A/N: *basks in the glory of reviews* Man, I've missed those things. Anyway, you guys really are quite nice. And I DO listen to you; I think I toned down the hormones (if I didn't, feel free to tell me) for those of you who asked me to. Of course, I spend a lot of time in the company of teenage guys, and as far as I can tell their minds are all in the gutter to some degree or another. So, whilst dear Arty isn't in the gutter per say, he is quite preoccupied. Fair enough? J Now, onto
Chapter 2
Oh, wait.
Disclaimer: It's not mine. If I were half the genius Eoin Colfer is I would be a published author myself. But I'm not. So Arty isn't mine. Well, so far there hasn't been any claim on the eighteen-year-old Arty, so I'll take him. But I'm sure that'll come soon enough. Now, I'm going to go watch My Fair Lady whilst you go onto read
Chapter 2
"It is you, then?"
Artemis was hardly aware of the words leaving his mouth. Holly was tall, somehow. Plus the fact that he had been dreaming about her for a year without knowing who she was suddenly dawning on him, making him blush.
Holly, for her part, looked equally surprised, probably from seeing him and from hearing him say her name. She ran a hand through her short hair and tilted her head to the side. Belatedly Artemis realized she must be at the school on LEP business, which meant she was probably bugged.
"Is Foaly there?" he asked finally.
Holly pulled something out of her ear and handed it to him. He held it up to his ear, then winced and pulled it away as Root's voice blasted into his eardrum.
"FOWL!" Root yelled. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
"I'm not doing anything," Artemis protested. "I—"
"What made you remember?" Foaly cut in.
"Getting punched in the nose," he answered promptly.
"WHAT DOES GETTING PUNCHED IN THE NOSE HAVE TO DO WITH—"
"Calm down, Commander," Foaly said patiently.
"I was thinking that no one had ever punched me before, then I remembered some girl called Holly had punched me before, and she was the only person who had ever punched me before, and she punched me first because I had kidnapped her so I could get a lot of gold from the People…and everything just came back."
"Are you sure you're Artemis Fowl?" Foaly asked suspiciously. "You certainly don't sound like him."
Artemis took a deep breath. "I've recently been punched in the nose and had about three years' worth of memories come back to me. Please excuse my lack of cognitive functions."
"That's the Fowl we know and love."
"Love? Centaur, you need to have your head checked."
"Well, Julius, I did appreciate having someone who understood what I was talking about when I explained my technological genius."
"Excuse me," Holly said. "Since I can't hear what you're talking about, I was wondering if Commander was trying to have me fired for indirectly helping Fowl regain his memories."
"Tell Holly that no, I'm not going to fire her," Root instructed Artemis. "She's one of the few people who can save us against you."
"What makes you think I'm going to go against the People?" Artemis demanded, feeling slightly offended.
"Just your personality. We happen to know you're still involved in criminal enterprises—"
"—from which I gain no personal profit," Artemis countered. "I shut down the whalers and Amnesty International gets the money."
"Whatever, Fowl."
"He's telling the truth, Julius."
"Foaly—"
"He says he's not going to fire you," Artemis told Holly, dropping the speaker on the floor. Holly looked down at it. "They're arguing about my recent enterprises and how criminal they are."
"Ah. That could go on for days." The elf captain looked around the room. "Er—nice school."
"Yes," Artemis said, for lack of anything else to say.
She looked at him briefly. "I've—D'arvit. Your nose. Come here."
He obeyed, standing in front of her. Even at her new height he was still taller than she was, so she had to reach up in order to touch his nose. Something about the brief contact made his stomach do flips.
"Heal," she said, and blue sparks jumped to his nose and scurried around. When they disappeared, he wiggled his nose around.
"Thanks."
Holly found herself staring up at the Mud Boy. He didn't move, just stared down at her, observing her. For some reason the look he gave her made her blush faintly.
He bit his lip. "Er—it's, um, nice to remember you."
"I've missed you," she blurted. Her blush now in full swing, she added hastily, "Life's been boring without you. No goblin wars, no adventures, just a few pickpockets and landsick tourists."
For some reason, this seemed to make Artemis's cheeks flush. "Thanks," he said uncertainly. "I—I was going to continue being a criminal, but I couldn't. I suppose I have Foaly to thank for that. I've been putting rainforest developers out of business and such, instead."
