Lex sat behind his desk across from Dr. Foster.
"Lex I must say I was quite surprised when you called me yesterday to say that you'd like to continue sessions. What prompted the change of heart?"
Lex thought for a second before speaking. "Paris actually."
"Your girlfriend?"
"Yes, but she's not just some girlfriend. I don't appreciate her being likened to some ordinary girl."
"You hold Paris in high regard?"
"The highest."
"Well what did she say to cause such a radical decision?"
"It's not something she said per-se. I was in a meeting with someone whom I particularly disdain and it got heated."
"Heated how?"
"Heated like I put him against the wall."
"Oh?"
"Yes. Anyway, I let him go. But I looked down and my hand was shaking and I couldn't stop it. Then Paris came in and tried to calm me down, she was just trying to help me." Lex stopped.
"Lex what happened?" Claire gently coaxed him.
"I grabbed her by the arms and threw her against the wall. She was trying to reason with me but I couldn't stop myself, I just held her there and yelled at her. By the time I let her go I didn't know what I was doing anymore, and she was staring at me so scared. I don't remember ever seeing her that scared before and I don't want Paris to be afraid of me. I don't want to lose control like that again. She has bruises."
"You said you couldn't stop yourself. What were you talking about that caused you to lose control?"
"She was trying to get me to sit down and just calm down. And I told her that she couldn't control everything and that it was her fault."
"Is your relationship with Paris based on a need for control on either of your parts?"
"No. We spend 90 of our time in power struggles with other people. My relationship with Paris is based on mutual respect and the want to be with the other person."
"Then why do you feel she was trying to control 'everything' as you said? And what was her fault?"
"Before Helen and I were even engaged Paris and I slept together."
"How do you feel about that decision?"
"I don't know since I don't remember making it."
"Why is that?"
"I know this is going to sound far fetched but you have my medical records. There was this parasite in the caves and it got into our systems, along with a few other people. It thrived on adrenaline and took over our personalities. One of our friends found us playing Russian roulette. Anyway, after that she was out of town for awhile and when she came back I was engaged, she was pregnant but was afraid to tell anyone."
"Why is that?"
"We haven't spent a lot of time discussing it, but when we did she said that Helen made me happy and she didn't want to stand in the way."
"What would have happened if Paris had told you the truth?"
"I don't know."
"Well you said your relationship is based on mutual respect. Would it have changed your relationship with her?"
"Paris and I have been taught from a very young age to control everything you possibly can about a situation and to manipulate everything you can't until it too is under your control. I know how Paris thinks, especially when she's scared. She had no control over being pregnant and she'd never entertain the idea of abortion but she wanted me to be happy and she also wanted to save some face. She didn't want to be the girl who got knocked up by her best friend and she also didn't want to be the one who wrecked a marriage before it even got off the ground."
"Yes, but you said that you told her that everything was her fault. What was her fault?"
"I guess unconsciously somewhere something inside me blames her for me being on that island."
"But she didn't sabotage your plane."
"No, Helen did that. Paris never liked Helen. I probably would have left Helen if I thought I could have had a life with Paris."
"You would have broken off your wedding to Helen if Paris had told you the truth?"
"Probably."
"You said that you haven't talked a lot about what happened since you got back. Whose decision was that?"
"No one ever said that the topic was off limits. She knows I know what happened. When I finally got to her in France she was an emotional and physical mess. We talked about it once the first night I was there, I forgave her. No one talks about it because we don't want to visit the what ifs."
"Is Paris still pregnant?"
"No. She was in a car accident on her way to the wedding and she miscarried."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I think you and Paris need to talk things out once and for all. You have some subconscious anger and resentment toward her that you need to work through together."
"I'll be sure to talk to her about it when I see her."
"Is Paris still living in Smallville?"
"Yes she has a house a few miles away from here. We decided that it would be best if she weren't here during my sessions."
"Why is that?"
"Because they are a private thing. We share a lot of things with each other but we also respect each other's privacy, especially where therapy is involved."
"Has Paris ever been to therapy?"
"I don't see how that is a relevant question."
"It just seemed to me that she had a lot of insight on the subject."
"Paris has spent most of her life on the couch."
"Oh."
"Don't worry, she's not going to try and kill me. She went for a little while after this summer but stopped going a few months after we got back here. When she was younger she had a lot of emotional issues to work through."
"Have you talked with her about what happened here the other day."
