[THURSDAY, JANUARY 27 9:00 PM]

Lana's right.

Michael IS just friends with me because he feels sorry for me. I've been thinking about this all week (what can I say? It sort of stuck with me) and I've come to the conclusion that there's no other reason he's being nice to me besides the fact that I'm Lilly's new friend. And maybe he feels sorry for me because I'm such a flat-chested weird princess.

The other day Michael volunteered to tutor me in algebra. He sits beside me every day in G and T now. One of my tests was sitting on my desk and he saw it. It was the test I got a completely failing mark on and he asked me about it. I told him how awful I was at algebra. And then, the most awesome thing ever happened. He offered to tutor me in G and T with my algebra, since he's so good at it.

MICHAEL IS TUTORING ME!

Okay, so maybe it makes me feel kind of stupid that he's so amazingly smart and I'm so exactly the opposite. But I'm willing to overlook that fact, because when Michael tutors me, I get to sit next to him at a table by ourselves and listen to his beautiful voice all class long. And I'm totally not complaining about that, even if it is listening to him talk about polynomials, not his deep, undying love for me. And when I sit next to him, I can smell him.

Michael has this awesome, clean scent I just can't describe.

He smells like soap, the fresh air outside, laundry detergent, and something absolutely indescribable – but something completely Michael. He is perfect. Sometimes, when he tutors me, he puts his hand right down right next to mine and I can practically feel myself blushing due to his close proximity. Then, when I understand something, he'll turn to me and smile.

However, Michael is the most obsessively organized person on earth. I wonder how he lives like that.

Tomorrow is my DATE with Kenny. I still can't believe I'm going on a date. I guess it is just with Kenny, who's kind of a little bit of a dork. But he's a nice dork, and he is my boyfriend, no matter how much I hate to admit it sometimes. He's better than having no boyfriend at all. Although sometimes, when he tries to kiss me, I reconsider that and I think it might be much nicer to be single than to have to kiss him.

So far, I've been able to avoid meeting his lips with mine, but I don't think that will last much longer.

I am going to need some serious strength to get through our date tomorrow.

On Friday, the date was all that Mia could think about. On one hand, it was an awesome thing – her first real date, ever. She'd been out with guys before, but always boys that Grandmere found appropriate and set up all the arrangements with. Those didn't count. They'd never meant anything at all and it wasn't like she was actually interested in any of those boys. On the other hand, she wished it was with someone other than awkward-and-geeky-but-nice Kenny Showalter.

"Mia?" A voice interrupted Mia's thoughts. "Earth to Mia! Hey, Thermopolis, is anybody home in there?"

She shook her head slightly and focused her eyes to see that Michael was sitting there beside her, a twinge of annoyance present on his gorgeous face. Mia felt her cheeks heat up. She'd totally been zoning out while Michael was trying to teach her something in algebra while they sat in G and T. "Sorry, Michael. What were you saying?"

Michael raised an eyebrow. "Before or after you fell asleep while I was talking?"

Mia was completely embarrassed. "Polynomials?" she guessed.

"Mia, that was Tuesday," Michael said, seriously. He was really cute when he was serious. "This is Friday, and if you really want to raise your algebra marks, you should stop thinking about your boyfriend and concentrate on me and this algebra problem here," he said. Mia thought she detected an air of sarcasm present in his tone when he told her to stop thinking about her boyfriend.

"Really, Mia, am I that completely uninteresting to you?"

No! Mia shouted in her mind. Truthfully, she'd really honestly rather concentrate on Michael Moscovitz than Kenny Showalter, but it wasn't like she could tell him that.


Kenny's clammy hand grasped Mia's tightly, his eyes focused and squinting at the screen in front of them. She was sandwiched in between Lilly and Kenny, with Boris on Lilly's other side. She shifted in her seat, moving closer towards Lilly, but Kenny was already so close to her that he almost wasn't sitting on his own seat.

