AN: For those who haven't seen the movie in awhile, here are the characters and roles:

Xander . . . . . . . Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)
Spike . . . . . . . Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains)
Angel . . . . . . . Victor Laszlo (Paul Henreid)
Buffy . . . . . . . Maj. Heinrich Strasser (Conrad Veidt)
Doyle . . . . . . . Guillermo Ugarte (Peter Lorre)
Faith . . . . . . . Signor Ferrari (Sydney Greenstreet)
Willow . . . . . . . Carl, and other minor characters
Tara . . . . . . . . Emil, and other minor characters
Giles & Lorne . . . Sam
Andrew . . . . . . . Sascha
Anya . . . . . . . . Yvonne
Dawn . . . . . . . . Col. Heinze
Wesley . . . . . . . Berger (in next part)
Fred . . . . . . . . Annina Brandel
Gunn . . . . . . . . Jan Brandel
Riley . . . . . . . pompous banker
Forrest & Graham . . various gendarmes, as needed

And most definitely not least:

Ilsa Lund . . . . . ? (Ingrid Bergman)


Part 3, Confrontations

Spike watches Xander very carefully, "Yes, I do believe 'ee is also known as Angel. Alex, that is ze first time I 'ave ever seen you so impressed."

"Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world. Heck, you were part of it, back in the BWAHAAHAHA," Xander points out, as he tries to pass it off casually.

"Be that as it may, it is my duty to make sure 'ee doesn't impress ze other 'alf. Alex, Angel must never reach America. 'Ee stays in Casablanca."

Xander chuckles in reply, "It'll be interesting to see how he manages."

"Manages what?" asks Spike.

"His escape," is Xander's simple reply.

Spike tries to object, "Oh, but I just told you"

"Stop it, you pasty faced limey! He escaped from a hell dimension, survived BWAHAAHAHA without having to 'get better', and the slayers have been chasing him all over Europe and still haven't caught him."

"This is ze end of ze chase," Spike informs him with solemn dignity.

"Cheap plastic toys worth twenty thousand points says it ain't."

"Is that a serious offer?" Spike is interested in the offer despite his better judgment.

"I just paid out twenty a moment ago. I'd like to get it back."

"Make it ten. I'm only a poor corrupt official, with no tan and an 'orrible French accent."

Xander agrees, "Okay."

"Done!" assents Spike, greedily. "No matter 'ow clever 'ee is, 'ee still needs an exit spell." Then he slyly added, "Or should I say two."

"Why two?" suddenly curious.

Spike smirked, "'Ee is traveling with a lady."

"He'll take one," Xander said, very sure of himself.

"I think not. I 'ave seen ze lady, and if 'ee did not leave 'er in LA, Marseilles or Oran, 'ee won't leave 'er in Casablanca."

Xander was still sure of himself in this regard, "Maybe he's not quite as romantic as you are," missing the reference to Los Angeles.

"It doesn't matter. There is no exit talisman for 'im," Spike declared flatly.

"Spike, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping him escape? Though I can respect him, I still hate Deadboy. I've always hated him."

"Because, my dear Alex, I believe under that cynical shell of yours, you are at heart a sentimentalist." Xander frowns at that, but Spike continues. "Oh, laugh if you will, but I 'appen to be familiar with your record. Let me point out just a few items. In 1998 you saved your friends from a bomb in ze local 'igh school. In 2000, you were the 'eart' that 'elped defeat ADAM. Two years later you stopped your friend, the 'ead waiter 'ere, from destroying the world."

"And got well paid for it on all occasions."

"What are you talking of? There was no money involved!"

"Well...um, I got laid on the one. And major female huggage/grope on the others."

"Either way, I 'ave my orders."

"You really are Buffy's spank monkey after all."

Spike stands suddenly in righteous indignation. "My dear Alex, you overestimate ze influence of ze slayers. I don't interfere with them, and they don't interfere with me. In Casablanca I am master of my fate, I am captain of my"

He is interrupted by his aide, Tara. "Buffy is here, sir." Spike jumps up to leave.

It was Xander's turn to smirk, "You were saying?"

"Excuse me, my sword needs polishing." He rushes away as Xander smiles wickedly.

Back inside the cafe, Spike goes up to Willow. "Willow, see that Buffy gets a good table, one up close to 'ze ladies."

