Pearlyblue: Everybody remembers the drill, right? If not, check the previous chapter's disclaimer.
Ladybug: Yeah! Just a parody, The Weird Ones don't ownie Berserk, no harm intended. *Looks up at Pearlyblue* Right?
Pearlyblue: …Right. *under her breath* "…ownie…"
Ladybug: *nodnods happily* Yep! And Wakko does not have anyone tied up in her basement, or anywhere else. *Looks up at Wakko* Right?
Wakko: *Smiles innocently*
Pearlyblue: *Approaches Wakko* Right, Wakko?
Wakko: Heee… maybe just a little?
Pearlyblue: No.
Wakko: No?
Ladybug: *Shakes her head* Noo.
Wakko: *Grins* I guess I don't, then.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Chapter four: Sylvia wants to fight.


Judeau ran up to Sylvia and caught her by the arm, and she stopped immediately, turning to him with a questioning smile. He couldn't help but smile back, and sheepishly put his hands behind his head.

"Well," he said, a little awkwardly. "I believe you now."

Sylvia frowned cutely. "Believe what?"

"Um… that you're a… a half-demon." He grinned and nodded in the direction they had come from. "That was just incredible, back there. A woman of your size should never have been able to do that – lift two big, strong men right off the ground and keep them up! …quite impressive."

Sylvia was still frowning, and cocked her head to the side in that adorable way of hers.

"Thanks, Judeau… but… you didn't believe me before?"

"Well… It's a little unbelievable."

"Why?"

"Because demons are the stuff of legends and fairy-tales. Nobody's ever seen one, before… and up until just recently, I was quite convinced that they didn't exist."

"No demons?" Sylvia mumbled, half to herself, and then she looked up at Judeau with eyes wide in comprehension. "Well, no wonder then that everybody's looking at me like I'm crazy." She looked away as though struck by a sudden insight.

"That's right!" she gasped, "Papa told me, I can't believe I forgot… Demons and fairies and dragons and stuff are really, really rare here, aren't they? So rare that they're basically only stories?"

He nodded, scratching his neck. "Well, I knew a fairy once. He called himself an 'elf', but he was everything the stories say about fairies. Small, kind, butterfly-like wings… but not all people could see him."

Sylvia blinked. "They couldn't? Weird…"

Judeau took a deep breath and forced the conversation back on track. "Say, Lady Sylvia… would you mind it terribly if I asked you to keep quiet with the half-demon… er… thing…?"

She cocked her head to the side again. "Why? I mean, I can just prove it right away, can't I? Smash something or cut a wound in my hand or… OH! I can cut off my hair! It grows right back out in no time at all!"

"Yes… well… I'm thinking that it could be something of a shock to the guys… and it might just make it a little harder for you to stay here. When people get scared, or worried, they can act really stupid, sometimes. Take my word for it."

"Ohh…" She hung her head, looking a little subdued. "Well, I suppose you're right – I do want to fit in, after all. And make friends." She looked up at him and smiled a little. "Like you."

He felt himself blush slightly again, and tried to cover it with a smile. "Thank you, Lady Sylvia. Er… then, as a friend… I have one more thing to ask."

"What's that?"

"Well, in order for you to be able to blend in better, and interact better with the people here… I think we should say to them that you are… well… confused." He steeled himself in case she would be insulted and try to kick the living crap out of him, but she just frowned and nodded to herself.

"Yeah… I guess that would be best… I don't know much about how humans act and interact and stuff, so then I could get away with making a few mistakes, right?"

He nodded, relieved. "Right."

"Okay." She hooked her arm under his again and resumed walking. "I'll trust you on this. Now show me around this interesting camp!"

"Yes, let's go!" Judeau laughed, caught up in her enthusiasm. "Though there's not a whole lot to see..."

* * *

And after a simple and further uneventful tour of the camp, Judeau and Sylvia had come back to its centre, laughing and chatting lightly.

"Oh," Sylvia interrupted herself, tugging on Judeau's arm and staring off over his shoulder. "Who's that? He's HUGE!"

Judeau turned around and his grin returned. "That's Pippin, he's one of Griffith's senior commanders, like me. OI! PIPPIN!" He turned back to Sylvia. "Let me introduce you. He's big, yeah, but a very nice guy."

Sylvia bounced a little and beamed. "Oh, goodie! A new friend!"