She wriggled her fingers, trying to loosen his tight grip on hers. Her fingers were beginning to go numb. This definitely, without a doubt, was not the way Mia had hoped that her first date would go. She had always dreamed of her first real date as being something special, with someone she really liked, someone who was perfect for her, someone she'd be dying to kiss goodnight.

Mia would rather die than kiss Kenny goodnight.

He looked over at her, smiling. Mia caught his eye and flashed him a weak smile back. Unfortunately, he noticed the lack of enthusiasm in her face, and he mouthed the words, "what's wrong, Mia?" at her, his eyes concerned. He moved closer to her.

"Nothing," she whispered. "I'm just not feeling so well, that's all."

"Let's get out of here, then," Kenny suggested, pulling on her hand as he stood up. "I'll walk you back to Lilly's house. She and Boris can just come when the movie's over."

Mia nodded, and did as Kenny suggested. And then, she left the theater with Kenny, who still was gripping her hand like she'd float away into the clouds if he even let go for a second. Mia didn't like Kenny's sudden bout of possessiveness.

The January New York air outside the theater was cold, and Mia shivered.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kenny asked. "Are you cold? Because if you need my jacket, I'll give it to you," he offered.

Mia shook her head. "Kenny, I'm fine," she insisted. "I'm just tired."

Kenny looked at her suspiciously, and they walked the rest of the way to the Moscovitz residence in complete silence.

Awkward silence.

Kenny rode up in the elevator with Mia, and walked her to the Moscovitzes door. He stood there awkwardly as Mia rooted in her bag for the key that Lilly had given her when they had left the theater early, but she couldn't find it in her bag, and so she rang the doorbell. And then, as they were waiting for someone to come open the door, Kenny coughed awkwardly.

Mia hoped that the Drs Moscovitz were home, and that they'd rescue her from the sheer horribleness of this situation she was in at the moment. No such thing happened in those next few things, however, and Kenny took a step closer to Mia. Mia tried not to take a step backwards, and she succeeded. She breathed in deeply, her eyes not wanting to meet Kenny's.

That didn't matter, of course, because Kenny, as usual, was much too clueless to take a hint. Mia looked up at him, quickly, and she saw that he'd closed his eyes and was leaning towards her, slowly, his lips gently parted.

Mia was petrified.

She couldn't get her feet to move. She was completely sure she was going into shock. When Kenny's eager lips met Mia's, she silently gave in, and closed her own eyes. This wasn't so bad, seeing as she couldn't see who she was kissing. Maybe if she just pretended it was Michael, it would be fine. The thought of Michael and her kissing brought a smile to her lips, and Kenny pushed his tongue into her slightly open mouth, forcefully.

It was warm, and Kenny tasted like the popcorn he'd been eating at the theater all night. Kenny's hands rested awkwardly on her back, grabbing fistfuls of her shirt within his clammy fingers. This was nothing like what most girls described their first kisses as. No, first kisses were supposed to be magical, and beautiful, with someone the girl really, really liked and enjoyed being with. The girl was supposed to want to be kissing the boy. Instead, Mia would rather be anywhere at that moment than standing in front of the Moscovitzes apartment with her boyfriend's arms locked around her and his mouth almost attached to hers.

It was completely asphyxiating.

Mia nearly gagged. Luckily, she managed to save herself. All thoughts of Michael were pushed out of her head as Kenny's arms tightened their grip around her body, and his tongue continued to explore her mouth. She was still in complete shock, and her feet seemed glued to the floor where they stood, though she wanted nothing more than to push him away.

In the background, Mia heard the door to the apartment open. Finally, she came out of her shocked state and stepped back from Kenny, blushing furiously. She raised her fingers to her blonde hair and began to smooth it down nervously. She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. Her eyes looked down at the floor, unwilling to meet Kenny's, or the person who had answered the door's face.

What a good first impression this would be on Lilly's mother or father. She'd never even met them before, and the first time they'd see her, it would be in front of their apartment, completely making out with her boyfriend? She was completely humiliated, and just when she thought nothing could get any worse, she heard Kenny utter out in his nervous voice, shakily, "uh, hi, Michael. I was just leaving."

