SIR of The ZiMask

Author Note: Sorry for the wait. Me and my family went to Thailand for a few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim, GIR, The Mask, Mission Impossible and James Bond.

Author Note: Okay, I know that many of my reviewers have been perplexed at the concept of "what if" GIR got a hold of the Mask. Well this is my concept of a GIR/Mask. Though if you don't like it, keep in mind that GIR constantly reinvents himself and his ambitions, thus every time he puts on the Mask his form will change depending on what he wants. (Mongoose, scary monkey, a real boy or even a taco) But for now I'm sticking with this version and if you have any ideas on the MASK's latest form, feel free to review and voice your opinions. Thank you.

After a few minutes of humming as he drove down the road, Kellway looked at the rearview mirror to observe the trapped Zim. Then he looked out the car window. "Well, this is our stop." He brought the car to a halt, but no sooner did the car stop moving, Zim used his laser cutters to cut through the door and escape. Kellway yawned at this. "They always have to do this the hard way…" he muttered as he lit a cigarette and took a good look at their current location: an abandoned power plant.

Once he had gone inside the factory and gained a reasonable distance between himself and Kellway, Zim turned on his communicator in hopes of reaching GIR or MiniMoose. Preferably the latter. "GIR, MiniMoose! Are you there?" Zim saw instead of the faces of his 2 sidekicks on the communications screen, there was a strange yellow-orange substance that was obscuring his view. "GIR! Where are you? What did you do to the communicator? You better get that slop off the communicator! Or so help me I'll-." But a slurping sound interrupted Zim. GIR's tongue had licked all of the yellow-orange substance off the screen. "Ewww…I didn't mean it like that!" Zim said in disgust.

"I was feedin' cheese to the computer!" GIR wailed happily, licking his lips of the remaining cheese.

Zim shuddered. "GIR, where's MiniMoose?"

"He's off taking groceries at the Galactic Sooper Market!" GIR replied. "I got a DVD of Mission: Impractical and the entire Agent Double-0-9.65 collection!" he said, showing a bunch of DVDs. "Wanna watch?"

"Gee GIR I'd love to, oh wait, I just remembered. I'm hiding in a stupid power plant and being chased by an insane Earth cop!" Zim's rant would have continued if he hadn't heard a clank from a few meters behind him. This made him realize that if his voice was too loud, Kellaway might locate him. So he lowered his voice to a whisper. "GIR, I'm sending you the coordinates of my location. Bring the Mask here and give it to me." He was about to turn the communicator off but subtly added. "And whatever you do, don't wear it." Zim ordered, fearing the results if the Mask were to be worn by one so spontaneous as GIR. He would've given GIR more instructions, for more were obviously needed, if a karate chop to the head hadn't knocked him unconscious and cut his communication with GIR short.

(Zim's apartment)

GIR stared blankly at the computer screen which was now showing static. He then swiveled his head to the Mask, which was lying, on the floor. He picked it up and held it to his face. But then he remembered what his master had said. "And whatever you do, don't wear it. Don't wear it. Don't wear it." These words echoed in the back of GIR's brain. "CHOCOLATES!" he slapped the Mask on his face and transformed. But once again, his stupidity won over common sense.

After that long Author Note, GIR had transformed into a Mischief Attack Sabotage Katastrophe unit. (or MASK for short) A green faced, tuxedoed version of himself that carries a large ice gun and speaks with an educated accent. "The power of The Mask is coursing through my very circuits. The power…the power is incredible." MASK said to himself. "It's also boosted my intelligence! I must use these powers to serve the irken power. I must act as the fast forward button of their VCR of universal domination. And above all else, I must help my master conquer this puny unsophisticated world!" MASK struck a heroic pose. "But first…" his feet transformed into huge boosters. "I must save the galaxy for I am secret agent Double-0-GIR and must eliminate those who would attempt to take over the universe!...and maybe I'll eat tacos." He blasted some furniture with his ice blaster and flew away to fight evil in the galaxy.

