I'm having these ideas bubbling and rearranging themselves so that they transform from completely pointless and insane to rational. I have good ideas for humor, romance, a what if type of story, and a nice story with a decent plot. I don't know what to do with them, they're all for either Animorphs and Artemis Fowl, and I don't know where to start. I'm getting confused. In order to start any of this I have to get my story over with. Which I hope to do, and in a jolly fashion too.

neutralgal: I looked in the books and they never mentioned Mulch's hair color. How could they? I mean, hair color is of the essence! Grr... Anyway, all they said about Mulch's hair is that it's stiff and sensitive. I'll keep it brown, because I have this feeling that it's got to be brown, and no one can convince me otherwise:)

Teya Yashitoda: Not my birthday cake, please never my birthday cake! Oh, the horror! I surrender! You get a nice ending because of your horrible threat.

cybergurl: I'm so glad you think this is awe-imspiring enough to exclaim, "Oh my god!" So you're the type that likes romance. And unfortunately I don't, because romance is not the POINT here... ButI am including some very subtly, both A/D and H/T.

Artemis Fowl II: Thank you! I hope you'll continue reading!

Miko Yamaguchi: Thank you very much! Oh, and you and Teya Tashitoda sound very Japanese.

TrunkZy: Haha, I'm so happy you're back! So you like Spiro and Mission Impossible. And no, I do not know what a klick is, just that it's a type of measurement of distance... And thanks to you I have successfully figured out what WTF stands for after incessant pondering, and I'm veryamused... And I agree, I totally love Mulch. He's wicked.

HAHA! Stay tuned! I don't wanna invent a hilarious commercial and I'm going for the chapter!


Chapter 18: Surprises

"MULCH?" This was beyond outrageous.

Mulch winked. "I really got you this time, didn't I?"

They stood, staring at each other in shock of this uncalled-for reunion. Eventually Holly got to her senses. Hesitating for merely a moment as she glanced into the bottomless pit, she grabbed Mulch and jumped into the abyss.

All the could hear as they went down were their yells of half-horror, half-glee, but soon they heard Spiro's voice hoarse with infuriation, and Opal's bloodcurdling scream as her mental images of revenge flew away with Holly's escape.

"She wants me." Mulch said as they landed on the ground.

Holly rolled her eyes, but she had to laugh at this ludicrous statement. "She wants you? In your dreams."

"I'm an attractive little dwarf, you know." Mulch winked again. "It's just that you don't have the right eyes for boys."

"Yeah, right," Holly replied. "Attractive dwarf, answer my question: What are you doing here?"

"I think the right question would be, 'Where have you been?' 'What are you doing here?' is an immensely rude question for someone who just saved your life."

"All right then. Where have you been? Answer my question," Holly was firm when it came to asking questions. She needed an answer.

"Well, I had gone missing the whole time, and none of you even bothered to look for me. But I guess that's the happy little life of the criminal empire, eh? No one appreciates him."

"Well, I'm sorry, Mulch." Holly tried her best to sound sincere. "It must have escaped my mind. There was so much clamor going on these days."

"It escaped your mind," Mulch repeated. "It seems as if nothing ever escapes you except your own mind. How elusive." They were already near the end of Mulch's masterpiece, and the rain was less dense than it used to be and had reduced to a few drops every now and then.

"Nah, but it's al right. Because everything escapes your mind except the thought of your beloved Trubs-"

"Hey!" Holly tried to keep her cool, she really did. But her countenance was already turning a strawberry red. Oh, how she hated when people mentioned Trouble around her. It made her embarrassed more than anything else in the world, and she didn't know why.

"Well, then, Mrs. Kelp." Mulch bowed with a satisfied grin on his face. "Goodbye till you need me. Adios." The dwarf handed Holly a few things and was gone before Holly could react, or even realize that Mulch hadn't provided an explanation for her question.

Oh well. Mulch could take care of himself. But Mrs. Kelp? I'm only eighty. Still way too young to marry. Holly thought in disbelief as Mulch's words sank in. She found it hard to admit that the thought of her new family name didn't seem like such a bad idea.

