Sirius watched Remus run away, should he run after him? Sirius shook his head and slid down to the floor, braced on the pillar. He only partly registered that he was still at the top of a bell tower and could fall off at any second. I'm such an idiot! Why'd I come on so strong!

"Sirius?"

The blue eyed Gryffindor looked up to see James kneeling in front of him. "Hey Jamsey." Sirius managed weakly.

"Where's Remus?"

Sirius barked a harsh laugh. "I chased him away."

"Er….Sirius? Not quite getting it…"

"I….um….kissed Remus after that French guy hit on him and I kinda thought that gave me leave to kiss him again….and I did and then he ran away!" Sirius sighed.

James dragged Sirius to his feet and pulled the grim off the edge of the bell tower. "C'mon, we need to talk about the subtle art of seduction."

"I don't get it! He liked it when I kissed him last time!" Sirius wined.

"I didn't see you two earlier…" James trialed off.

"Yeah I know, he kind of pushed us into an alley, he doesn't know that you know that I like him." Sirius explained. He stopped short and fell against the wall. "I think I love him James!" He again slid down to the floor, braced on the wall. Sirius on hand was on his face and he other rested on his knee. James sighed and plopped down beside him.

"Look Siri, don't blame yourself, and don't blame Remus either….Now, I think Remus likes you too."

"Really!" Sirius yipped happily.

"Slow down tiger! Remus is probably uncomfortable about liking you, partly cause you're also a guy, and partly cause you're his best friend and he's scared of ruining that friendship."

"But isn't being in love better then being friends!"

"Not always, Remus just doesn't want to ruin what he's got….You have to be careful, approached him like he's a scared little puppy who needs a hug. Apologize, tell him you're sorry for trying to rush him…just get him comfortable and talking…" James shrugged.

"Thanks James." Sirius grinned. James reached out to pat Sirius' shoulder in a manly way. Sirius sat there for a moment before leaping on James. "I love you Jamesy-boy!"

James was flat on the floor with a very happy Sirius atop him. James patted Sirius' back awkwardly. "I love you to Siri."

"Oh by the way, with Lily, tell her you think her hair's gorgeous, she hates it." Sirius said quickly before dashing off.

"…Her hair? Compliment her hair?" James pondered and then shrugged. "never thought of that before…"

Meanwhile Sirius was dashing through the halls of Notre Dame looking for his werewolf. Sirius suddenly saw a balcony with Remus on it. Remus' entire body was leaning against a pillar, his hair floated gently in the wind behind him. Sirius' breath caught for a moment just looking at him.

The wavy golden locks shimmered with blood red highlights in the bright sun. Sirius wanted to run his fingers through the hair so badly. He took a minute to compose himself before sneaking up behind Remus. He was silent as a mouse when his arms wrapped around Remus' neck, he felt Remus stiffed for a moment, but the werewolf relaxed when he felt Sirius silky hair brush his neck.

Sirius let his head rest on Remus' shoulder for a moment. He felt Remus' body twitch, either wanting to move away or come closer. He studied Remus' face, the mouth was turned up in a smile, but the amber eyes were sadly happy…almost remorseful. Sirius shut his eyes, in complete peace.

"I'm sorry…." Sirius whispered.

"I'm scared Siri….I don't want this to blow up in our faces….I don't want to be left hating you…" Remus said, just as softly.

"I'll do whatever you want, anything so you feel safe…"

"Padfoot…do you think this could ever really last?" Remus laughed harshly. The laugh felt forced and suddenly Sirius felt his heart plummet.

"I don't-"

"Look at you, you're the flirty playboy, and I'm the silent werewolf…" Remus said. Sirius shut his eyes, trying to ignore Remus. He didn't see the tears at the corners of the werewolf's amber eyes. "Like this'll ever work…" Remus' normally soft melodic voice was harsh, forced.

"But-"

"No buts Sirius….this is nothing, you're just horny and I just look girlish enough for you…okay?"

That's not true Remus! Don't talk like that! You're hurting me you stupid airhead, I love you! Sirius wanted to yell. But for the first time in his life Sirius was speechless, his full lips couldn't twist themselves to form words, his tongue was dry as sandpaper.