(Meanwhile…)

Zim groaned as he regained consciousness. He wished he hadn't though, because the first thing he felt was a major headache. He lightly rubbed his head and looked around. He was sitting on a small wooden chair, next to a brown table in a dark room. "Where am I?"

"Good question." A familiar voice said. A split second later a blinding light shone on Zim's face. "But we've got better ones." The voice said.

"What the-?" Zim's eyes got used to the light and he saw that the voice belonged to Kellaway, who was holding a lamp and shining it's light on Zim's face. "Kellaway! Get that light out of my face!"

Kellaway turned the lamp off and sat on the seat on the opposite side of the table. "Hello Zim. We'd just like to ask you a few questions. They concern your buddy, The ZiMask."

Zim was puzzled to hear this until he remembered that Kellaway didn't know Zim was The ZiMask. "Um, didn't I tell you. He was in the pit. How'd you get out of the pit? Go back to the pit!"

"Oh I checked the pit. He wasn't there." Kellaway said. "Now are you going to tell us where he's hiding or do we'll make you tell."

"Yeah, you and what army?" Zim snickered.

"Me and this army." All of a sudden, as if on cue. A dozen or so moving shapes could be seen moving in the darkness. After awhile the shapes began to look like people. When they entered the light Zim's eyes widened in bewilderment as he realized all of those people looked like Kellaway. "Zim, meet me, myself and I, and the rest of the gang."

Zim gulped, a mixed look of panic and surprise could be seen on his face. "Clones? This earthanoid has clones of himself! Okay, okay don't worry. GIR's probably on his way with the Mask. I'm sure of it."

(Meanwhile, in the evil Dr. So's secret bayou base…)

"You can't stop me Agent MASK." The maniacal Dr. So said to MASK as he fiddled with a control panel. "I've pressed the big, laser, gun thingie button that fires the big, laser, gun thingie. Soon it will literally cause all of the Irken Armada's spaceships to breakdance, thus destroying them and allowing STENCH (Society of Terrible Evil Naughty Hoodlums) to take over the entire cosmos!"

"That's what you think!" the miniature agent said as he blasted some of the good doctor's henchmen with his ice gun. "Gotta find the off switch." MASK said to himself. Suddenly he spied a giant button labeled "OFF". "Bingo." He jumped to the giant button and tried to push it. It didn't budge. He tried punching it, but that didn't help either. Then he started doing all sorts of dramatic punches and kicks but the button still didn't move. "What's wrong with this thing?" But MASK had to halt his assault on the button when Dr. So attacked him with his mechanical thumbs.

"Oh you like it?" Dr. So asked. "That button requires incredible amounts of strength to push. Only my cybernetic opposable thumbs have the strength to push it." Once again, Dr. So tried to crush MASK with his destructive thumbs. MASK dodged masterfully and tried to blast them with his ice gun, but found it pointless as they were immune to cold. Then an idea occurred to the Double-0-agent. He stood in front of the OFF button and spread out his arms as if coaxing Dr. So into hitting him. The doctor swung. MASK ducked. The button was pushed. The laser ceased. Furious, Dr. So attacked MASK again but accidentally hit another button labeled "Self-Destruct". The moment it was pressed the big, laser gun started to shake violently. The place was starting to fall apart and the doctor was alarmed to see that his thumb was still stuck on the Self Destruct button, which was curiously enough, covered with gum. "How'd this gum get here?"

"Let's just say I had a feeling you'd press it." MASK turned on his boosters and preparing to fly to safety.

"Wait, you're not just going to leave me here to die, are you?" Dr. So asked, still struggling with his thumb.

"Well, I've never heard of any spy helping a villain in the movies." MASK replied.

"You could be the first." Dr. So said desperately.

"Maybe." MASK had a look of deep thought and sincerity on his face, giving Dr. So a glimmer of hope. Then MASK shot Dr. So with his ice gun. "But who am I to change tradition?" MASK smiled and flew away leaving the exploding base for parts unknown.

