A/N: HOLA! Back from spring break! Early! No not really I just screwed some dates up….ha….ha….ha…..right I'll just go back to the corner and keep typing…in the dark….in the rain….in the blistering cold….actually that last one was an oxymoron, so scratch that….not hyper on sugar and being on a plane with crazy old people all morning! Oh by the way, yes Dorian is from the picture of dorian gray which I am now supposed to be doing a book report for, but I am not because I amo (love in Spanish (I'm brushing up on Spanish which I suck at….well pretending to brush up on)) you guys so much! Yeah, you wonder why I'm reading dorian gray? Because I want my new school next year to think I'm smart….Oh and let me mention, pardon my French translation, I'm hopeless at languges…
"Hey Remus?" Sirius asked, the marauders were standing in front of their hotel. Remus was attempting to discipher a French map, James was trying to looked down at his nose, Sirius was starring at Remus' hair, and Peter was attempting to tie his shoe.
"Under the loop….through the bunny ears, cut up the bunny with a machete, eat the bunny raw, skip around the room," Peter mumbled. Suddenly all the marauders were starring at his odd shoe trying antics. "Cut of the bunny's ears, then fry the tail….." Peter looked up at them and asked innocently, "What?"
"Peter may I have whatever you're smoking?" Sirius asked politely. "I'd like to see if being high will help me read the map."
"Sirius don't joke about drugs!" James yelled. He jumped up on a stone and started to preach about the evils of drugs. "Drug ruin your life!" He ran back into the hotel, leaving the marauders starring in confusion after him. They heard a loud bang and a yell. Then they heard a cackling evil laughter. Seconds later James ran back out and leapt back onto the rock.
James held in one hand an egg and in the other a frying pan. "This is your brain!" He jammed the egg forward. "And this is drugs!" He then pushed the pan forward. Then he placed the egg on Peter's unsuspecting head and screamed as he brought the frying pan down on the egg and on Peter's head. "And this is your brain ON DRUGS!"
Sirius and Remus stood there stunned as James rammed the frying pan down on Peter's head, splattering the egg in a million directions. The small boy underneath the egg twitched before falling flat on the pavement.
James was still running around with the frying pan, bopping random things, proclaiming things like, "And this is your PET SNAKE on drugs!"
"Erm…." Remus began, he watched James run around nervously. "jamesy ol'pal?"
"Your mom's a pet snake on drugs!" Sirius yelled suddenly.
James twitched before running back to Sirius. "Your mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"
"Yeah well….Your mom's mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"
"Your mom's mom's mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"
"Your mom's mom's mom's mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"
"Your mom's mom's mom's…..mom's…." James suddenly went crossed eye, there were to many mom's swirling around in his brain. "Your cousin is a pet snake on drugs!"
Sirius sniffled, "Jez James, some friend you are! I told you not to talk about my cousin! Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a cousin whose a snake! And I told you not to talk about his drug addiction! It's not his fault!"
Remus shot Sirius a what-the-fuck glance and then shot James the same one. "James, be aware of Sirius' freaky family, Sirius, bad dog."
"Woof."
Remus smiled at Sirius and patted the taller boy on the head. "Good dog."
"Oh…." James murmured, looking down at Peter. "Is he okay?"
"Wanna just drag him inside and say a mass murder whose on the run from the Swedish cops whose name is Chucky, who kills, but really has a heart of gold hit Peter on the head because Chucky thought Peter was the son of the man who killed Chucky's camel Bernard?" Sirius suggested.
"And Bernard was always the best camel! He was Chucky's only family! They just wanted to fuck the system! That brave team, man and camel, camel and man!" James broke in, eyes shinning.
"Wanna just say he tripped?" Remus deadpanned.
Sirius and James exchanged a look.
"Yeah okay."
"Guess that works to."
"Good." The blonde growled. "Now let's go find somebody who'll help us read this bloody map."
"Je suis henry ! Merci pour demander, vous êtes très sexy!"
Remus slapped a hand to his forehead. Sirius and James weren't being any help as usual, leaving Remus to deal with a crazy Frenchman who wouldn't help them get to Notre Dame. "Non ! Non ! Pouvez-vous lire cette carte!"
"Je suis henry ! Merci pour demander!" The man said, getting annoyed. "Paraître le petit pot de sexe, allons obtenir une boisson !"
"Sirius what is he talking about!" Remus hissed to Sirius.
Sirius shrugged. "Bonjour je suis Sirius et vous êtes ?"
"Henry!" The Frenchman said pleased.
"Vous pouvez répéter que vous avez dit juste ?" Sirius asked politely.
"Sirius what are you talking about!" Remus whispered urgently.
"Well I said Hi my names Sirius who are you? And then he said, Henry! And then I asked him to repeat what he just said."
"Je suis henry ! Merci pour demander!" Henry repeated, "Paraître le petit pot de sexe, allons obtenir une boisson !"
"Ah!" Sirius exclaimed. "Well he said His name is Henry thanks for asking, look little sex pot let's go get a drink?"
Remus went bright red. "Notre Dame?" He mumbled to Sirius. But Sirius was no longer paying attention.
"YOU BASTARD!" Sirius screamed Henry. "Back of my bitch!" He grabbed Remus and ignored the blondes mew of protest. "Mine!"
"Pouvoir nous ne vous partageons pas le bâtard égoïste !" Henry yelled.
"No!" Sirius bellowed. "No share!" He squeezed Remus tighter. "I'm not sharring Remus! Get your own!"
"Must you objectify me!" Remus broke in.