"Pippin, this is Lady Sylvia," Judeau said, as Pippin rose from his task of pressing tent-pegs into the ground, to greet them. "Griffith and I found her down by the river, and she's going to stay with us for a while. Lady Sylvia, this is Pippin, the biggest and probably strongest man in the army."

"Wow…" Sylvia said as Pippin gently took her delicate hand in his. "You're as big as my papa!"

Pippin smiled slightly and gave a small, courteous nod. "Nice to meet you, Lady Sylvia."

"Oh yeah, Pippin," Judeau said, when the huge man and the small woman let go of each other's hands, "Where did you put my tent?"

Pippin pointed and Judeau got up on his toes, looking over the heads of the passing soldiers. "Ah, yeah, I see it. Thanks."

Pippin nodded again. Sylvia frowned up at him.

"You're not very talkative, are you?"

Pippin smiled again, and shrugged. Sylvia regarded him for a moment longer, and then her face lit up with a radiant smile.

"That's okay, I like you!" And she clapped him on the back with such force that he actually took half a step forward and gave a small, surprised grunt.

"Er…" Judeau quickly took Sylvia's arm again and pulled her away. "There's another man you should meet, over there… Guts, the commander of our raiders."

Sylvia immediately turned to look, excitement sparkling in her eyes. "Ooooh, raiders! Sweet!"

As she allowed Judeau to pull her away from Pippin's curious glance, Sylvia turned back towards the huge man and tossed off a cheerful wave. "By the way," she chirped, "You have a really nice butt, Pippin!"

Both Judeau and Pippin froze for a moment, then the giant man quickly turned back to his task, with a faint reddish tinge on his cheeks. Judeau pulled Sylvia a little closer to himself.

"Er… Lady Sylvia… remember that you told me to tell you when you'd done something… er…"

"Stupid?"

"Yes… well… that wasn't very stupid, but… a little bit inappropriate."

Sylvia stared up at him, uncomprehending. "What? The compliment?"

"Well… Yes. You are aware that that is basically an… invitation…?"

Sylvia blinked at him. "Invitation to wha-whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Poo it, what is it with you guys and getting compliments and expecting me to sleep with you?! If I say you've got a cute butt, it just means that you've got a cute butt! If I want to sleep with you, I will just say so!"

Judeau felt his eyebrows rise. "O… kay… Sure. Well… we don't do that, here." Then he caught himself and thought better of it. "Well, except for Corkus and other guys like him – but it's considered impolite and crude, and people who try that approach usually ends up… well… alone."

Sylvia seemed to consider this for a moment. Then she sighed.

"What a fuzz. So I can't give people compliments? That's boring… then how do they know that I like them?"

"Well," Judeau conceded, "Just stay clear of complimenting their bodies, and you should be alright."

Sylvia nodded. "Okay." Then she looked up at him again. "Who's this Corkus guy?"

"I'll introduce you to him later, right now, we were going to say hi to Guts, weren't we?"

Sylvia nodded enthusiastically and pulled Judeau's arm. "Oh yeah! Raider commander!"

Judeau smiled and let out a high whistle. "Oi! Guts!"

The big, muscular man looked up from his oversized sword, which he had been cleaning, and acknowledged Judeau with a small nod, eyeing Sylvia with some wariness.

"Hey, Judeau," he said when the two of them came up to him. "Who's…?"

"That's a really cute sword you got there!" Sylvia interrupted, Guts blinked – first at being interrupted, then at what she had said.

"Cute?!" he repeated, an incredulous look on his face.

Sylvia nodded. "Yeah! Really cute – and almost as big as my papa's!"

Guts blinked again. "Almost as big?"

"Yeah… his is a little bit broader…"

"'Scuse me, lady," Guts interrupted, "Who the fuck are you?"

Sylvia stopped and an embarrassed grin spread over her beautiful face. "Oh, I'm sorry… I keep doing that…" She held out her hand and took a deep breath. Before Judeau realised what she was about to do, she began reciting her names:

"I am Jade Arvensis Ifolia Tellima Silene Emeraldine Virgaurea Becca…"

"This is Lady Sylvia," Judeau interrupted, stepping in front of her. He leaned down towards Guts and whispered in a voice that Sylvia would not have been able to hear, had she been a mere human:

"We found her down by the river, and we think she's been through something that drove her…well… out of her mind. She's confused, and acts a little strange sometimes." Then he straightened up and threw a quick, apologetic smile at Sylvia. "Sorry to interrupt you, my Lady, but we have many other people to meet, and your names take a long time to recite."

