The Preferable Maiden Fair
By Solarism
Chapter Three—A Blossoming Charade
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James Potter's eye twitched as he watched Lily Evans move about the common room. He didn't know what to make of her. It had been three weeks—three weeks—since he'd set his plans in motion, and all that he had succeeded in doing was annoying himself beyond repair.
The other Marauders had begun to believe that the eye twitch was becoming something of a permanent thing. It only occurred when James looked after Lily and quickly went away once he mastered his temper again, but still, it was there, and Sirius had taken notice of it. Sirius was fond of teasing James about it, while Remus pointed out that it was a sign that James was only giving himself ulcers.
There was no noticeable change in Lily to date.
James watched as she walked around, nearly aimlessly, brushing her fingertips all over the polished marble fireplace mantle and on the freshly dusted coffee tables. He watched as she took one her beloved stones from her pocket and tucked it neatly behind a couch pillow.
"Hmmm," she said, and moved away.
"The house elves are just going to clean that up," James told her, feeling somewhat irritable. He wasn't even sure why he was in a bad mood. He just was, and he felt like making her be in a bad mood too. He had never seen her angry.
"Mm?" Lily asked dreamily, her floaty eyes roving not to him, but over him. She looked mystified by something, as if a gorilla were hanging above his head, but then continued moving away, anyway, as though he'd never said anything to her at all. She was looking for new things to touch.
James clenched his jaws. "Come back here," he said, but half-heartedly, as though he really wished he could run out of the common room just to get away from her. She dirtied things. The perfectionist in thirteen-year-old James did not like this messy, crazy girl at all. Not for the first time, he questioned himself.
Why had he ever started this stupid game in the first place? For that was what it was to him—simply a game.
Lily ignored him, and this, if anything, frustrated him more.
But, a Potter does not give up so easily. James' family line was filled with wizards made of exceptionally strong stuff, and he was no exception to the his family's streak of determination. For that matter, it might be said that he was no exception to the Potter family's streak of stubbornness, either.
James scratched his nose, sunk back deeply into his chair, and got a grip on himself. He closed his eyes and wondered if he should try counting to ten.
"Steady, old chap," he whispered to himself, letting out a deep breath. "She's just a silly girl."
"Am I really?" came Lily's voice, frighteningly close. James jumped and opened his eyes to see the redhead standing at his side, staring down at him with demure concentration. "I've been called silly before, but I didn't think that you thought I was. What is silly, anyway? I suppose I could be offended, but that takes effort, and I really don't like becoming offended, because perhaps you didn't mean silly in a bad way. Even if you did mean it in a bad way, it might be true. No use being offended over that, I think."
"Er," said James, his ears turning a little pink.
"You're either blushing or turning into a tomato," Lily informed him, but not unkindly. She reached down and touched his ear with the back of her hand. She didn't smile, but her eyes were sympathetic, like a mother at the bedside of a sick child.
"Let's hope it's the latter," James said, a bit unnerved that her hand was so near his face.
She pulled back with a casualness that also unnerved him and twirled about like a fairy, completely without warning, on the spot. "If I were a fruit, I would be a plum. I just like the way it sounds. Wouldn't it be delicious? I believe I would eat myself."
James got up out of his chair.
"You know, we could go do something more fun than hanging around the common room. It's hot in here anyway," he said.
Lily eyed him without saying a word.
"What?" he frowned.
"James, where are Sirius, Remus, and Peter? I mean, really."
James blinked. He wasn't a very good liar. "I told you already. They keep ditching me."
"You never explained why," she said, surprisingly direct. "Even if you did explain it, I know that your friends wouldn't ditch you. It's a very ill-conceived excuse. I think that you're pulling my leg about something, but I haven't figured out why yet. Would you like to talk about why you're lying? That might be exciting."
There was no bitterness in her voice, and a simple smile was on her lips.
James stared.
"I'm not as stupid as you must think I am," shrugged Lily. She carefully climbed over a coffee table—though it would have been much easier to simply walk around it—and sat lightly on one of the many firm common room couches. "Come," she said. "I want to talk before we go anywhere else." She patted the cushion next to her.
James, for the first time, obeyed Lily without question.
