A/N: You all know the ever-repetitive disclaimer so I'll skip that this time. (Mainly 'coz I'm lazyyyyyyy!!!) And just for kicks, I'll tell you a little lesson I learned a couple of days ago: There is a difference between taking karate, and receiving karate... Oi...
I've read over and spelled checked this chapter a number of times, but don't be surprised if there's STILL an error or two. It never fails, lol.
Anyway, thank you's go out to:
Jess: I did kinda put Dax through a bit of a troublesome emotional twist, but it's reviewers like you that make him happeh again, lol.
Shark: Think of it like this: If Jak dun love Dax, he has many many fans and fan girls to keep him company. Mebbe he and the fan girls can hop into that pool of slightly minted chocolate he was rambling about before?
Kyrie Sanctus: It's wonderful to hear you feel so strongly about my story. I'll try to keep it up for you and my other reviewers.
Total-Jewel: Dax is having a pretty hard time, ne? Don't worry, though. Mebbe some day, Jak will open his eyes.
Yakow: Ahaha, I always wondered what it would be like to play a game that could actually give you some kind of physical awareness. And thanks for the review; I'll keep writing if you keep reviewing!
Krimson guard bites baron praxis: Jeez, I'm still just a LITTLE shocked that this story is touching people like it is... But as long as you are all enjoying it, I'll keep going, woooo!!
Midnyte Wolf: Heheh, I'm sorry, I didn't MEAN to post behind your back, lol. -huggles back- As for your family? I honestly hope everything turns out for the better in the end. God Bless.
Even when I was younger, I had a nasty little habit.
I can't control my emotions sometimes, and when I became angry enough, it sometimes led to me doing something stupid. Shock shock, surprise surprise, right? In Sandover, Jak and I had a race once. Of course Jak won and I was a sore loser. Heck, I had fallen face first into the sand more times that I could count, getting some of that sand in my clothing. Not only did I have horrible itching where the sand scraped against my sensitive skin, lost to my best friend in a race, and ran so slow that if Jak wanted to, he could have lapped me... but Keira and some of the other villagers were watching as well.
And it made me angry. I think it was the first time I had gotten angry enough to do something. That particular time, I had waited till it was dark outside, and Jak had fallen asleep under the stars that we were gazing at. I had walked shirtless to the water, the water being choppy due to the persistent wind. I had swam out as far as I could, dunking my head underwater and diving as deep as I could continuously, only coming up for air when I was on the verge of drowning. I even let each wave I could crash over my head, pushing me under and forcing me to use my aching limbs to climb back to the surface. I kept this up until I had become tired - almost breathless - and started straining to keep my head above water. And I had done it on purpose.
With the burning sensation in my lungs and the awareness of the fact that there was the chance of death in this situation if I didn't get back to land, it made me forget about everything else. The only thing I could think about was getting back to shore, instead of the embarrassment of falling in front of everyone, and the irritation of the sand on my skin.
It made me forget everything.
And I liked it.
When I had made my way back to shore, I collapsed onto my hands and knees, gasping for air and squeezing my eyes shut. My fingers curled into a fist, burrowing into the sand. It was at that moment that I learned how to ease my troubled mind: by keeping it occupied with something else.
Problem is, I still have that nasty little habit to this very day. Of course, I don't get as upset over such trivial things as I used to, but like any other being, I do get frustrated. Only I made a mistake this time. I was trying to so hard to get my mind off of things, I had hardly thought twice about Tess watching my every move. No body was ever supposed to see me when I do things like that.
Now the secret was out - sort of.
I opened my lids to find myself at Torn's old hideout. The hideout was a total wreck now. Torn was living with Ashlin and helping her to govern the city. So the pre-Underground den was where Jak and me were usually found when one or both of us wanted to be alone or get away from everybody.
I checked the room, and it revealed that I was all alone. And as many internal conflicts I was having right now, and as many emotions that were stirring inside of me, directed at a few people, I really - REALLY - wanted to see Jak.
As if knowing what I was thinking, Jak appeared at the entrance.
I tried to act like nothing had ever happened, like I never went missing, like I never ran off last night, like everything was... normal. And though he was smiling at me, I knew he wasn't going to just let it all rest. Now that Jak talked for himself, he could interrogate me all he wanted.
But it doesn't necessarily have be a bad thing, right?
I bounced off of my position on the bed I was and landed at his feet, looking at him.
Where to begin?
I was kind of... happy. I always enjoyed it when we came here to be alone. I had Jak all to myself, and we would always talk and laugh about everything, and just plain hang out. But there was something hanging in the air.
I 't place my finger on it.
Jak must have been worried about me. He must have brought me here to talk about it and figure out just what had happened. He was concerned - about ME. And I liked the attention. So I wanted to start our conversation, but I didn't know how much he knew. So I decided to play dumb.
"Everything alright, Jak?"
