Set a week after Dichotic.
----The Talon----
Lex walked in the Talon, holding the newest issue of the Torch, and saw Paris sitting in a booth in the back, chewing on a red Sharpie and talking to herself.
She was reading a script. "Crap, crap, crap. Utterly mind numbing insipid crap." She turned the page. "Oh bloody 'ell. You must be joking." She said exasperated as she continued talking to herself.
Lex walked up to the table and cleared his throat. Paris didn't look up from what she was doing. "Yeah, sit, I'll be done in a minute."
"Gee you're oh so pleasant today. I'm glad I took the time to come here." Lex said dryly.
"Bloody wanker, I can't believe him. Overpaid fuckwit." She ranted to the script in her hand.
"That's alright I like having conversations with myself. Hey look here comes your dad." Lex said nonchalantly.
That got her attention. "Huh, what, parental unit in the vicinity?" Paris's head shot up and she looked around the room.
Lex smiled at her. "Finally. Your dad's not here, I just got tired of talking to myself."
"That was just plain cruel Luthor."
"It was a last resort I assure you. Did you know that your accent gets thicker when you're angry?"
"Utterly infuriated actually. Have a 9 iron I can borrow? I heard the cops are keeping the driver for evidence." She smirked raising an eyebrow at Lex. She threw the script on the table and wrote 'CRAP' on the cover.
"Are you ever going to let that go?" He asked, returning the smirk.
"Eventually." She said taking a sip of her coffee.
"I was surprised that you weren't home when I got there."
"Are you kidding I can actually go out in public, without makeup and all that crap and not be swarmed by people. Besides, no offence, but your house gives me the creeps."
Lex smiled. "It does have a certain medieval feel to it. I see you have a plethora of reading material with you though." He said picking up the script she had put down.
"I do believe that my manager is trying to get himself fired with that one, bloody wanker." She said as she took another sip from her coffee.
"You know I've always wondered. How do you decide what movies you're going to do?"
"It's actually pretty easy, for me at least. I read them and break them up into 3 piles. The one's I absolutely will not do for one reason or another, usually because they're bad, go in the pile on my left. The crap' pile. The one's I may do are in the 'second read pile' on my right, and the one's I want to produce are in the middle."
"Well the crap pile is quite large today." Lex said chuckling.
"Yeah I know. Out of the three in my second read pile there's only 1 I really want to do."
"But that's why you took a few months off right? I re-coop and find a project you really want to do?"
"Yeah, that and catch my breath. I can't believe I've only been here three weeks."
"That's good. I brought you something." He handed her the issue of the Torch he had brought with him.
"Oh cool!" She took it and read the article Chloe wrote about her, she was above the fold 'Smallville's Newest Resident Revealed' was the title. The bottom story was about Ian. "See and I managed to not share any embarrassing Lex stories." She smiled brightly at him.
"I am appreciative of that." Lex settled back in his chair and took a sip of his coffee while she read. He was enjoying his time with his friend, they hadn't gotten to sped any quality time together since their fathers found out about them.
Chloe and Clark walked up to the table.
"Hey guys." Clark said happily.
Paris looked up from the paper. "Hey Clark. Chloe nice job I am enjoying the article." She smiled at them.
"Thanks, between you and Ian I couldn't decide who to put above the fold, but you didn't try to kill me so you won."
"Well that's a hell of a way to win coin toss." Paris said jokingly.
"How are you recovering from your latest brush with the dark side Chloe?" Lex asked kindly.
"Oh you know. I didn't wind up in the hospital this time so I consider it a victory on some level." Chloe said with a smile.
"Wait, this isn't the first time something like this happened?" Paris asked confused.
"You could say that." Clark said shrugging.
"This place is weird, but I still haven't run into any 6 foot 5 Marilyn Monroes with a 5:00 shadow so it can't be all that weird." Paris said jokingly. "So what brings you two over here?"
Clark spoke up. "Well Thanksgiving is next week and we were wondering if you two wanted to have Thanksgiving with our families, at my house. If you don't have plans already."
"It's really fun, and Mrs. Kent makes this giant turkey and awesome pumpkin pie."
Paris blinked a few times. "Thanksgiving completely slipped my mind."
"How? I mean it is huge around here." Clark asked bewildered.
"No, I noticed the decorations were up but it never registered. It's not a big holiday in my family. My dad's British and they're still pissed about the Revolutionary war." That got a laugh from the group. "And my Mom was French, so anything short of Mardi Gras doesn't even show up on their radar. Why didn't you say anything about it?" She asked Lex.
"I just assumed you were capable of reading a calendar. Well I know my father's going to be out of town until December, not that I would willingly spend an entire day with him, so I'm in. How about you?"
"Yeah definitely."
"Alright we'll see you Thursday afternoon then. Later."
"Yeah I have to go work on an article. Bye."
"Bye Cark, Chloe."
"Later you two. Hey Chloe."
"Yeah Paris?"
"Not every guy you like will turn out to be like Ian. You'll find the right one."
"Thanks, but what makes you so sure?"
"Don't worry, I just am."
"Alright. Later." Chloe turned and walked to the door with a sense of hope.
Lex turned back to Paris. "Shouldn't you be looking in the mirror when you say things like that?"
She was exasperated with him. "Lex, the girl has been harboring a crush on her best friend who is in love with her roommate. And was just crushed by who she thought was the one person capable of understanding her. Right now she thinks that every guy in the world is either homicidal or complete pond scum. She needed a pep talk."
"What makes you such an expert in the field of love?"
"Would you believe I'm an old soul?" She asked jokingly.
"Try again." Lex quipped.
"Oh let's see, between counseling you and Bruce through many a girlfriend, and Albert. Well I could write a series of dating Encyclopedias about my cousin's love life. I've become very attune to when someone needs a little love pick me up."
"And somehow you have managed to ignore your own good advice?"
"I knew I was gonna pay for that comment on your uncanny ability to strictly date bimbos." She said shaking her head.
"Not entirely, I mean you're 22, successful, smart, beautiful, scarily strong willed and independent."
"Are you going somewhere with this or are you just going to sit here and complement me all day? Cause I can go for either."
"Why are you sitting in a coffee house in Kansas, with me talking about teenage dating woes?"
"Cause this is where I want to be."
"But why? I mean we've been friends since what, birth?"
"Yeah about."
"Okay so I know you pretty well. So it kind of shocked me when you called me up in September, hysterical, saying that you hated L.A. and we're moving as soon as you finished shooting the show. Weren't you engaged?"
"I was. We were happy." She stopped.
"But?"
"But he turned out to be an asshole and I wasn't going to marry him."
"What kind of asshole? Unsupportive, jealous, ego maniac?"
"No. No he was a special kind of asshole, not unique but definitely in a whole different realm of asshole. He was the kind of guy who sleeps with his secretary in my house and then gets pissed at me when I walk in on them."
"Ouch." Lex cringed.
"Yeah it wasn't pretty. So I kicked him out, said to hell with this I'm moving somewhere where people don't think this is okay to do, not to me." She shook her head. "That's when I called you."
"You wanted to be around people who don't think cheating on their significant other is okay so you called me? That L.A. smog must've fried your brain."
Paris smiled sadly and looked up at him. "How many times did you cheat on me?"
"None." Lex gave his self-deprecating half smile.
"Exactly." Paris smiled back.
"And here you are."
"Yep."
"Any more to the story?"
"Yeah, but that's for a later date."
"Hint taken."
"Thank you."
----Thanksgiving day----
The Kent household was a buzz of excitement. Martha was in the kitchen preparing food as the guests started to arrive. Clark came bounding down the stairs when the doorbell rang. Chloe, Gabe and Lana were on the other side.
"Hey guys. Happy Thanksgiving." Clark said as his friends came inside.
"You too Clark." Chloe said as she ushered past him toward the kitchen.
"Thanks Clark, you too." Lana said following Chloe.
"Hello Clark."
"Hello Mr. Sullivan." Clark was about to close the door behind Gabe when he saw Paris's silvery blue Porch pull up with techno music blaring from the speakers. The next sight he saw completely amused him. Paris got out of the drivers side and Lex was the passenger. From the look on Lex's face and his posture he definitely was not happy about being the passenger. Clark had to stifle laughter as the duo walked up the steps to the house, but Lex saw the twinkle in his eye.
