NOTE I would like to apologize for that long wait, this chapter wasn't coming out, it was really hard to write... I knew exactly what I wanted to write, but couldn't find a way to write it actually down. I think it's some kind of author block or such. Bear with me and don't be too angry ducks flying knives okay, okay, here we go with the chapter!
MasterFranny: I didn't think Bryan could be so messed up. But the others aren't that different it seems. The only one really happy is Ray, don't you think?
NOTE2 I was sure someone would, someday, point out my little thing about China. I thought they would kill me since I was so inaccurate, and it was like I thought. I'm really sorry for my mistake, I knew I would have to pay for that, but since it was nicely going with the fic, I left it like it was. Sorry for that, and thanks to the reviewer who pointed it out. I promise that if I write another fic with China in, I will give it the right weather. Be sure of this!
NOTE3: Happy new Year to one and all! Hope 2005 will bring you all the things you wish for!
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Game-Kid17: you sent me the longest reviews I ever get so you need a proper long answer. Your right, I'm not native english, I'm italian. I think I repeated that in almost every chapter so far! U
I assure you it's not my fault. I know, I know. It sounds lame, but still. I've got a BETA reader for this fic, and no one ever blamed her. The chapters are BETA checked before posting. I'm glad you liked my idea. I know what it means to wait for someone to write a fic you want to read, it happens to me a lot, expecially for some Ozuma/Kai action. I will post one fic with that pairing as soon as I finish my others. I wanted so badly to have a fic like mine, so I decided against odds to write it myself. And think it was born to be a one-shot! --U I think (don't hate me) that your little thing about Kai's past, Bryan's acting and such to be a little hard. You know, as far as I know no one knows entirely Kai's past, neither Bryan's real acting. I think every writer can create his personal opinion of it all, and I don't think Aoki Takao described it in particulars... don't you agree? If you think it to be that way, maybe others don't. I agree that in some of my personal fics (not to appear on that site) I used Bryan as a bad chara, and Tala would suit wonderfully in such environement as a cruel chara too, as well as Kai. But that doesn't mean I can't like them better when they're good. Maybe Bryan was just manipulated by Boris and Voltaire. Maybe you can read "Addictive Manipulation" by "Amaro" to understand better what I mean for manipulation. I thank you for all the long reviews, I feel proud to have someone who explains why she liked my works and who points out my mistakes, it makes me feel appreciated (not all people likes to leave constructive comments), but each one has their own thoughts, you can't blame me for choosing this pattern for my story. I know you'll be really angry at me, but this time I will say what I think. Besides, in the manga Kai doesn't even know Boris. And his grandfather isn't even related with Biovolt...
Hiphoper: thanks!
Nessi: hi! Nice to hear you agree... sorry I was that late.
Phyrefly: if you're out there, mail me! I'm back but you where are you?
Spyrit Phoeyx: now I updated. Happy?
Shady Gurl: hope you'll like the fourth, the last will be the next! Enjoy
TNTqqris: strange name of yours. what that means?
M:S:K: here it is! Enjoy
Devilburns: hope this is as sweet as the previous!
Rejiita: here it is pal!
UlTiMaTe KaI LuVa: it's you the one who pointed out about China, so I thank you and I am sorry about my mistakes. Hope you'll be nice no matter that. I really am glad there are people like you, who likes to help. Thanks.
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RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY 01: Ray and Bryan are in love with Kai and Tala. One day Tala and Kai say they have to tell them their love... Yaoi
SUMMARY 02: Now that Tala and Kai are together, that doesn't mean it's all okay. And Bryan and Ray seem not to work out together that well... Yaoi.
WARNINGS: none I think.
DISCLAIMER: Simon says "MasterFranny doesn't own beyBlade". But she still tries to steal it...
"talking"
'thinking'
" talking into other languages "
""""""dreams sequences, flashbacks, memories""""""
JUST SAY IT...
CHAPTER 04 New problems arise
Tala knocked softly at the door, and since he didn't receive any answer he decided to enter nonetheless. He knew he was in there.
Kai once finish the talk with Bryan had retired into Tala's room as fast as he could, and Tala knew something was definitely wrong. Talking like this to Bryan opened the Phoenix's wounds again, not healed after Boris' downfall, and he was still feeling faithless.
Kai was still hurt by his past, and since he knew he was still trapped in the web of his grandfather and Boris, he tried all his best to help Bryan not to end up like him. Boris left the Phoenix really hurt, and even if Tala, with great effort, managed to heal some of his injuries, that couldn't help Kai with his problems completely.
