I Hereby Promise to be Loyal, Courteous, Steadfast, and True...
As before, my fellow train-goers ignore me. Though I'm wearing a skirt and a rather bright sweater, I must still give off rebellious-teenager vibes. Honestly, though, today I wouldn't mind some company. Real Suzie is still itching to spill all her dirty little secrets to someone, get rid of the Sweet Apple/New York/Real divisions, though she can't decide exactly what's brought about all of this desire for truth out. I feel like telling someone, telling them everything. Maybe it's watching all the lying at Penn Station – a reverse reaction, a desire to cancel out the lies that I've seen in action.
The only company I'm avoiding is Conrad Birdie. I know I'll be constantly thrust into his presence at home, so I'm taking advantage of my Conrad-Free Time while I still have it. Oh, the girls would die if they knew I was on the same train as Conrad Birdie. I bet if they were here they would try to sit behind him and listen to him breathe or something equally ridiculous. I can imagine it perfectly. Deborah Sue and Charity would sit on the seat right behind his and press their ears to it, Ursula would walk into the aisle and pretend to trip so he would help her up and – gasp! – touch her.
After desperately trying to concentrate on Kerouac, I straighten my skirt and dash off to the ladies' room in search of a random traveler to keep company with. Nobody's there when I go in, but as I'm coming out of the stall I bump into Mr. Peterson's secretary powdering her face. "Hello," I say. "I'm Suzie. You're with Conrad, right?" Her eyes narrow and I realize that what I just said makes me seem like the teenybopper I'm pretending to be. "Sorry. I don't mean it like that. You just look familiar."
"You were with the other girls at the station?" she asks. I nod. She hasn't turned around, but rather is looking at my reflection in the mirror. "And now you're going to Sweet Apple?" I nod again, with the politeness expected of a teenager when she's being questioned by an adult. "Are you stalking Conrad?"
I have to laugh at this. "Goodness, no. It's a long story, but the gist of it is, I live in Sweet Apple but my cousin Bonnie lives in the city and I was visiting her and by an odd stroke of fate, I ended up on this same train back home." I say this all in one breath, and by the end I'm gasping.
"How lucky for you, then. To be on the same train as Conrad." I nod yet again at her comment. I feel a pattern emerging.
"Tell me, Suzie, do you like Conrad?" she asks me. She's still looking at me in the mirror, not yet turned around to face me.
"As a person? A musician? An idol?"
"All three."
"Well... not so much, not exactly, definitely not." Yes that's right: I DON'T LIKE CONRAD BIRDIE. Say it loud and proud.
"Then why are you..."
"It's a long story."
"Is everything a long story with you?" she asks, and I nod again, amusing her to no end. Finally she turns around. "Nice to meet you, Suzie. I'm Rose Alvarez." She pauses, then fiddles with her compact. "Do you have a boyfriend, Suzie?"
"No." I neglect to mention my tendency for flings with smoldering intellectual beatnik boys.
"Good. They're more trouble than they're worth." It's an odd comment to hear, considering she's obviously more than just a secretary to Mr. Peterson, considering the way they look at each other, the way they behave.
"Are you talking about Mr. Peterson?" I question. I suppose Miss Alvarez didn't expect me to realize they were involved. A lot of teenagers might not notice it, but I do. I can always tell.
"I mean him and all the rest of them too." She puts away her makeup and sighs. "You're, what, fifteen? Why am I telling you this?"
"It's all right, Miss Alvarez. I completely agree. Men are a pain." I don't tell her that I'm not yet fifteen, taking it as a compliment.
She laughs and waves a little bit. "Thank you for listening, Suzie. I should get back. I have a rock star and his manager to baby-sit." I giggle and wave back as she strides out of the ladies' room and leaves me to contemplate. Of course there's some behind-the-scenes drama in the Birdie management. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds. I might not have gotten to spill all my dirty little secrets, but it was nice to spill the dirtiest one. Real Suzie is slowly but surely coming out to play, and as I wash my hands, I can just imagine washing off all of the deceptions and split-personality nonsense.
Kerouac occupies me for the rest of my train trip (five-hundred ninety) and I even manage to hop off the train before Conrad, leaving my suitcase with a porter. I pull off my sweater, revealing my Conrad Birdie Fan Club t-shirt (identical to all the other girls' shirts) and run to where I spot Bridget and Nancy and Daisy Doe in the back of a crowd of adults, waiting for Conrad's arrival. We are all members of the Conrad Birdie army, with our matching insignia.
We love you Conrad, oh yes we do.Oh, beautiful for spacious skies.
