A/N: Okā¦Here I go again. This one is a multi-parter, and could possibly get longish. It deviates from canon after Mars vs. Mars, but I'll try to incorporate canon bits as they're handed to us. Originally posted on and will continue to be posted there. Rating subject to change. V/L friendship- possibly romance later but I doubt it.
As far as Logan knows, only three people who matter in the world know about it, now.
He knows, of course. How could he not know? He's the one living through it. He's the one dreading his father's childish bursts of rage. He's the one hiding his bruises in PhysEd, avoiding sports and beaches as much as he can, being Californian. The very few scars he can cover for easily, but fresh marks are harder to hide, in summer. He's lucky, though- his father is usually away on location shoots in summer, leaving him mostly safe.
His father knows. The perfect Aaron Echolls, media darling supreme, even after his cheating ways are celebrated on national television. He knows how he treats his son, behind closed doors, when there are no cameras. But his father isn't one of the people who matter. His father matters less than dirt, as long as he's far, far away.
His mother knows. She'll never do anything about it, but she knows. She can't help it, sharing the vast, empty mansion with them. She sits there, listening, drinking and medicating herself into oblivion when his father beats him, but she never steps in. She never says anything. She'd appear, suddenly, after he'd gone up to his room, with a glass of water and a few of her favorite pills for him. He always refused them. After he turned fifteen, she'd stopped doing that as well. Now she just sat, and hated, quietly. He could feel her hate even through a closed door, and wondered how it didn't burn his father where he stood.
Duncan knows. There was no hiding it from him. Duncan had known since the first time his father used a belt, when Logan was eleven. Before that it had been his hand, a book, whatever came to hand fastest. After the first belt incident Logan tried to run away, and ended up at Duncan's for the night. Duncan wanted to call the police, tell his parents, do anything, but Logan begged him not to tell. He remembers them, burning childish fury facing off against quiet, defeated desperation. It one of three times Logan can recall that he admitted defeat. Duncan never told. It became something of a ritual- Aaron would explode, Logan would take his punishment, and move into the spare room next to Duncan's for a day or two. The Kanes never asked, and Aaron didn't care, once his rage was vented, where his son slept.
Lilly knew. A year younger than both of them, she was always there, quiet and watchful when she wanted to be, on the sidelines with her girlfriends when he came over. Later, when they were in high school together, he was terrified she'd find out and despise him for his weakness, for not putting a stop to it. But he knew he couldn't- telling would destroy his life. Duncan never understood that, but accepted it all the same. Lilly understood. Lilly knew, even before they started going out together. She knew when not to hug him too hard and when to use her parents' private pool, without asking. For two years, even when they weren't technically a couple, he found himself in her bed after punishment sessions, face down with her butterfly fingers rubbing cold cream on his back. That usually ended their 'off' periods. It was never about pity with Lilly, though. They were simply two of a kind, and she knew she was the only thing that kept him going sometimes. He loved her.
Lilly was dead now. One less person who knew about it. One less person who cared about him. And ever since then, he doesn't even have Duncan to comfort him. At first they were both too broken up over Lilly, and later, after he started with the pills, it was like he wasn't the same person anymore. There was nothing behind his eyes. Like talking to a picture of his best friend.
The staff at home knew- how could they not? But they were too smart to say anything or try to help him out. He made sure he was just mean enough to them not to get pitying looks, without getting his morning coffee spat in. He made his own coffee.
Veronica didn't know. Or at least, he was pretty sure she didn't. No way of knowing, the way she was now. And he didn't really care. But this was Veronica- if she knew, she'd either try to get him into as much trouble as she could as revenge, or call childcare services on him. Not like her to keep her nose out of other people's business. No, she very obviously didn't know. He's sure Lilly never told, and he knows Duncan never would.
But he misses having someone who knew and cared. He's Logan Echolls, ladies' man, all round popular snotty rich kid, and he misses his friends. He misses the old Duncan. He misses Lilly so much it hurts. He even misses Veronica, teasing her without being hurtful, and worrying about revenge. Her vengeance hurts too much.
He notices there are fewer pranks that get him into trouble at school now. After the one with the bong, that got him suspended for three days and one of the worst beatings he could remember, for getting caught, there had been no more that ended in Aaron even finding out. Did she know? Was she trying to avoid it? He tries not to wonder.
And now his mother's gone. Gone. Not dead. He can't believe she'd dead. He won't. After Lilly, she was the only thing keeping him going. That and his own stubborn pride, knowing he'd be safely out of the house in a year. He could delude himself that by letting his father hit him he was protecting her, that if he wasn't there, she'd be the one getting the belt or worse. Now she's gone, he can't even tell himself that anymore. But his father doesn't even try to hit him now, or hasn't in the week that's passed. He's been to busy with photo-ops and late night shows, E! featurettes and the rest of the circus that was his life. And Logan is free to get Veronica to work for him.
He's surprised when she agrees. Even more surprised when she's nice to him, however mean he is. Not sugary sweet, but she doesn't kick him out, either. There's almost no pity in her eyes, either. Just understanding. Like Lilly. When they find that kid and his video, he doesn't look at her. He knows that there'll be pity there. She thinks her mother's still alive, too. She's like him, a little. And he can't take any of it anymore. Logan doesn't flee from places. At most, he beats an elegant retreat. There's nothing elegant about his headlong rush out of the journalism room, out of the school. He doesn't even think about what people might say.
Driving's out. He's too dazed, the world too washed clean of all colors, for it to be safe. And he's not suicidal yet. Somehow, though streets that don't look like his home town anymore, he makes it home. His father's in the entertainment room, flipping through channels. He's dressed in his daysuit- just in, then. He's been home far too much lately. He was flipping through entertainment channels, of course. Checking out his own PR. Suddenly completely drained of anything, Logan does the single stupidest thing he can do. He stops and watches as well. Which means he can't help noting that at least three channels are running his little explosion in front of several cameras from the previous day. Aaron sees it as well, and his eyes narrow dangerously. Logan doesn't even bother to back away. It doesn't matter. Aaron stands up, an ugly snarl twisting his poster-perfect face. One hand flies back, slaps him hard. The other points to the bedroom.
Logan doesn't fight it. It doesn't matter, His mother's dead. For all he cares, Aaron can kill him now. In fact, he'd better kill him, because there's nothing in the world stopping Logan from doing the same. Except for the fact that he stopped fighting about a decade ago, and he hasn't the energy, the will, to even contemplate it now. Numb fingered, he picks out a random belt. Some remaining instinct of self preservation prompts him to find one with a small, round buckle. It'll hurt, but he needs the pain. Pain meant he was still alive. For now, at least.
He doesn't flinch when Aaron slaps the belt down. He doesn't care. He stands there and takes it. It's longer than ever before, harder, and there's animal rage behind the blows this time. In the one corner of his mind that isn't currently on hold, fear starts to bloom. He's gonna kill me this time. He really is. He knows it, now. Now that he hears the heavy breathing behind him, the choked curses. He knows, in the one lucid corner, that Aaron isn't just beating him any more. He's taking out all the anger he has, at Lynn, at the media, maybe even at himself, if he has any. On Logan. All of it.
Before he has time to panic and move, he feels something hit hard against his head, and the world fades to blackness.
