Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Hogwarts, or anything that has ever been mentioned in the Harry Potter books does not belong to me. I would like to own them, and make billions of dollars every year, but the only thing in this story that is mine is my plot, if you can call it one. I am simply one of those very sad people who obsess over something that isn't real. So please, don't sue me, all I have that is of any value is a cello and a computer. Thank you for your time.
Chapter Ten
Lily sat, staring at nothing, as her bridesmaids twittered around her. She was supposed to be getting ready, but, for some reason, she didn't want to. She wanted to know that she was making the right decision, but she just wasn't sure. Everything was so complicated now. She almost wished for the life she had had at Hogwarts again. You know, eat, sleep, go to classes, reject Potter, rinse and repeat. It fit a schedule. It was orderly. It left no room for misunderstandings or mistakes.
Suddenly she looked up, realizing that one of the hairdressers was talking to her. She murmured for them to do whatever it was that they needed to, and then stared into the mirror that someone had conveniently put across from her. Physically, she was ready for the wedding. Mentally, though, she wasn't sure.
You made this bed, now sleep in it, she told herself fiercely, and silently prayed that she was making the right choice.
You have no right to be doing what you're about to do, James's inner, sensible self told him. He was pacing back and forth in his apartment, trying to work up the courage for something he knew he shouldn't be doing. Well, his side that insisted that there was common sense buried somewhere, deep down in his body was protesting it. The rest of him didn't really care.
If I leave her now, she'll never know, the rest of him responded, attempting to placate his conscience. And then I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it, and drive myself insane, and then all hell will break loose.
He still felt somewhat bad about all this. Lily didn't deserve having him, a jilted lover, in all honesty, come in and attempt to disrupt her wedding day, what was suppose to be the most important day of a girl's life. He might be ruthless at times, but he wasn't without sense, or a conscience. However, he knew he would spend every waking moment wishing he had done something. Now he had to build up the nerve.
Suddenly, in his random pacings, he accidentally kicked, and spilled, a box full of old school supplies. He picked it up hastily, and then, for some unknown reason, a rolled up sheet of paper caught his eye. Unfolding it, he began to read, and then remembered where it had come from. It was the last note Lily had ever sent him, their last conversation during their seventh year that wasn't simply fake politeness. One phrase caught his eye in particular.
Very much like your namesake, you are. Marauder. A thief, an invader.
He grinned, although the tone of the note was anything but joyful. He had forgotten the definition of that word, really. So, am I a marauder or not? he asked himself rhetorically, and then apparated away.
"Two hours, forty-seven minutes, and thirty five seconds." Anna spoke, glancing down at her watch. She and Sirius were listening to the pandemonium caused by the wedding on the Wizarding Wireless, and counting down the hours. Anna couldn't believe that Lily could be this dumb. Sure, Rick was nice, but he was still living in a world where women were only there to make husband's lives more comfortable. And he was nothing compared to James.
"Think he'll do something?" Sirius asked, pulling her up against him.
"I hope so, because someone has to stop Lily from doing this. She doesn't realize what she's getting herself into! I worry about her sanity. I mean, I know that she knows that she doesn't really love him, but, she just wants security. And it's all your fault, really."
"My fault?" Sirius asked, eyebrows raised. "Since when is it my fault?"
"Since you," she retorted, poking him in the chest, "made a stupid mistake and began a horrible bet. So the fact that they've broken up around three times stems from that fact. But, there's nothing that we can do about it now. I don't know what we can do about anything, anymore. Have you ever had the feeling that someone was making a mistake, but you had no way of fixing it?"
Sirius looked down on his girlfriend, and inwardly grimaced. It was the exact emotion he had had when she had rejected his proposal, but he couldn't say that, now could he? "Yes," he responded simply, and gathered her into his arms to wait out this hellish day.
Lily settled her veil into place. She only had about thirty minutes to go, but she didn't know if she'd ever be prepared for what she was about to do, even if she had a lifetime. This was a wizarding wedding. They were legally binding for life.
Suddenly, Melinda, one of her bridesmaids, shrieked that a man was coming in. Lily turned around, startled, just to see James rush into the room. "Bloody bunch of over-excitable hens, the lot of them," he muttered darkly. Then he looked up at Lily, a pained and almost betrayed look in his eyes.
