7 Generations of Major Persistence

(aka There's The Easy Way, And Then There's The Kellaway)

Author Note: Guess who just hit the jackpot and got the original "The Mask" graphic novel? Me, Myself and I! So I was curios to know if any of you would like me to put quotes from "The Mask" comic book, like this:

"Say, did you just call me fruit? Well, you're right!"-The Mask

So please tell me your opinion. If you want me to put these quotes in the beginning of each chapter, say so. If you don't, say so too. It's your choice. Thanks. Now, on with the show! (End Author Note)

When we last left the "Masked Invader", he had just nabbed the dreaded Mud Urchin Army and reaped a reward of 1,000,000,000 dollars. And now, The ZiMask is faced with his most daunting and harrowing task yet…counting his money. "987,654,123. 987,654,124." He counted as he walked down the street. "987,65-I lost count!" he laughed in glee. "I'm rich! Rich! Rich-a-licios! And all I had to do was to have a bunch of idiot renegades beat each other up." So great was his glee, that The ZiMask didn't notice the shadowy figure that was stalking him.

The shadowy figure removed the safety pin from the grenade in his hand and aimed at the unsuspecting ZiMask. "Alright shortie." He said through gritted teeth. "Let's see if you're the real deal." He threw the grenade at The ZiMask. It was a direct hit and The ZiMask was engulfed in the blast. The stranger just stood there, waiting for the smoke to clear.

"OW! The agony, the agony! It hurts…not." The ZiMask coughed. "Alright, who was the jerk who threw that-." The ZiMask wasn't able to finish when he saw that the cash he was holding was now burnt to a crisp. "My money's been vaporized! Okay now I'm mad!" The ZiMask turned to the direction the grenade had come from and saw the stranger.

The stranger was dressed in a black overcoat, brown plants. He wore red gloves and had brown shaggy hair. "Well, well…you really are wearing The Mask. My name's Kellaway." The strange introduced himself. "And I've come for my Mask."

"Yeah, well I'm The ZiMask. And what do you mean by 'your' Mask? As you can see, I'm still wearing it." The ZiMask pointed out.

"Look you crazy punk! I've been searching for that Mask for years! And no one not even you is going to stop me." Kellaway shouted. He removed a revolver from its holster and aimed at The ZiMask. "Now hand it over you little punk! Or I'll shoot you so full of holes that-."

"Did you just call me li-little?" The ZiMask asked furiously

Kellaway seemed amused. "Yeah, I did shortie."

"Shortie!" The ZiMask stomped towards Kellaway and looked him straight in the eyes. "Alright jerk, you can throw grenades at me, threaten me and make a long, pointless introduction. But when you insult my size, that's just crossing the line!" The ZiMask aimed a huge cannon and fired a missile labeled "Retribution" at Kellaway. It hit Kellaway square in the chest and sent the detective hurtling into the sky, where the missile detonated. "Well, that takes cares of that loser. Now maybe I'll have some lunch." ZiMask decided to eat at a restaurant that served waffles because they were the only Earth Food he could eat. He found himself a seat at a café that was right next to a hotel and waited for a waiter.

"What would you like for today, sir?" a waiter asked from behind The ZiMask.

"Yes, I'll have some waffles and some-." The ZiMask turned to see that the waiter was…Kellaway…with a machine gun "Um, didn't you just get blown up?" Kellaway didn't answer; instead he unloaded a few dozen rounds of ammo at The ZiMask. The ZiMask darts into the hotel and into an elevator. "Okay, that was weird."

"Going up?" a familiar voice asked. The ZiMask gulped and saw that the bellhop was really Kellaway dressed as one. The ZiMask screamed and jumped out of the elevator when it reached the 14th floor and used a pair of big scissors to cut the elevator cord, causing the elevator to plummet downwards.

"That's should've finished him…but just in case…" The ZiMask threw a small, purple, mechanical sphere bomb down the elevator shaft. "There, now I can finally relax. I mean, a guy could go bonkers getting chased around like that. Time to leave." The ZiMask made a move for the elevator… "Maybe I'll use the stairs instead."

Once outside, The ZiMask walked down the street, whistling and wondering how he should conquer Earth. "A mind control device sounds good…or is that too cliché? A nuclear war could do the trick…Nah, too few survivors. Spreading a killer disease would seem reasonable…but they might find a cure. Maybe knocking the planet into the sun? No, that's too 'Planet Jacker'. Should I run for Ruler of the World? That could work…" But before The ZiMask could contemplate whether his "good" looks would give him a political edge in the polls, he bumped into Kellaway…again. "Oh come on!" The ZiMask was about to run when he realized something. "Wait a minute! Why the heck am I running away? Nothing you do can hurt me!"