"No. She spent the night because I told her I didn't want to be alone but we didn't really talk, she left yesterday morning before you came. She has a key so she comes and goes as she pleases."
Claire nodded. "Will you be seeing her today?"
"I don't know. I was thinking about stopping over there later."
"That sounds like a good idea."
Paris's house later
Lex let himself into Paris's house and went looking for her. Normally he would have just bellowed at the top of his lungs but he thought it prudent to stay away from all sudden loud noises and movements for the time being.
He wandered around the first floor for a few minutes and heard the television set in her media room so he went in search of her there, an old episode of Roseanne was playing but she wasn't in there. He heard noise coming from her kitchen so he figured she must be there. When he walked in popcorn was popping in the microwave, Paris was on the counter on her knees reaching for a bowl, with the telephone in the crook of her shoulder, he didn't know who she was talking to but he decided to just observe her for a minute.
"Yeah tell me about it. I had the house designed and even I can't reach the top cabinets. I'm going to fall on my ass in a minute, so if you hear a clamor and then I'm not there call 911." She got the bowl. "Gotcha." She hopped off the counter and turned around. "Oh Jesus!" She had a shocked look on her face and dropped the phone. Lex smirked and she rolled her eyes at him while she picked up the phone. "No I'm fine, I swear. Lex just snuck up on me. Yeah I'm thinking of making him wear a bell around his neck. Alright I'll talk to you later, bye." She ended the call and placed the handset on the counter. "Hey." She said nervously, making her way over to the microwave to get the popcorn.
"Hey. Where's Albert?"
"He's still at work. I just got home about an hour ago."
"I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that, I let myself in. If that's alright." He almost whispered the last part.
Paris dropped the bag of popcorn into the bowl and turned around to face Lex. "Why wouldn't it be alright?"
"I just, the way things have been the past few days. I wasn't entirely sure."
"If I haven't revoked your key then it's alright."
"Oh, good to know."
"So how was therapy?" Paris walked back over to the large island in the middle of the kitchen and hopped up with the bowl of popcorn next to her.
Lex didn't say anything, he just walked up and stood against the counter next to her. "You know that stuff's terrible for you. Don't you have an air popper around here somewhere?"
"Yes, but I'm out of kernels for it."
"Oh. Do you want to go watch tv, I saw that it was on."
"Stop avoiding the question, if you don't want to tell me about it just say 'Paris it's none of your business' and we'll talk about something else or nothing, whatever."
"I don't like us being like this."
"Neither do I. So what happens now?"
"I don't know. But I don't want this to end and I do know we have some things to work through."
"Like?"
"Like I'm angry with you."
"Oh? Here I thought I was going to be the one getting the apology." She popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth.
"You will, just give me a minute."
"K, sorry."
"Don't apologize just listen."
She just nodded in agreement.
"You lied to me. I understand why you did it but it still hurt. I don't want you to feel like you have to keep things from me for my own good. If something big like that comes up I don't want you to try and handle it yourself and I definitely don't want you to keep it form me, especially if it involves me. That's not right and you know it. What were you planning on doing after you had the baby? How were you going to explain that?"
Paris didn't say anything, she just turned her head to the side so Lex couldn't see her and bit her lip.
"That's not going to work. Look at me Paris."
She slowly turned to face him. She took a deep breath before starting. "I found out when I came back here. I was happy and scared at the same time I planned on telling you, I really did. But I ran into Lionel and he told me about you and Helen."
"That's no excuse."
"No it's not, now be quiet and let me explain. When I found out you two were engaged I was hurt and angry. I also knew I couldn't tell you, she hated me and we would have never been the same again. I didn't want to be yet another obligation in your life."
"Paris I never would have..."
"Yes you would, you loved her, or at least you thought you did. I saw you completely change for her, don't think that I wouldn't have been one of the changes she would have had you make. I knew I couldn't ruin your life like that and I wasn't about to be taken down either. I wasn't particularly nice to you the week or so before the wedding."
"No you weren't."
"Let's be real, I was a bitch. I was trying to separate myself from you. I didn't want you to want me around or miss me after I left."
"You were planning on leaving?" Lex was shocked and angry.
"Yes I was. I know it was wrong but I didn't want to stick around here and watch you and her and have a child stuck in the middle of it all. It wouldn't have been right."
"Where were you planning on going?" Lex softened his voice.