(Back to Zim)

"Now since you won't talk. I guess we'll just have to make you tell us where The ZiMask is." One of the Kellaways said.

"Are you an idiot? Don't you know that The ZiMask is my…" Zim barely stopped himself from revealing his secret.

"Your what?"

"…My best friend. And he'll be here soon and he'll destroy you all! You hear me? DESTROY!" Zim exclaimed.

"That's what you think." Another Kellaway said. "You know that weapon we used on The ZiMask earlier?"

"You mean the plunger?"

"Yes, the plunger. We've attached it to a machine that spreads it's magic-negating energy throughout the base. So the moment that Mask-wearing shortstop comes in, he'll be powerless." A Kellaway said.

"Hey, what happened to your face?" Zim asked, noticing that one of his captors had an extremely large nose.

"Oh, that's a side affect of cloning" a Kellaway said. "After awhile, some unstable clones of myself tend to deteriorate or deviate from the original genetic make-up like that one." He pointed to a Kellway with a scarred face. "Or that one." He pointed to one with robotic arms. "Or that one." He pointed to another with a hunch. "But worst of all these mutations is the worst accident of all." He motioned to one wearing glasses, plaid shorts and a polo shirt. "Greg."

"Hi guys." Greg greeted.

"Go back to your room Greg!" they all said in unison.

Greg looked at them with a sulky expression on his face and turned to leave. "I never get to do anything around here." Someone threw a crumpled piece of paper at him.

The Kellaways waited until Greg was out of sight. Afterwards they all surrounded Zim, looking at him menacingly. "Alright, enough with the chit-chat. Now since you won't tell us where the ZiMask is we're going to interrogate you now." Kellaway said. They raised their fists and… "Uh, how do you interrogate someone again?" a short Kellaway asked. "Uh, yeah. How do you interrogate someone?" a tall Kellaway asked. "Are you two stupid or something? Any moron knows that you interrogate someone by…by…um, I don't know."

The Kellaways started arguing amongst themselves over the subject of interrogation. Zim realized that over-cloning had caused the Kellaways' intelligence to deteriorate. Zim grinned. "I can tell you the first step to interrogating someone."

"Really?"

"Of course, what kind of prisoner would I be if I didn't help you?" Zim asked insidiously. "Now anyone knows that the first step of interrogation is to let the interrogated call his pals on his normal everyday communicator, which isn't an alien communication device to tell them he's okay."

"Don't listen to him guys. He's trying to trick you." Greg stated.

"Shut your noise maker clone human." Zim blasted Greg with his laser beam. The Kellaways cheered. "Now that that little distraction is out of the way, I'll make my phone call." Zim turned his back to the Kellaways and turned on his alien communication device. The picture on the screen was MiniMoose. "MiniMoose where's GIR?" Zim asked the floating moose in a hushed whisper.

"Squeak!" MiniMoose replied.

"He's not there? Then what's taking him so long? And what do you mean by 'the kitchen is frozen'?" Just then, Zim remembered something. "Wait."

(Flashback)

GIR had been throwing ice cubes around the apartment for 6 weeks and Zim was getting tired of it. "GIR, stop that!"

"I'm not GIR." GIR said in a determined voice. "I am the Chillanator. Feel my frosty wrath green man." GIR threw an ice cube at Zim's head.

"In your pathetic cybernetic fantasies, GIR."

(End Flashback)

The last part echoed in Zim's head. "In your pathetic cybernetic fantasies, GIR. In your pathetic cybernetic fantasies GIR. In your pathetic cybernetic fantasies, GIR." It took Zim a few long seconds for the truth to set in. "Oh no." Zim cried.

"Alright, you called your friends, what next?" The Kellaways were eager to continue the 'interrogation'.

Zim had to stall for time. Even if GIR did have the Mask, maybe he'd remember to bring it to Zim. "Uh…put on a puppet show?" Zim said uneasily. A few minutes later, the Kellaways were doing a re-enactment of War & Peace using sock puppets.

To be continued...