"'S okay," Sylvia chirped and gave him a secretive, but not very hidden, wink. "I guess you're right."

Guts looked from Sylvia to Judeau, and then raised an eyebrow at the blond man, who smiled and shrugged.

"Right," said Guts and turned his attention back to his sword.

"Griffith wants her to stay with us, for a while, until we can help her get back to her home."

"Huh," Guts grunted, feigning disinterest.

A small, delicate hand suddenly landed on his, and he instinctively pulled it away. He looked up into Sylvia's big, beautiful, odd-coloured eyes and froze on the spot. She had squatted down before him with a brilliant, pearly white smile on her face. Unperturbed, she pulled her hand back and asked, her eyes shining with excitement:

"Mr. Guts, is it true that you are the commander of the raiders?"

"Yeah," he said, trying to frown and still unable to look away from her. "What of it?"

Sylvia leaned a little closer to him, and he caught a whiff of her sweet, flowery scent.

"Then you ride at the forefront in every battle, don't you?"

He was trying hard not to look at her rose-coloured lips. "Uh-huh."

She gave a small squeal of joy and then her small hands landed on his again. "Can I fight with you, then? I'm a really good warrior, you know! Trained by the best of the best – my papa!"

It took a few moments for her words to sink in, then his head cleared up and he gave her a very genuine scowl, his voice right back to its normal strength as he growled:

"Absolutely not!"

The smile immediately died on her face, and Guts felt a sudden shame at having been so harsh with her, but he pushed it away and kept the stern scowl on his face.

"Why not?" Sylvia asked him in a small voice, her eyes imploring.

"'Cause it's a ridiculous idea! I'm not having a woman on my team!"

"But…" Sylvia stuttered, "But Lady Caska is fighting, and she's a woman… Right?"

Guts snorted and finally managed to break eye-contact. "Yeah, well, first of all, you're no Caska. You don't look the first thing like a warrior – anyone can tell, just from looking at you, that you're a fancy Lady – And secondly, Caska ain't on my team."

Sylvia leaned back from him and looked down at the ground, her lower lip trembling slightly in a way that made Guts feel five times more guilty than before. A single, crystal clear tear trickled down her flushed cheek as she spoke quietly, her voice trembling as well:

"I am too a warrior." She sniffled and delicately wiped the tear away, but new ones immediately spilled from each eye. "I'm sorry that I can't be like Caska, but I just want to help you fight this stupid war…"

Judeau felt his hands tighten into fists at his sides, as a sudden rage began to boil in his chest. Here was this perfectly beautiful, kind, innocent woman, only wanting to help, and Guts had to go and be so rude to her… making her cry…

Judeau almost took a step forward, jaw set and body tense with anger, ready to show Guts what happened when you made such a delicate creature cry in Judeau's presence – but then he caught himself and shook his head in an attempt to clear it.

What am I thinking?! he asked himself, I can't take Guts on! And Sylvia is perfectly capable of defending herself! What is this?

Guts was having a similar reaction:

"Hey, hey!" he said, flustered, trying to hush her with both hands. "S-stop crying! I-I didn't mean anything bad! Stop it!"

She defiantly looked up into his eyes again, hiccupping slightly from holding back her tears. "Then what did you m-mean? Huh? That I'm ugly and worthless?" She gave an angry sniff and looked away from him again. "That's okay, that's fine. I'm u-used to it. Everybody back home thinks so, anyway…"

"No, listen!" He grabbed her by the arms and she immediately turned back to him, startled. "That's not what I meant, okay? You're not ugly, okay? I never said that. You're not. And… uh… I'm sure you're… uh… very good at… some stuff." She frowned angrily at him again, and the words almost stumbled over each other when he hurried to amend himself:

"Listen, I don't know you. I don't know what you're good at or not, but I'm sure…" He heaved a desperate sigh, looking around for something good to say, to make her stop looking at him like that. He glanced up at Judeau, but found no help there – the scout was looking down at him with an unusually cold gaze, one eyebrow lifted in a very 'Yes? Let's hear it' way. Guts finally gave up and looked back at the woman he was holding.

"I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said that. I've just… uh… had a bad day, that's all… I'm sorry."

She sniffed once more, gazing up into his face as if searching for something – then that brilliant smile lit up her features again.

"Oh, that's okay, then. I know all about having bad days. I forgive you." She patted his knee amicably, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling back at her.

Judeau felt himself relax again, wondering just what the hell had happened there. Ever since Sylvia showed up, he had been acting more and more like some hormone-crazed teenager. This did not bode well – he had to get himself together again.