"France, maybe Italy. And I wasn't going to come back." The softness in Paris's voice matched Lex's.
"You would have done that to me?" Lex asked, hurt.
Paris dropped her chin to her chest and mumbled. "Iwasn'tdoingittoyouIwasdoingitforyou."
"I didn't hear what you said."
Her head snapped up and she looked him in the eye. "I wasn't doing it to you I was doing it for you." She said it a little more harsh than she planned.
Lex looked at her dumbfounded. "How could you leaving keeping my child away from me possibly have been 'for me'?" He asked coldly.
"Well besides Helen hating me there would have been that little bump I like to call Malcolm and Lionel. If you think things were dysfunctional before they could have gotten a whole lot worse. They would have pulled a divide and conquer on us and you know it. None us would have made it through that intact, I couldn't watch that happen to you again. Putting an innocent child in the middle of that would have been the most amoral thing in the world and you know that."
"I can't disagree with you there. But I wouldn't have let them do that and I know you wouldn't either. We would have just had to out smart them."
"Yes because that's worked so well for us in the past. It was easier for me to take on the burden myself than to drag you through the mud with me."
Lex opened his mouth to say something but shut it just as quick, knowing she was right. Instead he moved and stood between her legs put his hands on her hips. "I don't ever want you to take on the burdens of the world just to save me some discomfort. I'd swear that you think you're a super hero sometimes." He smiled gently.
"Yeah right, Paris the Amazing Fuck up. With the ability to make bad situations worse."
"Don't say things like that. You're one of the smartest people I know. You just got caught up in a bad situation that got worse. You never had time to get your head above water."
"I'm sorry I lied to you. If I knew what she had planned I would have told you the truth right away."
"Hind sight is 20/20." Lex quipped, Paris smiled at him. "So you actually thought you could disappear from my life and I'd never find you?"
"Maybe. Maybe I was in some sort of weird denial, who knows anymore." Paris reached up and scratched her shoulder, drawing Lex's attention to her arms. She had worn a sweatshirt to bed the night before and they were covered by clothes but he knew what was under there. He started to unzip her hoodie, she tried to stop him but he gently batted her hand away. After he finished unzipping the hoodie he slowly pushed it off her shoulders, letting it fall to just below her elbows. There were bruises encircling each of her arms. They were a light reddish purple color that stood out from the natural glow of her skin. They weren't as bad as Lex had feared but they were still there and that scared him because he knew that he did it. And he wasn't under the influence of Kryptonite or anything else, although he didn't exactly have control at that point, he still felt guilty beyond belief. He slowly bent down and gingerly kissed the bruised areas then he straightened and looked into Paris's eyes. She could see fear, sincerity and unshed tears in his beautiful blue/grey ones. "I'm sorry about what happened the other day. You know I would never purposely hurt you and I'm sorry that it happened. It will never happen again. Please don't give up on me."
"I know it won't happen again and I would never give up on you." She looked at him with the same sincerity.
"When I was on that island the only thing that kept me alive was my want to see you again. I promised myself that if I ever made it off that island I would spend the rest of my life with you because you were the only woman I ever wanted to be with again. And when I got home my father told me what happened, I was mildly upset but I was more concerned for you than anything. Then when I was in the office with Perry I lost it and he made this crack about jungle living changing me."
"Jerk."
Lex's voice started to crack and he had to fight to keep on track. "Then you came in and I was so mad at you. If you had told me the truth I don't think I would have married Helen and I wouldn't have spent the summer on that island. I'm sorry I blamed you it's not right you were only doing what you thought was best."
Paris just nodded in agreement, not sure of what to say. "I'm the only person you want to be with for the rest of your life?"
"For ever and ever. I know we said we'd go slow but that's how I feel. I lost you once and you lost me once and I'm not going to let that happen again."
"I like that plan. I love you."
"I love you too." Lex buried his face in her chest and hugged her tightly around the waist. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tucked his head under her chin. They sat there for awhile, Lex breathing deeply and trying to steady himself and Paris comforting him and feeling secure in his embrace.
Later that night
After dinner Lex and Paris spent the rest of the night making up for lost time over the past few days. Paris knew she'd be sore in the morning but knew Lex would probably be a little too, she'd absolutely exhausted him and she was proud of herself for that. But she still couldn't sleep the pictures of her mother and Lionel and the question 'Why' were nagging at the back of her mind.