But it helped Bryan, and Kai knew it. The slate haired wonder was just like this: no matter how much he could be scared, if he could help someone by hurting himself, he would do that happily.
Now, it was Tala's turn to help his love feeling better. Even if that meant they stayed up all night talking. Kai really needed help now that Bryan was finally -he wished- ok.
The red haired teen walked into the room, closing the door behind his shoulders, and searched the room. Kai was on the bed, arms around the knees, his head downwards, and didn't move when Tala stepped in, not acknowledging his presence at all.
Tala sighed and stepped forwards, hugging his love affectionately; he could almost feel the darkness around his koi, and wished with all his heart to be able to dissipate it away forever. Kai remained silent but hugged back, hiding his face in the other's shirt.
No words were exchanged for a long time, both taking comfort in the warmth of the hug.
" It's okay, Kai " Tala soothed at the end. " I know it was painful for you, but you helped Bryan greatly ".
The slate haired teen looked up at him, his eyes asking Tala if Bryan was okay, but at the same trying to hide his own feelings. He knew it was pointless since Tala got to know him better than anyone, but he was still trying to act normally.
" He's gone in search of Ray " Tala whispered. Then he stared down in his lover's eyes, shimmering with unshed tears, and took Kai's chin with his hand. " Kai, look, its okay if you cry, I've told you a hundred times. You have me, you're not alone anymore, and you will feel better if you let go ".
Kai sniffed and nodded; he had been taught to hide his feelings, but Tala worked hard to erase that teaching, managing to actually remove it from Kai's mind. So Kai let the tears reach his eyes and fall down, all the while searching for comfort into his lover's arms, knowing it was all okay now, but feeling empty all the same. He never could be that open and emotional before, it was something so far from his usual behaviour it was almost confusing, but in Tala's arms he felt so protected he knew he could do everything.
It was a silent cry, no sobbing and no noises apart from the sound of their breathing, but it was a silence full of comfort and love, that was hugging them both, helping them. Tala was here for him, Kai knew this. The mere thought was what he needed to feel safe.
After a couple of minutes the tears subsided, leaving him weary and calm. He sighed, snuggling even more into Tala's embrace, longing for the love the Wolf was so eager to give him.
Tala closed his eyes, leaning on the pillows to support his koi better, then glanced at the window, his heart in peace, and found out it was snowing.
He grimaced: Bryan was gone to talk to Ray, out in the snow, what if Ray wasn't at home?
Besides, with that amount of snow falling, how could the plane of the BladeBreakers land now?
Kai's breathing was calm and peaceful now, his eyes closed and his face leaned on Tala's chest, his arms around the wolf's waist: he was asleep. And he was so cute Tala couldn't make himself wake him up.
'Maybe I can just stay here for a while...' he mused to himself. 'The others can go fuck themselves, for what I care. All I need is here with me'.
Then he closed his eyes and after half a second he was deeply asleep too.
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Bryan cursed slightly under his breath. He didn't even think about the upcoming storm, and it was so damn cold and the snow was blocking his view. There was no way he would start searching for Ray in that bad weather, and besides, he couldn't even move, the wind was too strong, and the snow was almost reaching his knees.
He stated nothing would ever stop him from his prey, nothing, but that storm was just too much even for him. He couldn't take another step, without the fear of falling in the snow and laying there freezing.
For how much he hated to admit it, he had to stop in order to let the storm pass... or at the least, diminish.
He glanced up at the sky, trying to see if it would be raging for long, but it was like the world was falling on him and he shook his head in defeat, heading towards a pub he knew was down the street, hoping it would stop soon: he had to talk to Ray.
Now that Kai and Tala talked to him clearly and plainly, he could put his pride away for a moment, recognizing his foolishness all this time. He kept acting, wearing a mask, someone who he was used to be but was not he.
He knew it would be as hard as to try and teach Ian how to swim, but he needed to find who he really was, behind all the masks, under the fake faces and mirrors and walls he built around himself. He owed that not only to Kai, Tala, and his friends, and Ray. He needed it for himself.
He wanted badly to be free. He needed the freedom, and he was sure that he would earn it by trying his best, and Ray was just the incentive he needed to do that.
Because he L... The 'L' word Ray.
" Hey, Bry! "
The Falcon looked around, clearing his face from the cold snow, enjoying the warmth of the pub, his white skin even whiter due to the unnatural cold, and stared right into Ian's ruby eyes. The smaller teen was sat on a big chair, sipping a hot chocolate with Spencer near him, also sipping hot chocolate, and blinked.