Where is Artemis, anyway? As soon as she brushed away her happy thoughts she instantly became just as much annoyed. I bet he changed the plan again on his own. Just wait till I get to him, and he'll be nothing but a pile of broken bones.

It was then she looked down at her hand to identify the object Mulch had handed her. It was her wafer-thin locator and communicator she had left behind on purpose. It was no wonder that Mulch was given the name 'The best stealer in written history.' He even had the guts to raid the possessions of those he knew.

Nevertheless, Mulch made a good choice of items; it was all just what she needed for now. Writing a mental note to thank Mulch someday, she decided to contact the place where at least one person will stay in guard; Foaly's Ops booth.


The Ops Booth

Even Artemis was startled at his own words. He could not possibly believe that he had been the one to deliver such an emotional speech. But he had to admit a fact that he had been denying ever since the Arctic incident; he had changed. Even more so since he had regained his memories and been with Diana.

Diana. Her very name gave him an inexplicable feeling. Despite her exotic appearence, she was actually just a normal teenager. And in spite of her normalcy, she really was not normal at all (most people associating with Artemis were far from normal). Unlike some girls at the co-ed school near St. Bartleby's which Artemis had grown a natural abhorrence to, Diana wasn't a stupid blonde who only cared about her looks and spent all her money on makeup, clothes, and accessories. She wasn't a gorgeous, conspicuous red-head either. Her normal clothes were usually jeans, sweatshirts with hoods, courderoy jackets and parkas for winter. She despised high heels just as much as Artemis loathed girls and wore sneakers 24/7. She thought makeup and perfume were the 'yuckiest stuff in the world', and confessed that she never had a liking for over-fabircated jewelry.

"Hello. I'm back," A voice echoed throughout the operation booth. Artemis started, but recognized Holly's voice and gazed calmly into the computers in front of him. Sure enough, Holly's face soon popped into view on one of Foaly's screens.

"Holly," Artemis said. "I'm so relieved that you are safe."

"You'd better be," Holly muttered. "If it weren't for Mulch... well, I suppose I wouldn't be here talking to you."

"Mulch?" Artemis questioned. Then a look of realization crossed his face. "I suppose he was the one who brought your communicator and locator?"

"Yeah. He seemed a bit mad. You know, because we just forgot about him and all." Holly grimaced.

"Hmmm," The boy genius was deep in thought. "Do you reckon we can use him in our plan?"

"No, I do not reckon. He's very evasive. Here one second, there another. Just leave him alone, that's his life. Anyway, where is everybody?" Holly jerked within the scope of her miniscule viewscreen to spot her fellow friends. "I don't see anyone."

"Out," Artemis replied. "Foaly and the others turned out to be not so satisfied with your abduction. They were, in fact, a bit...ah... irritated."

"Irritated. Well, they must have been more than a bit irritated to run away so irresponsibly like that. So what are you going to do without them?"

"We have already made up," The Fowl heir shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I impressed them by giving quite a sentimental speech."

"Sentimental?!" Holly smacked herself in the head in mock aggravation. "Oh, gods! I can't believe I missed that!"

"Very amusing, Holly. I'll tell them you're safe afterwards when they get back. And when we are all reunited you can listen to my speech once again, for Foaly has no doubt recorded it for the media. But after we finish our plan successfully. We're running late, don't you forget that. By the way," Artemis added with a smile, "Tonight is a full moon."

Holly smiled, but didn't say anything. There was a tinge of worry in the Mud Boy's voice. The rise of the full moon meant it must have been at least fifteen days since he was missing from his family, and it concerned him quite much, although he tried not to show it by his expression.

"I know you still have an adequate amount of magic, but in the meantime, why don't you go and refresh yourself with a new dose ? That shall cheer you up."

"Right." With a faint bleep, Holly's face disappeared from the screen.

Approximately fifteen minutes later, Artemis and his friends were reunited. Root gave him a gentle pat. Juliet just squeezed his hand affectionately, knowing that was exactly the amount of skinship that Artemis would allow. To Artemis, however, it seemed as if Juliet was smothering his hands, to put it mildly. Diana reached out to encompass Artemis in an embrace, but drew back in alarm once she saw what Juliet was doing to him.