"Don't say it Clark." Lex said warningly.
"What? I mean it's not every day you see Lex Luthor get out of the passenger side of a car with a license plate reading PMS 911. But who'd laugh at that?" Clark said with a snort at the end.
Paris bounded up the stairs behind Lex laughing. "Don't be such a cave man Lex."
Lex turned to her. "Do shut up, least favorite house guest of mine."
Clark followed Lex and Paris in the house. "So what's the deal anyway?"
They followed Clark to the kitchen bickering the whole way. "No deal, just didn't feel like driving."
"coughbullshitcough"
"Shut it."
"He's just mad because he lost at pool."
Clark's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You lost at pool?"
"Don't look so surprised Clark, girls can shoot pool."
"You cheated."
"Lair."
"Alright you two, do I need to separate you?" Martha said jokingly with her hands on her hips.
Paris and Lex looked at each other and started laughing hysterically.
"What's so funny?" Chloe asked, slightly confused by the sight of Lex Luthor near tears in laughter. 'Mental note, send Paris a thank you note for the new Lex.'
It took the two a few minutes to compose themselves. Lex had his hand on the edge of counter bracing himself because of the laughter. Paris was wiping tears out of her eyes from laughing so hard. "We. I. Nose." Paris dissolved back into laughter.
"Let me try."
"Okay but it's my story."
"Well then tell it."
"I can't, too much laughter."
Even Jonathan and Gabe's interest was piqued. 'Lex Luthor, laughing in my kitchen, now where's Chloe's trusty camera when you need it?' Jonathan thought to himself amused.
"Alright I'll tell it." Lex made sure he was composed enough to tell it. "We have a habit of getting into trouble around the holidays."
"What kind of trouble?" Lana asked.
"Interesting trouble to say the least. This particular story ends with me in the Emergency Room with a broken nose."
"Usually it's because we would be stuck together for too long and one of us would snap, and that's never good. I mean you heard the sailing story." Paris shook her head and stated laughing again.
"Okay but what has you two laughing so hard?" Clark asked. 'Mental note, I have never seen Lex laugh so hard since I met him. Screw that, I've only seen him chuckle and those were weak.'
Lex started the story. "We were what 7?"
"Yeah about, remember I'm 6 months older than you." She said jokingly.
"Fine whatever, you're older and superior and you kicked my butt at pool today. Are you happy now?"
"Yeah."
"I'm still taller than you."
"By six inches, I hardly call that a victory."
"I can still make you jump for your car keys."
"Do you remember what happened last time you did that?" Paris said arrogantly.
"What happened last time he did that?" Lana asked amused.
"I kneed him."
"Well what's so... Oh never mind." Chloe said. "That must've been, well unpleasant."
Clark jumped in. "Chloe."
"Yes?"
"You're rambling."
"Okay, stopping now."
Lex looked at Paris with mock annoyance. "Anyway. It was her first Thanksgiving in the states."
"How's that?" Martha asked
"I was born in France. My father owns houses in England and France, so we lived in France, most of the time, because of my grandfather until I was school age, then we moved to England. Seeing as how he's British my dad has this thing for the British school system. But we had to move to New York when dad decided to finish taking over Manhattan. Before that we would only come to the states for holiday or business with dad."
"Oh." Martha nodded in understanding.
"So we all met up in Gotham city to have a 'proper' Thanksgiving with the Waynes."
"There's the first mistake, having three only children under one roof for an elongated period of time is never a good idea. Especially when one doesn't know how to share."
"Would you like to continue the story?"
"No go ahead Mother Goose. Just let me add that if my father had grabbed the right doll none of this would have happened."
"Oh it would have happened, you just wouldn't have had a weapon." Lex said sarcastically.
"A weapon? Jeez Paris what kind of dolls did you play with as a kid?" Chloe asked, amused.
Paris laughed. "It's not the doll, it's the person using the doll."
"Can I start the story please?"
"Fine Mr. Impatient. Watch out though, I still have that doll somewhere."
Lex just smirked before starting the story. "Wait, I don't know the beginning."
"Oh yeah I forgot about that. Okay so here's what happened."
----Wayne Manor, Thanksgiving Day 1987----
The Waynes and Stratfords were sitting at the dining room table in Wayne manor, eating breakfast, waiting for the Luthors to arrive.
"So Paris how do you like your new school?" Mrs. Wayne asked.
"I don't." The little girl said quietly.
"Why not? School's fun." Young Bruce Wayne asked.
"No it's not." Paris looked down and picked at her breakfast. "Maman peut j'aller montre le défilé à la television?"
Malcolm bristled at his daughter's use of French at the table. "Paris don't be rude. If you want to ask a question please do so in English."
The little girl looked like she might cry. "Sorry. Mommy may I go watch the parade on television?"
Yvonne Stratford was a tall (about 5 foot 7), slender, French woman with long curly brown hair and blue eyes, she had medium olive skin, full red lips and a beautiful smile. Yvonne smiled at her daughter. "Yes sweetheart."
Pairs scooted her chair away from the table and started to walk out of the room.
"Paris sweetheart please come back here."
Paris turned around and quickly walked over to her mother. "Yes mommy?"
Yvonne reached out and picked up her daughter and set her on her lap hugging her. "I love you." She kissed her little girl on the cheek.
Paris brightened up a bit and hugged her mother back. "I love you too mommy. Can I go watch the parade now?"
Yvonne chuckled. "Yes dear."
Paris hopped off her mother's lap and happily skipped out of the room.
Bruce looked at his father. "Dad can I go?"
Thomas Wayne nodded his head in agreement before his son could finish his question. Bruce happily hopped off his chair and ran out of the room after his friend.
Martha Wayne called after her young son. "And don't pester Alfred."
"Okay mom."
The adults began talking amongst themselves.
"Why doesn't she like school?" Martha Wayne asked. "She's a very bright girl."
"I know. She misses her cousins, and she's been having a hard time making friends. Some of the kids make fun of her accent."
"Well that's terrible." Thomas Wayne said. "Have you talked to anyone at the school about this?"
"Yes, oddly enough we weren't the one's who called them. They called us." Malcolm said before taking a sip of his coffee.
"Well that's good, at least the school recognized the problem." Martha said.
Yvonne shook her head 'no'. "Hardly. It was actually about Paris. She hadn't told us what was going on. Apparently one day she had enough, a girl was making fun of her about something absurd, so during art class Paris cut the girl's hair."
"How much?" Martha Wayne asked, with a look of shock and amusement on her face.
"An entire pig tail, she cut right up to the rubber band."
Martha's eyes grew wide, and she stifled a chuckle. "You're kidding." She said with disbelief.
Yvonne smiled, hiding her laughter, and shook her haid 'no' again.
"Not at all. The girl was almost completely bald on one half of her head they had to cut the rest of her hair to match the length. Poor child looks like a boy now." Malcolm said drearily. "On the one hand I'm proud of her for standing up for herself. But on the other we cannot encourage her outbursts, she'll grow up to become emotionally irrational. Not to mention attacking other children, it's not healthy."
"Well she's adjusting Malcolm, she's only 7 she'll get used to it here. Besides the little chit had it coming." Yvonne added. "This girl tormented Paris almost everyday. After the incident in art class she hasn't even glanced at my baby."
"Yvonne you can't coddle her for the rest of her life."
Yvonne just shook her head at her husband.
The Waynes laughed from where they sat.
"You do have to admit Malcolm chap. The situation is rather funny when you think about it. Who was the girl anyway?"
"Victoria Hardwick."
Thomas sobered. "Sir Harry's daughter? When did they move to the states?"
"He didn't. They got a divorce so his ex-wife took Victoria back to New York."
Bruce caught up with Paris in the downstairs T.V. room. They sat happily watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade for the next two hours until Alfred came in and told them that the Luthors had arrived. Paris and Bruce raced to the front door to greet their friend.
----Back to the Kitchen----
Chloe was laughing. "You cut Victoria Hardwick's hair off?"
"Yes I did and I'm still proud of it."
"What'd your parents say when the school called?" Martha asked.
"My dad just shook his head and said Lord help me with this child. And my mom took me out for ice cream. Needless to say I was confused."