Muttering to herself, "Damn, If I'd known she swung that way maybe I wouldn't have left her army." More loudly now, addressing herself to Spike directly, "I have already given her the best, knowing she is a pompous bitch and would take it anyway."

Spike then heads over to one of his officers and whispers to him. "Take 'im quietly. Put two men at every exit."

"Yes sir, everything is ready, sir." Graham salutes and goes off to speak to the other members of the gendarme entourage. Seeing that all is well, Spike saunters over to Buffy's table.

"Good evening, ladies," smiles Spike at Buffy, Dawn, and the other slayers.

"Good evening, Captain William," answers Buffy, taking her part in this story way too seriously.

Dawn pipes up, "Won't you join us, Spike?"

"Thank you, it is a pleasure to 'ave you 'ere, Buffy," as he sits at the table.

Buffy addresses the waiter, "Champagne and a tin of caviar."

The crowd erupts loudly, "THIS IS A 'JUICE' BAR!" Buffy cringes in embarrassment.

Spike breaks in, "May I recommend the Apple-Tabasco-Zucchini Squash?"

"Thank you. I'll have one of those."

The waiter responds with a curt, "Very well, ma'am," and leaves.

"A very interesting club," comments Buffy as she regains her earlier confidence and pompousness.

"Especially so tonight," agrees Spike. "In a few minutes you will see ze arrest of ze man 'ew murdered your lackeys."

"I expected no less, Captain." Buffy grins as she surveys the room.

In the game room, Doyle is standing by the D&D table, watching the action. He does not notice the two gendarmes approaching from behind.

"Doyle?" Forrest inquires.

Doyle spins, "Em, ya?"

"Will you please come with me?"

"Right. OK, Lemme cash in my tickets, yeah? I'm thinkin' I could get me-self the zoo set."

Graham, the other officer, nods, and follows him to the cashier's window, where he exchanges the tickets for the zoo pieces.

"Pretty lucky, yeah? Those animals are so cute! I love the panda!"

The cashier hands him the little box full of brightly colored pieces. He looks around and sees guards stationed at every door. He approaches one of the doors slowly, then suddenly bolts between the guards and slams the door shut behind him. By the time the guards get the door open again Doyle has pulled a Super-Soaker squirt gun. He fires orange paint behind him and pandemonium erupts. He continues to rush down a hallway and runs into Xander.

"Alex, Alex help me, man!"

"Don't be a fool, you can't get away," Xander informs him remorselessly.

Doyle is frantic, "Alex, hide me. Do something, man! You must be helpin' me, Alex. Do something!"

The guards catch up and drag him away. Xander just watches, impassive. Legs dangling uselessly as the guards haul him bodily away, Doyle still pleads, "Alex, ya' bastard! Alex!"

Buffy witness the whole thing, and comments to Spike. "Excellent, Captain."

Xander continues to impassively watch the scene as a customer walks by. "When they come to get me I hope you'll be more of a help." Xander's reply is iceberg-lettuce cold in his reply, "I stick my neck out for nobody!" He walks out to the middle of the room, an expectant hush falls, some people are getting ready to leave. He clears his throat and makes a loud announcement:

"I'm sorry for the disturbance, folks, but it's all over now. Everything is all right. Just sit down and have a good time. Enjoy yourselves."

He rounds on Giles and Lorne, "Alright guys, play something!" They start right in on a rocking cover of "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star", Lorne singing gustily.

Spike sits calmly at Buffy's table as Xander walks by. Xander behaves as if he doesn't notice them. However, Spike calls to get his attention. "Oh, Alex!"

Xander reluctantly stops and reluctantly moves to their table.

"Alex, this is Buffy of ze Slayer Army."

It's obvious there has been a serious falling out between them. They are stiff, formal and barely polite as they reluctantly regard each other. Buffy asks, "How do you do, Mister Harris?"

He replies tonelessly, "Not bad, considering. Seems you've mis-informed me," glancing sideways at Spike, "The waters here are not as great as you said they'd be."

"I flunked geography. So sue me!" unprofessionally breaking character.

Spike jumps in, "And you already know Dawn?"

Xander nods to Dawn, a small smile on his face.

"Please do join us, Mr. Harris," repeats Buffy, as she struggles to get back into the role. He reluctantly sits with them.

Spike, blissfully unaware of the tension between them, speaks, "We are very 'onored tonight, Alex. Buffy is ze reason ze Slayer Army enjoys ze reputation it 'as today."

