her throat again, more obnoxiously.
"A-he-HEM!" She looked pointedly up at Treebeard. Still no acknowledgement. She was about to find a rock and throw it at someone when Treebeard turned towards her.
"Yes, Miss Daisy?" he rumbled slowly.
Carrie blinked and fought back the urge to giggle. "Just wanted to let you know that the three of us are, uh, leaving," she said in a clear voice, so all the ents could hear.
A rumble of thunder echoed through the trees.
Treebeard looked down in surprise. "Leaving?"
"Yes. We've decided to go back to the Shire," she explained, looking nervously upwards. It was a pointless gesture; all she could see were leaves and the occasional tiny glimpse of sky.
"I see," Treebeard said. "I can take you to the edge of the forest"
"That won't be necessary; I'd hate to break up the little party you've got going on here." Carrie smiled brightly. "If you could just, uh, point us in the right direction, that would be great."
Treebeard frowned. "The trees may harm you."
"I can handle them," Carrie said flippantly. She figured that if a tree being poked incessantly wouldn't harm her, then a tree simply being passed wouldn't harm any of them. Plus, she wanted to get out of Fangorn as quickly as possible, and was worried that Treebeard would take five hours just to explain where they were going to the other ents.
"Well, if you're sure" Treebeard gave her a look that may have been doubtful; it was hard to read the expression of someone whose face was made of bark. Then he slowly raised a twiggy hand and pointed.
"Thanks!" Carrie chirped, making careful note of the direction. Then she jogged back over to where Merry and Pippin were standing. Only instead of standing, they were both sitting on the ground. And judging from their expressions, they were pouring their hearts out to one another.
"Oh, Merry," Pippin said, tenderly reaching for his cousin.
"Hey!" Carrie clapped her hands, making both hobbits jump guiltily. "Am I going to have to walk between you two?! You have to focus!"
"On what?" Merry asked, looking at Carrie in bafflement.
"On getting back to the Shire, which is that way, in case you were wondering." She grabbed Merry by the back of his cloak and hauled him up. "Let's go, both of you."
"I was quite comfortable where I was," Merry grumbled, straightening his cloak. Pippin sighed heavily and climbed to his feet as well. Carrie wished she had the ability to create squirt guns; then whenever the two hobbits got too involved with one another, she could douse them both like naughty puppies.
"Tough," Carrie said mercilessly, waving her walking stick in a threatening manner. "It's time to walk. Come on, it shouldn't be too far before we're out of these woods."
She hadn't been walking for more than thirty seconds before a warm hand slipped into her own. She looked down at her hand in utter confusion, then looked up to see who was holding it. Pippin smiled at her.
"Uh" Carrie said, extracting her hand. Had he twitched without her noticing?
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Merry glared at his cousin and shoved him away from Carrie. "Honestly, how many times does she have to reject you before it registers in your thick skull?"
"Mind your own business!" Pippin snapped, shoving him back.
"If you're hitting on my Daisy, then it is my business!"
"Whoa!" Carrie cried, breaking up the two hobbits with a few well-placed swings of her walking stick. "First of all, I don't belong to anyone, and second of all, quit fighting!"
Pippin blinked at Carrie. "Why would Merry and I be fighting?"
"Yes, I'm confused," Merry agreed.
Carrie gaped. They had just switched from slashy to straight and back again, and neither had twitched or otherwise given any indication of the change.
"Um never mind, then." Carrie drew back her walking stick, looked nervously at the two hobbits, then turned around and continued walking. Merry and Pippin exchanged a concerned glance, then followed.
For about a minute there was silence from both hobbits, and Carrie began to relax.
"So," Pippin said cautiously, "if you aren't Merry's, does that mean you don't have feelings for him?"
"Shut up, Pippin."
"Oh, as if you don't want to know the answer as badly as I do," Pippin smirked at his cousin.
"At the moment," Carrie said, "the only feeling I have for either of you is irritation." Merry and Pippin fell silent again. Carrie was just beginning to relax again when she caught something out of the corner of her eye. She stopped short and turned her head sharply.