"She didn't yell at you?" Lana asked confused.
"No my dad was always better at yelling at me. She was my ally, we talked through things instead of her punishing me. I sincerely believe that I could have burned our building down and she wouldn't have yelled at me. Anyway here's where the story gets interesting. Lex I do believe it is your turn."
"Thank you very much." Lex began his half.
----Back to 1987----
Enter a pissed off 6 year old Lex Luthor
Lex had gotten into a fight at school the day before so not only did he have a black eye but his dad took away his 'Warrior Angel' comic, AND he had to listen to Lionel lecture on fighting and how it showed just as much as weakness as crying. Lionel's words still echoed in his head, "Your fists are your last resort son and they know that, you're smarter than them. Besides if you do decide to fight someone, make sure you can win, black eyes don't suit you." Blah, blah, blah, the rest was a blur to Lex because he had tuned his father out somewhere around Topeka. 'I would have won the stupid fight if the idiot hadn't kicked me in the chest. Damn asthma.' He thought glumly.
Paris and Bruce came tearing into the large foyer and screeched to a halt when they saw their friend.
"Hey Lex." Bruce said.
"What happened to your eye?" Paris asked concerned.
"Shut up Paris, don't ask stupid questions." Lex said angrily.
"Alexander Joseph Luthor we don't talk that way." Lionel chastised his son. "Apologize."
"But dad." Lex whined.
Lionel fixed an angry look on the boy.
Lex looked to his mother for help. "Your father's right dear." She said, looking at her son kindly.
Paris stuck her tongue out at him when neither of his parents were looking.
"Fine. I'msorryIyelledatyouParis." Lex said neutrally, glaring at her.
Paris smiled smugly. "Good."
Bruce looked at his cocky friend in astonishment then turned back to Lex. "So what happened?"
"I got into a fight. Are you happy now?"
"Well who won?" Paris asked innocently.
Lex just looked at her angrily and stomped off down the hall.
"I guess it wasn't him." Bruce whispered to Paris, they dissolved in giggles.
Neither child had noticed their parents walk in.
"Bruce it's not polite to whisper." Thomas Wayne corrected his son.
Bruce stiffened at the sound of his father's voice. Paris quickly stopped giggling and followed suit, knowing her parents were probably present too. They quickly scurried off in search of Lex. They finally found him in Bruce's play room. He was sitting on the floor doing a 1000 piece puzzle of 'The Hulk.'
"Hey I've been working on that all week, no fair if you finish it." Bruce protested.
Lex was annoyed. "Fine. Then find something else to do."
Bruce walked over to a bookshelf across the room and took out a pack of UNO cards. "How about UNO?"
"Fine." Lex said sitting on the floor, crossing his legs Indian style.
"Sure." Paris sat across from Lex. She sat Indian style also but made sure that her, purple corduroy jumper covered her knees so no one could see up it. When she started school she had to wear a uniform skirt everyday and her mother had told her it wasn't lady like to let anyone see up your skirt. Bruce joined the circle and dealt the cards to his friends.
After about an hour Bruce had won 3 games and Paris had won 2, Lex hadn't won any.
Paris discarded a yellow reverse, leaving her with 1 card. Meaning it was now Lex's turn again. "UNO."
Lex looked at his hand. 3 green cards and 4 blue ones and not one word card in the lot. Lex shot her an annoyed look before drawing a card from the pile. Red 7. "Man this stinks."
Bruce put a yellow 7 down on the discard pile and Paris happily put her red 7 on top of it.
"I'm out." She said happily.
"We can see that. God we're not blind over here." Lex snapped at her before throwing his cards down.
"What's your problem?" Bruce asked.
"Nothing. I'm just in a bad mood, my eye looks stupid and it hurts and you and princess sunshine won like every hand."
"It's not like we were keeping score." Paris said, hoping to lighten the situation.
"Shut up. Why don't you go do something girly?"
"There's no one else to play with."
"Well then go play by yourself. My dad yelled at me because of you. I don't want to play with you anymore."
"I hate you. And you have stupid clown hair." With that Paris left the room in search of something to do.
----Present day----
"Stupid clown hair?" Lana asked laughing.
"I was 7, I wasn't entirely erudite back then, and he really did look like Bozo."
"Where did you go after you yelled at me?"
"I wandered around the house for awhile, then I found Alfred in the kitchen. We talked for awhile."
"You talked to Alfred, the Yoda of Gotham, and you still hit me?" Lex said shocked.
"I could have talked to Ghandi and still wound up knocking you on your ass. You were a very annoying child."
The room erupted in laughter.
----1987----
"I hate you. And you have stupid clown hair." With that Paris left the room in search of something to do. She wanted to go cry to her mom but she knew her dad probably wouldn't like that. She wandered down one of the long corridors for a few minutes when she smelled something cooking. She followed her nose and opened the swinging door to find Alfred cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
Alfred saw the kitchen door swing open. Whoever came in was too short to be seen over the counter and but he didn't see a tuft of brown hair or red so he assumed it was young Paris. When the counter stool moved and a head of honey brown hair in two French braids and large green eyes climbed up and smiled at him he knew he was right.
Paris situated herself on the stool so she was kneeling and had her chin resting on her elbows, she looked intently at Alfred as he rolled out the pie crust.
"What are you doing?" Paris asked.
Alfred smiled at the child. "Well I'm glad you asked Miss. Paris. I am making a crust for the pie."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because Angela the normal cook is sick so I'm filling in."
"Oh, okay. Alfred are you from England?"
"Yes I am."
"What part?"
"Dover actually. Why do you ask?"
"Do you ever miss it?"
"Sometimes, but the Waynes are very nice people. They are like family to me."
"Oh." Paris got a somber look on her face. "My family is all in Europe."
"Do you miss them?"
"Sometimes. My grandma and Grandpa Stratford live in England, I like them. I miss my cousin Albert because we play together, and I miss my Grandmare and Grandpere in France, they're nice. But I don't miss Elizabeth, she's Albert's older sister, she's mean."
Alfred chuckled. "Well my dear with the acceptation of Elizabeth you seem to have a nice family. Would you like an apple slice?"
"Yes please." Paris gladly accepted the fruit, she had hardly ate any of her breakfast and the smell of food was making her tummy rumble. "I like them a lot. I don't have anyone to play with here." She took a bite of her fruit.
"What about Master Bruce and Master Alexander?"
She shook her head 'no.' "That's different, they don't live by me. I only see them sometimes. Besides Lex is being really mean right now, so I don't like him very much."
"That's understandable. Give him time, he'll be nice again. I assure you. What about the children in New York?"
"I don't know. They're stuck up and they don't like the way I talk. But that's okay because I don't like the way they talk either, they sound like they have stuffy noses."
"Well I don't see why. A British accent is a delightful one, if I do say so myself. Julie Andrews has a British accent you know."
Paris smiled at him. "I know, I like Mary Poppins."
"And you are a very delightful young lady. Those other children will come around soon."
Yvonne entered the room and walked up to her daughter. "There you are sweetheart. Alfred I hope she isn't bothering you."
"Nonsense Mrs. Stratford, Miss Paris and I were engaged in a conversation about the English accent."
Yvonne smiled at her daughter. "You were, were you. And what about the French accent Paris?"
"J'aime cette un trop maman." Paris said in perfect French, complete with accent. -Translation: 'I like that one very much also.'
"Alright you. Come on we'll go read more of your Matilda book. Thank you for watching her Alfred, she just loves to wander off."
"It was my pleasure Madam."
Yvonne picked up her daughter and carried her to the door.
"Bye Alfred, it was nice talking to you." Paris waved at him over her mother's shoulder.
"You too Miss. Paris." After they left Alfred smiled and continued making his pie.
Dinner had gone by without any problems. All three children knew to be on their best behavior. Lex didn't even look at Paris, which was fine with her because she was pretty sure that if he said one more mean thing to her that she was going to throw mashed potatoes at his head. It wasn't her fault that he lost his fight, the fight was probably his fault anyway, he had such a big mouth. 'Stupid clown haired jerk.' She thought to herself. 'If he's not nice I'll cut it off.'
