Is it a coincidence that Christmas happens to be Saturday? Because Saturday is my update date, and here I am, typing away on Christmas! Happy birthday Jesus! God bless you... Oops, I forgot, you are God.

TrunkZy: -shrieks- You have aced my riddle! Thus I am defeated! AHHHH! Curse your genius mind! You are the only one with the right answer, and I will review your story along with a package of homemade cookies. -TrunkZy eats them, makes a face, and spits them out-

cybergurl: Thank you for pointing out the mistake! I fixed it.

neutralgal: Merry Christmas to you, too! I love your Christmas fic! It's better than the Intruder of Haven.

Trinity Day: Sorry about the misunderstanding. I left a review for you. I wish you'd keep reading.

lil bishi hunter:Sorry, the answer is wrong. And what specifically is the 'reality problem?' Don't know what it is, but it probably occurred because Arty is far too smart for me.

lol, my birthday is the day after tomorrow, that is, 12/27. Till then, I'm still sweet thirteen. Let's party!


Chapter 13: Escape

There were two things that Artemis Fowl never did, on his own will or simply by nature, no one exactly knew, and will never know in the future. One of them was making a fool out of himself in front of others (with an exception to Holly Short), and the other was using his own physical strength.

This explains Artemis's lean frame, which is a remarkable antithesis to his companion Butler's sinewy torso. This also explains why Diana Choi was now on her own, muttering to herself about useless men, a man in particular who was now in puberty. Not only that, but dragging an unconscious man down the stairs, beads of perspiration flowing down her skin in streams.

"I am going to kill Artemis," Diana said between her gasps, panting like a dog on a torrid summer day. "Isn't this something a man is supposed to do? A decent man, that is. I guess Artemis isn't decent. Well, what luck I have."

A very impatient (and also indecent) Artemis was tapping his foot, watching with a blank expression on his face at a groaning teenage girl. She spotted Artemis looking at her and said, "You are such an idiot. I thought men were supposed to help females in this kind of situation! So what I'm implying is, in case you haven't noticed-which I seriously doubt, after all, you are a genius- give me a hand?"

"Using strength or power is only efficient under tyranny in an emergency. With an exception to that, using one's own physical strength is only for beasts." Artemis replied, being his usual pedantic self who had once utterly swindled the most erudite teachers at St. Bartleby's.

"Beast, eh?" Diana sneered, half joking and mock angry. "So you're saying that I'm the beast you keep by your side to protect you?"

Artemis smirked. "No, not exactly."

"Whatever," Diana said, her voice dripping with acrimony. "Dear master, do lead me to the room where the mind-wipe will be held. I will be waiting humbly for your orders."

"I told you that you being a beast is not what I implied. Do not be offended." Artemis said. "As for the mind-wipe, it will be done right here. Foaly will assist us-" Artemis said the last sentence with a slight edge of dread in his voice. No one would have known that it was there."-since unfortunately I do not know how to activate this machine."

"I saw that look, Artemis," Foaly joked. "I thought you knew that I rarely miss anything, just like you. Anyway, let's put that filthy unconscious body on to this chair. Although I must say I so do not want to."

Foaly held Spiro by his nape and heaved him up. Spiro's head lolled on his neck in an unpleasant way. Foaly frowned, and set up the tools to perform the block mind-wipe and sat in front of the computer screen.

"Wait!" Diana shouted. She hesitated for a second as the two males looked up at her attentively, one a centaur and the other a human being.

"What is it, Diana?" Artemis said slowly and carefully, as if dealing with a child.

"Nothing," Diana closed her mouth, embarrassed. "I just had a feeling that this is to good to be true. No, more accurately, too bad to be true. What I mean is, I don't really trust this situation. There's something behind this, I'm sure of it. And even if it does end this way, well, then it's awful! You know, I want some adventure!" Diana continued droning about equally absurd ideas in various languages.

Artemis and Foaly raised their eyebrows and looked at each other. Their expressions seemed to say, "Are girls in general always like this, or is it just her? If it's the former, then… I don't know what to think of them." Right then and there, Artemis had to admit that women were too esoteric for a professional psychologist (not to mention a genius brain) to comprehend.

After making various strange faces toward Artemis, who soon turned away at his distorted figure while threatening to doff his tinfoil hat, Foaly sighed and typed swiftly on the Gnommish keyboard. Then he pressed a button that had letters written which made no sense to Diana, but Artemis could barely make out-"Enter,"

"D'Arvit!" Foaly suddenly shrieked a shriek that could have made Opal Koboi turn on her heels in awe, if she had been there at the moment. It also made both Artemis and Diana jump out of their skin.

"My God, Foaly, what is the matter with you?" Diana asked.

"Do kindly explain." Artemis said coolly.

"D'Arvit!" Foaly shouted yet again, a touch unnecessarily. "The mind-wipe isn't working. He must have a chip that propels mind-wipe waves in his scalp."

"That was nothing to shout about, Foaly. I would have been surprised if Spiro hadn't managed something like that." Artemis replied.

"Okay, it was just completely unexpected to me. After all, things like 'mind wipe propellers' don't exist. So what do we do, O Magnificent Mastermind who Foretells Every Matter?"

"Who also considers every contingency," Artemis replied. His face was grim. "Besides the idea of implementing a brain surgery now, which is virtually impossible, for the LEP does not provide the proper equipment, I believe having a little chat with Keeth for now would be the most logical answer. Shall we?"


