I'm sure I'm missing replying to some reviews... sorry about that, I'll catch you next time.
Musique et Amour: Thank you for coming back and reviewing... it was only the one time.
joanieponytail: I think he deserved it too. In fact I think he deserved it with someone better than Christine, but hey, I'm just a phic-writer, what do I know.
ChristineX: Must think of somewhere to put the pool-party in. I will give you credit when I do.
Neonn: Everybody seemed to like the muffin comment... I may have started a muffin craze... wonder what I should apply my talents to next? Ho hum.
longblacksatinlace: The ending on the last chapter was more for people who read "Pink Haze." But definitely come to PFN. its fun there, we have muffins!
Willow Rose: Sure. Everybody who wants to kill a Raoul, kills a Raoul. (wonders about the blood-lust that Raoul seems to raise in people)
Renee17: Thanks for reviewing!
flamingices: Done.
phantomzgerl: I know it wasn't great though... sleep deprivation is okay if it leads to good reviews...
EmailyGirl: Huh, the WWC-Erik... hadn't thought about that... I may bring him in, though.
Dimac99: I have run out of Star Wars titles. must think of something ele to rip off...
ElfLover: No hospital bill! Nooooo!
VegaOfTheLyre: What, you don't like PH Phantom? That's it, I'm sending him over to your house to give you a makeover.
YoukoElfMaiden: Thanks for reviewing!
Lamia: WWC remains my favourite of everything I've written... glad you liked it and thanks for reading it.
Melissa Brandybuck: Okay, you're in. I can't resist puppy-eyes, I guess.
The Maiden Amorisa: thanks for the fifty bucks... again... nice to get paid...
Jessica Darque: no, I'm not cleolinda... wish I were, but I'm not. I can just steal her stuff and try to make my stuff funnier than hers so someday someone will go (to her) "OMG! Are you Random Battlecry!"
Misty Breyer: Thank you for wanting to be a minion!
LuvinLivnReadn: thanks for giving him a blender. I'm sure he'll be much happier now.
Tay Yankovic: Wow, I'm your first Phanfiction? I feel privileged! (puts on 'I Feel Privileged' hat) Douglas Adams is my number one favourite author... and I love it when people compare me to him. You're about the fifth person to do that. Thank you.
obsessionpersonified: Well, you get your wish—
Killthefop: Yes, of course you may have a muffin. You may all have muffins.
Adison: I know I'm mean, but Stalker Erik doesn't mind— at least he says he doesn't mind— must figure this out— And I was too eating carrot cake. And it was good.
Banana71588: Thanks!
La Foamy: "coughing up my lungs in the most painful manner" sounds— painful.
MindGame: PH Phantom isn't exactly pimp-ish. He does look likely to start wearing a straw boater and carrying a cane at any moment, however.
ENTR'ACTE: No, I was not stoned. Carrot-caked. And very tired and hyper.
Christine Persephone: You may have a muffin as well. Have a muffin.
Mandy the O: Okay, I'm fulfilling my half of the bargain. Now you owe us three chapters in three days! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
A/N: In order to forestall the uproar over this chapter, let me say that A: I know it isn't great but again I was writing at about two in the morning, B: No matter what we Gerry phangirls say, though he sings lovely-ly, MotN belongs to Crawford, C: That high note that Gerry hits, along with the gesture he makes with his hands, never fails to crack me up, much to the annoyance of the rest of the audience, D: I know I'm being mean to Stalker Erik, but I asked him and he said he doesn't mind, in fact he said he finds it funny, which lends credence to my theory that all people called Erik are masochists to some degree, E: I now have twenty-five Writers in this story on top of all the Eriks and Christines and OWs and Raouls, so if you don't get mentioned in each chapter, don't get mad, and don't give up, because you're still there even if you don't talk a lot, F: if you don't know who Mandy's OW Genn is, you have not read "An Eternity Of This," though I find it hard to believe that anyone hasn't. You must read that, and G: obsessionpersonified asked to die. I mean it. Literally. Would I make something like that up?
Chapter Seven
It may have seemed like all should be peace and harmony there in the lair, what with most of the people being copies of the rest of the people, but in fact, adversity was on them almost immediately.
The friction rose first in the form of Gerry Phantom, who, having concluded negotiations with his love-struck phangirls, had returned to the main group humming to himself.
