Hope you liked it, it explains more, and adds to what Mulder is now like. Things should start getting better soon.
Disclaimer: The Jewel song, You Were Meant for Me, isn't mine, and yes, I deleted some things. So sue me.
The alarm sounded just before a winter dawn, shrieking its wails and somehow not emulating the wails that were in his heart. God, how he missed her.
The fluorescent lights blared everything into a white oblivion. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want this. He didn't want her baby. Our baby, he corrected himself, knowing of course that he was stuck with it anyway. It wasn't that he didn't love them, in some mild form. It was what he sacrificed for this, something better than them, and how he had really fucked up this time. There was no turning back.
The feeling was of a high-school kid forced to drop out of school to take care of his baby. The outlook was not good. It was a choice he was forced to live with – knowing she was under the impression he was ecstatic about this. He wasn't.
Under the lights of a hospital waiting room, an expecting father might envision many things: his kid's graduation, his kid's wedding, hell, his kid playing ball. That wasn't what Mulder saw. He saw her, over and over again, his own personal torture device, and the last words that had formed on her lips that was directed at him. Now, she had done much more inviting things with those lips, the lips he had so long ago kissed, but the words he saw were the words that continued to kill him, each and every godforsaken day: Leave.
"Mr. Mulder?" A call rang from behind him. He did his best to put on his worried father face, knowing that it didn't quite make it there through all the pain he couldn't bear. "I'm afraid I have some bad news." This didn't phase Mulder, who, in all honesty, didn't care. After his pause, the doctor went on, "Mrs. Mulder experienced complications during labor. Neither she nor the baby made it."
On this particular Saturday, he did just about whatever he pleased. He was constantly haunted by images of her, even after four years. He couldn't explain his grief, other than to say he lived it, every damn day.
I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma; she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
Isaw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my p.j.'s and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
And I was meant for you
God how he missed her.Maybe there was something else among his other thoughts of her. But that's all they really ever boiled down to:God, how he missed her.