" What are you doing here you two? " he asked, frowning as he took place near them with a scowl. " Didn't you have to go somewhere? "
He couldn't quite remember what they were supposed to do right now, so he shrugged helplessly. He had other things in his mind at the moment, concerning a nice hot kitten that was waiting for him somewhere in the city. Hopefully in a warm place, ready to listen to Bryan's apologizes.
" Duh, we were expected to wait for the BladeBreakers coming today, but the plane obviously couldn't land here, so I think they will come at the least tomorrow... and we're stuck here " Ian huffed, taking a sip of the hot chocolate and burning his tongue.
Spencer blinked unsurprised, and shook his head, sharing a glance with Bryan as to say 'how could I fell in love with him of all people?!'
Bryan smirked, feeling somewhat relieved, and sighed contently while he raised his hand to call the waitress.
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Kai willed himself to open his eyes, no matter how the warmth lulled him into sleep again.
He was feeling again relaxed after his tête a tête with Tala, but he knew deep inside that the darkness would be back soon, and his heart clenched in despair.
But then, he felt the strong arms wrapped around his waist, and the deep breath of his love, and he smiled sadly: Tala would be always here with him, helping him, and with the Wolf at his side, he could fear nothing.
Though, many times, Kai wondered afraid if Tala would be always with him, or not, and if he really loved him.
Tala open one eye tiredly, seeing Kai was awake, and sighed sitting on the bed.
Kai abandoned himself in the comfy embrace as he cocked his head slightly.
" With that storm, it's impossible the plane will land " he reasoned, calmly. " We need to change plans, the BladeBreakers will not be here before sun fall, neither in the night ".
Tala nodded, enjoying the intimacy he shared with his koi.
" How you think they will react when they'll come to know about us? " Kai turned to look Tala in his deep blue eyes, sincerely curious. After revealing their relationship to Ray and Bryan, which was the most difficult thing he could do, Kai was eager to show his other friends his undying love for the Wolf teen, knowing he couldn't be happier.
Tala tensed up and cleared his voice uncertainly. There it was, he had to tell him.
" Kai, I think... " his voice faded away and he had to start again. " Kai, I don't think it would be okay to tell the BladeBreakers we're together ".
Kai turned sharply towards Tala, leaving the warm hug to look plainly shocked at the Wolf, searching in his behaviour signs of his joke, but finding none.
" You must be kidding " he screeched. " Why?! "
Tala stared wordlessly at Kai. He himself didn't know why he was asking Kai not to tell his friends they were a couple. It seemed right that way... too soon.
But Kai wasn't of the same advice.
" Are you saying we can't be a real couple? You want me to sneak into your bed, and hide from my friends' eyes? " Kai's eyes flared. " We told Ray and Bryan,
Spencer and Ian, why not them?! "
Kai couldn't understand.
" It's not them the problem " Tala managed to say. " It's... us... I think it's too soon to say we're actually a couple... "
That however came out entirely wrong. Tala meant to say that the BladeBreakers could react in a bad way and needed to be tested before revealing them he and Kai were together. He meant to say that maybe they wouldn't accept them, and Tala didn't want Kai to be rejected. He himself cared nothing, he cared only about Bryan and Ray, and the BladeBreakers weren't his friends. But they were Kai's.
Kai however heard the other meaning of the words, and looked shocked at him, feeling a stab in his heart.
Too soon.
Tala thought it was too soon to say they were a couple.
" So you mean we have to lie to them? To lie and hide and... " Kai's face paled " Or it is me the real problem? Are you ashamed by me? Are you already tired of us? You want something new? You lured me into your bed, you said you loved me, and now you're taking it back? "
There it was, brushing against his mind and heart, the same coldness and darkness that enveloped him before, the fear he was feeling every day, the fear of Tala's reject, and it was here. Tala was the thing that kept Kai alive and happy, without him there was nothing.
He tried to deny it, but there it was, the suspect growing in his heart; was Tala ashamed of him? Was Tala rejecting him because he was so weak? Was Tala retreating because he was tired of his depression?
Or worse, was Tala using him, with all nice words, just to fuck him?
" Are you ashamed of what I am? " Kai's voice was reduced to whisper as he turned away. " You don't want to make a fool of you in front of the only person who beat you? "
Tala wanted to negate, he wanted desperately to tell Kai he was wrong, to tell him he couldn't care less, to tell him how much he loved him, to tell Kai what he really meant, but he felt his words were stuck in his throat, and weren't coming out; he felt a giant lump in his throat and stared speechlessly at Kai, who pressed his lips together with a hurt expression.