"It's just a fling…A stupid little fling." Remus hissed. Sirius wanted to block that sound from his ears, he couldn't bear to open his eyes and see Remus' vehement face. But Remus' face was vehement….he was trying desperately not to cry. Sirius couldn't bring himself to open his eyes.

"Is that what you want…for it all to just be a stupid fling?" Sirius finally asked.

"More then anything," Remus whispered, he hardly trusted his voice not to waver. As it was his voice sounded choked and strained. Get off me Sirius! Don't lead me on you fuck! He pushed Sirius off and walked away.

Sirius stood there, shocked, lonely, and shaken. He looked after Remus' body, swaying seductively as he walked, cold as ice. It seemed like the usual warmth the werewolf possessed had vanish, and Sirius would've killed for it to come back.

Remus wanted Sirius to come over and shake him, he wanted Sirius to come and kiss his tears away. He was crying now, he fought to keep his shoulder from quaking. As he walked away he realized that Sirius wasn't going to come and save him…He'd pushed Sirius away, it was just a fling.

Sirius couldn't bear to run over and touch Remus, stop him. He didn't want to see Remus' colder then ice face. But if Sirius had just ran after Remus, he'd see Remus was cold or cruel, Remus was crying, and he wanted Sirius as much as Sirius wanted him.

When Remus' figure disappeared Sirius slowly looked around. He saw a set of stone stairs that led to a garden. He remember hearing that there was a pretty garden behind Notre Dame. He walked stiffly down the stairs…trying to makes sense of what happened. His mind and body were almost numb.

Sirius started through the gardens, it was all nicely trimmed grass, neat bushes…It was all so disgustingly cliché, each hedge in line. It wasn't beautiful, it was horrible. Each flower was perfectly bright yelled, every herb perfectly matched the next. It so tame, so dead….so lifeless. How could he say that? I don't understand! What did I do wrong…

Where was the wild spirit of the earth? Was this what flowers are reduced to…Sirius bent down next to a bush of bright yellow flowers. He gently cupped his hand around one gently blossom. Each petal was as thin as gauze…each little ripple at the edge was trimmed, symmetrical. Sirius ripped the flower off the bush and let the wind carry it away. Remus why did you run away again! I love you!

The flower had no bite, the little flower was so weak and pitiful. Sirius watched sadly as it let itself be carried away by the wind. People sometimes said flowers represented love, tender and fragile. "Is that really what love is?" He wondered aloud. "So delicate and fragile…that a simple gust of wind can tear it apart…blow it away."

Sirius wondered deeper into the garden…looking for something. He didn't know what, maybe he was looking for Remus, or maybe a reason. Everything still stayed perfect and even, all the flowers bright peachy yellow, and all the hedges bright green. But something changed…the wind picked up.

The dark haired boy suddenly saw an iron gate. His eyes widened, the gate was crawling with wild ivy, untamed, uncharted. He smiled. One long fingered hand reached out to wrap around one cold iron bar. He pulled lightly on the gate, praying it would open. It did.

Sirius' face lit up, suddenly it was like a longing deep inside himself was satiated. He walked into the garden. Hedges of roses were everywhere, some hedges were black, other brilliant green. There were tiny Chinese maple trees everywhere, small, delicate, but wild. Their leaves were carried off by the wind and swirled around the garden.

The grim reached out to grab a luscious red rose. His hands curled around the stem, Sirius winced and pulled away. His finger tips were bleeding. He looked at the rose again and saw now, there were vicious thorns on it's stem.

Sirius smile grew, the numbness washed out of his body. "This is love." He whispered. The beautiful rose with its thorns. Remus was his rose, and every rose has it's thorns. That was love, unyielding, permanent, painful…He licked the blood of his fingers.

He loved Remus, and he was not about to let Remus' stupid bipolar decision ruin the best thing that ever happened to him. With a new determination Sirius walked quickly out of this beautiful garden. He gently closed the iron gate behind him and went forward through the tame garden, now he did not wonder, he knew exactly where he was going. Sirius' eyes suddenly latched on an older man, trimming one of the bushes. "Excuse me," The man looked up at Sirius and smiled. "You know that rose garden back there?"

"What rose garden?" The man asked puzzled. His English had a slight French accent.

