summary: Sendoh finds himself in a strange place, full of questions as to where he was and why he was there. He meets someone from his past who helps him figure it out -- but he is far from fully understanding it.
notes: I suck at summaries. Just read it. Onegai shimasu?...
Sendoh saw nothing of his final moment, nothing of when the streetlamp fell onto the roof of his car or the crowd that gradually grew around the wreckage of the accident.
In stories that involve death, the soul floats around, surveying what has happened to them, to their bodies, to everyone around them. These people seem to get a second chance, are allowed to resume their place in the timeframe of the world of the living.
Sendoh, it appeared, was not getting a second chance.
===========
Where...
...Am I?
He opened his eyes. The sky above him was littered with pinks, purples, misty blues, fiery reds. Sendoh was floating above a calm sea, his arms extended -- to what? What am I reaching for?
Where...?
The car. Yes, and Koshino berating him from the front passenger seat. He remembered that. Aida quiet in the back seat. That too. He remembered taking his eyes off the road to catch the bracelet -- The bracelet... He searched his pockets. Nothing.
He closed his eyes. Crashing into the lamppost, colliding with the other car. Seeing his friends unconscious and bleeding. The shards of glass poking out beneath the skin of his arms.
No pain. He opened his eyes and looked down at himself. No wounds, no blood... He looked the same as he did when he had left the house with Koshino.
Then he remembered. The other driver. Who was he? He again closed his eyes, trying to focus on the memory of the unknown person, trying to see if he could identify him. But it was like trying to hold water in his hands -- the more he struggled to grasp it, the faster it slipped away. Stranger was that he could not feel any emotional connection to it, as if he were just somebody who was reading a fictional story and knew that it wasn't real.
Did he get out alright?
Was he better off than me?
Where...
... Is my pain?
That was what was missing. Even after having survived 3 operations, he still felt occasional aches in his chest due to a hereditary weak heart. At the last game he played, six months ago, he'd sprained his ankle and was told to keep off of it, lest he wanted it to take longer to heal. The throbbing pain in his head after banging into the steering wheel. The somewhat small pangs in his arms and wherever else glass had burrowed into his skin.
He couldn't feel them. He couldn't feel anything.
So this is what being dead feels like.
Below him, the scene changed. The ruins of what appeared to once have been a grand carnival lay about him -- a carousel with chipped paintwork, booths spelling out games and challenges that now stood empty, the remains of ferris wheel carriages littered by the side of the main wheel frame. Above him, the sky changed to a dismal, dark, cloudy gray. He closed his eyes.
Where am I?
===========
September 14, 1997. The day of the practice game against Shohoku.
"What the hell?" Sendoh bolted upright and grabbed his alarm clock off the table. 10:30. He shook it. Nothing.
"Fuck. Of all the days for this thing to die on me."
He only had time for a quick shower and a glass of milk. Then back up to his room, dumping his Ryonan Basketball Club shirt into his gym bag -- "Where the hell is my jersey?" He slapped a hand to his head. "Oh, right, it's in school. Damn, damn, DAMN!"
HIs sister watched in mild interest as he flew around his room. "Your tires are flat. You're gonna have to walk."
"Who cares about walking? I'm running!" He dashed down to the refrigerator, grabbed three bottles of water and jammed them into his bag. "Ja, neesan. Don't wait up for me!"
"Akira! Your keys!"
"Oh, right! Thanks!"
-------
"SENDOH!! What the hell do you think you're doing?! YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!!!!"
"Ahehe... Sorry, coach. Kinda overslept."
Everyone on the team welcomed him, and Sendoh could practically feel their excitement. He changed quickly into his jersey uniform and strolled leisurely onto the court. "Let's start, shall we?"
As he tugged on the waistband of his shorts, he got that uneasy feeling that one gets when you think somebody's looking at you. He turned to look a short distance away.
Man... Does he have issues? Why's he glaring at me like that?