Kay Erik and Crawford Phantom did their best to ignore him. Leroux Erik was off at the barricade the Raouls had set up, screaming threats. Most of the Writers seated themselves in a circle around Gerry Phantom's feet, staring up at the handsome man with dazed looks on their faces. A few Christines whimpered in their sleep. Stalker Erik sat with his back to the rest of the group and began randomly humming all the Beatles tunes he could think of.
The night was hushed.
At least it would have been, had it been night.
It was kind of hard to tell, down there in the lair, but nevertheless Gerry Phantom took a deep breath and began to sing.
He sang of beauty, he sang of madness, he sang of loss of love, he sang of flower petals crushed beneath careless feet, he sang of hearts beating in time, he sang of—
"Stop!" shouted Crawford Phantom. "I can't take it any more!"
Gerry Phantom stared at him for a moment.
"No," he said, and sang on.
He sang of daffodils and the color red and the sweet feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and its your birthday— not because you want presents, but because exactly so many years ago you came into the world—
Crawford Phantom snatched the punjab from Kay Erik's lithe fingers and threw it around Gerry Phantom's neck, ruthlessly tightening it till it rested square on his Adam's apple. Gerry Phantom held out for as long as he could, finally couldn't manage to squeeze air through the constriction at his neck, and then landed Crawford Phantom a solid punch to the gut.
There were screams of fear from the Writers—
"Don't hit Crawford Phantom, he's old!"
"Don't hit Gerry Phantom's face!"
— and, disconcertingly, chants of "Fight! Fight! Fight!" from most of the Christines.
I'd like to tell you that the result of the fight wasn't what you thought it might be— heaven knows I don't want to get predictable— but physical dynamics don't lie and Gerry Phantom's arms were twice the strength of Crawford Phantom's, so in short order the older man was pinned to the ground. However, all was not lost, for though Crawford Phantom talked like a gentleman, he didn't fight like one— at least not when he was getting the bad end of things. He brought his knee up and connected with what I am told, though I wouldn't know from personal experience, is a very bad place to be kicked in.
Every single one of the Eriks in the room winced.
Random began to wonder to herself why she felt it necessary to include a move like that in every fight she has ever written, went back and deleted it, because to her, in her innocent assumption that she would one day be united with her true love, it was very important that Gerry Phantom not be hurt in that manner. She then went on to wonder why she was referring to herself in third person, and if she should have her head examined, and if she should tell people not to answer that with any snide remarks, and if anyone was going to complain that she was wasting time, and eventually got back to writing the phic.
So Gerry Phantom had Crawford Phantom pinned to the ground, and Kay Erik said—
"Children, cannot we talk this out?" in his silky voice.
Gerry Phantom and Crawford Phantom breathed hard in each other's faces for a minute.
"Of course," said Crawford Phantom.
"Easy for you to say," snarled Gerry Phantom. "You're the one in trouble."
"Perhaps you didn't see the action a few paragraphs ago? I know the writer erased it from reality, but I would so wish to avoid a repeat."
Gerry Phantom considered, then let Crawford Phantom up. They both clambered to their feet, breathing stertorously and glaring at each other.
"Clearly there is only one thing to do," said Kay Erik. "Well, two things, but I doubt I could kill you both at the same time without you noticing. Especially not after I just said it. Especially not after I just drew attention to me saying it by saying especially not after I said it. Especially not after— curses, let me start again." He took a deep breath, cleared his throat, and composed himself. "Clearly there is only one thing to do. Seeing as how your animosity stems from your singing capabilities, I suggest you two have a contest."
The two musical phantoms turned a slow stare on him, but his quick mind was already working out ways he could make a profit from this situation. Perhaps by making some sort of bet—
He glanced around him. Several of the phangirls, most notably ChristineX and VegaOfTheLyre who looked slightly dazed, gave him hopeful smiles. All in all, they did not look likely to be in possession of much money.
He sighed and abandoned that train of thought for the moment.
"Sing one of those disastrous songs from your musical," he said. "I had not heard them as yet, and would like to, though I am quite sure I will go berserk when I do."
The phantoms turned their gazes back to each other.
"Music of the Night," dictated Crawford Phantom.
Gerry Phantom blanched visibly.
"Can't we— er— couldn't we do something else? I mean, Point of No Return or something— er— he was singing something!" He pointed desperately at Stalker Erik, who turned around.
"Who, me?"
"Yes, man, what were you singing?"
