A/N: School starts Monday. Life hates me. It can go on hating me as I write chapter..what is this? Ten? Well I don't know WHAT it is. But at the moment I say it's chapter ten. If its not actually chapter ten well then..ner.

(TwystedFate): When we last left everyone, Satine and Christian had *amazingly* been found out for some *strange* reason. And Zidler was sad about it. Poor Zidler.

(Satine): Poor Zidler? What happened to 'poor Satine'?

(TwystedFate): We shouldn't be feeling sorry for you yet. We have to wait for that to happen. Then there will be crying people as far as the eye can see.

Satine's eyes glaze over

(Satine, dreamily): Really?

TwystedFate nudges Satine. She falls backwards and then bobs back upwards again

(TwystedFate): Yes, really. Now snap out of it. You're supposed to sing a small song and get on with the important stuff.

Satine nods, brushing at her dress

TwystedFate ducks off camera

Satine begins to walk down the street, singing softly to herself

(Satine): It I should die this very moment

I'd be quite angry

Because I've never been dead

Like I would be then

Wrapped in the cold of death

Hating every second of it.

Aw screw it, I'll go with what I know.

Why live life, from tree to tree,

And dread the day

I hit a dead end.

We see Satine "faint" and land on the ground, sighing dramatically

TwystedFate smirks as the camera swerves in on her

She shakes her head, blonde wispy hair flying in circles, and looks at the camera

(TwystedFate): I believe Christian has something to say.

(Christian): I bloody well do! Get that camera over here hello camera!

Christian clears his throat and speaks

(Christian): I could have guessed

That in those last days of hers

That a force darker than deep water

And stronger than a spider web

Had begun to roll Satine up.

The camera moves in on the Duke's fortress thingy-ma-bob-er

(Zidler): Where'd she go? I yelled loudly at her and probably woke up the entire city of Paris! She has to be here!

We go back to Satine. She's in a bed with a doctor and Marie and Chocolat

(Marie): Will she be up and about by tonight? We need her for sex.

The doctor gives Marie a shot

Everyone winces

Satine bleeds profusely

No one notices

(Doctor): Hell no.

Everyone gapes

(TwystedFate): Back at the Duke's fortress..

(Stage Manager Man): Sugarbottom is going to leave!

(Zidler): No!

Zidler wheels to face the Duke's wheeling back

(Zidler): She's in Antarctica!

The Duke turns, confused

(Duke): Antarctica? What kind of an imbicile do you take me for? Don't answer that.

(Zidler): She wanted to get out of the heat of Paris! She looked upon tonight as the AC night.

(Duke): AC night?

(Zidler): She's like an Eskimo! She says you make her feel like a..penguin.

(Duke): A..penguin?

(Zidler): You know! Hot, for the very first time?

(Duke): Hot penguin..

(Zidler): She says she feels so good outside when you turn on the AC, and you stroke her!

(Duke): I've never stroked..

Zidler cuts him off

(Zidler): They made it through the Arctic somehow! They made it through! They didn't know how un-lost they were, until there was you! She was hot, dehydrated! She'd been burned, she was sad and bleeding! But you made her feel! Yes, you made her feel, cold, and pleased! Ohhhh..

(TwystedFate): Here we sing and dance

(Zidler, singing): Like a penguin!

Hot for the very first time!

Like a peeeeeenguin!

Your hearts beat

Best in cold!

Gonna give her all your ice!

Her heat is fading fast!

She's been saving it all for you!

Only cold can last!

She's so cold!

And she's bold!

She'll be yours!

At least until winter!

Because you made her feel

Yes you maaaaaaaade her feel

She has nothing to heaaaaaaaat!

Like a penguin!

Hot for the very first time!

Like a peeeeeenguin!

Your hearts beat

Best in cold!

Like a penguin!

Feel so warm inside!

When you turn on the AC!

And you stroke her!

(Duke): I. Have. Never. Stroked. Her.

(Zidler): Sing, Sugarbottom! Let it all out!

(Duke): She's so cold!

She's not old!

Yes, yes she makes me hot!

Her love burned up!

Yes, her looooove burned up

What was hot and moldy!

(Zidler): Nice!

(Singing): Like a penguin!

Feel so good inside!

When you turn on the AC!

And you stroke her!

The Duke pulls out a club and advances on Zidler

Zidler pulls out a penguin puppet and runs for his life

(Zidler, terrified): Like a penguin!

Hot for the very first..

The Duke clubs him.

Zidler goes down.

(Duke, to Warner): Let's go get some wine, Daddy Warbucks..err..Warner.

Warner nods and the two step over Zidler's body, walking to the door

We see Christian again, standing in his garret with a coffee mug labeled 'poor depressed old me'. He sees the camera, clears his throat, puts down his mug, and speaks.

(Christian): Harry Zidler's brilliant..ooer..brilliant..ly colored..pants. Yes. Harry Zidler's brilliantly colored pants had once again averted the end of the world. But no pair of pants, however brilliant, could save Satine.

We see the doctor, Marie and Chocolat again

Zidler comes running in, sweaty

(Marie): Harry?

(Zidler): I had to sing 'like a penguin' again..sorry about that.

(Chocolat): That's the third time this week!

Zidler shrugs and looks at the doctor

(Zidler): Well?

(Doctor): Satine is dying. She has consumption.

(Zidler): I consume things every day! Am I dying too? Good lord, we ALL consume things every day! Oh no we're all dying!

Zidler cries

The doctor pulls him up

(Doctor): No, she has CONSUMPTION. Tuberculosis.

(Zidler): Oh. So my little crabapple is dying?

Marie looks shocked

(Zidler): She can't know. The show must go on.

(TwystedFate): Why must you always say that?

Zidler shrugs

(TwystedFate): Nic..err..Satine! Christian! Are you ready for the next scene!

(Satine): No! Let's do it in the morning! Besides, you're not ready for Come What May, are you?

(TwystedFate, admittedly): No.

Christian comes out and rests a hand on TwystedFate's shoulder

(Christian): Let's do it in the morning then. You need your rest.

Satine grabs Christian's hand off of TwystedFate and gently pulls him away

(Satine): I thought we talked about this. You are MY boyfriend. You cannot fondle the author.

TwystedFate blushes as the couple disappears offset

(TwystedFate): Well then I guess that's all for today, folks!

The lights go out

A/N: My fingers hurt, and my entire back is sunburned and doesn't like sitting up this long. I'm going to go cry in a corner, ROFL. Hope this suits you, that's a hard song to parody.. (