'Damn them. Why did they have to do something so stupid and should I tell Lex about it?' She thought angrily to herself as she traced patterns on Lex's bare chest with the pads of her fingers. 'Doesn't matter. I have him back and that's all that matters right now.' She moved so she could lay her head on his chest and listen to his heart beat. It was no use, she was never going to get any sleep, she got up, threw her robe over her naked body and got a bottle of water from the kitchen and went to her office.
She got the manila envelope out of her closet safe and threw it on her desk. It sat there defiantly and she sat in her chair glancing from her e-mail, to the envelope to the phone. She wanted to call Perry and ask him why he'd sent her the pictures and she wanted to call Lionel and rip him a new one, she wanted to rage at someone. She grabbed a lighter out of her desk drawer and then grabbed the envelope. She flipped the top of the Zippo open and held it to the corner of the envelope with her thumb on the lighter. She intended to light the envelope on fire and throw it in her fireplace and forget anything ever happened. In her mind all she could see were pictures of her mother and Lionel. She was mad at her mother more than Lionel though, 'he's a man men are pigs, she should have known better. She had an affair with Lionel and left me with my father. At least now I know why my dad hates Lionel.' Paris had always held her mother to a higher standard than most people because she had always wanted to be like her mother, now she wasn't sure what to think anymore. She sighed, defeated, closed the lighter and put the envelope back in the safe.
She padded silently into her bedroom, threw her robe on the foot of the bed and slipped in next to Lex.
Lex was only half asleep, he'd gotten up to go to the bathroom earlier and realized that she wasn't in bed with him, but decided to not go looking for her figuring that if she wanted to talk to him she would have woken him up, but when he felt the bed shift he woke up again. She was curled up on the other side of the bed facing away from him and she never slept like that. He slid over and wrapped his arm around her waist. "It's nice of you to come back to bed. I was beginning to think you just used me for sex." He moved her hair out of the way so he could nuzzle her neck.
Paris wasn't in the mood to have anyone lavishing attention on her in any way shape or form so she shrugged him off without saying anything.
"Hey what's wrong? I thought we were okay."
"We are, I just." She stopped and let out a frustrated sigh.
"You're what?"
Paris pulled the covers up with her as she sat up, she hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on top staring straight ahead and not over at Lex, who was quite perplexed. "What would you do if you found out something about someone you look up to, admire even. Then something damming comes to light that blows your entire image of them. Makes you question everything you knew or ever thought you knew about them."
He put a hand on the small of her back to comfort her. "Do I know this person who you're talking about?"
She turned to face him. "It doesn't matter. Don't try and figure out who it is because that'll taint your answer."
"Okay. How close are you to this person?"
"Very, and stop trying to figure out who."
"Fine. Okay. What do you want to do with the information you found out?"
"I don't want to do anything. I want it gone. It answers a few questions but that's it. There is nothing to be gained here, by anyone. It won't fix anything it can only mess things up way worse than they already are."
"Did you go looking for this information?"
"No, it was sent to me by a courteous third party."
"How nice of them."
"Yeah."
"Would it do you any good to let someone else know what you know?"
"Probably not. Anyone who knew before me certainly didn't want me to find out and I don't think anyone else would care. But I'm not willing to take that risk, not now."
"Then I think you should contact whoever gave you the information and ask them why they thought it was so important that you know."
Paris shrugged. "Maybe. I just wish I didn't know. Ignorance is bliss, I like bliss."
"I know. The joke of the whole thing is you can spend your entire life looking for answers to the most burning questions and never find the answers. Then one day after you've stopped looking and don't care anymore they're all answered for you and the truth just..."
"Sucks."
"For lack of a better word, yes the truth sucks."
"But it's all part of growing up right?"
"That's a lie that our parents told us to make us feel better about the harsh realities of life."
"They told us a lot of lies."
"That they did."
"Let's stop talking about our parents, it's unsettling when I'm sitting in bed with you naked."
"That it is indeed."
"So what'd we decide?"
"Don't let anyone involved know that you know but ask the person who gave it to you why."
"Ok."
Lex leaned in a placed a soft kiss on her lips.
"What was that for?"
"No reason. I'm just not going to miss any opportunities to touch you ever again."
"Oh well if that's the case." She reached over and placed her hands on his shoulders, letting the sheet slip from her body, and pushed him down against the mattress and crawled on top of him.
"My, my Stratford quite the aggressor..." She cut him off with a forceful kiss.