After dinner the boys watched football with their father's while they discussed business and the mother's went on a walk outside the manor with Paris. Around 8:00 the mothers got the children ready for bed and sent them to the play room until it was time for bed.
Lex and Bruce were playing Mario Brothers on Bruce's new Nintendo system.
"When's it my turn?" Paris asked impatiently.
"As soon as one of us dies, and the way Lex is playing you won't have to wait long."
"Oh. Okay."
Lex's turn was up not too long after that so he handed the controller over to Paris, begrudgingly. "Fine but it's not like you're any good anyway. You'll be out before you know it." He said smugly as he went and sit down on the couch behind his friends. To his surprise Paris was quite good at the game, she finished the level he died on and was currently in the middle of the next one.
"Where did you get so good at this?" Bruce asked.
"My cousin has one, we played it all the time in England."
"Hmph." Lex made an disgruntled sound from the couch.
"What are you mad about now?" Bruce asked.
"She's taking too long, it should be my turn again."
Paris paused the game and turned to talk to Lex. "No it shouldn't. We change controllers when someone dies and I haven't died yet so it's not your turn Lex. Why don't you bug Bruce for his controller?"
"Because if you weren't here I wouldn't have to share with you. You took my spot and I want it back."
Paris took a deep breath and turned around to play the game and ignore Lex.
Bruce leaned over and whispered to her. "Don't let him bug you he's just in a bad mood."
Paris nodded and continued playing the game, ignoring Lex.
"If you hadn't whined so much then I wouldn't have died. You distracted me." Lex hopped off the couch and walked up behind her, getting tired of her ignoring him. "If you think ignoring me is gonna help you're wrong. I'll just keep talking until you lose."
"Shut up Lex!" Paris was mad.
Lex reached over and tugged hard on her braid, twice.
"OW!" The little girl screamed. "What did you do that for, stupid?"
"I want the controller back."
"NO! It's my turn not yours."
Just then Alfred walked in. "Excuse me but did I hear arguing coming from in here?" None of the children answered, the just looked at the floor not making eye contact with him. "That's what I thought. If I hear anymore arguing form this room I will put the game away and separate the three of you."
"Yes sir." The three children muttered.
"Very well." Alfred left the room.
When they were sure he was gone Bruce spoke up. "Nice job Lex. Get us all in trouble why don't you."
"Shut up Bruce. Mr. Goody two shoes, I don't do anything wrong."
Paris stood up to yell at Lex. "Shut up and go to bed, you're being mean today." Paris said angered.
"Why don't you go back to England. Or doesn't anyone there like you either."
Bruce stayed out of this argument, he thought it best to let those two go at it by themselves. 'If someone starts swinging I'm not getting into trouble.' He thought to himself.
"What are you talking about?" She asked.
"I heard my mom and dad talking the other day. They said that you don't have any friends in New York, some people think you're going to have a breakdown, whatever that is. Big surprise, you're such a prissy princess."
"No I'm not a prissy princess! What about you? Why did you get into that fight yesterday? I bet it's because you're mean and the other kids can beat you up because you have asthma, you can't even defend yourself."
"Shut up! I hate you! I wish you never came here and that I never met you! No one really likes you, they're just nice to you because of your dad."
Paris had tears in her eyes but she refused to cry in front of either boy. Her dad told her 'Never let your attacker see you cry. They'll just use it against you.' "I'm going to go read." She said quietly.
"Go cry to your mommy, stupid baby."
Paris turned and started to walk out of the room, clutching her Cabbage Patch Kid doll to her chest, she buried her face in it's hair.
"Nice job Lex. You made her cry, your dad's going to be so mad at you. And if I get yelled at because of you I'm not going to be your friend anymore."
Lex was startled at that. "Oh no you're right." He ran after Paris to see if he could apologize. He caught up with her just outside the playroom. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Paris."
Just then the dam broke. Tears were streaming down Paris's face as she turned around and swung her Cabbage Patch Doll, head first, at Lex, hitting him square in the nose.
"Ow!" The little boy cried clutching his nose. She pushed him hard and he fell onto his back. She sat on his chest and took another swing and hit him in the nose a second time, this time blood came pouring out of his nose and all over his face. He started to cry, clutching his nose. "Paris stop I'm sorry!" He tried to get her to stop but she wouldn't, she hit him another time before yelling at him in broken sobs.
Crocodile tears were pouring out of her eyes, she could barely see Lex and he was right in front of her. "NNNNo yyyyyour'e nnnnooott."
Bruce came out of the room when he heard crying. "Paris, Lex. I'm getting your moms!" With that Bruce went tearing down the hall in search of their parents.
"I hhhheard you tttttalking. Yyyyou jjjjust. Just don't wwwwant to to to get in tttttttrouble."
"Paris stop crying it'll be okay."
"Nnnno it won't. I wwwant to go go go hommmme"
Lex's chest started to tighten. "Paris get off, I can't breathe."
"Liar!" She yelled.
"Paris please." Lex reached into the pocket of his flannel pants to get his inhaler. He tried to push her off but he couldn't, so he tried to take a puff off his inhaler, luckily it worked.
Just then all of their parents came running up to them. He was still bleeding profusely and Paris was crying harder and harder by the second. Yvonne swooped Paris up, off Lex and carried her. Lionel knelt down and helped Lex sit up.
"Oh Lex, what happened?" He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and started to wipe the blood off his son's face.
"I don't know, she just hit me."
"Liar, you were being a jerk and you made her cry."
"Well yeah but she didn't have to hit me."
"Alexander what have your father and I told you about teasing other children."
"I know mom."
Lionel wiped his son's nose but Lex flinched. "Ow it hurts."
"It hasn't stopped bleeding Lillian. I think it's broken. What did she hit you with?" Lionel helped his son to his feet.
"Her stupid doll." He pointed an accusatory finger at her.
"Okay. Let's get you to the hospital."
"Alfred will drive you." Thomas said.
"Thank you Thomas." The Luthors followed Thomas down the hall to find Alfred.
"Malcolm I told you not to grab that doll."
"She's 7 years old Yvonne, she doesn't need that Grover thing."
Paris was still crying. "Yyyyesss I I I I do. I want tttttto go home." She buried her face in the crook of her mother's neck and started crying harder.
"We're going home tomorrow baby." She rubbed circles on her daughter's back in hopes of calming her down.
"Nnnnoooooooo. I wwwwwwant to go go go go back to England."
"Oh. I see dear." She spoke soothingly as she shot her husband an angry glare.
----Present day----
Everyone in the kitchen was laughing.
"You broke his nose with a Cabbage Patch Doll." Clark said, still laughing.
Paris was wiping tears out of her eyes. "Yeah. It was bad. I was in anger management therapy for a year after that."
Lex had to stop laughing to talk. "What about me? I had to tell the doctors that I was beat up by a 7 year old girl and her doll."
"Well you deserved it."
Chloe was still laughing hard. "I always thought Cabbage Patch Kids were ugly but I never thought they were lethal."
"Well I guess you learn something new everyday." Lana spoke up.
"He didn't look at me the entire next day until we left."
"Well yeah, I was afraid of what other body parts you were going to go after next. Between the black eye and the broken nose you just had limbs left."
"After that we had a rule, no Cabbage Patch Kid were allowed at holidays, ever, and no video games."
"That lasted until we were 12 or 13."
"Well yeah. After that they had a whole new crop of problems to worry about with us. You do remember the Christmas party when Chip Schrek puked all over the Mayor's wife."
"Oh that's gross. What prompted that?" Chloe asked.
"A bottle of champagne and a hundred dollar bet." Paris said flippantly.
"I only bet him fifty."
"Yeah but yours was fifty to drink it in under an hour. I bet him another a hundred if he could drink it in under half an hour."
"Are you kidding? Too bad none of us knew about alcohol poisoning back then or we might have been in some serious trouble."
Paris breathed a chuckle. "Like it would have mattered. Chip is pure evil, you can't kill that, it's kind of like matter. Can neither be created or destroyed, only change form."
"You do know that every time one of you whips out some obscure educational fact it makes the rest of us look bad, right?" Clark asked half heartedly.
"Well maybe if you paid half as much attention to your classes as you do to basketball you'll be able to do that too someday." Jonathan said jokingly.
"Thanks dad."
"Alright everyone, dinner is served." Martha announced.