She waited patiently for him to start.
"Er," he said.
"And don't answer in full sentences," Lily commanded.
Even through his embarrassment, James managed to give her an annoyed look.
"Look," he said, "the truth is…" James looked to the ceiling as if begging God for an answer. He couldn't tell her the real truth, that he had plans to change her. Damn her for being so perceptive, anyway.
"Yes?" Lily asked, her eyes already floating away around the room, as if she was already bored with the conversation.
"The truth is," James blurted out, "that Remus likes you quite a lot, and he asked me to spend some time with you to scout out whether or not he had a chance."
James' eye twitched.
Lily frowned. "I like him quite a bit too, but he knows that."
James pressed on. "No, no, no. He likes you. As in he'd like to kiss you. Really, he's been head over heels for the longest time. And I know he's usually so nice and calm, but the truth is, he's absolutely petrified of saying anything."
"Is that true?" Lily asked, looking concerned.
"Of course," James smiled, trying to pull it off smoothly. It wasn't really a lie, per se. Remus really did like Lily. It just wasn't exactly the reason that he was hanging around her so much.
"So, you're hanging around with me, not because you see any good qualities in me or even because you particularly like me very much, but because Remus Lupin asked you to 'scout me out'," Lily said, to clarify.
James tried hard to keep himself from wincing. "Yes, yes. I think so."
"Well," Lily murmured. "Well…"
"And," threw in James quickly, "it would be nice if you went with him on the first Hogsmeade weekend. He's too shy, as I said, to ask, of course. But you should go with him. Mind you, don't say anything about him liking you, or else it'll all be for naught."
"You want me to go with him to Hogsmeade," Lily repeated.
"Yes," nodded James.
"Because he likes me, even though he won't tell me he likes me," Lily said.
"Right," said James.
"And you swear that this is all true?"
"Well," blinked James, "yes."
She was quiet for a second. "Fine, then. Okay. Tell Remus that I'll go with him to Hogsmeade, this weekend, if he'd like me to."
James smiled. It'd actually worked.
"Great!" he said. "Great."
"Yeah, really."
James immediately recognized another one of those incredibly golden opportunities, and marveled at his own cleverness. If he wasn't such a Potter, he thought, he would've done extremely well as a Slytherin.
Banish the thought! He quickly shook his head and gained a little composure.
"Say, Lily. Would you like some help getting ready for this date of yours?"
Lily got up and wandered to the common room exit. James, perplexed, got up and followed her. Silently, she pressed the portrait open and hopped out, landing and then scratching her head ineloquently. James couldn't help but notice that her hair frizz was particularly bad that day.
He hopped out after her. "Lily?"
"I have some sketching that I'm going to go do in the library. You can come if you want," she said, simply.
"But, don't you want help getting ready for your date?" James persisted.
"What do you mean by help getting ready?"
"Well, I don't know. Someone to do your hair, maybe a new outfit, something flashy and nice, you know? Some new make up, maybe."
"Is there something wrong with me, or something?"
"Er, no," James shrugged. "I just thought it might be nice—"
"Oh," said Lily. "You do hair? I've never met a boy that could do hair and make up, and I've certainly never met one that could pick out a good outfit."
She looked at him with her eyebrows raised as if daring him to lie to her some more. James swallowed hard. He needed something drastic to pull this whole thing off. He could tell that she didn't really believe all that he'd been telling her, and no wonder, he thought inwardly. He really was a horrible liar. His lies never made complete sense.
"Well, you see…"
"Yes?" asked Lily, her large eyes unreadable.
"I'm gay," James spat out.
What? I'm not really gay… What did I just say that for?
"You're homosexual?" Lily asked.
"Yes," said James. He forced a laugh. "That's me. I'm really homosexual. I… I am. That's the truth."
"Really," said Lily.
"Yes?" said James, only it came out as more of a question. He knew that he'd messed up royally. It was now completely clear that he was lying to her, and he knew that she'd probably never speak to him again. His conquest appeared lost.
But then, Lily smiled.
Before James knew what was happening, Lily had thrown herself about his neck and was squeezing him close to her. His eyes went wide.
