To daveykins, the one reviewer who bothered to show up: Hope you are.

Now, if you are new to me, I seriously advise you that you need to head over to my profile and read "The Octopus' Spawn" and "My Only Love and My Only Hate" before proceeding with this story. They are a series, you know. I'll be patient while you go and brush up on it. I'll wait right here.

Okay, now that you're back, on to the story! The now retired Spider-man, Peter Parker, meets his daughter's boyfriend in person. Will he like what he sees? Remember, whether you're old or new, read and review!

Chapter 2: Meet the Parents

The young couple stood on the doorstep of the Parker house.

Can we come out now?

For the last time, no way. You are not ruining this for me.

We won't ruin it, come on, please?

We will be good.

No way.

We know—you're going to Spider-man's house, aren't you?

He's not Spider-man anymore—but yes.

We're telling you, that girlfriend of yours is a bad influence.

A bad influence, we tell ya.

Why do you listen to her so much?

She'll just turn on you, just because of who we are.

"If she does, it'll be because of you. Now shut up and behave." Then he suddenly realized that he was talking out loud. His face reddened as he turned to May. "I'm sorry. I can't always help it."

"That's okay," May said. "I know. They talk to you, don't they? And they've taken over your mind."

"If they'd taken over, we wouldn't be here," Austin said darkly. "But they do share it to a certain extent. I can block them out most of the time, though."

He used his flesh and blood hand to ring the doorbell.

"Your father hates me," Austin said.

"He does not," contradicted May. "It's not your fault that your father's…"

"A maniacal, multi-tentacled, murderous mad scientist?" Austin finished.

"Yeah."

"Can you control them?"

"Of course I can. I'm not going to give your dad any reason to think I'm anything like my father."

Peter Parker, teacher and retired superhero, answered the door. He found himself looking up at a startlingly tall young man with messy brown hair, wearing a black trench coat and dark sunglasses.

"Austin, this is my father, Peter Parker," May said. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Austin Smith."

Peter pasted a smile on his face as he rather stiffly shook hands with the younger guy. Mary Jane walked into the doorway to join her husband. Although she was past her modeling days, there was no mistaking where May got her great good looks.

"Austin, this is my mother, Mary Jane Watson Parker," May said. "Mom, this is Austin Smith."

Peter nudged his wife. "Looks like his father, doesn't he?"

Mary Jane's eyes widened, recalling a fleeting memory of a car crashing through a café window, of being carried bodily off by four metal tentacles…

MJ then returned to the bottom of the stairs, calling for her son. "Ben…we have a guest!"

Benjamin Parker II stumbled downstairs. A few days ago, he had returned from his tour of duty as a Marine in Iraq, for the most part unharmed. Like May, he had also inherited all of his famous father's powers, which came in mighty handy in a war zone, even though the Middle East desert was about as far away from skyscrapers as you could get.

Ben ran over to May. The brother and sister had always been especially close. He hugged his sister. "Hey! How's my little sister doing? And who's the secret agent with her?"

"Oh!" May said, shoving Austin up to him. "This is my boyfriend Austin Smith. And he's a biology major at my college, not a secret agent."

"Cool," said Ben. "So when do we meet his folks?"

You could cut the silence with a knife.

"You wouldn't want to, Ben," Peter finally snapped. MJ nudged him in the ribs, but he failed to take the hint. "His father's Doctor Octopus."

"Wait a minute, let me place the name…" Ben thought. "Oh yeah…Doctor Octopus was, like, your arch nemesis back in the day, wasn't he? You told me about the time when he built himself a miniature sun and tried to blow up the city…" He waved his arms around. "Mad scientist dude with the gnarly metal tentacles, wasn't he? Real nutter, from what you tell me."

The tentacles began to hiss menacingly underneath his coat.

You had better not do what I think you're planning to do.

Why do you let him slander Father that way?

He's telling the truth, you know. You're computers. Try looking at him logically and objectively.

"The one and only," Peter said grimly.

"He's her boyfriend's dad!" Ben started to laugh. "This is the part where 'Austin' reveals himself to be Ashton Kutcher and says we've all been punk'd, right?" Ben looked around wildly for the hidden cameras. Finally he got it.

"Whoa…you're serious? No way!"

"Way!" Austin confirmed.

"No shit!" Ben exclaimed. "What's your mother like? I mean, she's gotta be pretty freaky to be doing it with a guy with four metal tentacles..."

"Dinner's ready!" MJ called.

"Well, that went well," Austin muttered. "Wonder what they'd say if they actually saw the—"

"Of course they like you, Austin," said May. My brother's just trying to be funny. My family really likes you. They don't hold it against you."

"Now, anyway," grumbled Austin.