----The Talon----
Lex walked in the Talon, holding the newest issue of the Torch, and saw Paris sitting in a booth in the back, chewing on a red Sharpie and talking to herself.
She was reading a script. "Crap, crap, crap. Utterly mind numbing insipid crap." She turned the page. "Oh bloody 'ell. You must be joking." She said exasperated as she continued talking to herself.
Lex walked up to the table and cleared his throat. Paris didn't look up from what she was doing. "Yeah, sit, I'll be done in a minute."
"Gee you're oh so pleasant today. I'm glad I took the time to come here." Lex said dryly.
"Bloody wanker, I can't believe him. Overpaid fuckwit." She ranted to the script in her hand.
"That's alright I like having conversations with myself. Hey look here comes your dad." Lex said nonchalantly.
That got her attention. "Huh, what, parental unit in the vicinity?" Paris's head shot up and she looked around the room.
Lex smiled at her. "Finally. Your dad's not here, I just got tired of talking to myself."
"That was just plain cruel Luthor."
"It was a last resort I assure you. Did you know that your accent gets thicker when you're angry?"
"Utterly infuriated actually. Have a 9 iron I can borrow? I heard the cops are keeping the driver for evidence." She smirked raising an eyebrow at Lex. She threw the script on the table and wrote 'CRAP' on the cover.
"Are you ever going to let that go?" He asked, returning the smirk.
"Eventually." She said taking a sip of her coffee.
"I was surprised that you weren't home when I got there."
"Are you kidding I can actually go out in public, without makeup and all that crap and not be swarmed by people. Besides, no offence, but your house gives me the creeps."
Lex smiled. "It does have a certain medieval feel to it. I see you have a plethora of reading material with you though." He said picking up the script she had put down.
"I do believe that my manager is trying to get himself fired with that one, bloody wanker." She said as she took another sip from her coffee.
"You know I've always wondered. How do you decide what movies you're going to do?"
"It's actually pretty easy, for me at least. I read them and break them up into 3 piles. The one's I absolutely will not do for one reason or another, usually because they're bad, go in the pile on my left. The crap' pile. The one's I may do are in the 'second read pile' on my right, and the one's I want to produce are in the middle."
"Well the crap pile is quite large today." Lex said chuckling.
"Yeah I know. Out of the three in my second read pile there's only 1 I really want to do."
"But that's why you took a few months off right? I re-coop and find a project you really want to do?"
"Yeah, that and catch my breath. I can't believe I've only been here three weeks."
"That's good. I brought you something." He handed her the issue of the Torch he had brought with him.
"Oh cool!" She took it and read the article Chloe wrote about her, she was above the fold 'Smallville's Newest Resident Revealed' was the title. The bottom story was about Ian. "See and I managed to not share any embarrassing Lex stories." She smiled brightly at him.
"I am appreciative of that." Lex settled back in his chair and took a sip of his coffee while she read. He was enjoying his time with his friend, they hadn't gotten to sped any quality time together since their fathers found out about them.
Chloe and Clark walked up to the table.
"Hey guys." Clark said happily.
Paris looked up from the paper. "Hey Clark. Chloe nice job I am enjoying the article." She smiled at them.
"Thanks, between you and Ian I couldn't decide who to put above the fold, but you didn't try to kill me so you won."
"Well that's a hell of a way to win coin toss." Paris said jokingly.
"How are you recovering from your latest brush with the dark side Chloe?" Lex asked kindly.
"Oh you know. I didn't wind up in the hospital this time so I consider it a victory on some level." Chloe said with a smile.
"Wait, this isn't the first time something like this happened?" Paris asked confused.
"You could say that." Clark said shrugging.
"This place is weird, but I still haven't run into any 6 foot 5 Marilyn Monroes with a 5:00 shadow so it can't be all that weird." Paris said jokingly. "So what brings you two over here?"
Clark spoke up. "Well Thanksgiving is next week and we were wondering if you two wanted to have Thanksgiving with our families, at my house. If you don't have plans already."
"It's really fun, and Mrs. Kent makes this giant turkey and awesome pumpkin pie."
Paris blinked a few times. "Thanksgiving completely slipped my mind."
"How? I mean it is huge around here." Clark asked bewildered.
"No, I noticed the decorations were up but it never registered. It's not a big holiday in my family. My dad's British and they're still pissed about the Revolutionary war." That got a laugh from the group. "And my Mom was French, so anything short of Mardi Gras doesn't even show up on their radar. Why didn't you say anything about it?" She asked Lex.
"I just assumed you were capable of reading a calendar. Well I know my father's going to be out of town until December, not that I would willingly spend an entire day with him, so I'm in. How about you?"
"Yeah definitely."
"Alright we'll see you Thursday afternoon then. Later."
"Yeah I have to go work on an article. Bye."
"Bye Cark, Chloe."
"Later you two. Hey Chloe."
"Yeah Paris?"
"Not every guy you like will turn out to be like Ian. You'll find the right one."
"Thanks, but what makes you so sure?"
"Don't worry, I just am."
"Alright. Later." Chloe turned and walked to the door with a sense of hope.
Lex turned back to Paris. "Shouldn't you be looking in the mirror when you say things like that?"
She was exasperated with him. "Lex, the girl has been harboring a crush on her best friend who is in love with her roommate. And was just crushed by who she thought was the one person capable of understanding her. Right now she thinks that every guy in the world is either homicidal or complete pond scum. She needed a pep talk."
"What makes you such an expert in the field of love?"
"Would you believe I'm an old soul?" She asked jokingly.
"Try again." Lex quipped.
"Oh let's see, between counseling you and Bruce through many a girlfriend, and Albert. Well I could write a series of dating Encyclopedias about my cousin's love life. I've become very attune to when someone needs a little love pick me up."
"And somehow you have managed to ignore your own good advice?"
"I knew I was gonna pay for that comment on your uncanny ability to strictly date bimbos." She said shaking her head.
"Not entirely, I mean you're 22, successful, smart, beautiful, scarily strong willed and independent."
"Are you going somewhere with this or are you just going to sit here and complement me all day? Cause I can go for either."
"Why are you sitting in a coffee house in Kansas, with me talking about teenage dating woes?"
"Cause this is where I want to be."
"But why? I mean we've been friends since what, birth?"
"Yeah about."
"Okay so I know you pretty well. So it kind of shocked me when you called me up in September, hysterical, saying that you hated L.A. and we're moving as soon as you finished shooting the show. Weren't you engaged?"
"I was. We were happy." She stopped.
"But?"
"But he turned out to be an asshole and I wasn't going to marry him."
"What kind of asshole? Unsupportive, jealous, ego maniac?"
"No. No he was a special kind of asshole, not unique but definitely in a whole different realm of asshole. He was the kind of guy who sleeps with his secretary in my house and then gets pissed at me when I walk in on them."
"Ouch." Lex cringed.
"Yeah it wasn't pretty. So I kicked him out, said to hell with this I'm moving somewhere where people don't think this is okay to do, not to me." She shook her head. "That's when I called you."
"You wanted to be around people who don't think cheating on their significant other is okay so you called me? That L.A. smog must've fried your brain."
Paris smiled sadly and looked up at him. "How many times did you cheat on me?"
"None." Lex gave his self-deprecating half smile.
"Exactly." Paris smiled back.
"And here you are."
"Yep."
"Any more to the story?"
"Yeah, but that's for a later date."
"Hint taken."
"Thank you."
----Thanksgiving day----
The Kent household was a buzz of excitement. Martha was in the kitchen preparing food as the guests started to arrive. Clark came bounding down the stairs when the doorbell rang. Chloe, Gabe and Lana were on the other side.
"Hey guys. Happy Thanksgiving." Clark said as his friends came inside.
"You too Clark." Chloe said as she ushered past him toward the kitchen.
"Thanks Clark, you too." Lana said following Chloe.
"Hello Clark."
"Hello Mr. Sullivan." Clark was about to close the door behind Gabe when he saw Paris's silvery blue Porch pull up with techno music blaring from the speakers. The next sight he saw completely amused him. Paris got out of the drivers side and Lex was the passenger. From the look on Lex's face and his posture he definitely was not happy about being the passenger. Clark had to stifle laughter as the duo walked up the steps to the house, but Lex saw the twinkle in his eye.
