Author's Note: Happy Valentine's Day everyone! In honor of this 'holiday', I decided to make this a Valentine-inspired chapter. Thanks again to everyone that's reviewed! Hope you enjoy!
TO LOVE A SITH
Chapter Ten
"Milady? Milady, please wake up!" Sabe whispered breathlessly, shaking a sleeping Padme.
"What, Sabe? What's wrong?"
"Milady, your husband's returned and he's on his way here right now!"
"What? No! I can't see him, I won't!" Padme cried in frustration.
"I know, I know. What do you want me to do?"
Padme took a couple of moments to consider every possible option. No matter what she did, he would find her eventually and she would have to face him. But not yet.
"I'll go in the refresher. When he comes to the door, just tell him I'm not feeling well and I'll call for him later."
"Milady, what if he doesn't take no for an answer?"
"If he comes in anyway, I'll simply stay in the refresher."
"I don't know if this is such a good idea…"
"Well, I can't hide anywhere else, can I? This is the best option we have right now."
Before anything further exchange could be made, a knock was heard from the door. Padme grabbed her robe and ran to her hiding spot while Sabe sprinted nervously to the door. She opened the door and had to keep her jaw from dropping at the Vader before her. He almost seemed nervous or guilty or afraid…whatever it was, she had never seen this from him before.
"Is Padme here? I need to speak with her."
"Yes, she's here. But she has instructed me to tell you that she is not feeling well and wishes for time to recover. She said she will call for you as soon as she is feeling better."
Vader's forehead crinkles in equal confusion and frustration. She wasn't really sick, that he knew. And he didn't blame her for not wanting to see him so soon. Or ever. But still, he wanted to see her. He hadn't even stopped to conference with his Master. He went directly to her chambers and she was rejecting him yet again. As much as he wanted to barge past Sabe and demand that his wife listen to what he had to say, he knew it would only make matters worse for him. He sighed in frustration, knowing it would be a while before Padme called for him.
"Alright. Tell her I hope she recovers soon then."
With that, Vader left, leaving a somewhat speechless Sabe. She had expected a fight, some sort of struggle of wills between Vader and her mistress. But he had simply taken her news calmly, although he seemed disappointed to not be able to see his wife.
A confused Sabe knocked on the refresher door.
"Milady, he's gone now."
Grateful for the grace period, Padme quickly opened the door but stopped short of actually leaving the refresher. Within moments, she was vomiting again.
"Milady?"
Padme slid to the floor, the last thing she wanted to do was tell anyone what she feared. But if she could tell anyone, it was Sabe.
"Sabe, I think I might be pregnant."
Sabe's jaw dropped open.
"Oh my…"
Vader threw his cloak onto his bed and sat down dejectedly. He had expected Padme to not want to see him. He also knew he couldn't push her, though. He was at fault and he deserved to be slapped and called every horrible name in the book. His thoughts drifted back, yet again, to the events on Naboo two weeks ago. He had been callous and cruel to his wife and he knew it would be a long time before his wife ever spoke to him again.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. How did this happen to him? When did he become such a horrible monster?
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
His shift from good to evil had been gradual. Every time the Council gave him a mission he didn't agree with, every time Obi-Wan lectured him, he slid further towards the darkness.
Tell me your secrets
And ask me you questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming in tails
Heads are a science apart
No Jedi could understand his desire for something more. And in truth, his intentions had been somewhat noble at first. It hadn't always been about power, it was about his mother. She had died and he been forced to watch, powerless to help her. That shouldn't have happened, no one should have to go through what he did. So he started looking for a way to prevent that from ever happening again, to stop people from dying, and that lead him to Palpatine. Palpatine understood and he had never really experienced that before. Yet, the only time he truly felt whole, completely understood, was with Padme. And now, it seemed as if even she didn't understand him.
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
He didn't blame her for not being able to understand, because sometimes, he didn't understand himself. Under Palpatine's orders, he carried out 'missions' that ended with the deaths of million, maybe even billions. Mass destruction and murder. In exchange for his soul, he had gotten a lifetime of tyranny and oppression. He enjoyed the power and the fear he invoked by his very presence, yet, he couldn't help but wonder what his life might have been like if he hadn't turned.
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Maybe he could've gotten another chance with Padme, and would not have had to use force to make her be with him. If he could take anything back, besides his actions two weeks ago, it was the fact that he had made Padme be with him. He couldn't stop himself from wondering if she would leave him if she had the chance. If anyone could love him, it was her. He wanted her to love him, he wanted to love her back. But his Sith training barked back that love as impossible, that it only made you vulnerable.
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are
The day he found her, she had been so beautiful and even in her fear, she was beautiful. An angel. She was defiant and strong-willed and he loved that about her. She proved to him every day that he had met his match and he intended to rise to the challenge. His marriage to her was not something he took lightly; it meant more to him than production of an heir. But he couldn't admit what that was.
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Maybe someday she would love him. Maybe someday he would be able to forgive himself for all of the pain and destruction he had caused.
I'm going back to the start
"Milady? Did you just say what I think you said?"
"Yes, Sabe."
"Oh my…well, you need to go to a doctor then."
"No! I can't…I mean, it's only been a day. What if it really is just a bug? Maybe I'm just over-reacting."
"Maybe, but I still think you should see a doctor."
"I'll think about it, Sabe. Could you please give me a few minutes alone?"
Sabe nodded and quickly exited the room. Padme sighed, finally, she was alone. Alone with the thoughts that clouded her mind.
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right
Vader. Her husband. The father of her child. She closed her eyes sadly because deep down, she knew that she was pregnant. What was she going to do? She wanted to be happy, she wanted to shout from the roof tops that she was going to have the child of Anakin Skywalker, but that wasn't her husband. But when he held her, everything seemed to fade away, and all that remained was the love that she felt for him. She couldn't deny it, she loved him, she loved him for the man he once was, and she even found herself loving him now. His presence after so long played with her emotions and her good sense. She knew she shouldn't love him, but she did all the same.
Oh, and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?
As hopeless as it seemed, she knew that Anakin was there somewhere within him. She knew that she was the only one that could ever bring Anakin back, but it seemed impossible. Every good thing he did for her, he turned around and committed another horrible, unforgivable act. And she couldn't forgive him for what he did to her. Yet, she knew that he was being manipulated, at least, at first he was. Now, it seemed he was just as eager to murder and destroy as Palpatine was. And he was so powerful and so strong that it both amazed and frightened her at the same time.
He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight
He was broken and she so badly wanted to reach out to him. To help him change. But what if he didn't want to change? What if he laughed in her face and pushed her away? Where would that leave her? She would be miserable, lonely, defeated, and pregnant.
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long...so long
If only she could transfer the way he was with her to everyone else in the universe. He was so gentle with her, almost loving. The way he kissed her, it was almost as if he loved her back. But that was more than she could hope for. Even more than she could dream about. Vader would never love her. He couldn't. She found herself in the same predicament she was in two years ago. Fighting against a code, and trying to decide what to do. This time, he was a Sith, not a Jedi. Neither one was supposed to love, yet, in spite of the Jedi Code, Anakin had loved her.
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends, he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance he could love her. He did once and love doesn't just fade away. Especially the frighteningly intense love Anakin had had for her. But Vader was under the influence of Palpatine. And Palpatine wasn't going to give him up without a fight.
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
Beautiful, beautiful disaster
Beautiful disaster
Author's Note: Ok, I know it wasn't all love and fluff, but it was a little romantic, right?
"The Scientist"- Coldplay
"Beautiful Disaster"- Kelly Clarkson
