Disclaimer: CCO

Crappery: Sorry about the wait, the situation of the past month and a half (five people I knew directly or indirectly passed away) kept me from writing. There should be another update in the next week or so. Review responses will come in the next update, enjoy.


The Travesty of My Life

Four

My story grows dull upon my arrival at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was waiting in my rooms, a truly furious expression on his aged face. The actually conversation between the two of us has grow fuzzy and distorted, so I will not report that to you, except, the gist of it will never leave me. I was forbidden to leave the school until I graduated at the end of the year. This did not bother me though, my happiness at the knowledge I had acquired was enough for the time being.

There is one event in my last year of schooling that I suspect is quite important to the following tale. It was Valentines Day and the lack of customary cards from my deceased friends struck me hard. Although, I do remember receiving some from a few 'mysterious' donors, they are not of great importance. I had skulked back to my room in deep misery as I thought back on the glorious years I spent with Harry and Ron. After I had shrugged out of my school robes and pulled on the sweater I had worn the day of my forbidden travel, my hand slipped into one of the pockets.

Cool metal met my warm fingers and I pulled the necklace out, before my eyes. A wry smile tugged at my lips as I brushed a piece of lint away from it and absently fastened it behind my neck. Something clenched tightly at the base of my skull and a fierce pain bloomed there, my vision distorting. It was as if I was on the verge of succumbing to a powerful migraine.

I cannot recall the passage from standing to being crumpled on the floor, but I totally blacked out. When I came to, all my forgotten memories had returned in a rush. In the space of time I had been unconscious, I had re-lived my first life right up to the point where those times merged with my first recollections of the Granger household. My body was shaking ferociously and tears sprang to my eyes, pathetic weakness clinging to me. I could barely move a finger and it took me hours to finally leave my bed. We can continue with the rest of this chronicle now that you all know how I regained the lost years of my true self.

I graduated at the top of my class, but that day will forever hold many sad memories for me. So many were missing from those accepting their diplomas and most were crying silently. The Weasleys, especially the twins surprisingly, were crying heavily. The owners of the amazingly successful Wizarding Wizard Wheezes took the loss of their youngest brother the hardest. It broke my heart to watch those usually grinning faces contort with deep agony as the loss of a sibling.

Those hours in the public will forever be burnt into my mind. After I had stepped off of the stage I was swept into a massive hug by Molly and we sobbed onto each other's shoulders for our losses. Even over a year and a half later, the sulfurous claw of death still marred our lives. I left Hogwarts after that, thinking that a return trip to those memory filled halls would not occur for many years.


The house I had inherited through my parents, they had both died when their cruise ship capsized in the middle of the Caribbean, was so empty without the sounds of laughter. It was just like Hogwarts after the war. My first summer of true freedom was still in its infancy when my life changed forever. Ugh, I can only imagine how clichéd that statement must sound to you all. It seems as if every book that was once written contains that line and the main character utters it in all seriousness.

But please believe me when I say this, what happened that summer completely altered my perception of what my life was supposed to be. It was close to midday and I was sitting out in the considerably sized garden behind my home, absently watching the fountain in the small pond before me splash in a sweetly sublime way. Sitting there with my feet in the relatively clean water was a favourite past time of mine when I was younger, it was the perfect time to loose myself in the thoughts that constantly swirled about in my head, battling for the privilege of being first in the long queue that entered my thought processing center.

My eyes slipped closed as I reveled in the feeling of sunlight soaking into my barely bronzed skin when I heard a quiet popping noise behind me. Icy fear instantly filled my veins as I was thrown into memories of the War and my wand found its way into my hand quickly. I was on my feet seconds later, my steady clenched hand pointing in the direction of the noise. What I saw awoke my recollections of my life as Raven Grey and a hoarse sob escaped from my throat. A completely alien feeling sprung into being in my chest and I pressed a hand against my opened mouth.

"Sirius?" I croaked, unable to believe my eyes.

Standing some meters before me was a very alive, but darkened Sirius Black. There were no traces of the gaunt, filthy creature I had helped set free in Third Year with Harry, but a young man in the prime of his life. When he looked upon me, his deeply hazel eyes that before had seemed lifeless and dull, like the tarnished, faceted surface of a once perfect gem, blazed into vibrant life and he took a half step towards me.

"Raven?" He whispered as if he could not comprehend what he was seeing.

My true self took over and I nodded my head slowly, hope mixing and mating with that other strange emotion and my eyes began to glisten. I felt incomprehensibly drawn to that man and for some peculiar reason I wanted to do nothing more than throw myself into his arms and never leave his protective embrace. I was on the verge of glomping him when Sensible Hermione tapped me on the shoulder and took control.

"There are some things you should…" I did not get a chance to finish my sentence for he leapt at me and pulled me against his chest.

His arms encircled my waist tightly as he crushed my form up against his, brushing some of my hair away from his face. The look on his face made the tears gathering in my eyes too heavy to be contained by lashes and they streamed unchecked down my cheeks.

"Love, please don't cry…Your parents will pay for what they've done to us." He whispered softly and moved one of his hands to gently rest against my abdomen. "While they can separate us, forbid any contact, and try to destroy me. They can never obliterate what we have created, our love made physical." Such joy shone in his eyes that it took me a few moments to catch on to what he was saying.

My mind desperately skipped back to when I recovered all of my memories and I found the one I sought, the one that breaks my heart even now. My drying tears started once again in earnest and he watched me in concern, his hand slipping beneath my chin, turning my face up to him.

"Love?" He asked, confused.