* * *

Griffith had just issued another order and was ready to take a brief pause, when his eyes suddenly alighted upon a most unexpected scene. Some tents away, his raider commander Guts was sitting on a small crate, giant sword across his knees, holding Lady Sylvia by the arms and looking down into her face, speaking earnestly.

A twinge of discomfort and annoyance like he had rarely felt before caused Griffith's eyebrows to knit together. For some reason, the sight of Sylvia together with Guts was far more disturbing than what he'd felt when she had flirted with the field medic.

He didn't want the two of them together like that.

Calmly striding over to the couple, he put on his most amiable smile.

"Ah, Lady Sylvia!"

Guts almost jumped and quickly let go of Sylvia's arms, throwing a glance that was almost guilty up at Griffith.

Griffith smiled and pretended not to have noticed, ignoring the mix of annoyance and satisfaction that rose up within him at this. He offered Sylvia his hand to help her up from her crouched position on the ground. "I trust your tour of the camp is going well?"

Sylvia gave his hand a curious glance, which immediately turned into an understanding smile. She took his hand and rose to her feet.

"Oh, yes, thank you La- Sir Griffith! I'm having fun. You have a very pretty camp, Sir, and a lot of nice people working for you." She gestured over her shoulder at the blond man behind her. "Mr. Judeau has been very good company. He's my friend now!"

"How nice," Griffith said, giving Judeau a quick look that was about as sharp as a dagger. The blond scout seemed momentarily taken aback, and turned a somewhat nervous smile to Sylvia.

"Yes, she asked me to help her blend in a little better… as a friend. That's it."

"Oh yes." Sylvia nodded serenely, turning to Judeau. "I told you, you're not my type. Stop worrying."

Griffith turned his attention to Guts, and his stomach made a most peculiar lurch as he met the proud warrior's dark gaze.

That's right, murmured a small voice in the back of his mind. There's one other person who can make me feel as unbalanced as Lady Sylvia does.

He ignored the voice and painted a smile onto his face. "Shouldn't you be helping with the raising of the camp, like everybody else?"

Guts dark eyes bore into his for a moment longer, then the tall, muscular man unfolded his legs and got up.

"Yeah," he grunted. "I guess I should." Then he walked off between the tents, almost a head taller than everybody else.

"Bye, Mr. Guts! It was nice meeting you!"

Griffith turned back to Sylvia to find her waving enthusiastically after the departing man. Then she looked over at Griffith with a strange little glint in her eye, which nudged something inside him and made him feel strangely cautious. He almost frowned again, but fought the ludicrous impulse away.

"Well," he said, briskly. "Unfortunately, I still have some business to attend to. If you excuse me…"

"Wait!" Sylvia's delicate hand landed on his arm, and he immediately stopped. "I was meaning to ask you… can I please fight in your army?"

Griffith's eyes widened in surprise, and she hastily continued: "I swear that I'm a really good warrior… I only want to help… I don't want to sit around and be protected anymore… I'm good, I'm really, really good, just give me a chance and I'll prove it, please, I just want to help, please, please, please…"

Griffith stopped her inexhaustible flow of words by gently taking both her hands into his.

"Lady Sylvia," he said calmly, looking deeply into her eyes and letting a small smile play on his lips, "Surely you don't want to risk your life for a cause you're not even involved in. The battlefield is a horrible place, not at all suited for a beautiful lady such as yourself."

"But- but- but…"

"No buts, Lady Sylvia." He put a little more firmness into his voice and resolutely shook his head. "I am sorry, but I can not allow you to enter the battlefield. What would your parents say?"

At that, Sylvia looked away and pulled her hands out of Griffith's hold. She pulled one red-golden curl over her shoulder and played idly with it, sighing in defeat.

"All right," she mumbled. "I won't fight. Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"Is it so important for you to be useful, Lady Sylvia?"

She looked up at him from under her wispy bangs and nodded sincerely. Griffith rubbed his chin.

"Right, then… what else can you do, that would be useful for an army like mine?"

Sylvia's eyes thoughtfully travelled skywards and she traced her pursed lips with one finger.

"Hmm… Well… I can sew, but that's not very fun… I can cook, though." She turned to Griffith again with a hopeful smile. "I like cooking. Can I cook for you? How many soldiers are there in this army?"

Griffith smiled indulgently. "We are a little more than five thousand men, my Lady."

"Exactly how many, Sir Griffith?"