"The rose garden! Behind the iron gate?" Sirius insisted.

"Sorry son, but there is no rose garden here…"

Sirius looked behind him, and he noticed with wide eyes there as no iron gate…there was just a brick wall, still crawling with ivy. "But I just…"

"A lot of people say they see roses back there." The gardener laughed. "They always go in looking for answers…and they come out looking like you., with all heir questions answered"

"…I imagined the roses?" Sirius whispered. He looked down at his finger tips, there were still angry red picks on his fingers. "That's impossible!"

"Oh no, I'm not saying you imagined it, but some people just say there's something special about these gardens."

Sirius grinned. "Yup, must be something special I guess…"

Remus wasn't sure where he was going. He was wondering around Paris desperate to find something to numb his pain. He just gave up on Sirius…He just let the love of his life slip though his fingers. I don't love him! He thought angrily. He doesn't give a damn about me either! I'm just a fuck the toy!

That's not true….The other corner of his mind whispered. You love him, and he loves you...Remus felt himself crying again. He needed a drink. Suddenly an image of the Moulin Rouge flashed in his minds eye.

He walked quickly in the direction of the club. When he finally saw it his eyes lit up. All he wanted to do was get so wasted he completely forget about Sirius. He saw the gates around it, and the court yard…It looked so different in the daylight, dead almost.

But Remus pushed opened the gate, he walked through the stone path in the courtyard, remembering where he tried to kiss Sirius on that wall over there. How horribly drunk he'd been…how Sirius slapped him. Remorse and self loathing washed through Remus. He scowled in disgust with himself and ran inside.

He whipped open the door and dashed inside. Harpies were milling about, practicing dancing with a few men. He saw Jack polishing glasses at the bar and ran to him. "Jack!"

"Oh hey Remus, little early to be clubbing." Jack teased.

"Just get me some of that green stuff again." Remus sniffled. He was going to cry soon.

"What's wrong little buddy?" Jack asked, he got the absinth and poured Remus a small glass.

"Everything! Me, Sirius, James, and this stupid trip!" Remus shouted, downing the glass.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

Five minutes and two shots later Remus was sobbing.

"Remus do you want another shot?" Jack asked softly. "It wouldn't be good for you."

"I just blew off the love of my life! Get me drunk!" Remus commanded.

"What was her name?" Jack asked wincing. He did that once to.

"Sirius! It was a guy! My best fucking friend!" Remus sobbed. He downed another shot.

"Care to explain?" Jack laughed.

Remus slammed his glass on the bar and shook his head.

"Hey cutie,"

Remus looked back to see two Harpies, curling around him.

"Wanna have a good time?" The other asked.

"Nah, I'm not really sure I swing that way anymore…" Remus sniffled, with a small smile.

"Oh, okay then, good luck with finding out sweetie!" The Harpies gave him a kiss on the cheeks before vanishing again.

"Sure you don't want to talk about it?" Jack asked. "I'll give you some vodka if you do."

Remus drank another shot of Absinth and started. "I think I'm in love with him! And I just told him to fuck off! God I was horrible, now he hates me! I said he was a flirty playboy, and he is, but…" Remus laughed through his tears. "He's such an idiot, such a cute idiot! At the museum the other day he licked a painting cause he was hungry…and then he grabbed me and ran away….he was so stupid!"

"Remy you sound like you like him," Jack grinned, pouring a shot of vodka.

"And at school he's always playing pranks, he never just let's me sit out! He's so funny, and when he smiles his whole face lights up….I just don't want to loose him, I don't want him to end up hating me over a bad relationship! I know he'll cheat on me and-"

"As long as you know he loves you, why should you care who he fucks?" Jack interrupted. "Does he love every girl he fucks?"

"No…"

"Then they're nothing, just flings…"

"That's what I told him!" Remus cried, falling into another peel of sobs.

"Look Remus, if you're scared of love, then you'll never find it." Jack sighed. "I learned that the hard way, and I lost the most important person in the world because I was scared."

"Who?" Remus sniffled.

"Why hello Remus, fancy seeing you here…" A voice behind Remus purred.

Remus whirled in his seat to see Dorian standing behind him, hands on hips with a smirk playing on his lips.