Haven
"All right, that's not the matter at hand," Root said, having tired of arguing with Foaly. "Fowl, put Holly back on."
Foaly's attentions were redirected to the screens. "I don't think they're listening to us anymore," the centaur said, pointing. The view from Holly's iris cam was Artemis's blushing face. From her mike came: "It's, um, nice to remember you."
Root groaned. "This is not the time for her to be mooning over some Mud Boy. Foaly, send some sparks through that camera."
Saint Bartleby's
Holly was trying to figure out how to reply to that statement—or better yet, how to disentangle herself from that enrapturing blue gaze—when an electrical shock went through her right eye and suddenly she found herself looking at an X-ray view of Artemis's head.
"Hm," Foaly said. "It appears his brain is larger than the average human's."
"Ow!" she said, backing away. It seemed to break the spell; Artemis jerked slightly and shook his head.
"What?"
"Foaly messed with my iris cam. Hand me the speaker."
He complied and she fixed it back into her ear. "—WE'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF FOWL'S EYES, CAPTAIN. IF YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, WE'VE GOT AN ESCAPED CRIMINALS ON OUR HANDS."
"Yes, sir," she sighed. Artemis, having missed this, cocked his head at her inquisitively. "Opal Koboi's escaped from prison," she explained hurriedly. "She's supposedly in this building, right now."
"She's the one who tried to take over the Lower Elements, right?" Artemis said after a moment. "Sorry. It's still all a bit fuzzy."
"That's the one," Foaly said and Holly relied. "Keep yours eyes out. She's probably about 5'0", if not shorter."
"That reminds me," Artemis said, "how did you manage to increase your height?"
Holly sighed in exasperation. "Some concoction of Foaly's. Right now, Koboi and I are the test subjects. The Council hasn't approved it yet, for Frond's sake. But apparently," she added a bite in her voice Foaly was sure to pick up, "I simply had to go Mud Girl."
"Come on, Holly. You should be flattered that I used you as my test subject. It's a sign of trust."
"Whatever." She caught Artemis watching her, or rather, looking through her, his forehead creased with thought.
"If Koboi has escaped," he said slowly, "and she's supposedly out for revenge, she would obviously come after Holly and I. But…she would go after Butler, as well. And the only way to catch Butler would be to threaten me—but that wouldn't be as effective, because if I was too far away, he would know. So she would go after both Juliet and me, because then—" His eyes widened.
"What?" Holly said impatiently.
"I received a phone call earlier in the evening from Butler, informing me that he had called Juliet and received the code words for trouble and bad. He was going to come and retrieve me before going after her." He sighed. "Which means Koboi probably traced him to find both myself and him."
"You're right," said a voice. A four foot tall Opal Koboi, flanked by what looked like two slightly stretched sprites with their wings folded under their jackets, was aiming a gun at them. Opal looked much better than she had in prison: her hair was swept up, her cream-colored dress suiting her skin and almond eyes.
"D'arvit," Root said over the speaker.
"Isn't this cute?" Opal said, a giggle in her voice. "Cute. So cute. So cute. Cu-yoo-te! Isn't that a funny word?"
Artemis stared at her. "Are—are you all right?"
"That's not the issue," said Opal, composing herself. "Now, if the two of you would be so kind as to accompany my men out of here, I can begin to exact my revenge."
"Holly, give her the speaker," Root instructed. Holly obeyed. She couldn't hear what her commander said to Koboi, but it was obviously something very loud.
"You know, Julius, you're going to give yourself a coronary if you don't calm down," Opal said aloud. "I'm surprised your capillaries in your face haven't exploded yet."
Holly and Artemis winced in unison. "Got a plan?" she whispered out of the side of her mouth.
He shrugged. "No."
"What? The great Artemis Fowl without a plan?"
He glowered at her. "I'm a bit distracted."
"By what?"
"Never mind," he said, glancing back at Koboi to hide the flush in his cheeks.
Great. Just what she needed. Apparently they had done something to his IQ when they performed the mind wipe. Holly looked around the room. Completely empty, the only light streaming in the window from the moon, lighting up the dust particles. She could flirt with the sprites, she supposed, while Opal was distracted by her banter with Root, but the sprites were probably on a big enough payroll to resist her attempts. D'arvit.