Griffith raised one admonishing eyebrow. "Really, Lady Sylvia, we are 5086 men, all in all. It will be enough if you cook only for me… or, if you feel up to it, my senior staff of six – myself included. But then you should probably get started right away, because it is only about two and a half hours until dinner."

Sylvia seemed to be calculating, her lips and fingers moving slightly, but she spared Griffith a radiant smile.

"But it… would be okay if I cooked for… a few others, would it?"

"Yes, why not. Enjoy yourself, my Lady."

"Okay," she chirped, "Thank you very much La- Sir Griffith! I'll see you at dinner, then!"

"You will have to cook for yourself as well, Lady Sylvia," he replied. "I expect you to eat with me."

Sylvia nodded absently. "Right, sure. Oh, can I have Judeau with me in the kitchen? I need someone to taste the food…"

Judeau quickly raised his hand. "I volunteer, Sir."

Griffith looked from one to the other, keeping a mask of light amusement on his face. "Really? You want kitchen-duty, Judeau?"

Judeau seemed to consider his reply carefully.

"Well, Sir… I think it is my duty to help a lady when she asks for it… and I did actually promise Lady Sylvia that I would assist her to the best of my ability. I wouldn't like to have to break my promise, Sir."

Griffith raised one sculpted eyebrow. "Did you, now? Well, I wouldn't want to force you to break a promise, Judeau, and Lady Sylvia most likely needs someone with her." His smile widened. "…And since I can't do it, myself, I will entrust this duty to you."

Judeau made a small bow. "Thank you Sir, I will not let you down." He offered Sylvia his arm with a friendly smile. "Shall we?"

She took it, sending Griffith another heart-stopping smile. "Bye then! See you later!"

* * *

When they turned away from Griffith, Judeau noticed a most diabolical grin slowly creep onto Sylvia's previously so angelic features. Even her eyes suddenly shone with an almost malevolent glee – so much so that he had to take a startled step back.

"Umm… Lady Sylvia," he said with a nervous little laugh, "You're not going to cook and eat me, are you? Because you are smiling in a very funny way right now…"

She giggled, and some of her deviousness disappeared. "Don't be silly, I'm not my mother."

"Eh-heh-heh… hrm… well, remind me not to get in the way of your mother…"

Her silvery laughter turned a couple more heads as she pulled him along through the camp.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ To be continued…

Pearlyblue: *Opens mailbag, puts on spectacles* It's time forrrr… Reviwer responses!!
Ladybug: *Wields pompoms* Ladybug's favourite! *Jumps and cheers*
Wakko: *turns mailbag upside down* Not a whole lot in there, is there?
Pearlyblue: It's enough. 'Sides, we should be happy for what we get.
Wakko: *Looks through reviews* Still nothing bad… huh.
Pearlyblue: Why does that make you sound so depressed?
Wakko: It would give me a reason to go there and spank them.
Ladybug: Nooo! Ladybug doesn't want any bad reviewsies! Only happy!
Wakko: But spanking is so FUN!
Pearlyblue: Wakko, SHUT UP!
Ladybug: Spanking is no fun! It hurts!
Wakko: Well, if you know what you're doing…
Pearlyblue: For – the – last – time – SHUT – UP!
Wakko: *pouts* *mutters* frigid b*tch…
Pearlyblue: Just this once, I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Ladybug: Pearl, what's 'frigid'?
Pearlyblue: Nothing. Let's move on. Vitellio, thank you very much for your good, long review! We're sorry that the chapters are so short, but that might yet change. We're only too happy to entertain! Please keep reading!
Wakko: *Reads Thunder Mistress' review* You have Guts…? But…? *runs offstage and tears the door to the basement open* GODD*MN IT! Arrrghhh, I have to get stronger chains for that bastard! *eyes narrow dangerously* Next time, Guts… next time…
Pearlyblue: *Sweatdrops* Errr… yeah, next reviewer. Gundamgirl66 – Thank you for enjoying so much! And sorry to keep you waiting. Hopefully, the next chapter will be quite a lot faster.
Ladybug: Badenalda wrote a very funny reviewsie! (Pearlyblue: *In the background* Reviewsie?) It was sparkly-funny! Ladybug liked it very, very much! Ladybug will pester Pearl and Wakko, in your honour, to make them keep writing! *strikes dramatic pose* Yes, Sir!
Pearlyblue and Wakko: *sweatdrops* *hugs each other* Oh… dear… god… no…!