Stalker Erik thought about it a moment, then said, "She's Got A Ticket To Ride."
"Yes, that, that," said Gerry Phantom, swinging back to Crawford Phantom. "That sounded— nice. Can't we sing that?"
"Music of the Night," repeated Crawford Phantom. Sweat began to stand out on Gerry Phantom's forehead. "Unless you think you aren't up to it."
"Up to it? Of course I'm up to it, why wouldn't I be? I've got a good voice. I mean, a wonderful voice— an angelic voice. They chose me out of thousands." He sounded a bit shaky.
"Fine, then," said Crawford Phantom, and faced Kay Erik. A sudden thought struck him and he swung round again to turn a glare on Gerry Phantom. "And none of your alternate lyrics."
"Fine," gulped Gerry Phantom.
They turned away from each other and closed their eyes, taking deep breaths.
"Aaaaaaand— go," said Kay Phantom, who was enjoying his new role as boss far too much.
They went. They stopped almost immediately, for the discord was perfectly evident to all assembled. Crawford Phantom swung round to glare at the back of Gerry Phantom's head.
"What was that?"
"Um," said Gerry Phantom quietly, "false note. Sorry. Try it again?"
"Well, we'll bloody have to, won't we?" said Crawford Phantom, upset.
"Aaaaand— go," said Kay Erik again, without waiting for Crawford Phantom to get himself ready again.
They went. Again. There was still a slight discrepancy in key, but after initial wavering Gerry Phantom forced his voice to ascend to the higher plane wherein Crawford Phantom's melody resided. They sang of the music of the night— they sang of nighttime sharpening things— they sang of heightened sensations— they sang of imaginations waking up— they sang of defenses being abandoned— there was a bit of a pause where the musical interlude would have been.
Gerry Phantom took it upon himself to speak.
"I always go 'la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la-la-laaa—' during this bit."
"Shut up," snarled Crawford Phantom.
They sang of night unfurling its splendor, of something or other which was tremulous and tender. They sang and the Writers who stared at them began quietly to cry.
"Crawford— Gerry— together—" whispered flamingices emotionally. "Too much— too much!" She burst into full-fledged tears and buried her head on eyesofatragedy's shoulder.
There was a curious sniffling sound coming from Stalker Erik's direction, but when they swung round to look at him he was staring at the ceiling and tapping his fingers together. "Who me?" he said, putting his hand behind his back.
They glared at him for being so unemotional and returned to staring at the crooning Phantoms. He sighed with relief that they hadn't suspected his secret, and returned to sniffling, no longer so remote and dry-eyed.
They sang of light being generally garish, cold, and unfeeling, all at the same time— they sang of closing your eyes— they sang of darkest dreams, as opposed to ones that weren't quite so dark— they sang of purging— they sang of closing your eyes again, in case you hadn't caught that the first time—
And now they reached the true testing grounds, for the note on the word "soar" in this particular song is one of the highest man has ever been able to reach, at least not without being kicked in a certain area which has been mentioned, in passing, before. Crawford Phantom circled it and then glided up effortlessly— Gerry Phantom, on the other hand—
They all heard the falter of his voice. He tried to hide it by doing a very uplifting gesture with both hands, but there was no hiding a mistake of these proportions. Several of the Writers dissolved into giggles. Gerry Phantom stopped singing immediately, opened his eyes, stomped his foot, made his hair fall attractively over his face, and started cursing.
Which led Crawford Phantom, beaming with his triumph, to sing, gently, "Angel or father, friend or phantom— who is it there, swearing?"
Which, needless to say, didn't help.
Gerry Phantom stomped off, and a few of the more devout Phangirls followed him. They had their Christines and OWs on leashes, tugging them along after.
"It wasn't that bad, hon!"
"No, no, you did a great job!"
Gerry Phantom flung himself down by the waters edge and ran a hand through his ragged hair. The gesture made the phangirls nearly swoon but they conquered the tendency in time and rushed to comfort him.
"Listen," advised Melissa Brandybuck, "I'm telling you, most guys have to inhale helium before they can reach that note. Don't feel bad about it."
The growl that he gave them was meant to convey that he did feel bad about it and nothing they could say would make him feel better.
"Aw," said Mandy the O, genuinely distressed. "Here, here's Genn to take care of you. I take back the restrictions I set." She pushed Genn into Gerry Phantom's lap. Without thinking, his and her arms went to quite normal places, and Gerry Phantom's disappointment in the singing contest was quickly forgotten, or, at least, put out of his mind for a while.