"KEETH GATES!" Root stormed into the room where Juliet and Keeth were inside and screamed so loud that Foaly feared severe destruction of Police Plaza. He and Holly were naturally informed of the Spiro incident, and as usual, Root had gone ballistic.

"Mr. Gates? I remember you telling me that you informed me of absolutely everything I needed to know?" Artemis began.

"It's none of your business," Keeth pointed out rather impertinently.

"That is beside the point," Artemis retorted, his voice a bit indignant.

Keeth snorted. "Please, Arty dear-" A vein pulsed in Artemis's temple at the mentioning of his pet name. "-do you reckon I really told you everything? Let's just consider this, criminal to criminal, you know? If you were to be in my shoes, would you really confess everything?"

Artemis tried his best to look frustrated, and mildly taken aback. Being a good actor was one of his best features. Staring straight at Keeth, he glared in a way that would have frozen the Amazon rainforest, with a look on his face that was unmistakably furious.

"Do not put on a show Arty. I know that your acting is truly one of your best features." Keeth jeered.

Now Artemis was indeed surprised. He expressed it in a most Artemis-like fashion, "Your flippant attitude is unacceptable. Don't call me Arty."

Knowing that this was the best recognition he could get from Artemis, Keeth mocked in a singsong voice, "That is beside the point, Artemis."

Artemis rubbed his forehead, half still acting and half unconsciously. Although he was certain he knew everything possible, he couldn't help feeling uneasy. Things were not going the way he planned.


Still not at ease, and also starting to have a major headache, Artemis had left the room, giving Root and Holly the role of hollering. Artemis was sure that shouting wouldn't get them anywhere-it never did, and Keeth was having a joyful time knowing something that the others didn't. Or something that Keeth assumed the others didn't know. Let him have his fun, Artemis thought. He simply told Keeth that he will be sent to Howler's Peak to atone for his sins.

"I'm going to get him!" Holly had yelled, shaking her fist in front of Artemis's face. "Just in case he has anything else kept safely from us, I'm going to squelch everything that's in that D'Arviting little-" Artemis had smiled at her fiery personality, despite his headache- it was a trademark of Holly Short.

He stepped into the room where Diana was in. Everything was quiet and still, with only the pristine equipment in view. I suppose Spiro hasn't woken up yet, Artemis thought as he drew closer to a faint irregular breathing. Whoever it was, the person breathing seemed to take a lot of effort just in order to inhale and exhale. The sound became more audible as he went closer. When he faced Diana, he uttered a single gasp.

Her jacket was ripped straight across her chest, revealing a tight tank top. One of the Neutrinos once strapped to her shoulder was drawn, while her jade ring leather whip was coiled on the floor. All the weapons Diana alone had insisted to keep intact somewhere in her clothes, while others tried to persuade her to take them off. Artemis was now grateful for Diana's stubbornness. But the most astounding part came next- her face. There was a purplish-blue bruise placed on her left cheekbone, and blood streamed down from the cut on her forehead.

"Diana!" Artemis exclaimed. "What happened? Are you quite all right?" As he said this, he couldn't believe how relatively warm-hearted he had gotten compared to his life two years ago. Being his normally callous self, he would have merely tossed her an ointment and commented, "This pharmaceutical will help the blood clot and the wound heal quickly. It is one of my latest inventions, and it consists of many chemicals that are only available in my state-of-the-art laboratory-"

Diana let out a cough. It was actually a lame surrogate for a laugh. "Am I all right?" she whispered in a rasp. "Do I look all right to you?"

Artemis didn't answer. Although the wound on her face did not seem superficial, the usual sarcasm in Diana's voice was still left. It somehow assured him that she was fine. "I believe we need to compress the cut in order to clot the blood. I believe you will be able to do that on your own. There's nothing I can do, is there?"

"Anything you can do?" Diana asked. Then she allowed herself a small smile of mischief, which tensed up her facial muscles and brought her great pain. "Just sit there, okay?"

Artemis obeyed. Diana need not answer to the question "What happened?" It was obvious, because Spiro was gone and Diana was injured. One could easily put two and two together. What he didn't know was what Diana was planning to do, just making him sit on a chair. Just as he was wondering, Diana then stalked over to Artemis and rested her head on his shoulder.

Artemis was paralyzed. The only women she had ever encountered had close to him was his mother Angeline and Juliet Butler, and also a variety of businesswomen. And now, he had a girl so close to him that he could feel her breathing, feel her skin… It was just weird. That was the only word to describe it. Weird.

"Relax," Diana said. Then she frowned. "Your shoulder feels like a brick."

Artemis tried his best to relax as Diana told him to, to calm down this strange feeling he had never experienced into pure equanimity. They sat there side-by-side, unaware of what other dangers would come to them, between them something sprouting that was definitely not love, nor friendship…


Okay, a bit of G-rated romance, how was it? Are you people sad because it wasn't something more? Sorry! This is a G story!
I watched School of Rock on DVD, and it totally rocked. I love the song they were singing on stage. I was cracking up because of Freddy:) I did some research on him and his name was Kevin Clark. Surprised to see that he was two years older than me, but barely taller. lol, he's cute, though.
Wow, I have a lot to say today! Adios for now!