AOU: I noticed I made Gaara a girl by accident in the final time i reverted to him. Oh well.
Neji: Why am I the director? Uchiha should be
Sasuke: I need to kill my brother
Neji: so?
Sasuke: If you complain, I'll kill you.
Neji:...
AOU: stop fighting, geez. Naruto, disclaimer.
Naruto: Alchemist of Uchiha doesn't own Naruto debayo
Sasuke: Why are you called Alchemist of 'Uchiha'? Why not Hyuuga or Inuzuka or whatever?
AOU: because Uchiha's cool. Shut up and start the fic...
Episode 2
The Next Day
"You guys!" Shika waved a paper lazily. "Godaime sent a message. Apparently the premier sucked but attracted a lot of people. This time, we're not displaying jutsus. Due to popular request, we're displaying TALENTS. As in plate-balancing, loudest snore, best food and stuff. Neji already made the order and once again, not everybody is going on stage. Sit on the couch donated by Ichiraku Ramen there and just watch."
Everybody except Shikamaru, Neji and the Jounin workers relaxed on the pale blue couch. Naruto was gleeful since he was sitting on something donated by his favourite shop in Konohagakure no Sato.
Neji took his mic from Shikamaru and deadpanned as he looked down on his panel. "Hello, welcome to Shinobi Specialties. This is Hyuuga Neji (random fangirl scream) and today we'll be showing talents of the shinobis. Tayuya and Sakon are here today and they'll be first. Er, Sakon will be first."
The white-haired, two-headed member of the Sound Village walked up and waved. "Today, I will be displaying my talents as a singer." He grinned through a heavy application of blue-green lipstick, receiving a yelp of disgust from Tenten, Ino, Temari and Naruto. "I will be singing..." Sakon paused and thought for a while. "...Make a man out of you. Part of it, anyway."
"Shut up and start." Neji yelled in a bored voice. Sakon glared. "It's MY show, Hyuuga. Shut up and listen to the voice of a lark."
"That was more disgusting than anything Lee and his disgusting sensei could say." Sasuke remarked.
Lee shot up and took a battle stance in front of Sasuke and his teeth gave an annoying PING. "Sasuke-kun, I wish to fight you again so you may take back those words."
"I no longer require seals to perform Chidori. I can easily kill you in one shot."
"Sasuke-sama yo..." Sakon waved his hand. "Please be quiet so you can listen to your former helper's voice." Sakon grinned cheesily "..." Sasuke received a hard nudge from Naruto. "Haha! He was your HELPER!"
Sasuke was about to reply when Sakon began to sing in an awful treble. It grated and it screeched and it sounded like an old cat was being tortured slowly to death.
"Get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man
out of you
Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
you are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man
out of you."
"Oh. My. God. That was awful." Neji shook his head in dispair. "It was my unmei to sing that song." sneered Sakon proudly.
"No, it bloody wasn't." snapped Neji. "That wasn't goddamn fate. It was goddamn bloody bad luck." Sakon looked pissed and was about to launch himself at Neji when Kurenai hopped off the little spot where the light people worked and pulled Sakon back. She plopped him in the couch between Tayuya and Hinata and leapt back up. Sakon was furious and turned to Hinata. "Yo...Your cousin's pretty weird." Hinata stared at him, backed away a good few inches and placed Kiba between herself and Sakon, who was fuming.
"Next we have Tayuya, playing her flute. We apologize for the previous mistake..." The Hyuuga shot a death glare at Sakon, who glared back. "Drop it, Sakon." Ukon growled from where he was at his position on Sakon's...back.
The red-haired genjutsu user stood up and shot a death glare at Temari before speaking into the mic. "That kuso onna broke part of my flute with her stupid Dai Kamaitachi no Jutsu so I had to get a new one."
"Just start." Temari yelled angrily, adjusting her hold on her fan.
Tayuya gave a growl and placed the flute on her lips. Immediatly, she began to play the traditional song, 'Mango Walk'. It lasted about a minute, cuz Tayuya had a little trouble playing her new instrument and the air got clogged somewhere in the middle and she had to ask Shizune, the Assistant Helper, to clear it a bit.
"That was absolutely horrible." deadpanned Sasuke from his spot between Sakon and Gaara.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke-sama." Tayuya looked like she was going to cry but let's just ignore that.
Neji gave her an uncermonial shove and she slumped offstage to sit on the couch, giving Naruto a hard shove so she could have a bit more room. Naruto went and crashed into Kiba, who crashed into Sakon, who crashed into Sasuke, who crashed into Gaara, who crashed into Hinata who crashed into Tenten. In her surprise, she immediatly used Ningu Kuchiyose and well...you get the picture.