"Oui!"
"Yes!"
James rolled his eyes. He pulled Henry and started to talk to him amiabally.
"Bastard." Sirius grumbled.
"What was he doing?" Remus asked innocently.
"He was hitting on my wolf." The taller Gryffindor growled.
"Since when am I your wolf?" Remus protested.
Sirius spun Remus around so he was facing Sirius and offered the blonde a feral grin. "Since now." Sirius whispered. He kissed Remus suddenly, he half expected Remus to push him back and punch him. But instead Remus pulled them both into a nearby alley so James wouldn't see them. Sirius pulled back and grinned at his wolf. "Better?"
"Much." Remus whispered huskily before locking his lips with Sirius' again. The werewolf felt Sirius' long fingers nestle in his golden waves and strong arms lift him up on the brick wall.
Remus now wrapped his own arms around Sirius head and let his fingers drift into Sirius' dark hair. Remus paused for a moment and drew away from Sirius. "You smell good."
Sirius laughed and nipped Remus' lip playfully. "We'd better get back to James."
"Yeah…." Remus agreed, half relieved, and half disappointed. He wanted Sirius to kiss him more, but suddenly the complications of dating, even kissing his best friend shot into his mind like poison.
Sirius could see disappointment in Remus' eyes. "Look do you want me to stop?"
Remus' eyes widened and he shook his head viciously. "No!" He blushed and then slapped a hand over his mouth. "Um….Gotta go!" He started too walked out of the alley.
The taller boy smiled and wrapped an arm around Remus' chest and kissed the werewolf's ear. "Well in that case then-"
"Remus! Sirius!" James called. "Where'd you go! I got directions to Notre Dame!"
"Oh, here James!" Sirius called back. He was off Remus in a flash and pointing down the alley. "I found a café!"
"But we just had breakfast!" James wined.
"So! I'm hungry!" Sirius grinned. "Come bitches!"
"I have no self respect." James sighed.
An hour later the three marauders were standing in front of the tall cathedrals of Notre Dame with a bunch of other torists. Each outfitted with a bag filled with cheap I heart France t-shirts and a coat.
"Ready?" Sirius asked, eyes shinning. My dream! My dream has finally come to life!
"Sirius do you have any self respect!" Remus growled.
"I lost the last shreds of dignity years ago."
"Me to." James sighed. "So come on Remus! Time to shed your last few shreds of dignity as well."
Remus sighed and took a deep breath.
"3…" Sirius started. "2……1!"
The three shoved the bags on their backs and quickly zipped up the coats and hunched over. Sirius was cackling hysterically, he started prancing around the crowd yelling things such as, "Freedom! Save my bitch!"
Remus looked like a disgruntled tomato and James was laughing at Sirius. "Into the chapel!" James proclaimed loudly. The other two hunch backs followed him….well Sirius had to drag Remus in….But the followed never the less.
"The bells! The bells!" Sirius cried. People pointed, laughed, gasped, shrieked, and a priest started to pray for their souls. Remus shut his eyes and joined James and Sirius in their yelling. "To the bell tower!" Sirius screamed.
The hunchbacks scrambled up the stairs and into the bell tower. They cleverly slipped past the two men collecting the fee of going into the bell tower. Though three boys running around screaming about the bells and the gypsies didn't exactly blend in with the crowd, they still didn't have to pay.
Sirius was starring out at the crowd, when suddenly he spotted a nearby gargoly statue. A wicked idea flashed into his mind and Remus looked over just in time to see the glint.
"Sirius….whatever you're thinking stop thinking!" Remus warned. He saw Sirius eyes lock on the gargoyle. "No! Sirius!" But he was to late, Sirius had swung onto the gargoyle and started to scream dramatically.
"FREEDOM! FREEDOM FOR THE GYPSYS!" Sirius hollered.
"Sirius you dumbass!" Remus screamed. But Sirius was still swinging around on the gargoyle. "I hope you die!"
"FREEDOM! FREE MY BITCH!"
"Sirius please don't die!"
"BEG FOR ME MOONY!" Sirius cackled. From the crowd below people were taking pictures of this 'hunchback' swinging on a gargoyle, dangling from the top of Notre Dame.
"Sirius please! Padfoot come back here now! Before I am forced to jump out after you!" Remus yelled shrilly.
"BEG HARDER!"
"That's it you egotistical maniac!" Remus yelled. Without thinking he suddenly leapt of the bell tower and grabbed onto Sirius. In midair he realized what he was doing and shrieked. Sirius' free arm wrapped around the slender, hyperventilating werewolf.
"FREEDOM!" Sirius cackled.
"Sirius!" Remus shrieked. "Put me back! Get us down!"
"Spoil sport." Sirius chided. He swung them back onto the bell tower to the delight of the fans below. "THANK YOU LAS VEGAS! I'LL BE HERE TILL….WELL I'M NOT SURE! BUT I'LL BE HERE TOMORROW!"
"You dumbass!" Remus hissed. "You could have gotten us killed!"
"I love you to baby." The taller boy slid behind one of the rocky columns and yanked Remus towards himself. He wrapped his arms around Remus and kissed him fiercely.
"Sirius stop!" Remus protested.
"Why?" Sirius asked softly. "I thought you liked it…"
"I do…" Remus whispered. He buried his face in Sirius' chest. "But…I guess…I gotta go!" Remus dashed off suddenly, leaving Sirius alone on the bell tower. Suddenly Sirius felt very, very alone. Great I've just completely blew my chance with the love of my life…