"Fowl?" said a new voice. "Fowl? Are you—oh."
Two Mud Boys stood in the doorway, overshadowing the sprites and looking around in confusion. "Guns," one of them finally said. "Good grief, Fowl, what did you do?"
Artemis seemed to relax. "If you could knock out those two," he said, "I will offer an explanation."
They looked at each other and shrugged. The sprites turned around and were greeted by hands pinching their pressure points. Opal looked up from the speaker.
"Hey!" she said. "You're not in the plan!"
Holly looked the pixie squarely in the eye. "Fly, Opal."
The pixie, still looking quite put out, disappeared into a shimmer that soon left the room.
The boys gaped at the spot where she had been in astonishment. "Where'd she go?"
"It was a holographic projection," Artemis said smoothly before Holly could speak. "I was in the midst of negotiations. The two you just knocked out were probably going to attempt to steal what I was negotiating to give for a price. I owe you."
"It's nothing," the leader of the two boys said. "Although, I must tell you, Fowl, you invite the weirdest people into this building."
"For the record," Artemis said, speaking to the mike on Holly's throat, "I did not invite them in here."
"Right. What's this?" the second boy asked, picking up the speaker Koboi had dropped.
"Holly!" Root's voice could be heard, crackling slightly. "What is going on? Update! Now! That's an order!"
Holly fairly snatched it away from him. "It's a radio. Lets me know the situation."
The newcomers seemed to notice Holly for the first time. Their mouths dropped. "Fowl," said the first boy, "who is this?"
"This is Holly," the genius said, glancing at her. "I hired her to be my bodyguard."
Holly repressed a sigh. Honestly. This was the best he could do? Whatever was distracting him needed to stop.
"What about that Butler?"
"If you hadn't noticed, Butler has been banned from Saint Bartleby's," he continued smoothly. At least he had a tight story for them.
"Well, Holly, may I be first to introduce myself? The name's Bobby O'Bobble," the leader said, bowing smoothly.
"William McKinely," the second said, also bowing. "If we can be of any assistance—"
Holly shook her head. "The situation is under control," she said, fixing the radio into her ear.
"—you DOING?" Root roared. "The prisoner has ESCAPED, and you're sitting around chatting up a couple of Mud Boys! Repeat: WHAT ARE YOU—"
"Tell your commander," Artemis said, "that the situation is under control."
He must have seen the look on her face. "Commander?" Bobby asked.
"Holly's on loan from the Irish government," he explained. "This…negotiation…was of utmost importance to them."
"You don't sound Irish," William said.
"I'm…" Holly cast around desperately for an English-speaking country. "Canadian."
"Canadian? I like Canadians," Bobby said, slipping her arm through his elbow. "Now, seeing as your job with Fowl here is done, I won't take no from you to dancing with me."
Holly glanced at Artemis for help, but he seemed to be struggling to keep a straight face. "Fine," she said to Bobby, throwing a glowering look at Artemis and ignoring Root's shouting in her ear.
"I'll go fetch your equipment," he offered.
"It's outside the school, well-hidden," she said, still glowering. Fowl was going to pay.
***
Artemis waited until he could no longer hear Bobby's voice to snicker. It wasn't in his usual nature to snicker, so he kept it short, but still. "Lollipops," he muttered to himself.
Well. While Captain Short danced with his schoolmates, he had a few things to do. He slipped out of the Student Union building and dug around in the bushes until he found Holly's equipment. Ah. The LEP had pulled through. Here was a set of wings, a moon-belt, and a sheet of camouflage foil. This he wrapped around himself before putting on the wings and moon-belt. He pulled the motor and glided into the sky. He wasn't going to be able to fly too high, but he managed to get some cloud cover on his way to Butler's hotel.
He landed and shed his equipment. Upon entering the hotel, he called the attention of the boy behind the desk and said, "Excuse me, but can you tell me which room Mr. Butler is staying in?"
The boy checked his list. "Butler…isn't he the huge old man?"
Artemis gritted his teeth. Butler was hardly an "old man." "Yes," he said.