The phangirls stood and watched.
"Wow," said Willow Rose.
"Yeah huh," said Mandy.
"You think?" said EmailyGirl, listlessly.
They watched some more.
Gerry Phantom did something quite novel.
"Do you think we should be taking notes?" asked Willow Rose, tilting her head to one side.
There was a moment of silence— well, almost silence, silence except for some heavy breathing and a few indeterminate cries— and then a rush to get out pencils and notebooks.
Meanwhile Crawford Phantom was looking quite smug and pleased with himself. Brightman Christine sang him a long-winded congratulations that resulted in her knocking herself out once more from lack of oxygen, leaving Crawford Phantom to the romantic machinations of his phans. Sarah Crawford sidled towards him and gave him an inviting smile, which he returned innocently, still beaming with pride.
"Will you sing for me?" she inquired.
"Sing?" said Crawford Phantom. At that moment he would have stripped if someone had asked him, he was so happy, and it was either very lucky, or very unfortunate that no one did. He smiled benignly at her. "Of course, my dear."
And then he sang "Point of No Return."
Most of the girls watched him, shaking their heads slightly.
"Lets ask Gerry Phantom—" suggested ElfLover. There was a chorus of agreement, and they traipsed over to where Gerry Phantom sat snogging Genn with every evidence of enjoyment.
It took several attempts but at last they managed to distract him from his task and gain his attention.
"Will you—" said Adison.
"Sing—" said IChooseTheScorpion.
"Point of No Return?" finished Hoshi.
Gerry Phantom smiled at them.
"Of course," he said, stood up and then, like a gentleman, helped Genn to her feet as well. She stood staring at him with a flushed and expectant smile as he took a deep breath, now having completely gotten over his defeat.
He sang.
He sang this song very well and quite quickly the eyes of one of the watching girls, obsessionpersonified, slid up into her head and she collapsed onto the ground.
There was a bit of an uproar.
"Is she alright?"
"What happened?"
"—in your mind you've already succumbed to me— dropped your knickers— completely succumbed to me—" caroled Gerry Phantom, who had made up his own words to this as well and wasn't one to stop putting on a show just because a spectator collapsed.
"She's dead," said Misty Breyer— having felt for obsessionpersonified's pulse and failed to find it, this was indeed a reasonable conclusion to arrive at.
Slowly the shocked eyes of the Writers turned up to Gerry Phantom, who was still singing.
"She died of happiness at hearing his voice," breathed pOtOgurl417, her mouth wide open.
"Yeah—" said the Writers.
Mandy the O drew a shaky breath.
"Now that," she said, "is power."
And so Gerry Phantom and all his phans felt vindicated, and Crawford Phantom and his phans felt triumphant, and the smell of muffins was wafting from the kitchens, where most of the Christines had gone to assist, and Stalker Erik was teaching Kay Erik to sing "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."
This would be a nice way to end the chapter, wouldn't it?
Oh, one more thing.
There was a clatter on the stairways across the narrow strip of water, and everyone looked up to see the film Raoul, also known as Patrick Raoul, barreling down them on a white horse, bareback, looking red-faced and uncomfortable.
"Christine!" he called, leaping off the horse and stumbling as soon as he hit the ground. "Don't do it! Whatever you believe, this man, this thing, is not your fa—"
As he rushed towards them he tripped over a loose stone and went headlong into the lake. There was a chorus of appreciative oohs at the perfection of his beautiful swan dive.
"The fop," said Gerry Phantom with a curl of his lip. "Late, as usual."
A/A/N: A list of the people I caught to be in here: Sarah Crawford, Willow Rose, Mandy the O, EmailyGirl, Melissa Brandybuck, The Maiden Amorisa, EriksAngel1870, bundles 'o joy, ElfLover, Musique et Amour, flamingices, VegaOfTheLyre, ChristineX, obsessionpersonified, pOtOgurl417, eyesofatragedy, IChooseTheScorpion, LibrarianOfTheDeep, Killthefop, sparklyscorpion, YoukoElfMaiden, Hoshi, Misty Breyer, phantomzgerl, and Adison. Once again, if I missed you, I'm sorry. I'm getting people off FF net and also PFN so it gets a bit confusing. Just let me know.
