AOU: Oh. My. God. I can't believe how much nice reviews I got! You guys are so nice! (throws cupcake randomly and hits Lee on head)
Lee: ow
AOU: Gee, yeah, I'm sorry. Yes to faith b, the 'special guest' is Haku! WHOO, HAKU!
Sasuke:...
AOU: And OK, Chouji, Ino, Shikamaru and crap are special jutsus and not advanced bloodlines. So the next chapter will be special jutsus!
Neji: You just spoiled them! It's supposed to be at the ending.
Ino: And we're not crap!
AOU: shut your yap. Anko, say the disclaimer.
Anko: Alchemist of Uchiha doesn't own Naruto or anything else. Why is she called Alchemist of Uchiha I don't know.
AOU: shush! The episode's starting! (plops down on seat) Speaking of which, Kimimaro has a kekkagenkai too!
Kimimaro: I am forgotten...
Episode 3: Neji gives in? A new director is born...er...chosen!
"Oh. My. God. I. Am. Pissed." Neji threw the clipboard on the ground and was about to stamp on it when Shikamaru quickly used Kagemane no Jutsu, sealing his movements.
"Wh-what are you s-so pissed a-a-about, Neji-nii-san?" stammered Hinata, hoping Neji wasn't going to take out his frustration on the future-Hyuuga successor, which he often did until Hiashi pried them apart and gave the Hyuuga prodigy along lecture about treating Hinata with respect. Sometimes Neji doubted Hiashi really cared whether Neji snapped and used Hakke Hyakunijyuushichishou (is that how many shous there are? i forgot...) Anyway, let's stop talking about what Neji was going to do one day and focus on what made Neji so pissed then!
"Look!" he shoved the clipboard into his cousin's face. "look and tell me what you see!"
Hinata scanned the page and looked up at her cousin, totally confused. "N-Neji-nii-san, I don't understand. Haku, Sasuke-kun, Neji-nii-san, watashi, Kimimaro-kun..."
"Don't add a 'kun' to that jackass's name!" snarled Neji, drawing back a fist and looking as if he was going to shut Hinata up for the rest of her life.
Hinata gave a small 'eep' and returned to reading, "a-and K-K-Kimimaro..." she stammered.
"Yeah." Neji nodded. "That's the problem."
"P-P-Problem?"
"Kimimaro was one of the Sound Five. Kidoumaru was also one of the Sound Five. Kidoumaru nearly KILLED me." Neji did the sword-across-throat movement and continued, "If I see Kimimaro, I might lose it and kill him. So, there is only one solution to this, besides just going along and kill him." he added when Hinata looked as if she was about to suggest that.
"I must retire."
"Wh-Wh-What!" Hinata stammered. Neji nodded, waved his hands, and got everybody's attention. "Listen up! I'm retiring! I will now choose the new director!"
"It will be me!" Naruto exclaimed happily. "I'm the future Hokage, so I should be director!"
"I have a dog to take care of. Because of that responsability, I am responsible. So I will be the new director!"
"I am the oldest kunoichi! I'm the only girl on the set besides Temari that can summon! But I don't need blood! I'm the new director!"
Neji watched them bicker and suddenly, a very twisted idea was implanted into his mind. Oh, I truly AM a genius, he thought to himself. "Shut up!" he shreiked. Everybody shut up instantly. Neji nodded, "I've chosen the new director."
"that was fast jyan." Kankurou remarked (AOU: STOP TALKING LIKE A CAT! Kankurou: I CAN'T HELP IT!)
"Ano-sa, ano-sa! Is it me! Is it me?" naruto jumped around, all hyper-like.
Neji stared at him for a second. "...No."
"What?" Naruto stopped jumping and glared at the white-eyed boy. "I brought you into the light! That should mean something, you know!"
Neji continued glaring at him, "Shut up and I'll announce the new director. The show starts in," he turned to Shikamaru and Shikamaru sighed. "10 minutes, Neji."
"10 minutes before the show starts!" Neji continued his rant. "So, shut up, listen and just listen!" Everybody paid attention. Neji paused as he struggled to calm down, then continued. "The next director will be..." he grinned. "Maito Gai-sensei!"
(insert Gai's theme)
"Gai-sensei! Awesome! Ganbade-kudasai!" Lee, obviously. Tenten and Neji would never say anything as gay as that.