"Yeah, that one…he's in room 419."
"Has he left the hotel?"
"Nope. Been up there all night, best of my knowledge."
That wasn't good. "Thank you," Artemis said, nodding as he went to the elevator.
He found room 419 and stepped inside. "Butler?" he called, looking around. There was no sign of his manservant anywhere. In fact, there was no sign of anyone having been in this room at all. Artemis frowned and rubbed his temples. If something happened to Butler, he would be in trouble. But there couldn't be an absolute lack of the manservant's presence…
He looked at the carpet in the room, but it looked as though it had been recently vacuumed. It was almost as though someone had rearranged the whole room to erase any trace of Butler. Except…yes. There, on the pillows on the bed, was a scrap of paper that read:
If you're looking for Butler, he has been taken far away. Very far. So far you'll never find him. Which is why I'm going to bring you to him.
The paper burst into flames as soon as he read it. Artemis instantly looked around the room for the tell-tale shimmer of a fairy. Nothing.
Well, Butler was obviously gone. And with him, Juliet. Perfect. Just what he needed. Leaving the hotel, Artemis covered himself back up and flew towards Fowl Manor.
He got home and quietly snuck inside, hoping neither of his parents were watching the cameras. He was so intent on this hope that he ran right into his mother without seeing her.
"Arty?" his mother asked, looking surprised. "What are you doing here?"
For some reason, his mother instantly made him feel ten again. "Er—I was just—well, the dance was just—"
"Oh! That was tonight, wasn't it?" Angeline Fowl clapped her hands, beaming. "Now, darling, you simply must tell me how it went."
"Well, Mother," he said, allowing her to lead him towards the study. "It went very well."
"Did you meet anyone?" she said mischievously.
"Yes," he answered. "But it turned out she was already claimed by another schoolmate, so I had to back off."
"I'm sorry, darling," Angeline said sympathetically, pushing open the door to the study. "Timmy?" she called. "Timmy, Arty's here."
"Arty?" Artemis Fowl the First asked, looking up from his desk to see his wife and his son. "What are you doing home from school? And how did you get here so quickly?"
"The dance ended and they sent everyone home. Er—Juliet met me at the airport."
"Oh, is that where she went?" Angeline frowned. "I sent her downstairs a few hours ago for some caviar and she never came back. I do hope she's getting it."
"I'm sure she is, Mother," Artemis said, glad his parents had decided to overlook his lie. "Well—I guess I'll be going to bed, now."
"Oh, Arty," his mother said, "you've only just got home. Surely you'd like to stay up with us for a little while?"
He opened his mouth to reply when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered it. "Hello?"
"Fowl? You there? This Foaly, testing, one, two, one, two, do you hear me?"
"I hear you," he said, acutely aware of his parents' stares. "This isn't the best time—"
"I've got him, Holly!" Foaly's voice was soon replaced.
"FOWL!" Holly yelled.
"You could step in for your Commander," Artemis said casually, leaning back against the wall.
"Who is it, Arty?" his father asked, just as Holly asked, "WHERE ARE YOU?"
"I'm at my house," he answered Holly. "Hold on please." He lifted his head and addressed his father, "A representative of the Irish government."
"Arty! You promised no more criminal enterprises!" Angeline said disapprovingly.
"It isn't because of criminal activity!" he protested.
"Artemis, what are you talking about?" Holly demanded. "I'll have you know that, although your schoolmates are quite charming, I would very much like to leave here. I have a convict to chase after, remember? And you took my equipment."
"Do you want me to come get you?"
"Do you mean you actually used the wings?"
Artemis shrugged, aware she couldn't see. "Yes, why?"
"You're not supposed to be able to—you must be one skinny Mud Boy."
"I don't exercise much," he said defensively. "Now, look, I'm talking with my parents right now, if you want me to come get you I will."
"No, no, you can't shield." He could practically see her thinking. "Hold on."
He lowered the phone and met his parent's stares. "I was in the middle of a business transaction and was threatened. Now someone my government contact was supposed to be arresting has gotten away, and I'm afraid she's not very happy with me."
"Arty—you'll never cease to amaze me," his father said. "What sort of business transaction?"