"Oh!" she laughed. "Why didn't you tell me before? I understand you quite a lot better now, I must say. Are you, you know, out of the closet yet, then?"
"Uh, no," James spluttered, disgusted that she was touching him. He wished fervently that she would let him go. He didn't like being hugged, especially not by Lily. There were a lot of girls at school that he definitely wouldn't mind being pressed against, as he was indeed in the throes of puberty, but Lily Evans was most certainly not one of them.
Her hair smelled good, though. Like a bowl of oranges.
She let go of him, looked him over with those big, artistic eyes, and sighed a little sigh that sounded a lot like relief. "I'd like your help, I think. That would be nice. Thank you."
"Sure," said James. "Anything… for a friend," he choked out at the last second.
Lily beamed.
She began to hum, and without a glance backward, set off with a spring in her step toward what James supposed must be the library. She disappeared around the corner soon enough, but James could still hear her humming. She was an absolutely atrocious hummer.
With a sigh, he pressed himself up against a wall, and slowly banged his forehead to it.
This had gone all wrong.
&&&&&
"You told her what?" snorted Sirius through his laughter. He slapped his knee and laughed ferociously, nearly maniacal, until James thought he must certainly die any second from lack of oxygen.
"I told her," James told Sirius calmly, "that I'm a homosexual."
"You told her that you're gay!" Sirius screeched. "AHAHAHA. GAY. Jamie's GAY. Hahahhaa."
"There's nothing wrong with being gay," James snapped. "Even though, you must certainly realize, I'm not."
Sirius laughed even harder. "I never said there was anything wrong with it," he choked out, gasping for air. "I never—I never—AHHAHAHA—it's too funny, no, no—really—"
"Sirius," James said, evenly, "this is for the greater good. She wasn't believing me… nothing doing with the Remus card whatsoever. She was leaving. I had to prevent her from thinking me a piece of lying scum, didn't I? Gay was the first thing that popped to mind, so mind your business and don't make fun."
"But, James," howled Sirius, "you are a piece of—of—of—AHAHA—"
"Lying scum?" James supplied gloomily.
Sirius finished his laughter and tried to calm himself down. He attempted a straight face. "So," he said, suppressing a giggle. "At least this way she'll let you do her hair and nails, right? I'm sure you two will have a brilliant time together, Jamie. You'll get all girly and maybe she'll even let you borrow her perfume!"
"Lily Evans doesn't even own perfume," James sniffed disdainfully. "I'll have to buy her some."
"Where are you getting all of this crap, anyway?" Sirius asked.
"What crap?"
"The hair curlers, the hot irons, the plastic surgeon she'll need to give her a little oomph—"
"Amen to that," James rolled his eyes.
"Oh wait," Sirius couldn't resist saying with a grin, "I forgot. You're a homosexual now. I bet you have all those things stowed right away in your trunk, eh, mate? AHAHHAHAHA."
James clobbered Sirius with a pillow as hard as he could. Sirius flew backwards onto his bed, still laughing.
James waited a minute, bit his lip, and then continued on. "Actually, Sirius. I was wondering if you could help me with something. We've been best mates for so many years now and you always said that if I ever needed anything…"
"Eh?" Sirius grinned. "That's right, James. Best mates forever, even with your new found, uh, sexuality. What can I do you for? Pun definitely intended."
"I need you to come with me to Hogsmeade to pick out all the, you know, all the crap. The curlers and stuff. I mean, you have a lot of girl cousins. You know what kind of things… you know…"
"The kinds of things that girls like?" Sirius laughed, but good-naturedly this time.
"Right. Those things," James nodded.
"Well, I suppose, if you're really that desperately in need of my talents," shrugged the gray-eyed boy. "When are we going? Taking the cloak I presume."
"The cloak, yes. How else? We need the stuff before the Hogsmeade weekend. We could go tomorrow night after lights out. Should be easy, provided you can be quiet this time."
"I'm always stealthy, James," Sirius scoffed, sounding slightly offended.
"Yeah. Like last time, when you kept poking 'round that old witches rump, and when you finally succeeded in opening it, you screamed like a little girl as you fell through…." James smirked, the little rebel in him coming out at last.