Foaly just stared at him. When Artemis could no further ignore the hole being burned into the back of his head, he turned to face the quadruped centaur. "Do you have something to say to me, Foaly?"

"No," Foaly replied almost immediately. "Well... maybe just one thing: I'm sorry for misunderstanding you, okay? I shouldn't have been so impulsive to judge you by one act."

"That's quite all right," Artemis said, still facing Foaly eye-to-eye. "After all, as I said before: It was partially my fault."

"Right," Foaly said, still looking at him as if he were seeing Artemis for the first time in his life. In a way, he actually was. The Artemis he was seeing was the brand-new, renovated Fowl genius that was a whole different person from himself about an hour ago.

While this tearjerking reunion was taking place, there was another person who was becoming newly renovated. Holly Short was recharged up to her pointy ears with magic, more fiery with determination than ever, and as for the people who even bothered to stand in her way, too bad for them. They would be screaming and falling into the netherworld for millennia.


Fowl Manor

It was nearly 10 o'clock at night when Butler awoke. For a moment, he was deeply puzzled, for he did not know the reason why he had fallen asleep in the patio of Fowl manor. He turned to look at Artemis Junior's parents, and then at the slightly red spot on his skin where he had injected himself. He looked at his watch which was now functioning properly, and went inside to check CNN. The television was working. Oh boy. This was going to take a lot of explanations.

He went back out and looked as Angeline stirred and nestled closer against her husband. The breeze was warm, so there was no worry of them catching a cold. What he had to worry about was how to explain to them why on earth their manservent had sneaked up behind their backs and made a shot each of liquid soporifics. It was enough to be perceived as insane. Or, for the matter, why Artemis had still not returned after more than two weeks of his so-called business trip.

Butler sat down on the soft grass of the backyard in a meditating position that Artemis used often and began his contemplation. Who could have set up a time field in Fowl Manor? The time-stop was a device used only by the LEP.....No. That theory made absolutely no sense. If Artemis Junior was in the Fowl estate, it would have been a predictable action; at merely fourteen, he was not without enemies. All Butler could do for now was to continue his thinking, and pray that the Fowl couple will never wake up until the day Artemis came back. Talk about high hopes.


Haven, Lower Elements

If the infamous trio thought Recon was a servant that would come to their service with a snap of their fingers, they were undoubtedly mistaken. All orders went through Commander Root, him being one of the best commanders in the last millenium. If this was not a part of their plan, Root's terrible complexion would have turned into the hue of a ripe tomato's, barking out threats harshly to incapacitate whoever was not taking the Lower Elements Police seriously.

Police Plaza was stark and desolate as a desert. Root had purposely evacuated the area, and now the formerly crowded department was devoid of all people. Instead, selected officers huddled ever so uncomfortably shielded in trees. The novices expected men-in-black-suits, tumbling-past-bullets, oh-so-cool-kicks-and-punches, and please-we-surrender utter victory like those witnessed in the local cinemas. The experienced knew better than to reminisce the movie they saw last night. These people were all business. Which is why it must be pointed out that those hovering in trees were selected professionals.

Meanwhile, in the Ops Booth, thanks to the unappreciated genius pony-boy, they found out two identical mansions exactly twenty klicks apart from each other. Several officers were to be sent slowly to the house farther from Dublin, but only to make sure that Spiro and their accomplices were on their way. A couple of officers, in fact, aka Captain Trouble Kelp and Corporal Grub Kelp. One was a chosen, the other was a voluntary.

"Grub," Root grasped the corporal by his shoulders. "Are you absolutely sure you can handle this?"

"Sure, commander," Grub replied with a tinge of unnecessary confidence. "Don't mistake me for a child any more, sir. No more crying over hangnails. No more tattling to Mommy. After all, I'm the only officer who had ever stood up for myself in front of the formidable Butler."

Trouble kneaded his forehead. "Not again, please not the Butler tall tale again, Grub!"

Grub pouted. "You're just jealous, brother Trub, because you're not the one to get all the attention. Mommy was very proud of what I did."