"It was a setup." Artemis cleared his face of all emotion. "I owed her a favor and so I set up a supposed transaction in order to place her in a position where she could reach her target. Unfortunately, due to interference on the part of my classmates and a slight lack of knowledge on my part, we are now in this current situation."
Angeline did something totally unexpected. She reached over and ruffled her son's hair. "You're so cute when you talk like that. Did any of the girls say anything?"
"Fowl," came Holly's voice.
"Yes?" he said, holding the phone back up to his ear.
"How far away are you from the school?"
"Several miles out," he answered.
"How long would it take you to get here in, say, the Bentley?"
He thought. "Approximately thirty minutes, depending on traffic."
"Come get me. In the car."
"I'm not allowed to—"
"Look, once you get here, I'll drive back."
"You don't know how to—"
"I'm over eighty years old. They can't get me for being underage," Holly snapped.
"Eighty?"
"Actually, I'm quite young, now that you mention it. Now get over here."
She hung up—or at least, Foaly came back on. "What'd you do?" the centaur asked.
"You don't want to know," he sighed. "I have to go get her. Goodbye."
"Oh, I can't wait for Root's reaction," were Foaly's parting words. Artemis hung up and smiled placatingly at his parents. "I have to be somewhere in a few minutes to see if we can't catch the person after all. I'll come right home."
He left without giving his parents time to reject. Angeline exchanged a look with her husband, who shook his head.
"When he sets his mind to something, nothing'll stop him," Artemis Fowl the First said. "We might as well wait for him to come back."
***
"You do realize," Artemis said as he stepped out of the Bentley on unsteady legs, "there's a reason for the speed limit?"
A very cross-looking Holly glared at him. "I'm not a Mud Maid. The rules apply to Mud Men."
"They apply to everyone," he muttered at her back, following her out the garage and through the front doors of his house. "How can you get inside my house?"
"You kidnapped me, remember?" she said, throwing a glance at him over her shoulder. "It counts as an invitation. That, and I was here for the mind-wiping, remember?"
He smiled. "Actually, I do."
For some reason, the smile she flashed back at him made his stomach squirm. Just enough to be noticeable. "We're going to the study, right?"
"Yes," he said, continuing to follow her through his house. "Please don't tell me you've been checking up on me since the mind-wipe."
Holly shrugged, her back still to him. "Maybe once or twice. When I got really bored."
Something in her tone didn't quite match her words, but he didn't press her as they reached the study. His parents were still inside, watching something on one of the computers. She paused and waited for him to pass her.
They looked up. "Arty, you're back," said his mother, the relief evident in her voice. "And—oh, hello."
Holly belated remembered she was still wearing the dress. She had thought it suited her, when she picked it out; it was velvet, but had a sheer layer draping out from the waist, slit up the front middle. Angeline Fowl seemed to approve of it. "That color suits you."
"Thank you," she said, surprised to realize she meant it. It was funny. She had healed both of the adults in front of her, but didn't truly know either of them.
"Ah, Mother, Father," said Artemis, stepping slightly in front of her, "this is Holly. Holly, these are my parents, Angeline and Artemis Fowl."
"Pleased to meet you," she said politely.
"Pleasure's all mine," said Fowl the First, stepping around his desk to shake her hand.
Artemis had circled to stand next to his mother. He groaned. "Why are you watching this?"
"Your father's trying to reconnect with your childhood. You know how guilty he feels."
Holly felt a sneaky grin on her face. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Artemis said hastily, stepping in front of the screen.
She was still shorter than him, too short to peek over his shoulder. Casually she asked, "Is it your fourth birthday party? That's the one where you asked Butler to shoot one of the other children for—what was it—'infringing upon your possessions,' isn't it?"
He looked down at her. "And how would you know about that?"
"Foaly sent it to me in an email," she replied easily, avoiding his eyes. "He swore I'm the only one he sent your memories to."
Now he was regarding her with curiosity. "And why did you wish to peruse my memories?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Root. Artemis jumped and turned around to face the screen.
"How did you get into my computer?" the elder Fowl wanted to know, staring in fascination at the face on the screen, which was currently a pretty shade of raspberry.
"My technological genius," came another voice.