"I did not scream like a little girl," Sirius said, quite indignant. "But God, at least I managed to open it. That was more than you or Peter or Remus could do, wasn't it?"
"That's true," admitted James. "I found the first passage though. And I'm the one that figured it all out about Remus. So, actually, I think I'm a bit ahead. Truth is, I have a suspicion that that one mirror we were looking at last week is a passage too… of course, I can't be sure yet, but…"
Sirius sat up. "Shall we go investigate, then?"
"Wait for Remus and Peter," James shrugged.
Sirius slapped his hands together. "Excellent. You know, one of these days, we really must start writing down all this knowledge we're accumulating. What we need, I say, is a map."
"A map?" James laughed. "Right, mate, so that just anyone could pick it up when Peter drops it and know all our secrets."
"How very unfair of you James," Sirius sniffed.
James grinned and shook his head.
"Stupid pseudo-homosexuals," Sirius muttered.
&&&&&
Lily was making pie. She hummed lightly to herself, an old hymn her mother had taught her when she was a little girl, and smiled as she worked. Lily loved to bake very much.
James came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her pregnant belly, pressing his laughing face into her shoulder. "Hello, my dear," he said, though his voice was somewhat muffled by her dress.
Lily let out a peal of surprised laughter, whirling around and giving him a great big kiss.
"Hello, love," she said, her green eyes sparkling.
"I've missed you," said James.
"I've missed you too," Lily grinned. "Oh!" she put her hand to her enlarged stomach. "And so has the baby, apparently."
"Do we know yet? Boy or girl? Have the results arrived…?"
"We know," Lily said proudly. She was practically beaming.
"Well?" James asked, his whole face glowing with excitement.
"Get ready for this," said Lily. "It's a boy!"
"A boy!" James shouted. He burst into laughter and planted a passionate kiss on his young wife's lips, pressing her back into the counter where the pie dough sat, long forgotten.
At that moment, Lily and James Potter were the happiest couple alive.
&&&&&
James and Sirius walked together, talking in low voices, down the main street of Hogsmeade. Only the seedier looking shops appeared to be open so late in the evening, but the boys were determined to find a decent looking venue that could sell them some beauty products. Sirius was armed with his knowledge of girl's things and James was extremely determined to return to Hogwarts castle with enough stuff to make Lily the epitome of a walking dream.
After making a few sharp turns and nearly losing themselves in the much less traveled part of the village, Sirius finally kicked a pebble in frustration.
"I really don't think we're getting anywhere," he said. "We don't know Hogsmeade very well yet, you stupid old bugger. Didn't your common sense tell you that even we, the infamous Marauders, might run into a speck of trouble wandering around this stupid city at midnight? Nevermind that my common sense didn't speak up either, that's not the point. We really have to start making more trips here… I've always said that we should but no one ever really listens."
James wasn't paying attention.
"Sirius," he said, "look over there, across the street. Madame Zullini's Magical Beauty Supply."
Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"The lights are on," he whispered, as if they were in the presence of some sort of holy deity.
"Should we go in?" James whispered back.
"Is it… safe?" grimaced Sirius.
The boys stood and took in Madame Zullini's Magical Beauty Supply from across the street. It looked grubby and old and the streetlight did not flatter it. It looked as though no one had swept its front entry way or cleaned its windows for many years.
To two thirteen-year-old boys, even to two that were as adventurous as James Potter and Sirius Black, it looked rather dubious.
"Well," James said at last, "we should go in."
With that, they resolutely walked across the street and into the shop. A little bell clanged as they entered and they were immediately accosted with dust. Sirius and James coughed in unison, brushing the dust away from their faces, and stepped farther into the room they had just entered.
It became clear that a tall, thin woman stood at a counter near the back. The boys were forced to pick their way over boxes to get to the counter, and James regretfully remembered that Lily would be very good at something like this, seeing as she regularly clambered over coffee tables. He was nowhere near as adept as she was, and neither was Sirius.
After stumbling and coughing their way over to the counter, James straightened himself up to his full height of 5 feet and 7 inches, and said, "Hello," to the thin woman.
She stared blankly ahead, completely unaware of his existence.