"Good point, no conventional force can hurt you. But nearly two centuries ago, the first Kellaway tasted the power of that Mask. That was 7 generations ago and his descendants have been hunting for it ever since." Kellaway explained. "But you raise a very good topic. For noting but nothing can hurt The Mask, nor pry it from the wearer's face. But after years of going around the globe I finally found the one thing…" he plunged one of his hands into his overcoat. "That can beat The Mask!" Kellaway slowly pulled something out of his coat. It was a…glowing, green plunger.

At this, The ZiMask laughed. "That is the one thing that can beat me?"

Kellaway twitched at having his weapon mocked. "In one of my travels, I chanced upon an alchemist. After giving him a brief explanation of my plight, he created for me this powerful weapon to pull The Mask right off of it's wearer. Thus reverting him back to his original state."

"Um, Kellaway." The ZiMask could scarcely contain his laughter. "In case you haven't noticed…your 'powerful weapon' is a plunger!" The ZiMask was now rolling on the sidewalk, laughing like crazy.

"Yes, though I would have preferred it to take a more menacing form…this was the best weapon the alchemist could create." Kellway said, trying not to lose what little respect The ZiMask had for him.

"So was this alchemist guy a plumber? Because I seriously think your obsession is a major 'pipe' dream." The ZiMask was standing now, wiping tears of joy from his green face.

"Enough of your chit-chat! Let's get down to brass tacks!" Kellaway ordered. He lifted the enchanted plunger over his head. "Draw your weapon."

"Ok, I'll 'flush' your dreams down the drain." The ZiMask giggled. "But unlike your weapon." He reached into one of his coat pockets and pulled out a big mallet. "Mine doesn't 'suck'!" He lifted the hammer over his head and swung it at Kellaway. Only it didn't. The hammer seemed to sag and go limp. As if it were a balloon that had just been deflated. "Oh, well I've always been more of a firearm enthusiast!" The ZiMask pointed a large gattling gun at Kellaway, but it to went limp. "Uh-oh." Kellaway made his own attack and brought the plunger to The ZiMask's face. Even with his weapons failing like that, The ZiMask was still skeptical on the might of Kellaway's plunger. So naturally, it surprised him when he felt The Mask being slightly tugged off his Pak. The ZiMask quickly jumped away. "Hey, that plunger nearly worked." He said in shock. All of a sudden, realization hit him full force. "GREAT GHOST OF DOOKIE! THAT PLUNGER NEARLY WORKED!" The ZiMask screamed as he ran away from The Mask hunter. Kellaway took of after him in hot pursuit.

(Later)

The ZiMask ducked into a nearby alley and hid next to "The World's Deepest Bottomless Pit". "He's like some sort of not…giving up…cop guy with guns and a glowing green plunger!" The ZiMask huffed. "Maybe it's time to change strategies."

"Hrrr…that's enough!" Zim roared, regaining control. "I'm taking over!" Zim pulled The Mask off of his Pak and reverted back to his normal irken form. "That's better…I guess."

All of a sudden, Kellaway dashed into the alley and saw Zim. For a few brief moments, Zim thought the jig was up. But then… "Hey, little green guy!" Kellaway shouted. "Have you seen another green guy in a magenta suit run by here?" Kellaway asked.

"What the?" Zim thought. "Wait, He doesn't recognize me without The Mask!" Zim smiled at this unforeseen event, already contributing it to his amazingness. "He went in there!" Zim cried, pointing to "The World's Deepest Bottomless Pit".

"Thanks…wait…are you sure?" Kellaway questioned.

"You dare doubt the amazing ocular implant seeing abilities of the almighty, amazing and incredible Zim! Are you afraid of a little bottomless pit? What am I, you're smeet handler? Go, go into the pit! It is your destiny!" Zim cried with zeal.

"Yes! Into the pit!" Kellaway jumped into the pit, screaming like a madman as he descended into it's dark depths. "I'm coming for you ZZZiiiiiiMMMMaaaaasssssk!"

Zim wasted no time in sealing the pit's entrance, by slamming a giant lid over it and grafting it into the ground using the lasers of his spider legs. It took him a minute to realize what he had done. He had done it! Him, the amazing Zim! It was like The Mask had been giving him some of his old confidence back! And soon, soon, even sooner than you think. With the help of The Mask he would now conquer the world. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed to himself. But if he had known just how brief his moments of joy would last, he would have focused less on laughing like an intergalactic jester and more on stocking up on the heavy artillery.

(The next day…)

For the next day he was late for work. (What? You think his bills pay themselves?) And as much as he hated to do it, he hailed a taxi cab and went inside. "Where to?" the cab driver asked. Zim was about to answer when he suddenly recognized the cab driver and his voice. The driver turned to Zim and smiled. It was Kellaway. With a press of a button he locked the both of them in the cab and started to drive…destination: Unknown.

To be continued…

Author Note: There you have it. The first (but not the last) appearance of the new and improved Kellaway. How does he keep coming back, you may ask? Well…let's just say it's still in the works. But I can tell you that it will be a bit clearer than the dreaded Walter's invincibility.