Disclaimer: I own nothing, with the exception of a wooly black sweater and some hooker boots.
Author Notes: It has been so long since I last updated…I am so sorry! No excuses apart from my own lazyness, so on to the chapter.
The Travesty of My Life
Six
I curled up on the couch and began to sob, for the second time that night, quietly into my hands, staring at the staircase Sirius recently stamped up. My mind whirled in a mess of fragmented thoughts and snatches of spine tingling emotion, from both men I loved. My feelings for Severus, while extremely similar to the man upstairs, did not have that fiery intensity that frightened me to the core.
It as more gentle, accepting with its promise to never fade away and ready to slide up a notch into more romantic entanglement. As I looked back at my memories, a sense of confusion began to well up within me at the glimpses of moments spent with him. In the decades our friendship spanned, that glimmer of not so friendly affection lived in every look and touch. Upon a realization I gave my self a mental shake, reeling at the very thought. It would be impossible, so many vied for his attention.
Why would he ever wish for one such as me? A shudder ran through my form and I swallowed a sob, choking on it at the force of it trying to push out of me. I must have looked a pathetic mess, huddled on a large couch and trembling; appearing a broken, frightened child left alone in a cruel word she does not understand. The next stage in my life begun moments later, it would help me to see the choice that was the better of the two, in the process shattering one heart and filling another.
A pair of warm arms descended about me, drawing me against a muscular chest. I welcomed the contact and buried my face in the offered shoulder, gratefully inhaling the man's natural smell. The extremely familiar odor made me jerk away, eyes jumping upwards into a pair of remorse filled pools.
"I'm sorry." He whispered hoarsely, almost as if he himself ad been crying. "It was wrong of me to say those things about Snape. I should respect your friends."
A little gasp was pulled from me at his words, suddenly wondering what had happened to the fuming male I had seen earlier. I shut my mouth slowly, not noticing the tears slowing to a halt and beginning to dry, leaving miniscule salty flakes on my skin.
"What brought about this sudden change of heart?" My voice was raspy and it sounded unpleasant to my ears.
He looked down at me and tightened his grip on my slender form, pulling me ever so slightly closer again him. "I realized I was going to loose you, at least the chance that I hadn't already grew bigger." He buried his face in my hair and I slid my own arms around his neck, welcoming the warmth rolling off of his far larger body. "I cannot loose you, not again." A broken murmur, so soft it almost faded away without being heard in the daily sounds going on outside the little sphere we created.
I gently shifted so I could cup his face in my hands, tenderly stroking my thumbs against his cheeks. In those brief moments all thoughts about the mild feelings I held for Severus were consumed by the intensity of the emotion within me, yearning for Sirius.
In that very same instant it hit me that, despite my choice, after his departure to the past, I would never see him again. I knew then that the memories made in the short time left would have to last a lifetime. I pushed those thoughts away quickly and focused on the present, I needed my wits about me.
"I will never voluntarily leave you Sirius; I swear that to you by the life of our slain child." Pain splintered in his expressive eyes, but the fragments faded when I soothed the eternal hurt with a tender caress to his mouth with my own.
He sat there, startled, for a moment before his lips beneath my own began to respond to the soft touch, bringing one of his arms to curl around my upper torso, his other hand resting lightly on the small of my back. The kiss quickly escalated from something to ease grief into a passionate, heated thing that sucked the ability to think clearly from my mind. A voice screaming a mantra to keep it from escalating tuned out and a kaleidoscope of colours and emotions replaced it.
Why would I have wished to think when everything could be forgotten for a few glorious moments? My fingers threaded through his silky dark hair, such a similar shade to my own, shuddering against him and acquiescing to his silent plea to part my lips. A quiet sigh escaped us both, the noise mingling into one of the more beautiful sounds I have ever heard. At that moment we accepted something, even without realizing it, and it in turn changed us slightly. My hold on reality snapped upon it, I hardly noticed, and not long afterwards we engaged in the most ancient dance of all times, one that bound us together and would heed no time span.
When I returned to my senses, the weight of what occurred slammed into me and I swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the pleasing sensation of another body tangled with my own. A blanket, one which most likely tumbled from the couch at one point during the day, surrounded me and I sighed quietly. Looking up, I met the fuzzy warm eyes of Sirius.
"What's up?" He whispered.
"This has only complicated the situation. I should regret it, but I don't…I can't." I traced whimsical shapes on his bare chest, the muscles contracting slightly under the light touch.
He made a sound in the back of his throat, the prelude to a torrent of speech, but I shook my head quickly quell his words. "I am glad." I murmured. "Do not think that I wish you were someone else." What I was going to say next would merge what I had dubbed my two souls together.
It would mesh Me-Raven together with Me-Hermione, the two sets of memories, the insecurities, the fears, and the feelings would all become one being. My two halves merging into a single entity so no seam would be discernable. The thought unsettled me, but I knew what had to be done. It terrified me that I might loose part of myself to the other part of me, my mind cried out in terror, but I ignored it as best I could. I took in a deep breath and leaned forward, slipping my hands into his.
"Sirius…I love you." I whispered in an undertone, voice wavering with my uncertainty.
"W-What?" He stammered disbelief in his eyes.
I could not say it again, one time was hard enough. I swallowed around the lump in my throat, willing him to say more than that single word. I heard him take in a breath and then tilt my face up to his.
"Hermione or Raven?"
"Both. It has always been there, I understand now why I felt so drawn to your older self. My other half knew that my mate stood before me, whether or not my mind comprehended it or not. This confuses me, yes, but the feeling does not bother me as much as I believed that it would. It feels…"
"…natural." He interrupted, supplying the last fragment of her confession with his own.
My eyes widened slightly and a gentle smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, sweetness filling my being as I felt the two parts of my soul merge into one. A sigh escaped me at is expression and I instinctively nuzzled closer to him, surprisingly content.
Ugh, dreadfully short…Especially for how long I made you all wait. I apologize for that…
Your Lord and Master;
Foamy the Squirrel