Michael. Michael! Oh, God. It was Michael who'd answered the door.

And Michael Moscovitz had seen Kenny Showalter, kissing Mia Thermopolis senseless.

Could there ever be anything more embarrassing?

She looked up, unwillingly, but knowing that she had to eventually. Michael was standing there shirtless, looking completely bewildered, and slightly embarrassed. "Kenny," he said, nodding at the other boy slightly. "Hey, Mia…" he trailed off. "Where's Lilly and Boris? I thought you all would be home around eleven, and it's only nine thirty," he said.

She was glad that Michael wasn't bringing up the fact that he'd just seen Kenny and Mia kissing, but Mia still couldn't bring herself to talk to him, so she let Kenny do the talking. "Mia here wasn't feeling so good, so I just brought her back here early because she's sleeping over with Lilly tonight," he said. "But I really should be getting home now," he continued, fiddling with his fingers and avoiding both Mia and Michael's eyes. "Bye Michael." He turned and kissed Mia's red cheek. "Bye, Mia. I'll call you later," he said softly, walking back towards the elevator.

Mia heard Michael breathe in deeply, slowly. "Are you going to stand out there all night, or are you actually going to come in?" he asked her, holding the door open and stepping aside so that she could enter.

She brushed past him, her arm touching his bare shoulder briefly. Mia swore she felt a tingle shoot through her arm and throughout her whole body. "Sorry about that, Michael," she said. "I mean, I didn't mean for you to see that or anything. I forgot the key that Lilly gave me, so I needed someone to answer the door, and I guess your parents aren't here…"

"They're out at my grandparent's house for the night. Grandpa Moscovitz is kind of sick," he said. His voice was distant.

She followed him into the kitchen. It was dimly lit, and the dull light shone off of his dark hair and onto his face, casting a bronze glow over the soft skin of his face and bare chest. His big brown eyes shone brightly at her, but she could tell that something was wrong with him. Even though she didn't know Michael all that well, she could read people fairly well, and she could tell by Michael's expression that something wasn't right.

"Michael, are you okay?" She asked. "I know it's totally not my business, and I'm just your little sister's silly sophomore friend, but you can talk to me if you need to. That's what friends are for, remember?"

Michael was standing about four feet away from Mia, his hands placed on the counter in front of him. He stared down at his fingers, tapping them lightly on the hard, white surface. He shook his head, and lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Nothing," he answered, his tone cold. "Never mind. What are you going to do until Lilly gets back with Boris?"

Mia shrugged. "I don't really have anything to do."

He looked back at her, his eyes dark. "Well, you can amuse yourself until Lilly gets back, can't you? I have to go phone my girlfriend, Judith," he said, not waiting for a response from Mia as he turned his back on her and walked in the direction of his bedroom, slamming his door shut loudly as he reached the room.

Against her better judgment, Mia followed him. She stopped in front of his door and examined the signs that adorned the door, running her finger carelessly across the big, red DO NOT ENTER sign. A few stickers with the names of bands that Mia liked were stuck on the door. And in the middle of the door was a picture of Michael and Judith. Michael's arm was around Judith's shoulders, and both Michael and Judith were beaming brightly.

Mia rolled her eyes at the picture of the happy couple, sighing. She knocked on the door. "Michael? Michael, open up. Michael, are you mad at me?"

He opened the door, wearing an expression of disbelief. "Didn't I just tell you that I had things to do?"

"I just want to know what's wrong, Michael," Mia said, ignoring his angry tone of voice. She looked into his eyes, and she was met with something unfamiliar. Michael's usually fun, light, and playful shining deep brown eyes had been replaced with hurt, sad, dull eyes.

He sighed. "Nothing's wrong, Mia," he answered, the angry tone of voice that had inhibited his voice moments ago gone, replaced by a tired, resigned tone. Michael ducked his head back into his room, and looked around quickly. "Here, come in. You can hang out with me until Lilly comes home."