He wanted to smile at the pale figure pointedly staring at him, make a "peace offering" of some sort, but for some reason he couldn't. He was captivated by the blue fox-like eyes that stood out on the poker face.
"What're you looking at, Sendoh-senpai? Oh, that's Rukawa Kaede! Oh, I see, you're trying to judge how good he is! You'll probably be guarded by him, Sendoh-senpai, I hear he's the best among the first graders! And -- "
"SENDOH!! How long are you just going to stand there?! EVERYONE ELSE IS IN POSITION ALREADY, DAMMIT!!"
He turned to his infuriated coach and mustered a smile, which sapped away the coach's anger, then jogged into his place. True enough, the person he was studying a while ago was the one who stepped next to him, indicating that he was assigned to mark him. This time, he managed to smile at the other player.
The cobalt blue eyes glared back at him momentarily before focusing on the ball that was now in mid-air, waiting for either of the centers to control it.
And so it begins. He smiled again at Rukawa, who only glared back.
I'll beat you, those eyes said to him.
-------
"Oi."
"..."
Sendoh offered his hand. "Good game."
A brief glare, then Rukawa slapped his hand against Sendoh's.
Sendoh watched the stoic figure turn and walk away, amused.
Yup. He'll be somebody to watch out for in the near future. Good luck, Rukawa Kaede.
===========
Sendoh awoke in a teacup. One of those rides that were sort of like ferris wheels, only horizontal. What am I doing here?
Gingerly he clambered out of the cup and examined his surroundings. It was an utterly woebegone place, smelling faintly of cotton candy and stale popcorn and giving off a ghostly air. Here and there were bits and pieces of days long gone by, when this would've been one of the greatest attractions for children.
Vaguely, Sendoh tried to imagine what the carnival would have looked like in its prime. As he slid his eyes closed and let his mind go to work, he heard a voice behind him that made him jump.
"Lovely place, isn't it?"
He turned, and saw a girl dressed in a plaid blue shirt and loose jeans. "Well? Don't you think so?"
Obviously, she was waiting for him to give an answer. He wanted to say that it was utterly depressing, that nothing about it looked wonderful or nice, not even in the least.
She smiled at him. "Of course you don't," she said, as if reading his mind.
Something stirred in his memory as he looked at the girl, just standing there and smiling openly at him. They stood in silence, He didn't know her, that was for sure. He made as if to ask her who she was... And found he couldn't speak. He tried again. Nothing.
He raised an eyebrow in question, and the girl laughed.
"Poor guy. And to think that most of your life was spent not being able to shut up. Well, this is the first stage. It's only right that you're deprived of the ability to speak, so that you may listen to the silence."
First stage?
"Welcome to heaven, Sendoh Akira."
He snorted. This is heaven? he wanted to say.
"Not yours, Sendoh. This is my heaven," the girl said. "Each of us has his own idea of heaven. Before you get to yours, you must first pass through those of others."
Why?
"Alive, we have very vague thoughts of heaven, and little understanding of it. This is to help you realize what your heaven truly is, help you understand your life and how you lived it."
Oh. He looked up at the gray sky.
This is your heaven? Why --
"When I was a child, I loved coming here. This was once a grand place, Tokyo Pier. At least once a month, my parents would bring me here. We always tried each attraction at least once. They bought me lots and lots of cotton candy. Those times..." She swallowed, and tears sprung to her eyes. "On those days, they never fought, not once."
She turned to look at Sendoh. "Do you see why this is my heaven, Sendoh Akira? This is the sole place I was happiest. When I died, I knew this was where I wanted to be."
Yes, I see. But I don't understand why it looks like this.
"That is merely how you see it. This was how you last saw Tokyo Pier. Remember, before you left for Kanagawa?"
... Yeah. Yeah, I do. Visions filled his mind, of children chasing each other up and down the pier, laughing joyfully. Of him sitting at the edge of the pier, watching the sun set and waiting in vain for a fish to bite.