Buffy looks sharply at Spike, "You say 'Slayer Army' as though you expect there to be others."

Spike is wonderfully uncaring, "Well, personally, Buffy, I will take what cums-errr, comes."

Buffy, disgusted, turns back to Xander. "Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Unofficially, of course."

Xander, playing it reluctantly cool and reserved, answers dryly, "Make it official, if you like."

"What is your nationality?"

Xander is confused, "Huh?"

"Just answer the damn question, Zeppo!" getting extremely furious that she has broken character again.

"Buffy! You know me!"

Taking a deep breath, counting to ten, she professionally pushs her anger aside and leans over and hisses into his ear, "Just go with it, Xander. I always loved this scene and I want to play it right."

"Fine, have it your way," Xander sighs. "OK, where was I? Oh, yeah..."

He assumes a complete poker face and resumes the dialogue, "I'm a drunkard."

"That makes Alex a citizen of ze world!" beams Spike.

"I was born in New York City, if that helps."

Buffy nods and continues her interrogation. "I understand you came here from Sunnydale after the time of The First BaSHinG."

"You were the one who sent me here! You know, 'healing' waters!" he bites out sarcastically (yet also reluctantly).

"Are you one of those people who cannot imagine Slayers in their beloved Sunnydale?" smoking him a venomous glare for not getting into the spirit of the scene.

"It's not particularly my beloved Sunnydale. Besides which, who would want a big smoking hole in the ground?"

"Can you imagine us in London?" Dawn chirps brightly.

Xander's tone is lighter, less dry as he answers Dawn, "When you get there, ask me."

Spike cheers, "'Oo! diplomatist!"

Buffy grinds on, "How about New York?"

Xander finally shows a little amusement, "Well there are certain sections of New York I would advise you not to go. New Jersey, on the other hand, is yours for the taking. Please!"

"Aha," Buffy exclaims, "who do you think will win the demon war?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"Alex is completely neutral about everything. And that includes woman, too." interrupts Spike.

"You weren't always so carefully neutral. We have a complete dossier on you," gleefully taking out a little black book and reading from a page. "Alexander LaVelle Harris, American, Age 24. Cannot return to his country." She snaps the book closed. "The reason is vague. We also know what you did in Sunnydale, Mr. Harris, and why you left."

"Buffy, it's a fricken' hole in the ground!" He is getting extremely annoyed with this scene as she attempts to play her part a little too close to the original. He reaches over and snatches the book from her.

"Don't worry," she says, "we're not going to broadcast the information."

"Like I care." he snorts. He glances down at the book. "Hey, are my eyes really a lovely warm chocolate brown? All the fics say that, I just never really believed it. I guess, " waving the book, "it must be true, 'cause it's official."

"You will forgive me, Mr. Harris, but the point is an enemy of the Army has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can be of any help to us."

He's reluctantly resigned himself to her games. Not only was she a pompous bitch who didn't know jack about geography, but she was always stubborn about doing things the way she wanted. He now just wants to get to the end of the scene as painlessly as possible. Looking pointedly at Spike, he answers her, "My interest in whether Angel stays or goes is strictly a sporting one."

"In this case you have no sympathy for the fox, eh?"

"Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too."

"Angel has published the foulest lies in the LA papers until the very day we reluctantly swept in to save his ass in the BWAHAAHAHA, and even after that he continued to print scandal sheets from a sewer main."

Spike, despite an inner sense that he'd always disliked Angel, felt compelled to point out, "Of course, one must admit 'ee 'as great courage."

"I admit he is very clever. Three times he has slipped through our fingers. We intend not to let that happen again."

Xander decided to get up, his patience with her finally leaving with the hot blond number just now exiting through the door, "You'll excuse me, Your business is demon hunting, mine is running a juice bar."

Buffy dismissed him with a curt, "Good evening. Mr. Harris."

Xander gratefully heads for the game room where he can pick up his game of solitary tic-tac-toe, leaving Spike and Buffy in his wake.

"You see, Buffy, you 'ave nothing to worry about Alex."

"Perhaps," as Buffy eyed the retreating back of Xander through squinted eyes. She turns as a new couple walks in the front door.

It is the infamous, courageous, Angel, and a stunning young woman, dressed in a simple beautiful white gown. She is so beautiful everyone turns to gaze at her. It's none other than Cordelia Chase.


AN: Really, who else did you think it would be?