"Don't say it Clark." Lex said warningly.
"What? I mean it's not every day you see Lex Luthor get out of the passenger side of a car with a license plate reading PMS 911. But who'd laugh at that?" Clark said with a snort at the end.
Paris bounded up the stairs behind Lex laughing. "Don't be such a cave man Lex."
Lex turned to her. "Do shut up, least favorite house guest of mine."
Clark followed Lex and Paris in the house. "So what's the deal anyway?"
They followed Clark to the kitchen bickering the whole way. "No deal, just didn't feel like driving."
"coughbullshitcough"
"Shut it."
"He's just mad because he lost at pool."
Clark's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You lost at pool?"
"Don't look so surprised Clark, girls can shoot pool."
"You cheated."
"Lair."
"Alright you two, do I need to separate you?" Martha said jokingly with her hands on her hips.
Paris and Lex looked at each other and started laughing hysterically.
"What's so funny?" Chloe asked, slightly confused by the sight of Lex Luthor near tears in laughter. 'Mental note, send Paris a thank you note for the new Lex.'
It took the two a few minutes to compose themselves. Lex had his hand on the edge of counter bracing himself because of the laughter. Paris was wiping tears out of her eyes from laughing so hard. "We. I. Nose." Paris dissolved back into laughter.
"Let me try."
"Okay but it's my story."
"Well then tell it."
"I can't, too much laughter."
Even Jonathan and Gabe's interest was piqued. 'Lex Luthor, laughing in my kitchen, now where's Chloe's trusty camera when you need it?' Jonathan thought to himself amused.
"Alright I'll tell it." Lex made sure he was composed enough to tell it. "We have a habit of getting into trouble around the holidays."
"What kind of trouble?" Lana asked.
"Interesting trouble to say the least. This particular story ends with me in the Emergency Room with a broken nose."
"Usually it's because we would be stuck together for too long and one of us would snap, and that's never good. I mean you heard the sailing story." Paris shook her head and stated laughing again.
"Okay but what has you two laughing so hard?" Clark asked. 'Mental note, I have never seen Lex laugh so hard since I met him. Screw that, I've only seen him chuckle and those were weak.'
Lex started the story. "We were what 7?"
"Yeah about, remember I'm 6 months older than you." She said jokingly.
"Fine whatever, you're older and superior and you kicked my butt at pool today. Are you happy now?"
"Yeah."
"I'm still taller than you."
"By six inches, I hardly call that a victory."
"I can still make you jump for your car keys."
"Do you remember what happened last time you did that?" Paris said arrogantly.
"What happened last time he did that?" Lana asked amused.
"I kneed him."
"Well what's so... Oh never mind." Chloe said. "That must've been, well unpleasant."
Clark jumped in. "Chloe."
"Yes?"
"You're rambling."
"Okay, stopping now."
Lex looked at Paris with mock annoyance. "Anyway. It was her first Thanksgiving in the states."
"How's that?" Martha asked
"I was born in France. My father owns houses in England and France, so we lived in France, most of the time, because of my grandfather until I was school age, then we moved to England. Seeing as how he's British my dad has this thing for the British school system. But we had to move to New York when dad decided to finish taking over Manhattan. Before that we would only come to the states for holiday or business with dad."
"Oh." Martha nodded in understanding.
"So we all met up in Gotham city to have a 'proper' Thanksgiving with the Waynes."
"There's the first mistake, having three only children under one roof for an elongated period of time is never a good idea. Especially when one doesn't know how to share."
"Would you like to continue the story?"
"No go ahead Mother Goose. Just let me add that if my father had grabbed the right doll none of this would have happened."
"Oh it would have happened, you just wouldn't have had a weapon." Lex said sarcastically.
"A weapon? Jeez Paris what kind of dolls did you play with as a kid?" Chloe asked, amused.
Paris laughed. "It's not the doll, it's the person using the doll."
"Can I start the story please?"
"Fine Mr. Impatient. Watch out though, I still have that doll somewhere."
Lex just smirked before starting the story. "Wait, I don't know the beginning."
"Oh yeah I forgot about that. Okay so here's what happened."
----Wayne Manor, Thanksgiving Day 1987----
The Waynes and Stratfords were sitting at the dining room table in Wayne manor, eating breakfast, waiting for the Luthors to arrive.
"So Paris how do you like your new school?" Mrs. Wayne asked.
"I don't." The little girl said quietly.
"Why not? School's fun." Young Bruce Wayne asked.
"No it's not." Paris looked down and picked at her breakfast. "Maman peut j'aller montre le défilé à la television?"
Malcolm bristled at his daughter's use of French at the table. "Paris don't be rude. If you want to ask a question please do so in English."
The little girl looked like she might cry. "Sorry. Mommy may I go watch the parade on television?"
Yvonne Stratford was a tall (about 5 foot 7), slender, French woman with long curly brown hair and blue eyes, she had medium olive skin, full red lips and a beautiful smile. Yvonne smiled at her daughter. "Yes sweetheart."
Pairs scooted her chair away from the table and started to walk out of the room.
"Paris sweetheart please come back here."
Paris turned around and quickly walked over to her mother. "Yes mommy?"
Yvonne reached out and picked up her daughter and set her on her lap hugging her. "I love you." She kissed her little girl on the cheek.
Paris brightened up a bit and hugged her mother back. "I love you too mommy. Can I go watch the parade now?"
Yvonne chuckled. "Yes dear."
Paris hopped off her mother's lap and happily skipped out of the room.
Bruce looked at his father. "Dad can I go?"
Thomas Wayne nodded his head in agreement before his son could finish his question. Bruce happily hopped off his chair and ran out of the room after his friend.
Martha Wayne called after her young son. "And don't pester Alfred."
"Okay mom."
The adults began talking amongst themselves.
"Why doesn't she like school?" Martha Wayne asked. "She's a very bright girl."
"I know. She misses her cousins, and she's been having a hard time making friends. Some of the kids make fun of her accent."
"Well that's terrible." Thomas Wayne said. "Have you talked to anyone at the school about this?"
"Yes, oddly enough we weren't the one's who called them. They called us." Malcolm said before taking a sip of his coffee.
"Well that's good, at least the school recognized the problem." Martha said.
Yvonne shook her head 'no'. "Hardly. It was actually about Paris. She hadn't told us what was going on. Apparently one day she had enough, a girl was making fun of her about something absurd, so during art class Paris cut the girl's hair."
"How much?" Martha Wayne asked, with a look of shock and amusement on her face.
"An entire pig tail, she cut right up to the rubber band."
Martha's eyes grew wide, and she stifled a chuckle. "You're kidding." She said with disbelief.
Yvonne smiled, hiding her laughter, and shook her haid 'no' again.
"Not at all. The girl was almost completely bald on one half of her head they had to cut the rest of her hair to match the length. Poor child looks like a boy now." Malcolm said drearily. "On the one hand I'm proud of her for standing up for herself. But on the other we cannot encourage her outbursts, she'll grow up to become emotionally irrational. Not to mention attacking other children, it's not healthy."
"Well she's adjusting Malcolm, she's only 7 she'll get used to it here. Besides the little chit had it coming." Yvonne added. "This girl tormented Paris almost everyday. After the incident in art class she hasn't even glanced at my baby."
"Yvonne you can't coddle her for the rest of her life."
Yvonne just shook her head at her husband.
The Waynes laughed from where they sat.
"You do have to admit Malcolm chap. The situation is rather funny when you think about it. Who was the girl anyway?"
"Victoria Hardwick."
Thomas sobered. "Sir Harry's daughter? When did they move to the states?"
"He didn't. They got a divorce so his ex-wife took Victoria back to New York."
Bruce caught up with Paris in the downstairs T.V. room. They sat happily watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade for the next two hours until Alfred came in and told them that the Luthors had arrived. Paris and Bruce raced to the front door to greet their friend.
----Back to the Kitchen----
Chloe was laughing. "You cut Victoria Hardwick's hair off?"
"Yes I did and I'm still proud of it."
"What'd your parents say when the school called?" Martha asked.
"My dad just shook his head and said Lord help me with this child. And my mom took me out for ice cream. Needless to say I was confused."
