A/N: Here's the second chapter to my fairytale Princess Cactus and the hardness of finding a decent prince. Tell me what you think!

2. Hunting ogres

Princess Cactus wasn't happy at all. Things weren't going her way and that always made her furious. So now she sat, feeling very furious, on the saddle of her new horse shooting growls all around to anyone who dared to even look her way. Unfortunately, no one was looking her way so no one saw her very furious growls and therefore no one gave her the pleasure she got when she got people frightened. And that made her even more furious.

She was riding down a road that led to freedom, which would have been nice if her father's three biggest and dumbest bodyguards wouldn't have been there to make sure she never got her freedom. At the rate things were going, she would actually have to ride all the way to her cousin I-Am-Very-Beautiful-But-Can't-Find-Any-Pretty-Clothes-Because-I-Live-So-Far-Away-Of-Anything-Ressembling-Sivilization's (shortly poor girl's) castle. And if it was possible that some other castle was as boring as Cactus' parents' castle, her cousin's castle was.

"So now I have two choices: I can either ride to my cousin's castle like a good little princess, or do something else," princess Cactus reasoned. "So something else it is, then!" Now she needed a plan, because she thought her three gorilla-wannabe (sorry all you gorillas out there) guards wouldn't be letting her off to search for adventures. And anyway, she suspected that narrow escapes, brilliant plans and sneaking around weren't exactly what the guards excelled in. "Killing ogres and preventing princesses from having fun are probably more like it," princess thought and sighed. Fortunately just then and there, for the second time in a short period, a plan started to form itself in her tiny brain.

The devilish smile on her pretty face should have warned the guards that something equally devilish was coming. But being the simple creatures they were, they noticed nothing. Princess Cactus pulled her horse to a stop and smiled even more devilishly when the guards followed her example. That smile, however, was soon replaced by the look of a little and helpless girl, which was seen often enough on the faces of the other princesses, but never on Cactus'. "Well, there's a first time for everything," princess thought ad tried to open her eyes just a little bit more to get the message through to her thick-headed guards.

"I'm little, afraid and helpless. I'm little, afraid and helpless," she repeated in her head in order to keep the devilish smile off her face. She could see her guards melting in front of her little show and doubled the size of her eyes. A few calming breaths and she was ready for the final blow.

"Excuse me, misters guards, but I think I saw an ogre." The guards let out a noise of outrage. "I was thinking that you maybe could go and hunt it down and so make the road safe again," princess Cactus asked and gave a little wagering smile. "I shall be here waiting for you, my heroes," she completed her little performance.

She could hear their brains working. On the other hand, the king had ordered them to stay by the princess no matter what. On the other hand, ogre hunting was their favourite past time. In the end the choice wasn't so difficult. Of course the habitants of this beautiful place should be able to live in peace, without the constant fear of being attacked by ogres.

Then one of them seemed to think of something. ("Well, there's a first time for everything," princess Cactus thought for the second time that day) "But, miss, isn't there always lots of knights to take care of all the ogres? I'm sure I saw a knight just five minutes ago, when we rode past that field." "Oh bugger. He just had to start thinking right now. No, it couldn't have waited for five minutes! Wait, he can count to five!" Princess Cactus was getting annoyed. How hard could it be to get rid of three of the dumbest people of the world? "Well, I'm sure he doesn't hunt ogres as well as you do," she said. The guards were gone faster than she could say 'a cat'. Obviously not that hard.

With a smug smile on her pretty face princess Cactus turned her horse and rode to her freedom.

"Freedom," princess Cactus thought bitterly "is overrated." She had been riding for hours and she was getting really bored. How many fields could there be in one kingdom? They all looked the same anyway. "When I'll get my half of the kingdom, I'll make this kind of lack of originality illegal."

Princess Cactus' back was aching, her first-comfortable saddle turned out to be hard and uncomfortable and, worst of all, she had no one to complain to. Her new adventure filled life wasn't as exciting as she'd thought it would be and it bugged her that maybe, after all this, she would have to admit that her father was right.

Just when she was giving up and turning around to find her guards (who actually hadn't even realised the princess was missing since hunting ogres, imaginary or real, where just too much fun), she heard the most horrible sound she had ever heard in her whole life. "Who's being tortured? And on such a lovely day, too. Have the tortures of today no manners at all?" princess Cactus thought before turning her horse to the direction of the scream.

Actually Cactus was quite pleased that something happened, even if it was a torture of an innocent girl. Sword fighting with the torturer would be just the thing she needed to cheer up her so far lousy day. "Oh, to sword fight with the torturer I do need a sword," princess suddenly realised and bent back to see if her father had packed her a sword. No such luck. "Well, fist fighting it is, then," she thought.

"Don't be afraid, I'm here to save you," she yelled, riding around a little hill to meet the horrible creature torturing the poor girl, but she saw nothing but a little girl sitting on rock in the shadow of the hill. Princess Cactus glanced around. "Maybe this is a trap," she thought. "I should probably take a look at the surroundings to find whatever it is that's torturing that poor girl.

So she left her horse, which didn't seem to mind the horrible scream, and sneaked around the hill. She saw absolutely nothing behind it or on top of it, but the screaming just went on and on. It was really not something she wanted to listen to, so she went back to see if her father had packed her something to put to her ears to block the awful scream out. No such luck.

The scream was really getting on her nerves. "I have to find the torturer soon or I might just lose my mind and hearing," princess Cactus thought and glanced at the girl. She stood there for a moment. There was something totally wrong about the situation. "The girl is clearly tortured…" princess mused, "Wait a second! No she's not, there's no torturer in sight," princess noticed and felt a wave of relief. The girl was fine.

"Then why does she scream?" Princess Cactus was irritated now. If the girl was fine, why did she have to scream? "It isn't really nice to fool people like that, let alone torture innocent princesses looking for adventures."

Princess marched up to the girl andtold her to "shut her mouth before someone did it for her". The answer she got wasn't exactly what she was waiting for.

"You try singing with vocal cords of porcelain!"