So it was all true. His eyes filled with tears, as he stared in his lover's eyes.
" You used me " he chocked. " I trusted you with my heart, I trusted you with my life, my innocence, my love, I thought you loved me... and now I find out I was wrong all the time ".
Kai started to cry, his expression so desperate Tala felt his heart break. In a flash the slate haired teen ran out of Tala's room, and with no second thought he ran out the house, no coat or other thing to keep him warm in the blowing storm.
Tala remained still; his eyes widened madly, his heart pounding in his chest. Why didn't he reply? Why he left his only one love to run away like this, in the storm, with the fear of hurting himself?!
Tears fell from his eyes, realizing just how much Kai was relying on him, and how a stupid mistake by his part made the Phoenix's mind shatter under the pressure. He knew Kai was still hurt and messed up by Boris, and all he needed was continuous proof of being loved, and this was what Tala denied to him. It was clear Kai cared about his friends' thoughts, but the thing he really cared for was Tala.
Why couldn't he tell Kai he meant something else?
Tala closed his eyes in frustration, but the answer was so easy he almost punched himself.
" I am afraid " he whispered sadly. " I am afraid that if I tell the others Kai and I are together, I will loose it all. I was so lucky to share my life with a person so wonderful, who loved me the same way I love him, that I was afraid it would end as soon as I say it aloud ".
He then shook away his grief, realizing Kai was out in the storm without anything to protect him, and jumped out the bed, taking his coat and Kai's with him: he needed to find Kai now, and explain him how much he cared, how much they were meant to be together. Kai was his most important thing, his only love, his first friend, and his life.
And now he risked loosing it all in one go.
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Kai ran blindly in the snow, too caught in his misery to even aknowledge the coldness he felt, tears freezing on his red face, the paint of his marks staining his cheeks, completely exposed to the storm.
How could he be so stupid to believe in Tala? He continued saying he loved Kai, but when he wanted to tell the others they were a couple... Tala refused. He meant nothing to him? Their time together meant nothing? Was Kai just another pointless one for Tala?
He closed his eyes chocking back a cry, the darkness still filling his heart, and dropped on his knees, feeling alone; before there would be Tala hugging him, helping him forget the loneliness and the dark, but now that the problem was Tala himself, Kai didn't know where to look for help.
There was nothing he could do, his heart knew that if Tala didn't want to be with him, he had to leave.
Nothing else apart from Tala kept Kai in Russia all that time.
Kai glanced at his body, his eyes rid from the usual brightness, and noticed he was slowly freezing in the storm, the snow covering almost entirely his body, and sighed: maybe he could just lay there and end it all, in the cold embrace of the snow. But then, he remembered he was supposed to be strong, and dying was not an option.
He forced his numb legs and stood up again, looking at the houses around him. The only other person Kai trusted with his life was the Chinese blader. He would understand him.
He needed to find Ray...
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All the while Ray, oblivious to the recent things happened to his friends, wasn't anymore sleeping in bed, and was preparing his dinner. He thought he would be alone since Kai was obviously still to Tala's, and Bryan was there too, and he wasn't going to confront the bad weather just to eat with them.
Singing loudly 'In Joy and Sorrow' from HIM's 'Deep Shadows and Brilliant HighLights' album, together with the radio, he prepared himself a bowl of chinese soup, taking it to the table with a piece of bread and a cup of milk; Kai always commented chinese soup and milk couldn't go that good together, but Ray just shrugged all the times, saying he liked them nonetheless.
As he was going to put the bowl on the table the window opened with a loud slam, and a wind blow hit the Tiger right in the face, making him fall on the floor with his dinner.
Ray yelped as both the cold of the wind and the hotness of the soup washed over him, and shuddering he ran to the window, securing it tightly, then looked with sadness at his lost soup, and at his fav white shirt, the one with a flame/water TAO on it, now completely ruined.
Sighing in defeat he unbuttoned the shirt, throwing it on the floor carelessy, taking a mental note to wash it later, and moved to clean the floor. Just when he was about to start, the door opened slowly.
Ray didn't need to look up to know who was arrived.
" Kai, I thought you would remain at Tala's home " he commented, raising his head " I'm sorry for this mess, I... oh my God Kai! "
Kai was standing right before his eyes, completely soaken by the snow, his lips slightly blue due to the cold, his eyes unfocused and red and streaks of frozen tears on his cheeks, and his face was one's of a lost soul.