"Shut up back there!" Neji yelled. Yes, today, he was in a bad bad mood. He turned to his clipboard. "Next is Gaara, showing us how tomake a sock puppet."
"Gaara?" Kiba turned to the Shukaku-vessel. "Why Gaara? I thought it would Kankurou doing this sort of stuff."
"Gaara has a talent jyan." Kankurou defended his brother loyally. "Besides, I don't do sock puppets. I do big puppets." He patted his faithful crow puppet. "Like Karasu jyan."
"Okay..." Kiba inched away from the Sand-nin and looked at his dog, who was seated unmovingly on his lap. He whispered, "they're weird, Akamaru. Don't worry. I'll protect you." The white puppy wagged his tail and barked in his usual shrill tone. "I know what you mean," Kiba nodded. "Daijoubu desu, Akamaru!"
Gaara stood up and walked towards a table Neji and Shika set up while they were talking. He uncorked his gourd and sand leaked out.
"Oy, Sasuke." Naruto nudged his rival. "Use...Chidori when the sand gets to close, kay?"
"Do it yourself, usuratonkachi." Sasuke said boredly, just watching the youngest of the sand sibs take a bunch of sand and put it on the table.
"First, take sand and mold it into a sock. Make a hole and make the sock hollow." Gaara took some sand, molded it into the shape of a giant sock and took a kunai. He began to carve a small hole at the bottom and emptying out the contents of the sand 'sock'. "Then, paint." He applied black and purple and white paint vigorously while Neji watched in boredom.
"That looks a bit like you, Kankurou." Temari couldn't help but notice. Before Kankurou could say anything, Gaara made a fist and gently tossed the sock into the air while he deadpanned. "If you make it into someone you hate, you can do...this!" And he punched the sock Kankurou as hard as he could. Neji sweatdropped and Kankurou looked like he was gonna faint. Well, he did, actually.
After Kankurou was taken to the medical asylum Neji ordered by Anko and Ibiki, Neji continued the show as if nothing happened. "Next is Tenten, performing plate-balancing."
The kunoichi hopped gleefully on stage with a scroll and two plates. "If these plates fall," she said perkily. "It will release poisonous vapors to kill and melt anything that it comes in contact with. So, pray I don't drop them!"
Everybody held her breath as she unraveled the scroll. "Ningu...Kuchiyose!" Weapons fell everywhere. She took some senbons and tied them together and did the same with another handful so they were like poles. First, she tossed one plate into the air and balanced it onto the senbon. It wobbled a bit, then balanced. Anko went onstage and helped toss the other plate. Tenten reached out with the senbon pole, caught the plate and, at first the two plates looked as if it would fall as soon as Tenten breathed, but after a while, they both evened out and the audience took a breath of air for the first time in minutes.
Tenten dropped the senbons, grabbed the plates and skipped offstage while Neji announced the next talented shinobi. "..." He stared at the clipboard than said slowly. "The final shinobi displaying talents for us today is...me...Hyuuga Neji." Fangirls screamed and Neji-haters threw tomatoes at their television screen.
Shika went onstage, took the clipboard and announced, "Neji's displaying some acrobatics. You all know he uses Jyuuken and unlike Gouken, Jyuuken is more graceful. A lot more graceful. So it stands to reason that most Jyuuken users are in good shape. That's why Neji's great at acrobatics." The lazy shadow user, having said his piece, left the stage.
Neji took a deep breath, gathering and concentrating Chakra. After two minutes, he performed twirls and twists and somersaults and cartwheels and stuff. Hard to imagine? Not really. Just imagine Neji somersaulting and twirling and twisting in the middle of a stage with cameras all focused on him.
After 12 minutes of acrobatics, Neji ended by taking the Hakke Rokujyuuyonshou stance, and excelling air.
"You should be a gym teacher!" Naruto yelled, not untruthfully.
Neji glared but said nothing. He took the mic again and spoke into it. "Well, that concludes today's Shinobi Specialties. Tomorrow, we'll be displaying..." He looked at the next page. "Advanced Bloodlines. Only those with Advanced Bloodlines will be in it. Hinata-sama, myself, Uchiha Sasuke, Akimichi Chouji, Inuzuka Kiba, a special guest and perhaps more. Stay tuned and cut."
Kakashi stopped filming immediatly. "Iyaa...this time nothing bad happened to the camera!"
"..."
Hijutsu: Makkyou Hyoushou!
It's me, Hyuuga Neji. If you want to know who the special guest is, think for yourself! Who else has a kekkeigenkai? I'm not too certain whether Akimichi and Inuzuka's abilities are advanced bloodlines or just special jutsus, like Nara Shikamaru's Ninpou: Kagemane no Jutsu. Well, until next time! Please review.