"She didn't yell at you?" Lana asked confused.
"No my dad was always better at yelling at me. She was my ally, we talked through things instead of her punishing me. I sincerely believe that I could have burned our building down and she wouldn't have yelled at me. Anyway here's where the story gets interesting. Lex I do believe it is your turn."
"Thank you very much." Lex began his half.
----Back to 1987----
Enter a pissed off 6 year old Lex Luthor
Lex had gotten into a fight at school the day before so not only did he have a black eye but his dad took away his 'Warrior Angel' comic, AND he had to listen to Lionel lecture on fighting and how it showed just as much as weakness as crying. Lionel's words still echoed in his head, "Your fists are your last resort son and they know that, you're smarter than them. Besides if you do decide to fight someone, make sure you can win, black eyes don't suit you." Blah, blah, blah, the rest was a blur to Lex because he had tuned his father out somewhere around Topeka. 'I would have won the stupid fight if the idiot hadn't kicked me in the chest. Damn asthma.' He thought glumly.
Paris and Bruce came tearing into the large foyer and screeched to a halt when they saw their friend.
"Hey Lex." Bruce said.
"What happened to your eye?" Paris asked concerned.
"Shut up Paris, don't ask stupid questions." Lex said angrily.
"Alexander Joseph Luthor we don't talk that way." Lionel chastised his son. "Apologize."
"But dad." Lex whined.
Lionel fixed an angry look on the boy.
Lex looked to his mother for help. "Your father's right dear." She said, looking at her son kindly.
Paris stuck her tongue out at him when neither of his parents were looking.
"Fine. I'msorryIyelledatyouParis." Lex said neutrally, glaring at her.
Paris smiled smugly. "Good."
Bruce looked at his cocky friend in astonishment then turned back to Lex. "So what happened?"
"I got into a fight. Are you happy now?"
"Well who won?" Paris asked innocently.
Lex just looked at her angrily and stomped off down the hall.
"I guess it wasn't him." Bruce whispered to Paris, they dissolved in giggles.
Neither child had noticed their parents walk in.
"Bruce it's not polite to whisper." Thomas Wayne corrected his son.
Bruce stiffened at the sound of his father's voice. Paris quickly stopped giggling and followed suit, knowing her parents were probably present too. They quickly scurried off in search of Lex. They finally found him in Bruce's play room. He was sitting on the floor doing a 1000 piece puzzle of 'The Hulk.'
"Hey I've been working on that all week, no fair if you finish it." Bruce protested.
Lex was annoyed. "Fine. Then find something else to do."
Bruce walked over to a bookshelf across the room and took out a pack of UNO cards. "How about UNO?"
"Fine." Lex said sitting on the floor, crossing his legs Indian style.
"Sure." Paris sat across from Lex. She sat Indian style also but made sure that her, purple corduroy jumper covered her knees so no one could see up it. When she started school she had to wear a uniform skirt everyday and her mother had told her it wasn't lady like to let anyone see up your skirt. Bruce joined the circle and dealt the cards to his friends.
After about an hour Bruce had won 3 games and Paris had won 2, Lex hadn't won any.
Paris discarded a yellow reverse, leaving her with 1 card. Meaning it was now Lex's turn again. "UNO."
Lex looked at his hand. 3 green cards and 4 blue ones and not one word card in the lot. Lex shot her an annoyed look before drawing a card from the pile. Red 7. "Man this stinks."
Bruce put a yellow 7 down on the discard pile and Paris happily put her red 7 on top of it.
"I'm out." She said happily.
"We can see that. God we're not blind over here." Lex snapped at her before throwing his cards down.
"What's your problem?" Bruce asked.
"Nothing. I'm just in a bad mood, my eye looks stupid and it hurts and you and princess sunshine won like every hand."
"It's not like we were keeping score." Paris said, hoping to lighten the situation.
"Shut up. Why don't you go do something girly?"
"There's no one else to play with."
"Well then go play by yourself. My dad yelled at me because of you. I don't want to play with you anymore."
"I hate you. And you have stupid clown hair." With that Paris left the room in search of something to do.
----Present day----
"Stupid clown hair?" Lana asked laughing.
"I was 7, I wasn't entirely erudite back then, and he really did look like Bozo."
"Where did you go after you yelled at me?"
"I wandered around the house for awhile, then I found Alfred in the kitchen. We talked for awhile."
"You talked to Alfred, the Yoda of Gotham, and you still hit me?" Lex said shocked.
"I could have talked to Ghandi and still wound up knocking you on your ass. You were a very annoying child."
The room erupted in laughter.
----1987----
"I hate you. And you have stupid clown hair." With that Paris left the room in search of something to do. She wanted to go cry to her mom but she knew her dad probably wouldn't like that. She wandered down one of the long corridors for a few minutes when she smelled something cooking. She followed her nose and opened the swinging door to find Alfred cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
Alfred saw the kitchen door swing open. Whoever came in was too short to be seen over the counter and but he didn't see a tuft of brown hair or red so he assumed it was young Paris. When the counter stool moved and a head of honey brown hair in two French braids and large green eyes climbed up and smiled at him he knew he was right.
Paris situated herself on the stool so she was kneeling and had her chin resting on her elbows, she looked intently at Alfred as he rolled out the pie crust.
"What are you doing?" Paris asked.
Alfred smiled at the child. "Well I'm glad you asked Miss. Paris. I am making a crust for the pie."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because Angela the normal cook is sick so I'm filling in."
"Oh, okay. Alfred are you from England?"
"Yes I am."
"What part?"
"Dover actually. Why do you ask?"
"Do you ever miss it?"
"Sometimes, but the Waynes are very nice people. They are like family to me."
"Oh." Paris got a somber look on her face. "My family is all in Europe."
"Do you miss them?"
"Sometimes. My grandma and Grandpa Stratford live in England, I like them. I miss my cousin Albert because we play together, and I miss my Grandmare and Grandpere in France, they're nice. But I don't miss Elizabeth, she's Albert's older sister, she's mean."
Alfred chuckled. "Well my dear with the acceptation of Elizabeth you seem to have a nice family. Would you like an apple slice?"
"Yes please." Paris gladly accepted the fruit, she had hardly ate any of her breakfast and the smell of food was making her tummy rumble. "I like them a lot. I don't have anyone to play with here." She took a bite of her fruit.
"What about Master Bruce and Master Alexander?"
She shook her head 'no.' "That's different, they don't live by me. I only see them sometimes. Besides Lex is being really mean right now, so I don't like him very much."
"That's understandable. Give him time, he'll be nice again. I assure you. What about the children in New York?"
"I don't know. They're stuck up and they don't like the way I talk. But that's okay because I don't like the way they talk either, they sound like they have stuffy noses."
"Well I don't see why. A British accent is a delightful one, if I do say so myself. Julie Andrews has a British accent you know."
Paris smiled at him. "I know, I like Mary Poppins."
"And you are a very delightful young lady. Those other children will come around soon."
Yvonne entered the room and walked up to her daughter. "There you are sweetheart. Alfred I hope she isn't bothering you."
"Nonsense Mrs. Stratford, Miss Paris and I were engaged in a conversation about the English accent."
Yvonne smiled at her daughter. "You were, were you. And what about the French accent Paris?"
"J'aime cette un trop maman." Paris said in perfect French, complete with accent. -Translation: 'I like that one very much also.'
"Alright you. Come on we'll go read more of your Matilda book. Thank you for watching her Alfred, she just loves to wander off."
"It was my pleasure Madam."
Yvonne picked up her daughter and carried her to the door.
"Bye Alfred, it was nice talking to you." Paris waved at him over her mother's shoulder.
"You too Miss. Paris." After they left Alfred smiled and continued making his pie.
Dinner had gone by without any problems. All three children knew to be on their best behavior. Lex didn't even look at Paris, which was fine with her because she was pretty sure that if he said one more mean thing to her that she was going to throw mashed potatoes at his head. It wasn't her fault that he lost his fight, the fight was probably his fault anyway, he had such a big mouth. 'Stupid clown haired jerk.' She thought to herself. 'If he's not nice I'll cut it off.'
After dinner the boys watched football with their father's while they discussed business and the mother's went on a walk outside the manor with Paris. Around 8:00 the mothers got the children ready for bed and sent them to the play room until it was time for bed.