" Kai! What happened?! " Ray jumped up and wrapped his arms around Kai's waist, feeling how cold the teen was, and his eyes widened in shock.
He pushed the slate haired blader towards his bedroom, knowing he needed to warm him up or he would start an hypotermia, discarding Kai's scarf and shirt without a word, as the older teen just remained there, as if dead or asleep.
Ray pushed Kai on the bed and wrapped around him the blanket, then seeing he was still trembling, he took his own too and two pillows.
He couldn't understand what had happened, but he was deeply afraid: he never saw Kai so lifeless before, like he lost his will to live.
" Kai, talk to me! " Ray pleaded, looking into the teen's eyes. " What happened Kai, please! Oh Gods, I need to call Tala! "
At the mention of that name Kai paled -which was a surprise since he was already white from the cold- and started sobbing miserably, scaring the hell out of Ray.
" Please Kai, calm down! What happened?! "
Kai looked up at him, and discarding the blankets he hid his face in the Tiger's chest, crying loudly, needing his friend's comfort. Ray looked at him worried and scared, and brushed his fingers on Kai's trembling shoulders. Some days before he would have payed for such opportunity, but now he was just deeply worried.
This was not the Kai he knew.
" T... Tala... " Kai sobbed.
Ray narrowed slightly his eyes, hugging the teen tightly. Despite the fact that Kai was still freezing, and his lips weren't turning back to their usual pink, Ray wanted to show his friend he was there, knowing he needed whatever confort he could; he still didn't know what happened, but Kai's acting told him it was not good.
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Spencer looked down at his coat, hearing the ring of his phone, and with slow movements he pulled the thing out, answering.
" Yes? Oh, Tala " Bryan and Ian looked at him puzzled. They both knew how much Tala hated telephones, despite his love for technology, and they knew it had to be important if he had called Spencer. Spencer listened carefully for five minutes, nodding here and there even if Tala couldn't see him, and his expression darkened progressively.
" Oh, okay. I'll tell them, don't worry Tala, we'll help you ".
Spencer shut the call, turning towards his friends, who were waiting for the news. His face was serious as he spoke.
" Tala messed up a little with Kai and Kai's outside somewhere, with no coat " he resumed in a second. " We need to find him before he froze ".
Bryan jumped up.
" Kai can't stay out there too long in his usual outfit, he will become a piece of ice no matter how storng he is " he said, leaving the money to pay their chocolates. " I will try at his house, I'll call you if I find him ".
Saying that he darted off, followed shortly by his two friends, who then ran in another direction.
Bryan grimaced heading towards Kai's and Ray's home. What if Kai wasn't there but Ray was? This wasn't the time to talk, Kai needed to be found. He shook his head, Ray could help too and they could talk later.
The Falcon reached the house and entered without knocking, in fact he was common to that, and looked around. At first he saw nothing, then he noticed a wet spot on the floor, a discarded shirt he knew to be owned by Ray, and near Kai's doorstep there was Kai's scarf, also on the floor.
Bryan frowned and stepped towards the slate haired teen's room, peering in. What he saw made his blood freeze.
Kai and Ray, hugged tightly, under the bedsheets. They were both asleep, cuddled together, and Bryan felt a stab in his heart.
So it was this. Ray cheated on him like nothing, and with Kai, the one he loved until the day before... and Kai decided to make Tala pay, going with Ray.
Bryan's eyes narrowed, his teeth bared in complete anger, his fists clenched so tightly the knuckles were white, and he growled.
Ray opened his eyes tiredly, his hearing warning him someone was in the room, and blinking he looked around.
Kai had fallen asleep not too much before, after telling him -together with sobs, tears and hiccups- what happened with Tala, and he couldn't move because the blue haired blader was sleeping with a painless expression and looked like he needed the rest, and he was still cold, so Ray just hugged him to make him warm, using the blankets too. Maybe it could be a little deceiving, but Ray was absolutely sure now he loved Bryan, so there was nothing wrong.
Until he realized it was Bryan who was staring at them, like Fury itself. Ray remembered his shirt laying forgotten in the kitchen's floor, and Kai's scarf and shirt too, and that they were both in bed, under the blankets.
And couldn't help but stare eyes widened, flushed, at his love, murmuring " It's not what it seems... "
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MasterFranny: this was the fourth chapter! I think the next one will be the last, it's the first time I end a real fiction, so that should be a real shock to me. Kisses, wait your reviewes!
PS hope this fulfilles you all. I thought it to be lame. And the end was just a cliché... hee hee, how can Ray explain this?
