The Edward in Winter
No spoilers.
I hope that this will be the second story in a series of humorous missions for our beloved, small of stature, alchemist. (Edward yelling at the top of the lungs: STOP CALLING ME SHORT!)
Kudos to you if you can figure out where I mutilated the title from. :-)
"What are we doing here again, Al?" Edward shivered under his heavy coat.
"The colonel heard rumors that there was a red stone involved in alchemy," said Al soothingly.
Edward muttered under his breath, "I'm sure he just wanted to see me bundled up so he can call me short and fat."
Alphonse looked at his brother, who wore so much clothing that he looked more like ball than a bundled up teenager. Alphonse said chidingly, "Still, brother, that was no reason to try to alchemize the train that Hughes boarded when you realized he took your picture."
Edward snarled, "I don't care if he has a wife and a kid. I'm going to get him and his little colonel, too."
Though he was a suit of armor, Alphonse sighed. With much cajoling and pleading, he finally got Edward to stop scowling in the direction that the train to Central went with a very amused Hughes on board. Alphonse guided Edward off of the platform and into the snow covered town, looking and listening for hints about alchemy and a red stone.
Alphonse walked in front of Edward and plowed through the snow. Otherwise, because Edward was not big enough, he would not be able to walk through the snow. A sweat drop appeared on Alphonse's head as he imagined Edward's reaction if he told his brother why he insisted on going first.
The day's searches proved fruitless and temperamental in the case of Edward, who had been receiving odd looks all day. Alphonse arranged for a room at an inn because the innkeeper would not go near Edward because he looked like a ball with a scowling face sewn into it.
The night passed uneventfully and the morning dawned with Edward still being crabby. When he went into the commons area to eat breakfast, he received a lot of odd looks.
The innkeeper walked over, "When did you get here, kid?" Edward twitched and gave the innkeeper a scowl. "Uh…never mind. I remember you now," the innkeeper said, backing away slowly and darting into the kitchen. Edward threw his scowl over the entire room at all those people who were staring at him. Quickly, they found their breakfasts to be most interesting.
"Idiots," he muttered. Deciding that he did not want to put up with inn food, he walked back to his room to put on his coat.
Fifteen minutes later, Edward was plowing on through the snow. Alphonse trailed behind him, wondering what had gotten his brother all riled up so early in the morning (and how he could plow through the thigh high snow). Normally, the Colonel is the only one to get him so upset. He looked at his elder brother, listening to his mutterings about the weather. Then again, I guess he does not like the cold.
Ten minutes later, a loud but strangely muffled sound reached the ears of the customers in the inn. Oddly enough, the sound almost sounded like footsteps. Very large footsteps. As the sound got closer, another sound became audible.
The sound of terrified yelling. Filled with curiosity and braving the cold, a couple of the customers stepped out onto the porch that lead into the inn.
Two terrified men ran past the porch. Looking down the street, the customers saw what the men were running from, a three story tall snowman, complete with coal eyes, mouth, and a carrot nose.
Flabbergasted, the men simply stood on the porch and watched the snowman slowly catch up to the fleeing men.
Quickly following the snowman was the bundled up teenager and Alphonse. Edward was leaping up and down as he ran (he would be too embarrassed to call it a skip, though, that's what it looked like).
"Ha-HA!" he said in an almost maniacal voice. "That'll teach you to make me come up to such a damn cold place for some stupid ruby creating scheme!" A long-suffering Al trailed behind Ed.
Later that day, after handing off the counterfeiters to the local cops (it was the first time they had ever seen a moving snowman before. For that matter, it was the first time anyone in town had seen a moving snowman before, much less, a thirty foot one.), the Elric brothers boarded a train back to headquarters to report in to Colonel Mustang.
Where Alphonse had worn the look of long suffering before, now Mustang did as he read the report that Edward turned in to him. He sighed and shook his head.
With a smug voice he said, "A thirty foot, walking snowman, Fullmetal. I see that you can't keep your...theatrics…down." He leaned back in his chair and placed his fingertips together, "Might you be compensating for something, Fullmetal?"
Red-faced with anger, Edward leapt at Mustang, only to be restrained by Alphonse.
With a final smirk, Mustang held up a photo of Edward all bundled up, "Maybe we should call you the Bundled Alchemist instead?"
Edward lunged out of Alphonse's grasp at Mustang with an inarticulate growl. Alphonse saved Mustang by grabbing one of Edward's legs before he made it over the desk that separated the brothers from Mustang.
Omake:
Edward looks at author, a deep scowl etched on his face. "'I'm going to get him and his little colonel, too.'? What is this? The Wizard of Oz?"
"I suppose it could be. Let's see… There is already Dorothy and Toto, now I just need to figure out who will be the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and the Tin Man."
Growling, Edward says, "That is not very nice to have Al as Toto."
Smiles innocently, "Oh no, Al is Dorothy."
With an eyebrow twitch, Edward replied dangerously, "So, you are calling me a dog?"
Author scoots away, putting furniture between herself and Edward, "Well, you call yourself a dog of the military."
(Insert standard angry Edward reaction.) :-)
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Leave a review! (I'm looking for ideas that would make amusing stories.)