"That's Foaly," Holly explained quickly. "Um—we call him that because he's got a rather horsy-looking face. Anyway, he's too paranoid to allow himself to be on a camera at all. And the man on the screen is my commander, Root. Commander, the woman is Angeline Fowl, and the man is Artemis Fowl the First."
Root scrutinized the teenager's parents. "You're Fowl's parents?"
"Yes," they answered, a note of pride in their voices.
He shrugged. "Interesting. Holly, I need to speak with you. Preferably without the Mud—without the Fowls."
"I think Fowl Two can stay," she said, glancing at Artemis. Then she looked to his parents. "I'm sorry, but—top secret government business, and all."
"I understand," said Artemis's father. "Come on, Angeline, let's go watch Bringing Up Baby."
"My favorite," she said, beaming at him and allowing him to take her hand and lead her from the study. They shut the door behind them.
Holly glanced over to see their son smiling fondly at the door. As soon as he noticed her gaze, his face went emotionless and he turned to the screen.
"Interesting people, your parents," Foaly's voice said. "Bringing Up Baby. That was a strange one. I remember when it first premiered. Couldn't see why the Mud People didn't like it."
"Well, I think some of the magic went to their heads," Artemis said conversationally. "Anyway, Commander, you wished to speak?"
"To Short. Alone."
"It's all right," Holly intervened. "We think the Butler siblings have been kidnapped. He needs to hear what you have to say."
Root still looked disgruntled. "I hope you realize, Fowl, that we're going to wipe your mind again."
Artemis faintly smiled his vampire smile. "No. Once was enough, with all due respect, Commander."
The smoke from Root's cigar flared for a moment then settled back down. "Very well. Koboi is currently—where is she?"
"En route to the United States," Foaly supplied. "On a boat, I believe—she's going too slowly to be on a plane."
"Great," said Holly. "I've still got time to go get her."
"Wait a moment, please," Artemis said. Turning back to the screen, he addressed Foaly. "I assume you somehow marked Butler, Juliet, and myself during or after the mind wipe. Am I correct?"
Foaly didn't reply for a moment. Finally he said, "I think I have a lock on Butler. He was the only one I marked—mainly because I figured wherever you were, he would be nearby."
"You didn't mark Fowl?" Clearly, this was new to Root, and it apparently didn't please him.
"Let's say it was a leap of faith," Foaly said calmly. "Trusting the kid not to do anything stupid."
Root took a long puff on his cigar. "Right. So, where is Butler?"
"In the US," Foaly said. "Um…it looks like one of the southern states."
"The South?" Root asked. "Didn't they lose some stupid war or something?"
"They lost the American Civil War," Artemis answered automatically. "1860 to 1865. The greatest lost of American life ever. The rest of the world wasn't concerned. Except France, but they hardly count. In all actuality, it was a pointless war fought over slavery and taxes. As most human wars are."
There was silence. "Right," Holly said finally. "So I assume I'm going to the South. I have clearance, right?"
"I'm going with you," Artemis said firmly. "We can take the Lear jet."
"You don't know how to fly that—" she started, but the look on his face refused all argument. "Fine."
"It'll let you rest," Foaly interrupted. "Actually, it's a good plan. And you'll have me. Nothing will go wrong."
"Foaly, the last time you started thinking like that, Opal Koboi nearly took over the Lower Elements," Holly said, rolling her eyes. "Let's not get cocky."
"So, are we all in accord with each other?" Artemis asked. "Holly and I will travel on the Lear jet to America, hopefully beating Koboi to the Butlers, rescue the Butlers, and set a trap into which Koboi will hopefully walk."
"I don't like it," Root said immediately.
"We never thought you would, Julius," Foaly said. "Which is why I'm terminating this connection."
The screen went dead. As anxious as she was about capturing Koboi, Holly felt the first stirrings of excitement. She was paired with Artemis Fowl again. Life would not be boring for the next few days. She couldn't wait.
A/N II: Yeah, okay, the ending's a little lame, but it was getting kind of long, and I'm trying to keep these chapters of a uniform length in order to keep my readers (of which there are very few, at the moment) happy—I certainly don't like it when authors update with three-paragraph cliff-hanger chapters and disappear for three days, and I imagine this opinion is shared by others. Now, please, REVIEW! *sings review song*