"Captain Kelp," Root called Trouble's attention. "Remember, all you need to do is check if the three have already left. Of course I trust you, Kelp, but if Grub starts getting all huffy and puffy with bravado again, then I advise you to abandon him and go out on your own.Understood?"

"Yes sir,"

"Good," Root added after a pause, "Oh, I almost forgot. If Grub has another hangnail, leave the area immediately."

Trouble rolled his eyes in amusement. "Yes sir."

"Captain Kelp?" Artemis called out questioningly.

The addressed captain turned around in surprise. Sure, he had heard of the one and only Artemis Fowl, after all, all people with more than half a brain knew all about him. Only Trouble didn't know him personally, so it was the first time they were talking one-on-one. "Yes?"

Artemis smirked, glancing at the fidgeting Holly behind him. "Apparantly Captain Short has saved a comment for you. Or, more accurately, she has worked up the nerve to talk to you, should I say?"

Embarrassed, Trouble kept his gaze sideways, ignoring the music effect his little brother was putting on by whistling. He and Holly were not always like that; they were friends to start out with, but lately neither could deny they felt toward each other a special feeling more than friends could feel. "Short. What is it?"

Holly had straightened up and returned to her spunky old self. She winked. "Nothing, Trouble. Just wanted to tell you to be careful. And take care of the corporal. You know how much a pain in the neck he can be."

Trouble was put into a trance by Holly's wink, but eventually stepped beside it. "Yeah. Um, sure. I'll be careful." With that, the two walked out to settle down in one of Foaly's pods. Another journey to the world above.

At the same time, Holly slumped in her chair, completely aware of Artemis's grin he was unable to suppress. "Oh boy," she muttered. "Was that hard."


Near the Duplicate of Fowl Manor

Two shimmering layers of air emerged from the darkness, grateful to be out of the tiny titanium pod. Tiny even in the fairies's standards. Foaly is definitely what most people would call a genius inventor, but to most people's dismay he knows nothing about convenience. But that's not the point.

"Captain Kelp, is there anything I can do," Grub said to Trouble in his business tone. He really had changed, although not exactly in a good way. Trouble actually missed his brother whining for his mommy and crying over minor concussions and droning on and on about the Butler incident, which to tell the truth, Captain Kelp indeed wanted to forget about. Or calling him Trubs and even by his former name Grub had swore on all his LEP weapons to never tell a soul.

"Hush," The captain rolled his eyes. "We're not even in the area yet, corporal. Keep quiet."

"Yes sir," the corporal replied. "Keep quiet."

Trouble felt a sudden sting in his eye as the iris-cam in his left eye magnified his vision by five. He focused his live-feed camera on the nearest window. "All clear," he said into his microphone. "I'm going in."

He hovered by the windowpane of what had been Holly's cell. It was completely empty except the giant hole penetrating through the dull-colored floor.

"Corporal," Trouble muttered. "Double check the top two floors for any signs of life. You know what to do."

"Yes sir!" Grub shouted with glee. He flew up a route that seemed endless to the top of the estate. Trouble honestly feared for him. If he were to make another one of his careless mistakes, and anything would happen to him... Well, Grub was his brother.

After one hour of thorough surveillance, it was easily discovered that nothing so much as a fly was lurking in the manor. "Human, goblin,or pixie is nowhere to be seen. The entire manor is vacant. The three reprobates must be on their way. The gods know how."

"Roger," Foaly's tinny voice replied.

Trouble rubbed his hands inwardly in anticipation. Apart from their feelings from each other, this was another thing he and Holly Short had in common; they couldn't resist adventures and some fun. They got bored out of their skull every so easily if they didn't have any nervewracking experiences within the week. They had both been signing piles of papers that never seemed to disappear from their desks without even skimming it. They've also been doing equally tedious activities. It was just as bad as traffic until this incident. Trouble surreptitiously admitted that he was glad that Artemis Fowl had returned. That boy may be a troublemaker, but then again, trouble was his middle- his first name actually. He lived for trouble.


Okay, I have a feeling that this is not one of my best chapters... but enjoy it! This is a command:)