A tall, hooded and cloaked figure was standing about 100 feet away. And it was staring at them! Carrie's first reaction involved numbing terror and hair on the back of her neck standing up. Then it occurred to her that the figure could be Celestina or Claralinda, and as such could possibly be interested in getting her the hell out. But before she could move, cry out, or do anything other then stand there and stare, the figure vanished. And this wasn't the sort of vanishing that involved turning and walking away, or the sort of vanishing that involved POOFs of smoke and showers of glitter. This was the kind of vanishing that involved being there one instant and gone the next, like the figure had never even existed. It was profoundly unnerving.
"Did you see that?!" Carrie asked, turning wildly to look at Merry and Pippin.
Merry and Pippin had been about two seconds away from a loving embrace; they stepped away from one another hurriedly.
"See what?" Merry asked after turning a bright shade of pink.
"That thing!" Carrie insisted, pointing at the empty bit of forest floor the figure had occupied moments before. "It was right there!" The hobbits gave her almost identical blank stares.
"I didn't see anything," Pippin offered with a small shrug. "Maybe you imagined it."
"I didn't imagine it!" Carrie insisted. "Look, it was just over here" She strode purposefully towards the spot where the figure had been standing.
Halfway there, she paused. Something didn't feel quite right. In fact, something felt distinctly wrong. After a slight hesitation, Carrie continued stubbornly towards the place the figure had been. But with every step, the feeling that something was off only intensified. The little hairs on the back of her neck stood up again.
"Daisy? Are you all right?" Merry called, still standing on their original path.
"I'm fine," Carrie replied approximately two seconds before she found herself very abruptly not fine at all.
She was about twenty feet from the spot when a wave of dizziness washed over her, causing her to stumble sideways. "Whoa," she murmured to herself, leaning on her walking stick for support as she waited for the sensation to pass.
"Daisy!" Merry raced over with Pippin hot on his heels.
The sensation, much to Carrie's annoyance, was failing to pass. In fact, it was failing with flying colors, the majority of which were shades of green and brown.
"Daisy, what's wrong?" Pippin asked urgently once the two of them had reached her.
"Just a bit dizzy," Carrie managed to say, gripping her walking stick with white knuckles and trying very hard to not keel over onto the forest floor, a difficult task since she was no longer quite sure where the forest floor was.
"Well, come on, then," Merry said, gently steering Carrie back towards the path.
"Neither of you felt anything?" Carrie asked, the dizziness lifting steadily as she approached the path. Pippin shook his head, looking at her with no small amount of concern.
"I didn't feel anything," Merry said, "and I didn't see anything, either." He frowned at Carrie. "You're not ill, are you?"
"I'm not hallucinating," Carrie said sharply. "And I feel fine, now." She didn't even have to lie; the dizziness had passed and was now little more than a memory. She glanced back over her shoulder.
It was there again.
"Look!" She yelped, pointing wildly.
Merry and Pippin turned around, but the figure had disappeared just as quickly (and maddeningly) as it had the first time.
There was a short pause.
"There's nothing there, Daisy," Pippin said quietly.
"Well, not now," Carrie said, exasperated. "It disappeared before you turned around!"
"It must have been very fast," Merry said in a way that was a bit too neutral.
Carrie looked sharply at him. "I haven't snapped, all right? It was there."
"I never said you snapped," Merry held up his hands apologetically.
"It was implied!" Carrie gripped her walking stick with trembling hands, resisting the urge to start whacking people with it.
"No one is saying you're crazy," Pippin said in the kind of tone that doctors use to soothe crazy people. "Maybe you're just tired or something."
"It is getting late," Merry added.
"We should probably set up camp soon."
"I'm not camping here," Carrie said, staring nervously into the woods. Then she gritted her teeth, turned away, and resumed walking. "We'll reach the edge of the forest before dark."
Merry blinked, then jogged to catch up. "How do you know?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
Merry stopped dead in shock. Pippin shrugged as he passed his cousin. But though they said no more, they were both beginning to worry about their traveling companion.
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WOO! A nice, long chapter for all of you wonderful people. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks again for being so patient and bearing with me, you guys. I really appreciate it! :)