"They killed it." I sobbed, completely bewildered by the onslaught of emotions slashing at me; it was definitely not like me to cry hysterically or show my feelings so openly.

His beautiful eyes darkened as he drew me closer against him, tenderly rubbing my back with his hand. My head rested against his shoulder and for a moment I lost myself in the sensation of being completely surrounded by someone I knew cared deeply for me. And then I realized that I was currently locked in a loving embrace with the godfather of my now deceased best friend.

I pulled away from him and dropped my face into my open palms. "Oh Goddess…I can't do this right now." It was the truth, being held like that brought back to many memories I was not ready to cope with.

Sirius reached out with barely trembling hands, his fingertips just brushing my knuckles. I jerked away and the warmth of his body, still quite close to my own, drew away.

"I should have guessed." He said the rich baritone of his voice cold. "You have found another. All the times you vowed to love me no matter what meant nothing to you. Did you lie every time you whispered those sweet words to me after we lay together?"

Slowly, I began to look at him. "Do not leap to conclusions." I uttered and roughly grabbed his bicep, not actually caring if I was hurting him. "We need to go see Dumbledore right now."

"I don't want…"

"What you want does not matter. We are going to pay the Headmaster a little visit, whether you like it or not."

"Where did the Raven Grey I fell in love with go? You certainly aren't her."

I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him, desperately wanting to hex him or at least give him a sharp smack. "Having the child you loved with all of your soul ripped from you, being put up for adoption once your own parents de-age you, and then growing up under the dark taint of Voldemort changes people." My tone was surprisingly quiet, although the lacing of malice in the words came out strongly.

The warm, adoring air that had surrounded us not moments before had utterly evaporated leaving a heavy, stench like miasma of antagonism that consumed the both of us. I hoped deep within the recesses of my heart that Dumbledore could shed some light on the situation.


A quick floo trip later and we were standing in the large outer office belonging to the Headmaster. He was watching us with that massively annoying twinkle that simply screamed that he knew something we did not. He leaned forward as he rested his chin in his hands, apparently about to speak.

"You say he merely appeared out of nowhere?"

"Yes! I was in my garden and he just poofed there!"

"Well, did you think to ask him about the circumstances of his mystifying arrival or did you leap right to your current spat?"

"She did not ask me."

"Ah, I did not think so. Now, perhaps you can tell us both how you came about to be in this year?"

Sirius fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, before he began. "Raven had disappeared, there was no news of our child, Remus was growing distant, Lily and James were murdered, and Harry was sent to those disgusting muggles. I had nothing left. Raven had been researching time travel spells/potions before she…vanished and I remember that she had said something about one that took the caster to whichever year they wished.

I found her notes, made the potion, cast the spell and went to the time when Harry would have graduated. Just in case it was the right year, I spelled myself to appear where ever Raven was. It was lucky that she was in the first place I looked. Except, now I don't want to be here because times have changed her so she's not the person I fell in love with back when we were still in school."

"Why do you say that?"

"She has found someone to fill her heart, why else would she push me away as if she did not care about me?"

"Sirius, she only recently acquired the memories of her past life. She should not be held accountable for the way she acts. The news that her first child was murdered by its own grandparents is still fresh in her mind. She is confused."

"I would appreciate it if you would not speak about me as if I am a simpleton or as if I am not here. It is extremely demeaning and I will not stand for it." I barked; I was in no mood to be ignored.

"I apologize, Miss Granger. This might be confusing for you, but please try to answer me as truthfully as you possibly can. Do you still love him?"

That was not a question that one is able to answer within seconds. I knew I still loved him with a passion, but there was also a thin layer of platonicness coating the rest of it. I did not want to speak and give Sirius nonexistent hope, but staying silent was an equally undesirable option. I drew in a deep breath as I crossed my arms below my chest.

"I still love him, but it has been almost buried by the memories of Hermione Granger and now I am unsure of whether it can evolve back into anything more than platonic love.

Yet the memories I have of Raven Grey, there is no doubt in my mind that I truly loved Sirius when I was younger. I believe that in time, yes, a deeper love could be formed than the one stolen from us." My hands settled into my lap as I watched the elderly man, trying my hardest to ignore the presence at my side leeching away at my attention.

"Sirius, I know this will be hard for you to listen to, but you cannot stay in this time. You must return to the day you left."

"But…"

"No, do not remember your lessons? Your presence here could completely disrupt the fabric of time. You could actually ruin the world." I said, not exactly meaning to sound so bitter but merely I was coming to terms with the severity of our situation.

His stunning hazel eyes darkened and closed the mixture of prevailing love and hurt completely disappearing, melting into black nothingness. "I see that I am unwanted here. It will take a month and a half at the least to create the potion, and then I will remove my personage from your lives."

I opened my mouth to speak, but saw Dumbledore perceptively shake his head. "If that is what you believe and wish, then so be it. Miss Granger, would you mind terribly if he stayed with you while he was here? It would be for the best if few knew he was here."

I swallowed thickly past the sickening lump in the back of my throat, desperately wanting to scream at the senile wizard that I wanted to festoon Sirius Black on a desolate desert island in the middle of the ocean and leave him there, to hell with whatever feelings I carried for him. "No." I forced out, the syllable slipping from between my gritted teeth.

I rose from my chair and grabbed Sirius's hand. He looked up at me, hope sparking briefly on his face before sputtering out. Within moments, Hogwarts was only a faint glimmer hundreds of hearths away.


Hope you all liked it and please review.

Your Lord and Master;

Foamy the Squirrel