"I love you, Lily. I don't think there has ever been a time when I haven't. Have you ever felt like there4 was someone who you know you had to be with, no matter what happened? Has your entire happiness and sanity ever hinged on the emotions and well being of one person? It's not a comfortable feeling, but it's one that I've gotten used to living with.
"I saw you for the first time when we were about to board the platform in our first year. You were standing there, looking confused, and you had this quizzical look on your face. It is actually one of your more endearing looks, but, then, of course, everything you say or do would seem perfect to me, so I can't really judge any of this. Anyway, we were standing there, and I knew that you were going to become as necessary as air to me. Of course, I was an idiot at showing it, and you never knew.
"Then, I made that stupid bet. I was hoping that if I could go on even one date with you, then I would become okay. You know, you would become as ordinary as every other girl. It's hard, knowing that you depend on someone so fully. I loved you the way you were, and the way you are now, and probably in any way that you ever will be, but I couldn't stand the uncertainly. But, again, I was young, I was stupid, and I learned that going out with you wouldn't make the ache in my heart any less. In fact, it only increased it.
"Lily Evans, you are my sun, my moon, my earth, and ever single one of the stars in the sky. Your image, all my memories of you, they're with me at every moment, haunting me, refusing to let me go. I can't bet up without wishing that I could be certain that you would still be near me somehow. Other girls mean nothing, for you are the only one I ever will want. I would suffer a thousand painful deaths, if only I could protect you from ever having to feel pain, or sorrow, or despair. That's how much I love you."
James looked up at Lily, and saw a look of shock, and almost horror in her eyes, at least to him. He groaned. He knew he shouldn't have come today, and now he had only made things worse. He took a step back, stuck his hands in his pockets, and looked rather pitiful, like his dog had died, or something. "I'm sorry to have to disrupt you like this on your wedding day, Lily." James said softly, "But I had to tell you all that. I wish for you all the happiness in the world."
And with those words, James Potter walked away, knowing that he would never be able to beg Lily to come back to him again. It was over, and he had lost.
I feel even more evil. Oh wow, this feeling of evilness scares me even.
And I have my first lacrosse game tomorrow, and I'm goalie, so if I happen to die from having one too many balls chucked at my head, then I'm sorry for how much longer it will take me to update. I seriously don't know when I can update. But I'll try as soon as I can.
Please go review. It would mean so much to me, and it only takes a few seconds. I'll accept anything, but I prefer compliments (who doesn't) and constructive criticism. If you want to flame, I can't really stop you, but I will flame you back, and it will be bad. (If you doubt me, go back and read the response to sapphire beauty in the chapter two author's note.) If it's some grammatical error, then tell it to me nicely, please. You can just say"You did this wrong, here's how to fix it" and you don't need to go on about how stupid I am.
And I lied. There are three more chapters coming after this one. And in the next, we get Lily's wedding. Oh goody.
Now, to answer all ya'll that reviewed last chapter-
Bluegirl2751- I feel so loved, such a long review! And I might tell you, no matter how good you are at debate, you still won't win against your parents. Ever. And Alexis being Malfoy's cousin, well, they're all interrelated, purebloods. And, as for my songs, well, all those writers can say stuff a lot better then I can.
EmeraldEyedEvans- You wait til the coach makes you play goalie, and then we'll see whose laughing.
Prongsie-Jamesie- I'm confused. Did you morph into James, or are you still Alexis?
Stella Blu- If you kill me, then there is no more story, so I'd advise not doing that.
The Sweet New Zealander- I feel evil.
refallen- It's coming.
Mimbulus- No comment.
nLuvWitRupert- It's a reward for me, because it means you guys review and tell me how angry you are, and yell at me to write the next chapter, and that makes me feel soooooooo loved.
PinkyTheSnowman- Maybe when this is over I'll give you Rick so you can kill him as many times as you want. Would you like that?
Under-the-Moonlight- Well, what would you expect from our dear moony? (fan girl sigh)
KTSweep08- Thanks.
ThelovelyladyLily- I pride myself on being evil.
hpandfriendsruletheworld- Thanks.
Pristinelily- Unless you die of old age first.
Mika Rieu- Yes, Lily does need a knight on a white horse.
Lily of the Valley23- It's coming.
Telwyn Dubois- Thanks, I feel so loved now.
Jersey Princess- I have no comment.
Happy valentines day to all you people who actually have someone who adores you. I'm not included in that number, (sighs)
Sally
