Recipe for Mayhem
Author Note: The X-plotion has created an illustration for The ZiMask! He'll post it up eventually. By the way, thanks for all your reviews!
(Swollen Eyeball Network Base #234)
The ZiMask quietly snuck into the compound. For weeks this newly built outpost of the Swollen Eyeball Network had been an eyesore to Zim. He longed to destroy the accursed skyscraper, but he lacked the firepower to take it down. That is until now… The ZiMask kept his course until he was half a mile from the base. "Seems kinda big, to destroy this I'm gonna need some real firepower." The ZiMask took out a large cauldron and turned himself to a chef. "Maybe I can cook something up."
(Enter flashy cooking show.)
Narrator: And now, live from the outskirts of the Swollen Eyeball Network Base #234 is "Dishes That Go Boom!" with The ZiMask!
"Hello all my loyal viewers!" The ZiMask waved as he entered the kitchen. "Today I'm going to teach you how to make a small, but freakishly powerful bomb. Now the first step is to get a large cauldron, though you can also use a medium-sized cauldron." The ZiMask slammed the cauldron on the table. "Now proceed to pour in the ingredients which you can find around the kitchen." He took a large brown bag and put it next to the cauldron. "Put in a gallon of Tabasco, then a jar full of horseradish, twenty chopped pieces of TNT, add some bell peppers and put the lid on and let it simmer for a few seconds." He put all Tabasco, horseradish, bellpeppers, put the lid on and turned on the heater. A huge explosion followed. "Don't worry folks that's a good sign. Now that it's heated, time to make the sauce. Get a conventional pot and fill it with oil, afterwards put in some bullets, shrapnel, a live puffer fish, some volcanic ash, and for that way of the samurai feel, some wasabi!" The ZiMask mixed all these in the pot. "Now dunk this in the cauldron, squeeze it into your oven and let it bake." The ZiMask instructed. A few minutes later the oven blew up. "Now remember kids always use your oven mitts when dealing with ovens." The ZiMask used his gloved hands and took the cauldron out of the oven. "Presto." He removed the lid to reveal a small football-sized bomb. "A small, but freakishly powerful bomb made easy. Tune in next week when I show you how to make an atomic soufflé!"
(End flashy cooking show.)
"Now it's time to turn that skyscraper into sky scrap!" The ZiMask took the small bomb in his right hand and was about to throw it.
"Hey you!" a security officer named Bob shouted from behind the irken. "Put the bomb down!" he ordered.
Now in that situation The ZiMask had three options. One, throw the bomb at the building. Two, surrender to Bob. Or option three… The ZiMask did his trademark spin attack and roped Bob in. When it stopped, Bob was in a football uniform and The ZiMask was dressed as a coach. "Alright Bob this is it! The winning point! If you score this, then it's 'Hello championships'!" Coach ZiMask commended.
"Wh-what's going on?" Bob asked. The ZiMask promptly slapped him in the face.
"Don't go all wacko on me now, man! I know we're under pressure! But ya gotta do this! Ya gotta do this for the team!" The ZiMask squezed Bob's cheeks to emphasize his point.
"But I don't understand." Bob stuttered. The ZiMask slapped him again.
"There's nothing to understand Bob! I just want you to run up to that goal post…" The ZiMask pointed to a large white goal post that had miraculously appeared in the entrance of the Swollen Eyeball building. "And spike this ball on the ground!" The ZiMask took out the football-sized bomb he had created earlier, only now it was sloppily painted as a football.
Bob looked at the football bomb, confused. "But this ball looks more like a bom…"
"No defying my authority damnit!" The ZiMask thrust the football bomb into Bob's arms. "Just go go go!" The ZiMask pushed Bob forward. Bob had no choice but to run. But the n Bob felt exhilarated, powerful and determined. He ran like the wind. Unfortunately some of his fellow guards saw him run towards the base.
"Is that Bob?" one of the guards asked. "Why's he dressed as a football player…is that a bomb he's carrying! We gotta stop him!" the guards dashed at Bob, trying to halt him.
But Bob pushed them all away, screaming. "I'm gonna score a touchdown!" Bob pressed onward despite the protests of his downed fellows. When he finally arrived at the goalpost he raised the bomb over his head and cheered. "I did it!"
The ZiMask was also ecstatic. "Yes, he made it! Cue the cheesy inspirational music!" The ZiMask dunked the contents of a cooler over his head. "Now Bob spike it! Spike it!" The ZiMask ordered. Bob nodded and brought the bomb overhead and threw it down on the ground. Needless to say, the bomb blew up and the base collapsed in a matter of seconds. "Ohhhh…went out with a bang!" The ZiMask looked at his watch. "Whoa! 5:59 am! Time to catch some Zs." The ZiMask dashed home, and got into his bed.