Sirius frowned. "Hello, you there," he tried.
No answer from the woman.
"Is she… dead?" Sirius whispered to James.
"Oh," James said, looking down at the counter. There was a little bell with a sign in front of it that read 'Ring for Service'. James rang.
Immediately the woman sprang to life. "I am Madame Zullini's assistant, the great Imbria! How may I help you festering piles of… children?"
James and Sirius exchanged uneasy glances.
"Uh," said James, "do you sell cosmetic supplies here?"
The woman sneered at them over her the tops of her glasses. "Do you sell cosmetic supplies here?" she mimicked in an unflattering falsetto. "Yes, my little darlings, we do sell cosmetic supplies here. Does the great Imbria not look as though she is standing at a cosmetic counter? I have been here for a great many years, I can assure you!"
"Oh," said Sirius. The boys blinked at her. She blinked back.
"Right then," said James. He slapped five galleons down on the counter. "We need a list of items, then."
"We do not sell cosmetic supplies for men," the great Imbria said haughtily, as if the boys had suggested something thoroughly offensive.
"It's not for us," Sirius spat out, annoyed. "We need face powder, some liquid eyeliner, some gold and blue and green eye shadow… Well, aren't you going to get something?"
The woman mumbled but began shifting around under the counter.
Sirius continued. "We also require mascara in dark brown, some kind of compact mirror, a lipstick that isn't tested on animals—"
James raised his eyebrows.
"They test on animals?"
"And if you have a hair dryer handy, in all this mess, we'll take that too," Sirius went on. "We'll also be in need of a curling iron and maybe some foundation. Both the face powder and the foundation are for a girl with very fair skin, so mind that."
"You're frighteningly good at this," James muttered.
"Yeah, well, you're a homosexual," Sirius retorted.
James socked him lightly in the side.
The great Imbria threw two compacts, three little boxes of packed colored powder that James could only assume was the eye shadow, another box without any markings on it, and two tubes of dark looking stuff. "There's your make up, little girlies," she said with a little cackle.
Sirius backed up a step. "And what about the hair dryer and curling iron?"
The great Imbria grunted, dug around further down the counter, and threw two strange looking instruments on the counter as well. Sirius recognized them as what they wanted.
"Right. The five galleons should cover all of that, then," James said.
"Not so fast, little mister," the great Imbria said. She had a fondness for the word 'little'. "You owe me two silver sickles, right now."
"WHAT?" gasped Sirius. "All of this is absolute crap. It shouldn't cost more than a galleon at most, and even then it's a damn waste of money. We're not paying you a knut more, and that's final. Take your five galleons and be satisfied."
James somewhat admired the way that Sirius spoke. He was forceful.
The great Imbria let out a shriek. "TAKE YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE MY STORE!"
"It's not YOUR STORE," Sirius yelled back. "IT SAYS MADAME ZULLINI'S ON THE STUPID SIGN!"
James scooped all of the things they'd bought hurriedly into the bag he'd brought with him and pulled Sirius out by his collar. "Sirius, come on," he said, "it's not worth getting into a fight over."
Sirius shook his fist at the shop keeper as James clambered over the various boxes to get them to the door. James pushed the door open and burst out of the shop, wide-eyed and a little bit unnerved.
"What a witch!" James gasped.
Sirius fixed his collar and shrugged lightly, still breathing a bit hard. "Oh, I don't know, Jamie. She sort of reminded me of my dear old mum. I liked her, really."
James rolled his eyes and rattled the bag full of make up.
"Come on, Sirius. Let's go home."
&&&&&
Author's Note: It's been forever since I've updated this, I know. I always said from the start that this story wasn't really a huge priority of mine—just an outlet for when I needed it—but I felt guilty today and wrote this entire chapter in about an hour. I hope it's okay. Hey, at least it's an update, right? Also, no offence to gay people. / One of my really good friends is gay, and I meant no harm. It'll all work out best in the end. Remember to review!
Pluggage I'm running an MWPP-era awards site. Go check it out at LiveJournal (w.livejournal/community/hourglassawards). Just expand the URL and go! All the best fics are nominated… should make for some good reading. grin