Lex and Bruce were playing Mario Brothers on Bruce's new Nintendo system.
"When's it my turn?" Paris asked impatiently.
"As soon as one of us dies, and the way Lex is playing you won't have to wait long."
"Oh. Okay."
Lex's turn was up not too long after that so he handed the controller over to Paris, begrudgingly. "Fine but it's not like you're any good anyway. You'll be out before you know it." He said smugly as he went and sit down on the couch behind his friends. To his surprise Paris was quite good at the game, she finished the level he died on and was currently in the middle of the next one.
"Where did you get so good at this?" Bruce asked.
"My cousin has one, we played it all the time in England."
"Hmph." Lex made an disgruntled sound from the couch.
"What are you mad about now?" Bruce asked.
"She's taking too long, it should be my turn again."
Paris paused the game and turned to talk to Lex. "No it shouldn't. We change controllers when someone dies and I haven't died yet so it's not your turn Lex. Why don't you bug Bruce for his controller?"
"Because if you weren't here I wouldn't have to share with you. You took my spot and I want it back."
Paris took a deep breath and turned around to play the game and ignore Lex.
Bruce leaned over and whispered to her. "Don't let him bug you he's just in a bad mood."
Paris nodded and continued playing the game, ignoring Lex.
"If you hadn't whined so much then I wouldn't have died. You distracted me." Lex hopped off the couch and walked up behind her, getting tired of her ignoring him. "If you think ignoring me is gonna help you're wrong. I'll just keep talking until you lose."
"Shut up Lex!" Paris was mad.
Lex reached over and tugged hard on her braid, twice.
"OW!" The little girl screamed. "What did you do that for, stupid?"
"I want the controller back."
"NO! It's my turn not yours."
Just then Alfred walked in. "Excuse me but did I hear arguing coming from in here?" None of the children answered, the just looked at the floor not making eye contact with him. "That's what I thought. If I hear anymore arguing form this room I will put the game away and separate the three of you."
"Yes sir." The three children muttered.
"Very well." Alfred left the room.
When they were sure he was gone Bruce spoke up. "Nice job Lex. Get us all in trouble why don't you."
"Shut up Bruce. Mr. Goody two shoes, I don't do anything wrong."
Paris stood up to yell at Lex. "Shut up and go to bed, you're being mean today." Paris said angered.
"Why don't you go back to England. Or doesn't anyone there like you either."
Bruce stayed out of this argument, he thought it best to let those two go at it by themselves. 'If someone starts swinging I'm not getting into trouble.' He thought to himself.
"What are you talking about?" She asked.
"I heard my mom and dad talking the other day. They said that you don't have any friends in New York, some people think you're going to have a breakdown, whatever that is. Big surprise, you're such a prissy princess."
"No I'm not a prissy princess! What about you? Why did you get into that fight yesterday? I bet it's because you're mean and the other kids can beat you up because you have asthma, you can't even defend yourself."
"Shut up! I hate you! I wish you never came here and that I never met you! No one really likes you, they're just nice to you because of your dad."
Paris had tears in her eyes but she refused to cry in front of either boy. Her dad told her 'Never let your attacker see you cry. They'll just use it against you.' "I'm going to go read." She said quietly.
"Go cry to your mommy, stupid baby."
Paris turned and started to walk out of the room, clutching her Cabbage Patch Kid doll to her chest, she buried her face in it's hair.
"Nice job Lex. You made her cry, your dad's going to be so mad at you. And if I get yelled at because of you I'm not going to be your friend anymore."
Lex was startled at that. "Oh no you're right." He ran after Paris to see if he could apologize. He caught up with her just outside the playroom. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Paris."
Just then the dam broke. Tears were streaming down Paris's face as she turned around and swung her Cabbage Patch Doll, head first, at Lex, hitting him square in the nose.
"Ow!" The little boy cried clutching his nose. She pushed him hard and he fell onto his back. She sat on his chest and took another swing and hit him in the nose a second time, this time blood came pouring out of his nose and all over his face. He started to cry, clutching his nose. "Paris stop I'm sorry!" He tried to get her to stop but she wouldn't, she hit him another time before yelling at him in broken sobs.
Crocodile tears were pouring out of her eyes, she could barely see Lex and he was right in front of her. "NNNNo yyyyyour'e nnnnooott."
Bruce came out of the room when he heard crying. "Paris, Lex. I'm getting your moms!" With that Bruce went tearing down the hall in search of their parents.
"I hhhheard you tttttalking. Yyyyou jjjjust. Just don't wwwwant to to to get in tttttttrouble."
"Paris stop crying it'll be okay."
"Nnnno it won't. I wwwant to go go go hommmme"
Lex's chest started to tighten. "Paris get off, I can't breathe."
"Liar!" She yelled.
"Paris please." Lex reached into the pocket of his flannel pants to get his inhaler. He tried to push her off but he couldn't, so he tried to take a puff off his inhaler, luckily it worked.
Just then all of their parents came running up to them. He was still bleeding profusely and Paris was crying harder and harder by the second. Yvonne swooped Paris up, off Lex and carried her. Lionel knelt down and helped Lex sit up.
"Oh Lex, what happened?" He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and started to wipe the blood off his son's face.
"I don't know, she just hit me."
"Liar, you were being a jerk and you made her cry."
"Well yeah but she didn't have to hit me."
"Alexander what have your father and I told you about teasing other children."
"I know mom."
Lionel wiped his son's nose but Lex flinched. "Ow it hurts."
"It hasn't stopped bleeding Lillian. I think it's broken. What did she hit you with?" Lionel helped his son to his feet.
"Her stupid doll." He pointed an accusatory finger at her.
"Okay. Let's get you to the hospital."
"Alfred will drive you." Thomas said.
"Thank you Thomas." The Luthors followed Thomas down the hall to find Alfred.
"Malcolm I told you not to grab that doll."
"She's 7 years old Yvonne, she doesn't need that Grover thing."
Paris was still crying. "Yyyyesss I I I I do. I want tttttto go home." She buried her face in the crook of her mother's neck and started crying harder.
"We're going home tomorrow baby." She rubbed circles on her daughter's back in hopes of calming her down.
"Nnnnoooooooo. I wwwwwwant to go go go go back to England."
"Oh. I see dear." She spoke soothingly as she shot her husband an angry glare.
----Present day----
Everyone in the kitchen was laughing.
"You broke his nose with a Cabbage Patch Doll." Clark said, still laughing.
Paris was wiping tears out of her eyes. "Yeah. It was bad. I was in anger management therapy for a year after that."
Lex had to stop laughing to talk. "What about me? I had to tell the doctors that I was beat up by a 7 year old girl and her doll."
"Well you deserved it."
Chloe was still laughing hard. "I always thought Cabbage Patch Kids were ugly but I never thought they were lethal."
"Well I guess you learn something new everyday." Lana spoke up.
"He didn't look at me the entire next day until we left."
"Well yeah, I was afraid of what other body parts you were going to go after next. Between the black eye and the broken nose you just had limbs left."
"After that we had a rule, no Cabbage Patch Kid were allowed at holidays, ever, and no video games."
"That lasted until we were 12 or 13."
"Well yeah. After that they had a whole new crop of problems to worry about with us. You do remember the Christmas party when Chip Schrek puked all over the Mayor's wife."
"Oh that's gross. What prompted that?" Chloe asked.
"A bottle of champagne and a hundred dollar bet." Paris said flippantly.
"I only bet him fifty."
"Yeah but yours was fifty to drink it in under an hour. I bet him another a hundred if he could drink it in under half an hour."
"Are you kidding? Too bad none of us knew about alcohol poisoning back then or we might have been in some serious trouble."
Paris breathed a chuckle. "Like it would have mattered. Chip is pure evil, you can't kill that, it's kind of like matter. Can neither be created or destroyed, only change form."
"You do know that every time one of you whips out some obscure educational fact it makes the rest of us look bad, right?" Clark asked half heartedly.
"Well maybe if you paid half as much attention to your classes as you do to basketball you'll be able to do that too someday." Jonathan said jokingly.
"Thanks dad."
"Alright everyone, dinner is served." Martha announced.