(6:04 am)
"Ohhhh…" Zim groaned in his bed. "What happened?" All of a sudden, vague memories of bazookas, cooking shows, hornets and low-fat GalaxyBucks milkshakes filled his head. "Did that really…?" he then saw The Mask lying a few feet away from him. He picked it up and re-examined the artifact. "Must have been a dream. No way this bizzare wooden thingie could do such amazing things!" He threw The Mask onto the near by couch before plopping himself next to it. "It must have been caused by stress. Maybe some tv will calm my nerves." He took the remote control out of the sofa and turned the television on.
"In other news, local businessman Mr. Mollie was arrested last night for prancing around in his underwear. The tyrannical high-roller was also implicated with harming an endangered species of hornet." The News Anchorman said. "And about 5 minutes ago, the Swollen Eyeball Network building #234 was bombed by one of it's employees. The bomber was oddly dressed as a football player and claimed that an intruder made him bomb the building. Though reports are sket…" the reporter wasn't able to finish. As Zim had pressed the "Off" button on the remote.
"Stupid, Earth propaganda! Insane security football earth monkeys mean nothing to me! Neither does that stink-human Mollie! Heh. Though it was kinda funny when he kept jumping around like that…" Zim smacked himself on the head after he had said that. "Focus Zim!" he commanded himself. "This planet is driving you crazy!" Zim panted for a good fifteen minutes. "Maybe some wholesome galactic cable will help." Zim pressed another button on the remote to turn on the Galactic News.
"A few hours ago two con artists/spaceship repairmen, Slock and Mick were robbed of all their monies while they were on Foodcourtia. The two are now working in Schloogorgh's to repay their debts to Sizz-Lor, among others." An alien reporter announced.
"Ha, those two deserved it!" Zim laughed.
"Next, we have exiting coverage of a strange snack theft…" the reporter started.
"Hmmpphh…that doesn't sound so bad." Zim smirked.
"-On the Massive." The reporter finished. Zim's jaw nearly hit the ground in shock. (and if he were wearing The Mask it probably would've) "It seems that an unidentified spaceship that resembled a Voot Cruiser literally sucked the snacks right out of the snack pods using a straw. Irken officials believe that it is a Resisty based attack. More details coming soo…" Zim punched the tv off before the reporter could finish.
"Snacks? I don't remember any snacks! Must have been a mistake. Hey…does this couch feel lumpier?" Zim noticed that the couch was a bulkier than usual. He bounced on it a few times and a slight tear appeared. Out of curiosity he looked into the tear. He saw that the ordinary stuffing had been replaced by a plastic magenta, but was shocked when he realized what he was looking at. "Snacks!" Zim used his hands to increase the tear to reveal more snacks. "My couch has been stuffed with snacks! This can't be possible!" he picked up The Mask and stared at it with ferocity. "All right you wooden Earth mask thing!" Zim yelled at The wooden Mask. "Do you realize what you've done?" Zim looked at the inanimate object fiercely. "If the Tallest find out you stole the snacks I'm doomed! Doomed, do you here?" Zim received no reply. "I don't get it! How does this thing work? Hmmm…it's a long shot but what choice do I have? Maybe they have answers!" Zim put on a hobo disguise before putting The Mask in his coat and he ran out the door.
A little while later GIR came in the apartment. "I'm hooo..." then he spotted the broken tv. "Nooo!" the robot quickly hugged the tv. "Are you okay? Who did this? WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY!" GIR grieved over his smashed tv. "I'm gonna make a sandwich now!" he got over it.
(Hospital)
"Ow!" Mr. Mollie cried as another stinger was removed from his behind, "Can you please do that a little easier."
The robot doing the operation sighed. "Sorry sir but this is the best I can do. Now hold still. We still have to remove 19 more stingers."
"No! Leave the room! I have an important phone call to make!" Mollie barked at the robotic doctor. The operator complied and left the operating table. When he made sure that absolutely no one was watching, Mollie turned on his cell phone and switched to the "special" line. He pressed a few numbers and put it to his ear. "Hello Mr. Big-Head."
"Who dares to call me at this hour?" a fierce voice boomed from the other end.
"S-sorry sir. But I had to call you." Mollie shuddered.
"If you're talking about your hornet accident it's not part of the Network's insurance policy, so tough tamales!" Big-Head barked.
"No sir you don't understand. I think I found it." Mollie lowered his voice to a whisper. "I think I found The Mask!"
To be continued.