We love you Conrad, and we'll be true.For amber waves of grain.
When you're not near us, we're blue.America, America,
Oh Conrad, we love you!God shed his grace on thee,
God bless America…For he's a fine upstanding patriotic healthy normal...
American... American... boy!
Conrad makes his grand entrance, flanked by Mr. Peterson and Miss Alvarez. In character, all of us shriek. I catch Daisy Doe's eye and we sigh together, He's so dreamy. Sweet Apple Suzie stands on her tiptoes and pushes on Mr. Garfein's shoulders to get a better view. Mr. Garfein looks at her with utmost confusion, and she just smiles, Sorry Mr. Garfein. It's dreamy rock-star time.
"Conrad Birdie!" shouts Ursula, stepping forward to play hostess. "Welcome to Sweet Apple! Now before we escort you to the Town Hall where the Mayor himself is waiting, I would like to introduce you to the girl upon whom you have chosen to bestow your final kiss... upon... and who will now lead us in reciting the Conrad Birdie Pledge! Kim MacAfee!" Real Suzie cringes at Ursula's grammatical mistake and Sweet Apple Suzie pushes past a throng of adults to scurry into position for the Pledge.
"I, Suzie Sinclair, being of sound mind and body, do hereby promise to be loyal, courteous, steadfast and true to Conrad Birdie and the United States of America, both indivisible, with liberty and justice for all!" After we finish the Pledge, we break out screaming and jumping up and down. Real Suzie always feels slightly suicidal after the Pledge, but she gets over said suicidal impulses quickly and thinks of all of the boys and coffee and poetry that makes life worth living, and reminds herself that Conrad is just a passing fad amongst the teenagers. As we squeal, we begin skipping off to the courthouse, Ursula snuggling into Conrad's arm, the rest of us dashing after.
For he's a fine upstanding, patriotic, healthy normal American boy!
For he's a fine upstanding, patriotic, healthy normal American boy!
After picking up my suitcase from the porter, I rejoin the crowd. Up ahead, I see Bridget and Daisy Doe sauntering coolly as always, Bridget in the lead. Though she can be a pain, I rather like Bridget. She's not quite so bubbly and giddy as some of the other girls. In turn, Bridget regards me as a "city sophisticate" and allows me to frequent her inner circle if I so choose. Not just anyone is allowed in Bridget's inner circle. Unlike many of the girls in her inner circle, I'm not her lackey, but her equal; probably because I'm a "city" girl.
"Oh, Suzie, can you believe it? Conrad's here! He's walking the very ground we walk on every day!" Penelope expostulates, appearing at my side. Penelope is not allowed in Bridget's inner circle. Penelope's a dear, but she doesn't quite fit in somehow. She tries a bit too hard to belong, I think, and we keep her around just to have someone else around, round out the numbers. I feel bad about it, but it isn't as if we're mean to her. She kind of tags along with me a lot, and I guess she thinks we're friends, and most of the time I don't mind her. Just, sometimes, like right now, she can be so damp that I want to scream. Instead, I force a smile.
"I know it!" I reply. I'm not sure what I'm even referring to, but it's just a thing to say when I'm lost for comprehensible things to say. "Hey, look, there's Margie and Helen. I'm going to go say hi." Before Penelope can follow, I dash ahead to where Margie and Helen are walking. They aren't terribly deep girls, but they're sweethearts and great for aimless chit-chat and exaggerated movie star-esque behaviors.
"Hi, Margie, hi, Helen!" I greet them, looping my arms through theirs. "How are things?"
"Suzie!" exclaims Helen, giving me an affected European-style cheek kiss-kiss. "Things are wonderful. How was the city?"
"Fabulous as always, darling," I reply. "Good shopping, good coffee..." I pause and lower my voice, dropping the bomb before I can think better of it. "Good boys."
"Oh, Suze! Tell us every little thing," Margie squeals.
"Well," I begin, contemplating how much to tell their innocent ears. "His name is Smokey. He's very sweet and very romantic... and a very... good... kisser." I whisper the last part and watch them turn bright red.
"Ooooh!" they shriek in chorus.
"Oh, Suzie, you're so bad," Helen giggles. "Had you known him more than a day before this?"
"No," I say plainly. "And I don't intend on maintaining the relationship either. You know, the distance and all that. So please don't make a big fuss about it, all right? It was just a fling." They look disappointed – no Goin' steady! Goin' steady! about Suzie and her city boyfriend. "Enough about me, though. Aren't you thrilled for Conrad?"
