Disclamier: NOT mine! Never mine!

Enjoy and Rejoice!

James couldn't believe his eyes. Down the hallway came the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Lily, dressed in a bottle green knee, frame fitting dress, with her red hair circling her oval face touched with light, but beautiful make up, came walking towards him. For a second, James ished he was her date tonight, but sighed audibly as the doorbell rang. "You really look beautiful, Lils"

" So, I heard Charles isn't coming. Who did you ask to come?"

James grinned. "Someone I'm sure you'll find charming."

Lily smiled as James went to open the door to reveal….to reveal….TO REVEAL…..

Her date.

Lily stood agape. James let out a low breath.

Remus and Rachel, who had just returned from their honeymoon ( they should have spent more time alone), came walking in. Remus suddenly stopped and stared, Rachel let out a gasp. "My type? MY TYPE?" Lily mouthed to James, who shrugged back.

The guy looked like the guy from the Crest toothpaste commercial. His wavy blonde hair curled in every right place. James couldn't help wishing his hair would stay in one place like the new guy's. His bright, blue eyes waited expectantly. And he hadn't stopped smiling since James opened the door. His tall, macho frame was covered with a rose bouquet. Suddenly, he stepped in. Walking past Lily, he grabbed Rachel. " Oh!" His voice sounded thick with mucus. " Oh! My dear! How beautiful, but plain you look today. Shouldn't you have dressed up for our date?" Rachel stared disgusted at him. The man pulled out a scrappy sheet of paper and read. "Did it hurt? "

Rachel stared. "Did what hurt?"

Lockhart quickly skimmed the paper. "When you fell out of heaven?" Rachel tried not to laugh. Remus pulled Rachel away from him.

"This is not your date. This is my wife."

The blonde man opened his mouth. " Oh really? I would have never guessed." Rachel stared angrily, clutching Remus close to her.

"So? Where's my date?" The smug man pulled out a bottle o green hair gel and rubbed it through his hair, and grinned into the nearest mirror. Lily stepped forward.

"Hi! I'm Lily Evans."

"Oh! Oh hello! I'm Bond, James Bond." Lockhart flipped up his collar on his muscle shirt leather jacket outfit, like he just stepped out of the VOGUE magazine. James snorted, trying to stifle his laugh.

Lily bit her lip, trying not to giggle.

"Actually, it's Lockhart. Gilderoy Lockhart."

James rolled her eyes. Lockhart pulled the paper out again. "Do you have a map?" he asked sweetly.

" For where? The restaurant? Its two blocks down. Actually, James-" Lily stopped.

" I just keep on getting lost in your eyes." Lockhart stepped forward, batting his eyelashes.

"What?" Lily glared at him.

"I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."

James pushed them out the door. " Pick- up lines are meant for picking up and leaving!" Lily glared at him.

-

-

Lily felt like slamming her face into the pudding. Why had she let James talk her into another date? It never worked for her. At least not with this blonde haired bimbo.

" Um, Lily?" He grabbed his paper out for the tenth time that night. The lighted candles and the French scent of bread gave the café an affluent feeling. "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together." Lily blanched. Smiling a dazzling smile, Gilderoy Lockhart ran his fingers through his hair. "You want to run your fingers through my hair? I worked on this or 12 hours." Lily stared at him. He suddenly grabbed her hand and ran her fingers through his yellow hair. Lily gagged.

"- and then, I created my own line of hair care products, called Gildelict. But I changed it when someone told me to Gildelict my balls. And then, life as I knew it, changed when Amelia came into my life. We had fun together,but then she left me for this other guy. I was heartbroken, but I knew my good hair would not kep me single for long. Of course, I was right, as Alicia came along. She and I, oh, we.." Lily droned out as Lockhart gesticulated his entire love life of two days and three nights. Sipping her wine quietly, she wished that James would come here and save her. James, with his messy brown hair and hazel eyes, with his tall frame, with his warmth ( he just acquired), and his laugh. James, with his-

"Uh? Lily? Are you listening?" Lily shook out of her reverie, mentally scolding herself for thinking about James like that.

Gilderoy pulled out a sheet of paper and grabbed his wine glass. He stood up and walked out in to the middle of the restaurant. To Lily's humiliation, everyone stared more at her instead of him.

"LILY!"

She wished the ground would open up and swallow her. She smiled weakly. I'm not ready to be married! Not to you, anyways!

"I would like to award you the Whatever beer we were drinking, I mean the Merlot, award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics I would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing which will win you an all expense paid second date with me." Everyone stared and stared. Suddenly, a lady came running out of the bar, her name on a slip of paper.

"I want to be in the date raffle, you gorgeous man!" The brunette threw er name in his empty wine glass.

"Me too!"

"Wait for me sexy!"

"Forget you!" A lady turned to her date, throwing the napkin in his face. " Yoo hoo! Lockhart!"

Lily sighed happily. Seeing that Lockhart, who was clearly enjoying himself, despite the murderous glares form all the men in the café, was good, Lily got up, paid for the dinner, and left.

By the time she got home, her apartment was dark. Sighing, Lily let her hair down and tossed off her painful high heels. What a night! She went into the kitchen and pulled out her glass of milk and a couple of cookies. As she went to sit on the sofa, she heard some noises. Quietly, she set her food on the table. Dammit, where is my wand? Argh! She grabbed the pan from the kitchen table, and stalked over to the couch where she was hearing the noises. With a sudden thwack, the hit the pan onto the forms in the sofa.

"GODDAMN LILY!"