A/N: I shall now venture forth into chapter nine-hood. If I'm not out in two hours, please tug on the rope line and hoist me out of the hole so that I might have a convulsion. Thank you! ;) (listens to 'Do the Moo Shoo' veggie tales style and prepares to write)

(TwystedFate): When we last left these..people, Satine and Christian had fallen in love, Toulouse was just about to sacrifice a cow, the Bohos were drinking Absinthe, and Sugarbottom and Zidler were just about to trade the storyline.

(Duke): Do you want me to convert the Moulin into a theater?

(Zidler): Yes.

(Duke): Then give me the Moulin.

(Zidler): No.

(Duke): You're a naïve freak.

(Zidler): Yes.

(Duke): Can you say anything besides 'yes' and 'no'?

(Zidler): No.

(Duke): Well anyway the deeds to the Moulin are mine, right?

(Zidler): Yes.

(Duke): And so is Satine.

(Zidler): No.

(Duke): Yes.

(Zidler): No.

TWO HOURS LATER

(Zidler): No.

(Duke, sweating bullets): Fine! Fine, but the Moulin is mine! All mine! Do you hear!

(Zidler): Yes.

Zidler signs the deeds

(Duke): Mwhahahaha! The Moulin Rouge is mine!

Lighting and thunder roll and flash in the open window behind the Duke, as a gust of wind blows the Duke out of the window

(Zidler, breaking his vocal barriers): Sugarbottom!

The cry of 'sugarbottom' echoes throughout the city

(Old woman feeding her baby): Sugarbottom?

(Old man with a cane walking down the street): Sugarbottom?

(Christian, guzzling gin in his flat): Sug *hic* arbottom!

(Satine, skipping across the screen, dancing and singing): Sugarbottom Sugarbottom he's flown out the window! Sugarbottom Sugarbottom how low can he go?

(TwystedFate): This is not in the script! This song is not supposed to exist! Why is the entire city of Paris singing and dancing OOF

A dancing man knocks TwystedFate off her feet

TwystedFate stands up and blinks

We see about a hundred men in tuxes dancing around the base of the Eiffel Tower, screaming

(100 men of Paris): Sugarbottom is in the breeze! Just like a man on a trapeze!

(TwystedFate): Bloody hell! Stop the music!

The music comes to a screeching halt

(TwystedFate): Cue the Moulin!

We see the stars of the movie standing around a buffet table, eating

(Nicole): Pass me that doughnut, Ew.

(Ewan): *slap* Don't call me Ew!

(Nicole): Ew!

(Jim): I want that coffee! Pass it!

(John): Get your own! It's mine!

(TwystedFate): In character! Get in the Moulin Rouge and be in CHARACTER!

Everyone moans and shuffles onset

(Joh..err..Zidler): Into a theater!

(Satine): Did I miss something? What about a theater?

(Christian): Woot!

(Satine): Woot?

A wrecking ball plows through the wall and hits Zidler, sending him flying across the room and landing in Nini's lap

Nini throws him off, clearly disgusted

(Zidler): The show must go ooooooooooon!

(Satine): Why do you always say that?

Zidler shrugs

(TwystedFate): So now that the Moulin was becoming a theater, Christian had a script to write

We see Christian standing on a balcony in Toulouse's studio

(Christian): Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!

Christian mock hops off the balcony..and misses

(Satine, screaming): Christian!

The camera zooms in on 100 women dancing around the base of the Eiffel Tower

(100 women of Paris): Christian! Christian! It's a religious name! Christian! Christian! My singing is a pain!

(TwystedFate): Why are you dancing every time anyone says anyone else's name? STOP.

The dances stop and walk of sheepishly

(TwystedFate, clearing her throat): Satine and Christian liked to make out. They did it a lot. But it is hard to make out in front of a man with an ungodly moustache. So they had to make up excuses about making out whenever he came near

We see Satine and Christian making out

The duke opens the door

They break apart, blushing

(Duke): A picnic, pale lady?

(Satine): Oh but Duke, we have such work to do! We must make out to practice!

(Duke): But Christian's not in the show! Why make out with him? Why not me?

(Satine): Oh, he's the closest one to my height.

(Duke, reasonably): Oh. She's got a point.

The Duke shrugs and leaves

(TwystedFate): This went on for several days. The Duke was stupid enough to believe that Satine needed lessons on making out every day from seven a.m. to five a.m. The construction has gotten more progressive and we see the dancers rehearsing for one of the ending numbers

(Zidler): Brilliant!

(Dancer): Stop looking at my boobs!

(Zidler, backing away): Sorry. Anyway, tomorrow we will work on Act Two! The lovers are discovered!

(Duke): Zidler!

(Zidler): Sugarbottom!

(Duke): I've made a supper in the Gothic Tower. I want Satine there. I'd tell her, but she's up there in plain view making out with the writer and laughing louder than anything else here.

(Zidler, surprised at how stupid the Duke is): O..kay.

(Duke): If she's not here tonight I'm bloody leaving.

(Zidler): No! She'll be there!

(Duke): At eight o'clock.

(Zidler): Cool.

The Duke stalks off and we see Satine and Christian making out

(Satine, giggling): Woot!

(Christian, lipstick all over his head and shirt): Eight o' clock? Tonight?

(Satine): Yes! I'm drunk! Woot!

Christian nods and leaves

Satine stumbles down the hall, cackling

Zidler interrupts her

(Zidler): The Duke wants you for dinner with him at eight o' clock

(Satine): But I must work with Christian then!

(Zidler): Nuh-uh. You have to stop making out in plain view of the Duke and cackling! It's obvious! Not that you'd ever listen to me!

(Satine): Of course not!

And Satine walks off

(TwystedFate): Will Satine tell Christian to stop laughing so hard when they're making out? Will Satine stop wearing so much lipstick? Will I ever learn to dance? Find out in chapter ten!

A/N: I am satisfied for today. G'day! Review pease!