"Lee! This is the springtime of my life! To be hosting such a youthful show and show the way to the springtime of youth...this is too emotional!" Gai wiped tears from his eyes and looked at Lee with stars in his eyes.
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
Sunset, waves. The two embraced. Naruto covered his eyes and Kiba, seeing it for the first time, let out something that sounded like either a pig's squeal and the scream of a two-year old girl. Everyone was briefly torn out of their moment of disgust to stare at the Inuzuka heir. Kiba turned to them, "What?"
"Iyaa...sorry to interrupt but I started filming already." Everybody, excluding Lee and Gai, turned to stare at Kakashi, who was smiling at them.
"...what?" growled Neji, almost close to breaking point. Hinata backed away and pushed Kiba ahead of her.
"When?" demanded Sasuke. Light and crackling sounds began to appear from his left hand as he activated Chidori. Even though he was grateful to Kakashi for teaching him Raikiri/Chidori, that doesn't mean he won't kill him.
"Um...When Neji announced he's no longer director."
"How humiliating." Kiba shook his head. "My scream was caught on tape for the whole world to know. The Inuzuka clan will be so embarassed."
Chouji shrugged and chewed on a mouthful of chips. "It doesn't matter. The Inuzuka clan was already embarassed."
Kiba was about to strangle Chouji when Gai yelled, striking the 'nice-guy' pose. "Yoshi! let's start the path to the springtime of youth!"
"Hyuuga, remind me to kill you." Sasuke snarled at Neji as they made their way back to the couch.
Neji smirked, "Of course, Uchiha. After I've killed you, that is.
Show hajime!
"Yoshi! This is Maito Gai, your new youthful director! Just look at my funky eyebrows!" He shoved his face and dead-caterpillar eyebrows close to the camera, nearly freaking at Kakashi. The viewers and Tsunade almost puked.
"Gai, stop wasting tape!" Kurenai bellowed, trying to keep the viewers, Kakashi and the Godaime Hokage from dying of disgust. Gai leapt back and his teeth went PING (viewers: Thank god!)
"Today, we have, the youthful and beautiful Haku of Kirigakure no Sato! He was killed by Kakashi but was revived thanks to Alchemist of Uchiha's youthful alchemy!" Gai leapt off as Haku, dressed in the uniform he, sadly, died in, complete with mask, stepped up. There were wolf whistles from male viewers and 'aww' from females. "Iyaa..." Kakashi smiled apologetically at Haku. "Sorry for killing you, I didn't know you'd pop up like that..."
"It's okay." Haku smiled, which was unseen because of the hunter-nin mask.
Damn it, Kakashi. Gai thought fiercely, his eyes on fire. You're so hip and cool, making such a cool and youthful statement on live television! No wonder you're my rival!
"My kekkeigenkai is used for war. Unlike Hyuuga-san and Uchiha-san, it cannot be used for help." The man viewers flexed their muscles as a way of showing sadness in busty-muscle-language and the females went 'aww' again.
"Behold...Hijutsu: Makyou Hyoushou!"
He leapt back and performed the Demonic Ice Mirrors ability. Ice mirrors surrounded him and Sasuke, with a moment of recognition, yelled, "That's the jutsu you used to kill me!...Sort of..."
Haku ignored him and Neji smirked, "You got killed by mirrors?" Sasuke glared daggers at the Hyuuga prodigy. "They weren't normal mirrors. It was dangerous there. YOU could've died too." Neji glared, "Wanna bet?" The two continued to glare at each other while Hinata and Tenten tried to calm the two down.
After a while, Haku threw senbons at each mirror and they exploded into shards of ice.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shreiked Lee as a shard pricked at his face. "Holy moley! lee!" Gai leapt past a confused Haku and grabbed Lee dramatically. "Lee, hold on, we'll get you to a hospital quickly!"
Lee grappled at the air as if he had just got a sword plunged into his chest. "Gai-sensei...I always wanted to say this, but..."
"Don't say anymore, Lee!" Gai embraced his beloved student. Waves. Sunset. Kurenai shook her head, "This is getting old."
"Oh my god. Stop being such a wuss!" Shizune walked onstage, followed by Tonton, who 'bueyed' loudly. Shizune performed two hand seals and ran her finger lightly over the cut. It healed instantly. Lee leapt up and performed a cartwheel. "Gai-sensei! Look! I'm better!"