He looked at me, and smiled. He had missed me, and I was stupid for ever doubting him.
"Can we talk?"
"About what?"
Yup, I'm still playing dumb. I was already conscious to how he was curious what had happened to me, where I had gone and why my fur was frayed and worn. He was quiet for a moment and then patted the bed next to him, where I climbed up and sat. And so there I was, sitting on the bed face-to-face with my best friend.
And I was ready for our little talk. I was ready to apologize for what I did and then make up for it. I was ready to confide in Jak and savor the attention he was giving me. Then he opened his mouth... and then he spoke.
"We're having a fight."
...?
You ever have one of those moments where you think you know exactly what's going on, and you even have it all plotted out in you head what's going to happen, only to be proven dead wrong? Ya, I was goin' through that right now. I was about to say 'I'm sorry, pal' to what was SUPPOSED to be 'What happened, Dax' but I was speechless to THAT statement. The one I wasn't expecting. The one that wasn't supposed to be what this was all about. This was supposed to be about me - about us.
I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him, concentrating on those troubled eyes of his, and that tightened lower lip.
Just what did he see in her, anyway? Especially when she puts him through crap like this. Crap that I'M always supposed to help mend. I just wanted more than anything at that moment to scream at the top of my lungs: 'WHY? Why her?'
So while I'm thinking all of this, Jak's staring at me with a waiting expression, only I didn't know what to say. What was he expecting out of me? But I guess I sort of HAD to say SOMETHING, ya know? I mean, I'm Daxter, right? And Daxter ALWAYS has something to say.
"What, did she get her gears turned the wrong way?" I crossed my arms in fake curiosity, when really it was the only way to declare my anger without making it obvious. When Jak wasn't looking, I would extract my normally hidden claws and dig them into my arms.
"She got mad at me and stormed off. I don't know where she is."
Oh great, this was JUST what I needed. Suddenly, my patience just vanished.
"Are you gonna tell me what happened, or wait for me to ask?" My left brow arched while the other stayed lowered, and I almost sniggered at the fact that I had almost slipped out the word 'care' instead of 'ask'.
"You remember when we were talking in the race garage behind the curtain?"
I gave a quick nod, my arms still crossed. How could I forget?
"I got just a little bit annoyed at one point, and she flipped out on me."
I was still angry, but my arms dropped in slight, real curiosity.
"What?" I pressed him on.
"She got overdramatic and freaked out. She was afraid that I would turn into..."
Ahh, everything made a little more sense now.
Keira freaked that Jak would turn into Dark Jak and beat her senseless. So she overreacted and ran off in fear of her own safety. Ran off for her own well-being instead of staying next to Jak and consoling him like he was silently asking her to. She didn't stay by his side like I always did. She didn't push aside her fear of Dark Jak and be there for him like I always was. She wasn't prepared to risk everything and anything, and even put her own life on the line should things go to the worst... like I always was prepared to do.
And Jak..? Jak was unaware of ANY of this.
Now the only piece of the puzzle that was left for me to fill was to find out what it was that they were talking about.
"I'm worried about her, Dax."
Ya, I got that already. As heartless as it sounds, I wasn't concerned for Keira's safety. I was too pissed about how upset she had made him. But that wasn't what was irking me the most. What was really eating at me inside was...
He never ONCE mentioned anything about me...
He never stated his concern, he never questioned anything, he never gave any indication that he was glad I was safe, he never showed... ANYTHING. He can see me right now, with my fur looking like it went through Hell and back again, my eyes unfocused and glazed over with fatigue, and my voice softer than usual, and he has the mind to set it all aside and worry about perfect little Keira, who bolted as soon as her senses told her she was in possible danger. He was more worried about someone who had the ability to take care of herself on the streets than someone like me, who has to look over his shoulder every five minutes to make sure he won't get eaten by an animal larger than myself.
And it all made me wonder.
Was Jak drifting away from me? I know it sounds weird but really! He was always so concerned about me and worried about my own well-being. At times he could even be... over-protective of me. He was always aware of me and my needs. Now?
Keira is all he can think about now. She's consumed his mind - whether she meant to or not - and he didn't have time to think about anything else. Does he even... KNOW what I've been through? What I've done or where I went? And if he did, was he even the slightest bit inquisitive as to why?
"What did you say that got her all jumbled?" I asked, trying to show Jak once again that... he could always come to me. About anything. Even if it was Keira, the one who was taking him away from me and thinning out that thick and strong hold we had on our friendship. Or maybe it's all in my head? And I'm jealous...?
As if pained by my question, he gave me the most apologetic gaze I've ever received. The realization struck me hard, like a cold and bitter wind that bites you in winter when you leave your warm and heated home. And I was hurt, troubled that what they say is right: Women can break the most delicate and even the sturdiest of comradeship.
Because Jak wasn't going to tell me. I could tell by the look in his eyes.