Mia frowned. "It's okay, you don't have to babysit me. I know you wanted to phone your girlfriend and all," she said, trailing off into silence. "And I know you're just being nice to me because I'm Lilly's friend and all. You don't have to do that."

Michael laughed nervously. "Thermopolis, you're insane. Come on," he said, grabbing one of her wrists and pulling her gently into his room, shutting the door behind them. To Mia's displeasure, he let go of her wrist almost immediately. "Judith can wait. It's not like my life revolves around my girlfriend," he said, laughing again.

Mia touched her wrist gently, feeling the warmth of Michael's brief touch on her skin. She looked around Michael's room. It was neat and organized, to an extent, but less organized than she had expected Michael's room to be. A few pairs of pants and shirts laid on the floor, and his bed was unmade. Band posters hung on his walls, amongst some plastic glow in the dark stars. His walls were painted white. The desk was piled neatly with papers, and his computer sat there, with a Star Wars screensaver. His closet doors were open, and Mia could spot his discarded school uniform on the top of his dirty laundry pile.

Michael walked towards the closet and pulled a clean blue t-shirt off a hanger and slid it over his head. He then sat down on his bed and ran his hand through his hair carelessly, staring down at his fingers. "Listen, Thermopolis, I'm really sorry," he started. "I'm really sorry about interrupting you and Kenny tonight at the door. I didn't know you guys would be there, uh, kissing." He said the apology quickly, and Mia noticed his cheeks flush slightly. She didn't blame him - he had, after all, witnessed one of the worst kisses ever between his dorky computer club friend and his little sister's even dorkier best friend.

Mia forced a laugh. "It's okay, Michael," she said.

"So, you, uh, really like Kenny then, huh?" He asked, twiddling his fingers together and staring down at the floor.

Mia didn't know what to say. On one hand, she liked Michael. And she didn't want to lie to him. And on the other hand, Kenny was her boyfriend. And theoretically, when girls had boyfriends, that meant they really liked the boy. "I guess. He's nice enough."

Mia felt incredibly awkward standing in the middle of Michael's bedroom, suddenly.

He seemed to sense Mia's discomfort with the subject and changed the topic. "So how was the movie, anyways? I love Star Wars," he said.

Mia smiled. "Yeah," she said. "It was really good. It's one of my favorite movies." She paused, and hesitated. "You should have come."

He shrugged. "Judith was busy. And let's face it, I have no other friends, other than Felix, who was also busy."

Mia didn't know what overcame her at that moment to say such a thing. "I'm your friend, aren't I?"

Michael grinned. "Yeah," he said. "But that would have been kind of awkward, hey? You, me, Kenny, Boris, and Lilly? I don't really like Boris, Lilly hates seeing me anywhere she doesn't actually have to see me, and Kenny's your boyfriend," he finished softly. "So I would have been the, what? Fifth wheel? No thanks."

Actually, Michael, the "you-and-me" part doesn't sound that bad, Mia thought to herself. "I guess."

"Don't get me wrong, though, Mia," he said, seriously. "I'm really glad we're friends." His voice was soft, and his face completely honest, all evidence of the anger that had been directed at her earlier in the night completely gone.

"Me too," Mia said, in an almost-whisper.

A silence followed, but unlike the silence between Mia and Kenny, this silence was completely comfortable.

In a sudden disruption of the comfortable silence between Michael and Mia, the door to the apartment opened and shut in the distance, and Mia could hear Lilly yelling out her name. "Mia, I'm home! Mia, where are you? Mia!" Lilly paused. "I hope my loser of a brother didn't get you.. Mia!" she kept on calling.

"I guess I'd better go," Mia said. "Lilly calls." She walked towards the door and placed her hand on the doorknob, ready to leave Michael's room.

Mia had began turning the doorknob when she heard Michael speak, softly. "Goodnight, Mia."

Her cheeks turned bright red, and she smiled back at him shyly. "Goodnight, Michael," she whispered, and opened the door, shutting it softly behind her. She collapsed gently against the door and held her head in her hands. Why did he have to be so perfect and so completely not in love with her?