Gai grasped Shizune's hands. "Kind messenger of the God of Youth, how can we repay you for healing my student's mortal wound!"
Neji and Tenten shook their heads, embarassed to be known as Gai's students.
Shizune sweatdropped, "You can start by letting go of my hands and continuing, Gai-sensei. The show's still rolling..."
"Of course, Messenger of the God of Youth!" gai leapt back, did his nice-guy pose and Shizune walked offstage, shuddering...
Offstage
"It was the most freakiest thing that ever happened!" sobbed Shizune. Tonton 'bueyed' sadly while Anko and Tayuya (don't ask) handed her a towel and a cup of warm mocha. "There, there, Shizune. It's alright." Anko nodded. Shizune sniffled then left, sipping mocha.
Onstage
"Our next performer of youth..." Gai did his nice-guy pose again. "Is Hyuuga Neji and Hyuuga Hinata! Hyuuga Neji of my own team and Hinata is his beloved cousin! Get up here and show our viewers the way to the springtime of youth!"
Neji, followed by Hinata went upstage while Kurenai pulled Gai off, as Gai wanted to go embrace the two Hyuugas. "Hinata-sama will perform Byakugan while I perform Kaiten and my Hakke Rokujyuuyonshou. I will not perform Hakke Hyakunijyuuhachishou because it requires too much Chakra."
Hinata performed some hand seals and activated Byakugan. Neji did the same except he didn't need hand seals. Hinata stood back while Neji used Kaiten.
"Hakkeshou: Kaiten." Blue light filled the room. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Hinata flew back and struggled to stand. "Behold...Hakke...Rokujyuuyonshou!" Neji rushed forwards and performed the amazing ability.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hinata screeched as she flew backwards. Kurenai caught her and yelled, "Shizune, call the ambulance!"
BEEWOOBEEWOOBEEWOOBEEWOOO
As much as I want her to die, I can't. It would harm Hinata-fans all over the place. So Hinata will be alive. Just...in the hospital.
Gai was shocked. "Neji, that wasn't very nice!"
To save himself from a lecture, the Hyuuga genius merely said as he made his way offstage, "Accident."
"Well, in the springtime of youth, accidents happen. Youth and accidents go together!" His teeth made another annoying PING. "Next is...Uchiha Sasuke!"
Sasuke walked upstage and dodged Gai as the mental sensei was about to give him a hug. "Sharingan!" He activated his bloodline as he walked to the centre of the stage. After a minute, he turned to Kakashi, "What am I supposed to do?"
"Shishi Rendan?"
"Oh." He gestured to someone. "Dobe, come up here!" Naruto shrunk back, afraid to be hit by the Rendan. Instead, Naruto pushed the first person he saw up instead. Who was it? Sakura. "Oh. Sakura. Oh well, i guess that will do just fine."
"M-Matte...Sasuke-ku-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
He kicked the pink-haired kunoichi upwards, then performed the absolutely wicked combo, ending with a kick into her stomach and shouting, "SHISHI RENDAN!" There was a pause as Sakura's blood spilled everywhere. "Oh my bloody god. That was the best thing I ever saw!" Kakashi exclaimed (AOU: wow, how OOC)
"Sigh." Kurenai leapt down and called again, "Shizune, call the ambulance."
"Again?"
BEEWOOBEEWOOBEEWOOBEEWOO
Sakura was sent to the hospital. Because she sucks and Sasuke rules, she dies. But since everybody is so addicted on Shinobi Specialties, no one cared. Sorry if your a Sakura fan and just yell 'Hell yeah!" with me if your a Sakura hater.
Gai was about to continue when Kurenai leapt down and kicked Gai out of the way. "Because there has been too many casualties on tonight's show, we're going to cancel it here and now. Good bye and please remember to watch tomorrow's Shinobi Specialties, which is about special jutsus, like Ninpou: Kagemane no Jutsu or Ninpou: Shintenshin no Jutsu."
The end
AOU: no, its not the end of the story. It's the end of the chapter!
Neji: that's just too bad
AOU: okay
Sasuke:...you're ending the story
AOU: no
Sasuke: dammit
AOU: review please!
Neji: no! Don't! If you don't, she won't continue the story!
AOU: don't listen to them! Review!