"Let me show you how I see it."
Immediately, the scenery changed. The sky was a clear blue, not a single cloud in the sky. Everything was alive -- the carnival music, the sound of the tracks of the rides, the noise of carnival-goers. And everyone had happy, content smiles on their faces. He could feel the excitement and enthusiasm radiating off each person.
The girl neared him and put a hand on his shoulder. "This is how I wanted to always remember Tokyo Pier."
She smiled, and for some reason Sendoh found a certain familiarity in her smile. I know her.
"Yeah, you should."
Why?
"Do you remember how you were introduced to basketball?"
Sendoh closed his eyes, and in his mind's eye he saw a bright orange ball... heading his way. He winced.
Ooooh... No thanks. I don't think I want to.
She laughed, a melodious, tinkling laugh that was also familiar to him. "Sorry about that ball. My hands were slippery and I couldn't catch it."
Now he was puzzled. ???
"You were at the neighborhood park with your parents. They had left you by the court while they went to talk to somebody. My friends and I were playing. One of them passed me the ball, but I wasn't able to get a good hold on it."
He closed his eyes again. This time, he saw a girl in a plaid blue shirt and jeans jogging towards his younger self, her eyes full of pardon and concern. "You okay, kid?" the girl had said to him, gently touching the part of his head where the ball had hit him.
Mieko. The name came to his mind.
He looked at the girl, and sure enough, she was smiling at him. "There you go. I'm glad you remember."
You taught me how to play.
"And you were one stubborn student. Back then, when you couldn't do something, you would sit down, pout, and glare at me or at the ring."
Sendoh laughed. I did?
"Yeah, you did."
And when I first went to school --
"I was there. Big sister thing and all that. My class was assigned to help you kids out the entire first half of the school year. And by the end of that half a year --"
-- I was showing off to my classmates that I could dribble.
"You looked so adorable, dribbling that small blue Orlando Magic ball."
The two of them stood in silence, watching as the carnival progressed in front of them.
Can I ask you something?
"That's part of why you're here."
You said that this was 'the first stage'. What did you mean by that?
"I was wondering when you'd get to that," Mieko said. "You were always a curious kid. Well, like I said, I'm here to help you examine your earthly life, what you made of it, how you lived it."
"There will be others after me, Sendoh. They, too, will help you, although their way of doing so might be different from mine."
Who would these 'others' be?
She paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "I really can't tell you, Sendoh. No, not that it's a secret or anything. It's because a lot of people affected your life one way or another. Since the only part of your life that I know is your first ten years, I have no idea who else is coming up. But I do know that you will learn something from all of them."
Oh.
He looked away from Mieko. People passed by him, talking and laughing and playfully arguing over which of the attractions to try next. He saw the children, chasing each other, fighting over balloon animals, laughing delightedly at the show that some clowns were putting on. There was a certain peace he felt as he witnessed all this laughter and joy. He was content.
"You'll find, if you try, that you can talk now."
Sendoh cleared his throat. "Thanks..."
He let a few more moments pass in silence. Only now did it occur to him to ask --
"Mieko? How did you die?"
She sighed. "I got hit by a truck."
"What?"
She smiled ruefully at him. "I was sixteen. It was a stormy night. My parents were fighting. I remember thinking that it was the worst fight they ever had. I ran down from my room. I wanted to try to make them stop fighting, stop shouting at each other. They yelled at me to get out.
"I was stunned. Usually, they just tell me to go back up to my room, 'this doesn't concern you'. Shocked, I stumbled out of the house and onto the street. The rain beat down heavily on me. I was crying.
"What was it about this time? I wondered. Why do they always have to fight? Just once, I wish they'd get along outside of Tokyo Pier. By that time, the Pier had already been shut down, and it looked like how you saw it when you arrived. I ran in the direction of the Pier, away from my house and all the fighting."
She paused. "The rain was thick. I couldn't see, I didn't see..."