I unconsciously bit my lower lip and didn't even bother to hide my disappointment; there was no point. I let my mask fall from my face and let my misery shine.
There was too much going through my head. My teeth - that were on my lip - suddenly burst with force and chomped down hard enough for me to feel a warm liquid on my lip, and taste a coppery substance on my tongue.
Again, I had done it without thinking, and Jak witnessed it. I looked at him with my thwarted irises and bloodied lip, and in return he looked at me with a pleading gaze and undecided expression. For that moment our eyes locked and we were both unsure how to react next.
As if it could somehow erase history, I wiped the blood off my lip with the back of my arm and cleared my throat. I stated the obvious, just to make sure what I had concluded in my head was right.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?"
Jak reached his arm out shakily and rested it on my boney shoulder blades. With the most vigilance, he pulled me closer to him until I was on his lap. It's almost funny if you think about it. Even before I was an Ottsel, I was smaller than Jak. Jak and I both knew he had the capability of crushing my bones to dust if he wanted to. We knew he could hurt me without even trying, and he was so painfully aware of this fact that when I transformed into a fuzzy ball of orange fuzz, his touches and contact with me were always so unbelievably gentle. Because he didn't want to hurt me. This time was no different.
Upon reaching his lap, I sat on my rump, legs folded Indian style and my hands buried in my own lap. Jak held his breath, almost pondering how to respond to my question.
"Don't take it that way, Daxter." I could feel the hesitancy in his voice. "It might be better if you didn't--"
I held up one of my paws and stopped him in mid-sentence, turning my head to the side so I wouldn't have to look him in the face.
I decided tonight wasn't the best night to bring all my frustrations into the light. But I was so scared of what was becoming of us at that time, I had to say something, even if it made me sound like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet.
"Jak, are we ok?"
I'll admit, there were probably a million different ways to word that question better than I just did. Jak gave a smile. A half-hearted one, but I was still glad he was capable of smiling at me, and I found myself stupidly smiling back.
"'Course we are," He said and then almost laughed as if I said the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "What would give you the idea that we weren't?"
I didn't say anything. I was too busy wondering if he WAS aware of what happened to me. With the topic of Keira currently at a hold, I could sneak in the subject of us.
"Jak?" I asked quietly, scotching a little closer to him. "How did I end up here?"
His tongue rolled along his dry lips and gave me another one of those looks that he had been giving me so many of lately.
"I was here when Tess carried you in," he told me.
I wasn't sure if I regretted asking him or if I was just disappointed with the curtness of his response. He didn't press the issue any further and I was temporarily thunderstruck. Did he wonder at all WHY I was unconscious? Or why I was in the state I was in? And I was a little more convinced at that time, that his mind was so wrapped up around Keira, his concern for me - if any - was tossed aside. So he didn't know what I had done at the Naughty Ottsel, and I wasn't planning on telling him where I was or why, but I seriously questioned his lack of probing.
Then again I have to remember that Keira was 'missing' - And I use the term 'missing' as in, Jak doesn't know of her whereabouts and automatically assumes the worst. - And even though I'm indifferent, if not thrilled by the idea of Keira being out of the arrangement for the time being, Jak couldn't help but want to see her again. Even though she was probably safe and sound back at the race garage, and I'm betting that's where she was, too, workin' on some new 'toy' behind that green curtain. I'm surprised she didn't sleep behind that thing. Che!
The silence of the room creeping in, I stood up on the bed, still facing Jak, but looking down at the bed. I could seriously take advantage of this situation. Being here, in this old den of Torn's, I could be with Jak, and Jak could be with me. 'Coz that's the way it was supposed to be all along. And if Jak cared enough about me, he would understand the next words out of my dry mouth without having to pry some sort of reason out of me.
"Jak, do you think we could stay here for a while?" I fiddled my fingers together, gritting my teeth in eagerness for him to say 'yes'. "Just for a while, please?"
Breaking the awkward tension that had till now kept building on top of us, he scooped me to him, gripping my arms with both his hands, and forced me to look at him.
"Whatever you want, Dax," He smiled warmly at me, and I felt like everything was... perfect. He had accepted my offer, saying we could stay here until we felt like going back, with no one but each other to keep us company. I had Jak all to myself - without Keira - in this place.
Speaking of, we needed to find Keira. For Jak because he was worried and I don't like it when he's upset. And for me because unless Jak was satisfied knowing Keira was safe, communicating with Jak would be... less than easy.
I was about to suggest we go back to the race garage to see if she was there, and maybe they could make up for whatever the hell they got in a fight for, but I was cut off by a soft repetitive bleeping sound.
My ears cocked at this sound and watched as Jak reached into his boot and pull out the small rock that Snake had given us earlier. Jak and I watched it glow, dimming and brightening randomly, and keeping the same rhythm with its buzzing.
Keira, as well as my alone time with Jak, would have to wait.