Tears poured from Mieko's eyes. "I heard the blare of the truck's horn right before it hit me. I remember flying into the air, landing quite a distance from where I stood before I got hit. I remember the pain... All the blood... The yelling of the truck driver...
"He was calling my name. Mieko, Mieko, open your eyes, he kept saying. Who was he? How did he know who I was? I tried to open my eyes and sit up, but it took too much effort and the pain was overwhelming. Stay awake, Mieko, help is coming, he was saying over and over again."
Mieko sighed. "I'm so sorry, Mieko... I didn't see you. It was dark, I didn't see you."
"Who was it?"
"It was Konishi."
"Konishi?"
Mieko looked at Sendoh. "My best friend. I loved him dearly. When my parents would fight, I would walk out of the house and go to him. He always listened to me, knew what to say to calm me down. At one point, I told him I wanted to hurt myself, kill myself because I couldn't take it anymore.
"Don't, he said. Why? I asked him. Because..." Mieko clasped her hands in front of her and looked down at them. "He must've given me at least fifty reasons why I should keep living, some serious, some hilarious. Then he took my hand, looked me straight in the eye, and told me that if I still wanted to kill myself, then I should let him go first, because he wasn't going to be able to live with himself knowing that he wasn't able to help the person he loved the most. And that's when I decided I wanted to live.
"As I lay there on the cold, wet pavement, bleeding in his arms, I felt safe. Protected. I felt his hand draw my hair away from my face. Don't die, Mieko... Please. Hold on...
"The sad thing is... I never told him. I have always loved him, but I was too scared to tell him. I wanted to, in my last moments. But the damage to my body was too much. I was having trouble just breathing. I wanted to touch his face, feel his heartbeat, tell him how much I loved him... But I couldn't. I couldn't hold on anymore. I felt his fingers on my lips..."
Mieko bit back a sob. "And then I heard it. It was the barest of whispers, but it was there." She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "I love you, Mieko, he whispered. Three words that went straight to my heart and stayed there. In that instant, I realized how much I had always wanted to hear it from him. And now that he finally said it, I knew I could die happily and in peace.
"But when I first came here, before I met my first person, I wasn't at peace. I was a wreck inside. And this was my first lesson."
Mieko turned to him, and Sendoh could see the sadness and longing in her eyes. "I had regrets. Unfinished business, if you will. They haunted me. This is your first lesson as well, Sendoh. You shouldn't have any regrets."
"Don't you think it's a bit pointless to find that out when you're already dead and can't do anything about it?"
A sad smile. "Not at all. You may not understand, but you will. In time."
Dimly, Sendoh realized that Mieko's outline was becoming slightly blurred. Not only Mieko's, but everyone and everything around him seemed to be disappearing, returning to how it originally was when he first arrived. "Mieko, what -- "
"My turn is over. I've told you what I had to. It's up to you to understand it."
Sendoh watched in silence as she faded. Then, he realized that there was a question burning in his mind, something he desperately needed to know the answer to.
"Mieko, wait! The other driver, the one in the other car."
"What about him?"
"Who was he? What happened to him?"
Mieko smiled at him. "I can't tell you that now, Sendoh. But in time, in heaven's time, you shall know."
"I have to know now, Mieko! It's tearing me up inside. I have to know who he was, and how he is right now!"
But Mieko was gone.
Leaving Sendoh standing alone in the middle of the run-down carnival.
--tsuzuku--
Well. This was a little longer than I expected it to be. But I got so caught up in Mieko's death that I absolutely HAD to type everything that came to my mind.
Whatcha think so far? Tell me everything. I can handle criticism (yeah right), as long as it isn't delivered as flames. If you liked it, do let me know, 'kay? I'm kinda experimenting with this whole lessons-to-learn thing, and heaven whatever, so I'm not entirely sure about how I'm doing. I can't criticize my work objectively, you know... Reviews would be highly appreciated!
